How to Make Decisions

We make decisions every day; everything we say and do is a result of the choices we make, whether we do so intentionally or not. Each decision, big or small, lacks a simple formula for determining the right choice. The best approach is to consider as many perspectives as possible and select an action plan that feels most appropriate and balanced at the time. It’s natural to feel anxious when faced with significant decisions. However, there are simple steps you can take to make decision-making less daunting, such as identifying the worst-case scenario, using spreadsheets, and trusting your instincts. Keep reading to learn how to make better decisions.

Write down your fears. Writing down your fears can help you understand them and ultimately make a more informed decision. Start by jotting down the decision you need to make. Describe or list everything you're worried about in relation to the choice. Allow yourself to express your fears without self-judgment.

• For example, you might start by asking yourself: 'What decision do I need to make, and what am I afraid could happen if I choose wrong?'

Identify the worst-case scenario. Once you have written down the decision and the reasons for your fears about it, take the next step. Try to determine the worst-case outcome for each option available. Pushing the decision to its worst possible scenario can make the process of making it less frightening.

• For example, if you need to choose between a full-time job and a part-time job to spend more time with your children, think about the worst-case outcome for each choice.
  • If you choose the full-time job, the worst-case scenario could be missing out on important moments in your children's growth, and they may hold it against you when they grow older.
  • If you choose the part-time job, the worst-case scenario could be not being able to cover your monthly bills.
• Decide which worst-case scenario is realistically likely to happen. We tend to “catastrophize” or assign the worst possible outcomes without taking time to think it through. Challenge the worst-case scenario you've created, and consider what factors would lead to it. Is it even possible?

Think about whether your decision will last forever. When you consider all the possible negative outcomes, think about whether you can reverse your decision later. Most decisions can be undone, so remember that if you don’t like the decision later, you can always change it to handle the situation going forward.

• For instance, suppose you decide to take a part-time job to spend more time with your children. If the result is difficulty in paying your bills, you can reverse that decision by looking for a full-time job.

Talk to friends or family. Don’t assume you have to make tough decisions alone. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member for help or at least someone who will listen to your concerns. Share the details of the decision and the fears you have about what might go wrong. This can make it easier to voice your worries, and friends or family might provide helpful advice or encouragement.

• You might also consider talking to someone outside of your situation who can offer an unbiased perspective. Often, a therapist can be very helpful in this regard.
• You could even consider searching online for people who have gone through similar situations. For instance, if you’re deciding between full-time and part-time work to spend more time with your children, you could post your dilemma in an online parenting forum. You’ll gain perspectives from those who’ve made similar decisions and some who will share what they would do in your position.

Calm your mind. Intense emotions, whether positive or negative, can influence your ability to make sound decisions. When you need to make a decision, the first step is often to calm your mind as much as possible. If you're not calm, don’t make any decisions until you’ve had time to clear your thoughts.

• Try taking a few deep breaths to help yourself relax. If you have more time, find a quiet room and practice deep breathing for about 10 minutes.
• To perform the deep breathing exercise, start by placing one hand on your abdomen just below your ribcage, and the other hand on your chest. When you inhale, you should feel both your belly and chest expand.
• Breathe in slowly through your nose, counting to 4 as you inhale. Focus on the sensation of your lungs expanding.
• Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds.
• Exhale gently through your nose or mouth, counting to 4 as you exhale.
• Repeat this process 6-10 times per minute for 10 minutes.

Gather as much information as possible. Most decisions are easier and more accurate when you have enough information to make a clear choice. Making decisions, especially on important topics, should be based on logic. Take the time to research and gather as much information as you can about your options.

• For instance, if you're deciding between keeping a full-time job or switching to part-time to spend more time with your kids, you need to know how much income you’ll lose each month by making the switch. You should also consider how much more time you’ll spend with your children. Record this information, along with any other relevant data that can help you make an informed decision.
• Also, explore other options and gather information about them. For example, you could ask your boss if there’s a possibility of working remotely a few days a week.

Use the 'Five Whys' technique to understand the issue better. Asking 'Why?' five times can help you uncover the root cause of a problem and understand whether you're making a decision for the right reasons. For example, if you're trying to decide between keeping a full-time job or switching to part-time to spend more time with family, the five 'Why' questions could look like:

• 'Why am I considering part-time work?' Because I never get to see my kids. 'Why don't I get to see my kids?' Because I work late most evenings. 'Why do I work late most evenings?' Because the company has new clients, and it takes up a lot of my time. 'Why does it take up so much of my time?' Because I’m trying to perform well, hoping to be rewarded with a promotion. 'Why do I want a promotion?' To earn more money to support my family.
• In this case, the five 'Whys' reveal that you’re considering reducing your hours while hoping for a promotion. There seems to be a conflict here that requires further exploration before making the right decision.
• The five 'Whys' might also show that the issue could be temporary, with the heavy workload due to new clients. Consider whether the workload will decrease once you’re familiar with the new clients.

Think about who will be affected. First and foremost, you need to consider how the decision will impact you. Specifically, how will this decision affect how you view yourself as a person? What are your values and goals? Making a decision that doesn't align with your core values (those that guide you) can lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

• For example, if ambition is a core value deeply embedded in your personality, transitioning to part-time work might not be the right choice because it would prevent you from pursuing your career ambitions and striving for a leadership role in the company.
• Sometimes your core values may conflict with each other. For instance, you may value both ambition and family, making it necessary to prioritize one over the other when making a decision. By understanding which value will be impacted by your decision, you’ll be able to make a more informed choice.
• Consider the impact your decision may have on others. Could the potential consequences negatively affect those you care about? Take other values into account, especially if you’re married or have children.
• For example, switching to part-time work may positively affect your kids by giving you more time with them, but it could negatively impact you because you’ll give up your ambition for advancement. It might also negatively affect your family due to a reduction in income.

List all of your options. At first glance, it may seem like you only have one path to take, but that is often not the case. Even when there aren't many choices, try to create a list of alternative solutions. Don’t evaluate them until you have a complete list. Be thorough. If you have difficulty coming up with alternatives, discuss the options with family members or friends.

• Of course, you don’t necessarily have to write down the list. It may be enough to simply keep it in your mind!
• You can always remove items later, but seemingly crazy ideas could lead to creative solutions you haven’t considered yet.
• For example, you might find a full-time job at the company that doesn’t require as much overtime. You could hire someone to help with household chores to free up time for your family. Or you could set up a family 'work night' where everyone works together in one room to foster connection.
• Studies also show that having too many choices can cause confusion and make decision-making harder. Once you have your list, eliminate the impractical options. Try to keep the list to around five options.

Create a spreadsheet to compare the expected benefits and drawbacks of your decision. If your issue is complex and you're overwhelmed by the many possible outcomes, consider creating a spreadsheet to track the decision-making process. You can use Microsoft Excel or simply create a chart on paper.

• To set up the spreadsheet, create columns for each option you’re considering. Within each column, create two smaller sections to compare the benefits and drawbacks of each possible outcome. Use + and - signs to distinguish between the positives and the negatives.
• You can also assign value scores to each factor in your list. For example, you might score +5 for 'dining with the kids every evening' in the 'Switch to Part-Time Work' list. On the other hand, you might score -20 for 'losing 10 million VND per month' in the same list.
• Once you’ve completed the spreadsheet, you can total up the value scores and see which option has the highest score. Keep in mind that you may not be able to make a final decision using just this method.

Take a pause between moments of deep thinking. Creative individuals may not realize it, but ideas, decisions, and solutions often come when they are not actively thinking or thinking slowly. This means that intelligent and creative solutions may emerge during moments of non-thought. This is why people meditate.

• It’s important to ask questions and gather information or knowledge before making a decision, but if you want to make a truly smart and creative decision, you need to stop thinking—or at least slow your thoughts down. Breathing meditation is one unstructured way to create a pause between thoughts, allowing the wisdom of the universe to seep into you. This method doesn’t require much time because you can practice mindfulness while doing everyday tasks such as cooking, brushing your teeth, walking, etc. For more details and other methods, read related articles.
• Consider the following example: A musician has the knowledge and tools (such as the ability to play an instrument, sing, write songs, etc.) to create music, but the creativity that infuses these tools is what ultimately controls them. Yes, knowledge about instruments, singing, and so on is important, but it is creativity that makes the music exceptional.

Learn to differentiate between impulsive and intelligent decisions. Impulsive decisions tend to fade after a while. For example, decisions to eat, shop, travel, etc., are often spur-of-the-moment. On the other hand, intelligent decisions remain in your consciousness for an extended period—days, weeks, or even months.

• An intelligent decision might appear to be impulsive, but take note if that feeling persists over time. That’s why it’s important to have a pause after gathering information and asking questions, to make a thoughtful decision.
• Experiment: Pay attention to the quality of your actions after you take a deep breath versus when you act impulsively.

Think of yourself as a friend. Sometimes, delaying a decision can help you determine the best choice. Imagine you are advising a close friend who faces a similar dilemma. What would you suggest they do? Why would you offer that advice?

• Try role-playing with this approach. Sit beside an empty chair and pretend you're having a conversation with someone.
• If speaking to yourself feels odd, try writing a letter asking for advice. Begin the letter by saying, 'Dear X, I’ve reviewed your situation. In my opinion, the best course of action is ____.' Continue the letter by presenting your thoughts (as an outsider).

Play the Devil’s Advocate. This exercise helps you understand your true feelings about a decision by forcing you to argue from an opposing perspective, defending it as if it were your own. If your counterarguments against the choice you favor are convincing, you’ll gain more insights to consider.

• To play the Devil's Advocate, try forming arguments against every reasonable reason for making your preferred choice. If this proves easy, you might need to reconsider your decision.
• For example, if you’re leaning toward part-time work to spend more time with your kids, argue that you already spend valuable time with them on weekends and holidays. You might also reason that the loss of income and career advancement is worth sacrificing a few family dinners, as they may benefit your children more than a few extra evening hours together. This might be worth considering.

Consider whether you feel guilty. The desire to make a decision to escape guilt is common, but guilt is not a healthy motivation for making a sound decision. It often distorts our perception of the event and its outcomes, blurring our understanding of our role in them. This sense of guilt is especially prevalent among working women who face societal pressure to perfectly balance work and family life.

• Making decisions out of guilt can be dangerous as it may lead to choices that conflict with your core values.
• One way to identify if guilt is driving your actions is to look for statements like “need to” or “should.” For example, you might feel as though “Good parents must spend all their time with their children” or “Mr. A works X hours, so he must be a bad father.” Such statements are based on external judgments, not your own values.
• To determine if guilt is influencing your decision, take a step back and evaluate the actual situation and your personal values (the core beliefs that shape your life) to see what feels right. Are your children truly harmed by your full-time work? Or is that what others have told you “should” be true?

Think about the future. Ultimately, the best way to make a decision is to consider how you’ll feel about it in a few years. Reflect on how you might view yourself when you look in the mirror. How would you explain it to your grandchild? If you can’t foresee how you’d feel about the long-term outcome, it might be time to reconsider your approach.

• For example, do you think you’d regret switching to part-time work in 10 years? If so, why? What would you gain in 10 years of full-time work that you can’t gain from part-time work?

Trust your instincts. Sometimes, you just have a gut feeling about a decision. So, if all else fails, trust your intuition. Make a decision based on what feels right, even if the data suggests otherwise. Studies show that people who rely on their instincts tend to be more satisfied with their decisions than those who analyze everything in detail.

• Ask yourself what feels right. If your intuition guides you to a decision that will bring you the most satisfaction, lean towards it. It’s the uncertainty of the unknown that makes decision-making difficult.
• Taking a little time to reflect can help you tune in to your instincts.
• The more decisions you make, the more you’ll refine and sharpen your intuition.

Have a backup plan. Creating a plan can help alleviate concerns about potential negative outcomes. Developing a backup plan ensures you're equipped to handle the worst-case scenario. Even if you never need to use it, having a backup plan simply makes you feel better prepared to manage any challenges. Leaders are often expected to have contingency plans, as bad situations can arise unexpectedly. This approach is also useful when making less critical decisions.

• Having a backup plan also allows you to adapt to unforeseen challenges or obstacles in a flexible way. The ability to adjust to unexpected circumstances can directly impact the success of your decision-making.

Make a choice. Regardless of the decision you're making, be ready to take responsibility for the outcomes. If things don't work out, making a mindful decision is still better than being careless. At least you can say you gave it your best effort. Take action and commit to your decision.

• No scenario is ever perfect. When making decisions, act with the best of your heart to avoid regrets and worries about other options not chosen.
• Consider all choices equally valid if you've thoroughly thought through the decision. In such cases, each option has its pros and cons. You can make the final decision when one choice stands out as significantly better than the others.
• Keep in mind that you may not have enough information to make the best decision. Research further if you're struggling to narrow down your options. Understand that the information you need might not be readily available. After reviewing the data you have, you may have to proceed with making a decision.
• After making a decision, new, crucial information may emerge, suggesting that you should adjust or completely rethink your initial choice. Be prepared to go through the decision-making process again if necessary. Flexibility is a valuable skill.
• Limit the time spent if you need to make a decision quickly or if the decision is relatively unimportant. The risk of "analysis paralysis" is real. If you're trying to decide which movie to watch over the weekend, don't spend hours listing all the options.
• If you overthink, you might overlook the obvious. Avoid excessive contemplation.
• Avoid giving yourself too many options. Research has shown that our reluctance to limit choices can lead to unsuccessful decisions.
• List the pros and cons! You can also list your options and gradually narrow them down to just two possibilities. Discuss them with others to arrive at your final decision.
• Remember that at some point, not making a decision becomes a decision to do nothing, which could be the worst decision of all.
• Consider every experience a lesson. By making important decisions, you'll always learn how to deal with the consequences and even use obstacles as lessons to grow and adapt.

• Avoid stressing yourself out. It will only make things worse.
• Stay away from people who pretend to know what's best for you but act as if they know better than you. Their suggestions might be correct, but if they don't consider your feelings and concerns, they could be completely wrong. You should also distance yourself from those who cause you to lose trust.