How to Make People Want to Be Around You

Be a good listener. Everyone appreciates being heard. Hone your listening skills and genuinely focus on your friends when they speak. Often, we’re just waiting for our chance to talk rather than truly engaging. Shift the focus to your friends and encourage them to share more.

• While listening, ask thoughtful questions to keep the conversation flowing. Maintain eye contact and nod to show your attentiveness. Truly absorb their words instead of planning your response.
• A useful listening strategy is to paraphrase or summarize what your friend has shared. When responding, begin with phrases like, "It seems like you're saying..." or "I find it fascinating how you..."
• Avoid turning conversations into competitions. If a friend is sharing a personal struggle, like a breakup, refrain from comparing it to your own experiences. Conversations should be supportive, not competitive.

Be spontaneous. People are drawn to those who make life feel exciting and unpredictable. To become someone others enjoy being around and seek attention from, infuse your life with energy and a willingness to embrace the unexpected. Be flexible and open to changing plans on the fly.

• Create plans with the intention of breaking them. For instance, if you usually spend an hour playing video games after school, decide to do something different but leave the specifics undecided until you get home. Challenge yourself to come up with a fun alternative by the time you arrive.
• Act spontaneously in the moment. Strike up a conversation with the barista you’ve been curious about or call an old friend to see if they’re free to hang out tonight. Seize the opportunity to make something happen right away.

Be agreeable. Most people prefer conversations that are supportive and positive rather than argumentative. Being someone who is easy to get along with and helps make plans smoother will make others enjoy your company. Say "yes" more often when friends suggest going out or making plans, and you’ll be seen as a fun and reliable presence in their lives.

• Learn to pick your battles. If your friends want to eat tacos and you’ve already had them for lunch, is it really worth objecting? Probably not.
• Being agreeable doesn’t mean avoiding conflict entirely. If something truly matters to you or involves safety concerns, speak up. People respect those who voice their opinions thoughtfully, not just for the sake of disagreeing.

Be positive. A negative attitude can push people away, while positivity attracts them. Strive to bring a cheerful and uplifting vibe to your interactions, and others will naturally want to spend more time with you. If you’re the one bringing joy instead of gloom, you’ll be included more often.

• Find the silver lining in tough situations. If a dinner outing goes poorly due to bad service or food, turn it into a fun moment by starting a game or steering the conversation toward something uplifting.
• Limit complaints. When you feel the urge to vent about something negative, redirect the conversation to something you enjoy or appreciate instead.

Be active. Most people prefer spending time with someone who is proactive and eager to do things rather than someone who just wants to sit around. Even if you’re naturally reserved, come up with creative ideas for activities and take the initiative to make them happen.

• Keep a list of five activities you enjoy in your area and carry it with you. When your friends are bored, you’ll have ready suggestions to save the day.
• Remember, quiet moments can be enjoyable too. You don’t need to be constantly energetic to be valued. Introverts can be just as engaging as extroverts in their own way.

Share your ideas. While it might feel tempting to conform, especially when you’re young, people are ultimately drawn to those who are authentic and unique. Don’t just repeat what others say to fit in—express your own thoughts and stand out as someone genuine.

• Take on leadership roles when opportunities arise. If a group project lacks direction, step up and guide the team if you have a clear vision.
• Confidence in sharing your ideas makes you intriguing and magnetic. Practice speaking clearly and assertively to leave a lasting impression.

Put others at ease. When you appear nervous, it can make those around you feel uneasy. However, if you’re calm, self-assured, and approachable, others will quickly sense it and feel comfortable in your presence. A key goal should be to create a relaxed atmosphere for those around you.

• Practice sitting calmly, maintaining steady breathing, and avoiding fidgeting. Refrain from tapping your feet, chewing gum nervously, or other restless behaviors. Simply sit and exist in the moment.
• Occasionally, practice doing nothing. For example, while on the bus, instead of reaching for your phone or headphones, try sitting quietly and appearing at ease. Use these moments to cultivate a sense of calm.

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

What do you believe is the most crucial element in being fun?

Be prepared. If you’re often disorganized, unsure, and swamped by your tasks, others may see you as a liability rather than someone enjoyable to be around. Simple actions like being ready for class can make you appear more reliable and pleasant compared to someone who always forgets supplies, asks for page numbers, and needs last-minute homework help.

• Go beyond expectations whenever possible. Completing chores without being reminded, keeping your space tidy, and contributing to shared responsibilities like cooking will make you a more desirable roommate or companion.
• Strive for self-sufficiency. The less you rely on others for help, the more confident you’ll become in your abilities, and the more you’ll be able to assist others with their challenges. Being dependable is a valuable trait.

Be interested in others. Showing genuine curiosity, kindness, and a sincere interest in others’ lives makes you enjoyable to be around. People are drawn to those who are authentic, inquisitive, and supportive. Aim to embody these qualities.

• Ask plenty of questions to keep conversations engaging and comfortable. Simple prompts like, "How was that experience?" or "What did you think about it?" can keep discussions flowing naturally.
• Social awkwardness is often mistaken for self-centeredness. Counter this by demonstrating a real interest in others. Avoid dominating conversations with stories about yourself.
• Maintain eye contact when speaking to show attentiveness and openness. This physical cue reinforces your engagement in the conversation.

Speak clearly and confidently. It’s not just what you say but how you say it that matters. When sharing your thoughts, express them clearly and assertively, as if you fully believe in them. If something is worth saying, say it with conviction.

• Avoid undermining your statements with qualifiers like, "Sorry, but..." or "This might be stupid, but..." Don’t diminish your ideas before you’ve even shared them. Stand by your thoughts and express them boldly.

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

What do you find most effective for boosting your confidence?

Know when to stop talking. Sometimes, saying less makes your words more impactful. It’s not always necessary to chime in, and people often appreciate companions who are comfortable with silence. You don’t need to fill every moment with conversation.

• Avoid speaking just for the sake of it. If you don’t have anything meaningful to add to a discussion or if your input would simply repeat others, it’s fine to stay quiet. Being the center of attention isn’t the goal.
• Reader Poll: We asked 601 Mytour readers which communication skills they found most magnetic, and only 9% mentioned Being articulate. [Take Poll] So, it’s perfectly fine if you don’t have something to say about every topic.

Be yourself. People can easily spot those who are pretending to be something they’re not. Don’t fake interests or opinions just to fit in. Authenticity is far more appealing than pretending to like something popular. Embrace who you are and what you genuinely enjoy.

• Remember, you have the power to evolve. If you’ve been shy or reserved in the past, that doesn’t define you forever. Identify areas for growth and work toward becoming the best version of yourself. What does your ideal self look like?

Let your actions speak for themselves. Some people mistakenly believe that boasting or exaggerating will make them more likable. While this might come off as mildly annoying, it can also make you seem insincere, insecure, and unappealing. Allow your achievements and behavior to speak for you, rather than relying on self-promotion.

• Avoid humble-bragging, especially on social media. Nothing turns people off faster than posts complaining about how busy you are now that you’re in charge or how luxurious your life is. Keep it genuine.

Silence your inner critics. That nagging voice telling you you’re not funny, attractive, wealthy, or smart enough to be around others? Ignore it. This self-doubt only holds you back from living confidently and enjoying the friendships and experiences you deserve.

• Adopt a positive mantra, even if it feels a little cheesy. Let it drown out the negativity. Draw inspiration from uplifting songs or motivational quotes. Whether it’s a bold rap lyric or a simple affirmation, use it to boost your confidence. You’ve got this.

Practice good hygiene. While your personality is key to making others enjoy your company, don’t overlook basic hygiene. If you want to be someone people enjoy being around, ensure you’re clean and presentable so others can comfortably spend time with you.

• Shower at least 4-5 times a week and change your clothes regularly.
• Replace your socks and underwear daily.
• Regularly wash your face, underarms, and hair.
• Brush your teeth twice a day.

Get a flattering haircut. First impressions count. If your hairstyle doesn’t suit your age or features, it might create a negative impression before people even get to know you. Choose a haircut and learn to style it in a way that complements your face and enhances your appearance.

• Even if you prefer a messy, rockstar look, keep it tidy. No one wants to hang out with someone who looks like they’ve neglected their hair entirely.

Wear flattering clothes. You don’t need to follow trends or wear expensive brands, but wearing clothes that make you feel confident and happy will boost your self-esteem. This confidence will naturally make you more enjoyable to be around.

• There’s no single “right” way to dress—what works depends on your age, personality, and style. You can look great in thrift store finds or mall-bought outfits.
• Choose a style that makes you feel good. Whether it’s hoodies and sneakers or formal wear, wear what makes you feel confident. If you love your Levi’s, stock up on a few pairs.

Be healthy. Cultivate a healthy lifestyle that makes you proud of your body. When you respect your body, others will see you as someone worth spending time with. Find a physical activity you enjoy and work on staying in shape.

• You don’t have to play sports or be a fitness enthusiast, but find an activity you love, like free running, skateboarding, or hiking, if traditional sports aren’t your thing.
• While unhealthy habits like smoking or excessive drinking might seem like a way to bond, they won’t help you maintain meaningful friendships in the long run. Surround yourself with people who care about your well-being and practice healthy habits.

Be comfortable in your own skin. No one has a perfect body or feels confident all the time. But if you want others to enjoy your company, try to set aside self-consciousness and embrace who you are. Confidence in your own skin is attractive and inviting.

Know yourself. Figuring out who you are can be challenging, especially when you're young. Are you the type to grab a guitar and rock a jean jacket indefinitely? Or do you prefer polo shirts and hanging out with the football team? Maybe you’re more into gaming. There’s no single answer, and the more honest you are about your interests, likes, and dislikes, the more confident you’ll become. This self-awareness will help you connect with friends who genuinely appreciate you.

• Popularity doesn’t equate to quality. You don’t need to conform to fit in. If you love both football and Magic: The Gathering, embrace both. Be true to yourself.