How to Make Up with Your Partner After an Argument

Arguments with your partner are inevitable, but how you choose to reconcile matters greatly. Handling disagreements maturely is crucial. This means taking responsibility for your actions and apologizing sincerely when you’re wrong. Open communication and active listening are key. After a disagreement, show positive attention to your partner and be willing to adapt to maintain a healthy relationship.

Stop arguing to allow room for resolution. Avoid holding grudges or letting the dispute spill into the next day. Work together to find a solution and end the conflict. Both of you must agree to reconcile to heal the relationship.

Acknowledge your role in the argument. Regardless of the issue, you are part of the disagreement. Be humble and admit your mistakes. Avoid using words like 'but' or 'you should,' and focus on your part in the conflict.

• For example, you might have raised your voice or argued when your partner needed you to listen.
• You could say, 'I jumped to conclusions without hearing you out. I didn’t listen, and that’s my fault.'

Manage your anger. Arguments often lead to anger and frustration. When angry, remind yourself that you are in control and your partner didn’t 'make' you angry. Take steps to calm down, such as deep breathing. Reflect on what triggered your anger and try to see the bigger picture.

• Write down your feelings to explore and understand them better. For example, if you’re upset about not receiving a call, write about your experience and emotions. You might realize your anger stems from feeling neglected or wanting more attention.

Prioritize the relationship. If being right feels more important than the relationship’s harmony, it’s time to set your ego aside. Instead of proving your point, seek to understand your partner’s perspective. Focus on their thoughts and views, and remember that the relationship matters more than being right.

• For example, instead of saying, 'It’s clear I’m right and you’re wrong,' say, 'I understand my point, but I’m still unclear about yours. Can you explain further?'
• Remember, you’re a team. Neither of you should bear all the responsibility, and you should work together to find a solution.

Apologize when you’re wrong. Take responsibility and let your partner know you regret your actions. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and how you affected them. Specifically, say 'I’m sorry' to show you genuinely want to take accountability.

• For example, you could say, 'I’m sorry for raising my voice at you. That wasn’t kind, and I know it made you feel disrespected. I feel terrible about it and want to apologize.'

Forgive your partner. Don’t hold onto resentment. Let your partner know you forgive them and don’t want to harbor negative feelings toward them or the relationship. You can also write them a letter expressing your forgiveness. Show them you’re letting go of grudges and leaving the past behind.

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or that it doesn’t matter. It’s about releasing negative emotions and choosing a fresh start. Forgiveness isn’t instant—it’s a process.

Spend some time alone. Taking a break from each other can help both parties think more clearly and regain composure. However, it's important to communicate your need for solitude. Before doing what you want, meet or discuss with your partner a few days in advance to prevent the issue from lingering. This approach allows both of you to sort out your emotions and find a solution. It also reassures your partner that you have no intention of breaking up.

• For example, if you live together, you might spend a day or a weekend away by yourself or spend more time outside. If you don't live together or are in a long-distance relationship, consider pausing communication for a short period, such as one or two days.

Set boundaries. When making up after a fight, it's crucial to avoid reigniting the argument. One way to do this is by setting clear boundaries. You might agree to only discuss solutions or to avoid hurtful or accusatory language. Both parties must agree to these boundaries to maintain a positive conversation and move past the issue.

• For instance, agree not to raise your voices or insult each other. If the discussion becomes too heated, it might be wise to take a break or revisit the conversation later.

Open up and listen to your partner. When discussing the argument, focus on listening. It's easy to think about what you want to say or how to defend yourself, but understanding your partner should be your priority. Avoid interrupting or planning your response while they are speaking. Instead, give them your full attention, maintain eye contact, and paraphrase what you've understood.

• For example, summarize their points by saying, 'I understand that you want me to share more about my feelings.'
• Avoid using absolute language like 'always' and 'never.'
• Resist the urge to prove you're 'right.' Instead, be humble and consider your partner's perspective. Acknowledge where they might be correct.

Help your partner process their emotions. If your partner is angry, support them in that moment and help them calm down. When they share their feelings, listen without interrupting. Allow them the space to express their emotions, even if you think they're overreacting or unnecessary. When your partner feels heard, it can foster connection and understanding.

• Let them speak and try to empathize with what they're experiencing. Aim to understand rather than judge or dismiss their feelings.

Share your thoughts and feelings. When expressing yourself, do so intentionally so your partner can empathize and understand you better. Use first-person language to focus on your emotions rather than their actions. If you feel the urge to blame or criticize, pause and share how you feel instead.

• For example, you could say, 'I felt hurt when you cooked dinner for your friends but not for me.' This approach feels less accusatory than saying, 'You ignored me and only cared about your friends.'
• You can also express your desires. For instance, 'I felt neglected, and I don’t want to feel that way again in the future.'
• Find common ground. Start with what you both agree on and work from there. If you can’t find common ground in this argument, remember that you love each other—that’s a shared foundation.

Act on their feedback. If your partner offers constructive feedback after an argument, take it to heart. This shows you’ve listened and are willing to make positive changes. You’re not perfect, and there’s always room for growth—both for you and your partner. Let go of stubbornness and try to follow their suggestions.

• For example, if they ask for help with household chores, take the initiative without being reminded. Take out the trash, go grocery shopping, and do what’s needed for your home and your partner.
• You don’t need to overhaul your life or lose yourself to please them. Feedback should be constructive, not exhausting or controlling.

Give them positive attention. The sooner you both experience joy and comfort, the better. Actions that create genuine positive emotions can help you feel connected. Show your partner meaningful positive attention in ways that matter to them. Being cold or distant after an argument can create a rift, which may grow over time and push you apart.

• For example, compliment them, plan a date night, or prepare a special dinner.

Show physical affection. Affection can strengthen your bond and is especially helpful after an argument. Hold their hand, hug them, or gently touch their arm or leg. Focus on the type of affection they enjoy most.

• Physical affection also reduces stress, so both you and your partner benefit from it.

Do something fun together. Rebuilding friendship and emotional connection is crucial. Plan an enjoyable date. You could visit a favorite restaurant, go on a picnic, or explore a museum. Choose an activity that both of you love.

Plan a memorable romantic gesture. If the argument was serious and reconnecting feels challenging, a romantic act can help bridge the gap. Surprise your partner with something they’ve wanted or book them a relaxing massage. For a grander gesture, plan a trip together or create a dream date. The goal is to make them feel cherished and loved.

• However, romantic gestures can’t replace apologies or solutions to underlying issues.

Accept changes in the relationship. After an argument, you might see your partner differently or feel like you’ve discovered a new side of them. It’s normal for the “honeymoon phase” to fade, revealing that your partner is human with strengths and flaws. If the argument has shifted your relationship or perspective, embrace these changes rather than resisting them. Arguments can create a new dynamic, so be willing to adapt.

• Many couples long to return to the “sweet phase,” but relationships naturally evolve. Accept where you are and build positive experiences to move forward.
• Treat this as a lesson to strengthen your bond in the future.

Seek marriage or relationship counseling. If you’re married and struggling to find common ground, consulting a professional can be invaluable. A marriage counselor can help you overcome negative communication patterns, emotional distance, and differences while rebuilding positive feelings. Seeking counseling might feel daunting, but it’s a step toward healing and growth.

• Don’t wait until things feel hopeless—seek help early. Asking for support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• Find a counselor through your insurance provider, local psychology departments, or recommendations from friends. Online directories can also help locate nearby professionals.