Buzz
You and your best friend likely share plenty of things in common: from hobbies and fashion to your favorite foods. But when both of you find yourselves drawn to the same type of guy, it’s easy to develop feelings for your best friend's boyfriend. Understanding what to do next is crucial, yet it can be challenging to navigate your emotions without your bestie’s advice. This article is here to help guide you through the process of dealing with a crush on your BFF’s boyfriend.
Steps
Be gentle with yourself about your feelings.
Your emotions are beyond your control, so don’t be hard on yourself. It may feel odd or awkward to develop a crush on your best friend's boyfriend, but we can't control who we’re attracted to! This is a common experience, so be kind to yourself—it will help you sort through your emotions faster.
- Keep in mind, you can’t control how you feel, but you can choose how you act.
Confide in someone you trust about your emotions.
It’s hard to keep things bottled up when you can't turn to your best friend. Find someone completely neutral, like a friend who doesn’t know your bestie, to talk to. Share your feelings and the tough situation you’re in—they might offer valuable advice.
- Make sure the person you confide in won’t spill the secret to your best friend before you’re ready. Hearing it from someone else can be incredibly painful and may harm your friendship.
Consider whether you’d still like him if he were single.
Sometimes, our attraction to someone is fueled by the fact that they’re unavailable. Try to view your best friend’s boyfriend as just another guy. How would you feel about him if you met him casually on the street? Would your interest remain, or is it simply because he’s already taken?
- If you and your best friend have a competitive dynamic, that could be influencing your feelings. Often, we want to compete romantically when we already compete in other areas like sports or academics.
Remind yourself of how much your best friend would be hurt.
Redirect those romantic fantasies towards your best friend. Whenever you find yourself fantasizing about what could happen with your best friend’s boyfriend, take a moment to refocus and think about your bestie instead. They’d likely feel hurt, betrayed, and could even end the friendship.
- This can also help you shake off a minor crush if it’s just a fleeting attraction. While imagining romantic scenarios can be fun, it's crucial to understand the real-life consequences that could arise from pursuing them.
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Have you ever been in a romantic relationship?
Give him some space.
Avoid being around him to help lessen your feelings. While you can still hang out with your best friend and their boyfriend, it’s probably best to not spend excessive time together. This allows you to steer clear of temptation and shift your focus to other activities.
- Social media plays a role here too. Resist the urge to constantly check his profile or keep tabs on him online.
Meet new people.
Broaden your circle to avoid being around your BFF’s boyfriend too much. If seeing your best friend with their boyfriend is tough right now, try making new friends and spending time with other people. If you're single, meet up with other singles and enjoy the social scene together, while keeping an eye out for potential dates.
- Making new connections doesn’t have to be daunting! Start by reaching out to people you know from school, work, or family acquaintances.
Look for his positive traits in someone else.
Take what you admire about him and look for those qualities in someone else. Perhaps you love how he always plans thoughtful dates or surprises you with spontaneous trips. You can definitely seek out those traits in other people while maintaining high standards until you find someone who matches.
- Avoid getting too hung up on physical appearance, as that can limit your options. Focus instead on finding someone with a great personality.
Shift your attention to dating other people.
Other guys can help take your mind off your BFF’s boyfriend. If you’re single, go out and meet new people, or set up a date with someone interesting. If you’re already dating, invest your time and energy into deepening that relationship. The more you can distract yourself from your best friend’s boyfriend, the better.
- You might even ask your BFF’s boyfriend to introduce you to one of his single friends. Who knows what might happen!
Have an honest conversation with your friend if you think they’ll understand.
If you and your best friend are really close, they might understand what you’re going through. However, not everyone will be receptive, and some might even feel threatened by your feelings. If you think your friend will understand and wants to hear what you’re feeling, consider sitting down with them and having a candid conversation. If not, it’s best to keep your feelings to yourself.
- If you do decide to talk about it, you could say something like, “I’m really sorry if I’ve seemed off lately. It’s just that I think I have a bit of a crush on your boyfriend, and I’m working hard to get over it. I would never want to do anything that could jeopardize your relationship.”
Decide between your best friend or their boyfriend.
Sadly, you may not be able to keep both relationships in your life. If you choose to pursue your BFF’s boyfriend, there’s a strong possibility that your friendship with them will end. Conversely, if you want to stay close with your best friend, dating their boyfriend isn’t an option. It’s a tough choice, so take time to consider what path you want to follow.
- Keep in mind: while boyfriends might come and go, friendships can last a lifetime.
Wait for them to break up before pursuing anything.
That way, your friend may have moved on enough to be okay with you dating their ex. If your feelings for your best friend’s boyfriend are too strong to ignore, it’s best to hold off on acting on them until after their breakup. When that happens, wait a few months, then have an open discussion with your best friend about your feelings. They might be more willing to accept the idea of you dating their ex, but the adjustment could still be difficult.
- Remember: there’s no certainty that your friend and their boyfriend will break up. If they stay together, it’s crucial that you manage your emotions and allow them to be happy together.
