Buzz
When your boyfriend is angry, the situation can become extremely tense, and you might feel overwhelmed or unsure of how to calm him down. The good news is that in a healthy relationship, anger is usually temporary. Give him time, and once the discomfort subsides, you both will move past it. Today, Mytour will suggest ways to cheer him up and help you become a more empathetic girlfriend when your boyfriend is upset.
Steps
Listen to his feelings.
Every boyfriend desires to be heard and understood. It’s natural to want to jump in and “fix” the problem, whatever it may be. However, you need to stay calm and focus on what he’s saying. Encourage him to express his feelings and ask what upset him.
- “I’m right here. Tell me what happened.”
- “Hey, what made you feel this way?”
Give him space to calm down.
You’ll communicate more effectively once your boyfriend has cooled off. Even if he becomes agitated, stay composed and try not to let anger cloud your judgment. We all know staying calm isn’t easy, but as long as he’s a good boyfriend, he’ll come around once the initial anger subsides. Afterward, you can have a healthier conversation to resolve the situation.
- Avoid saying anything confrontational or critical.
- Give him space by leaving the room or saying, “It’s hard to talk when you’re upset. Let’s take some time apart and revisit this when you’re calmer.”
Apologize if you upset him.
An apology can prevent the conflict from escalating. Even if you didn’t mean to hurt your boyfriend’s feelings, apologizing shows empathy for his emotions. You can address underlying issues and share your perspective later, but for now, apologize for causing him pain or anger.
- Try saying something like, “I’m truly sorry for making you feel this way.”
Let him know you understand his perspective.
Compassion in love helps both of you overcome conflicts. Try to put yourself in his shoes. While disagreements are natural and even healthy, showing empathy by understanding his perspective will make him feel valued. Acknowledge that his feelings are valid and express that you understand what he’s going through.
- “I understand how upset you must feel after I canceled our weekend plans.”
- “I know my message hurt you deeply, and I get why it caused you pain.”
- “You’re right to feel that way. I’d be upset too if someone ignored me like that.”
Take him on a fun date.
Spending time together outside can help ease the tension. Whether he’s upset with you or something else, being close and changing the environment can help. Going out also distracts him from negative emotions.
- Plan a spontaneous road trip to a nearby town.
- Organize a picnic at a newly built local park.
- Visit a museum, arcade, or amusement park.
Give him a small gift.
Make him feel special with a little surprise. Even if he’s upset, you can show your care and support. Bring him a small gift, like his favorite snack or something that reminds him of your shared memories.
- Buy a quirky greeting card and write a heartfelt message inside.
- On a digital platform, send him a playlist and explain why these songs are meaningful to you both.
Prepare a meal or drink for your boyfriend.
Food has the power to soothe the soul, and this small gesture can show your care and affection. Cook together or take the initiative to buy his favorite dish. If he's not hungry, consider offering him a cup of coffee or tea.
- Hand him some chocolate bars or go out for ice cream together—it's a great idea too.
Show physical affection.
Physical touch has been proven to improve mood and satisfaction in relationships. Hugging, kissing, and holding hands are excellent ways to relieve stress and help your boyfriend calm down. Physical contact also reduces anxiety and the fight-or-flight response while releasing beneficial hormones!
- You can even offer to give him a back massage.
Exercise together.
Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress and prevent conflicts from escalating. When we exercise, our bodies release Endorphins—natural painkillers and stress relievers. Help your boyfriend de-stress by inviting him to work out or enjoy outdoor activities. Here are some activities you can do together:
- Take a walk or go hiking.
- Practice yoga or stationary cycling.
- Hit the gym together.
Suggest doing one of his favorite activities.
This is a great way to show him that you’re putting effort into the relationship. Try engaging in a fun hobby together to steer clear of conflict until he calms down. Sharing interests can even bring you closer and strengthen your bond.
- Ask him, “Hey, what’s something you’ve always wanted us to try together?”
- Request that he teach you about one of his hobbies, like, “Can you teach me how to play FIFA?”
Make a list of reasons why you appreciate him.
Compliments can fill your relationship with positive emotions. Anger and conflict can wear down good feelings, but gratitude and appreciation can bring them back! If something outside the relationship is upsetting him, a sweet gesture like showing him a list of reasons you admire him can brighten his mood. If he’s upset with you, express how much you value him—it will remind him that you’re a caring person who wants to nurture and grow the relationship.
Add a touch of light-hearted humor.
Humor can ease tension and strengthen bonds. Share an inside joke only the two of you understand or use self-deprecating humor instead of joking about his expenses. Remember to avoid teasing about serious situations or playing with your boyfriend's emotions.
- Use self-deprecation by sharing a story about a silly or embarrassing thing you did.
- Send your boyfriend a funny video or GIF based on a show or movie you both love.
Discuss ways to prevent future conflicts.
Once your boyfriend has calmed down, talk through potential issues to resolve them. By addressing what upset him, you can gradually build a stronger and happier relationship. Ask what he needs to feel supported and loved, and share your own needs to find common ground.
- Start the conversation with: “What do you think we can do so you don’t feel this way in the future?”
- Ask for clarification if needed. For example: “Can you explain why you were upset when I didn’t text back last Friday?”
- Reach a compromise, such as: “How can we balance what you want and what I want? What if we agree to spend weekends together, but on Fridays, you hang out with friends while I go shopping?”
Be cautious of certain anger-driven behaviors.
Anger should not be a frequent occurrence in a relationship. Everyone has bad days, but it’s unfair (and unhealthy) for you if your boyfriend constantly loses his temper. You deserve love and respect! If he gets angry at you often, it’s a sign he may need professional help, and you should consider leaving the relationship. Here are some warning signs to watch out for:
- Calling you unacceptable names or belittling you
- Embarrassing you in public or in front of others
- Physically damaging objects (kicking doors, punching walls)
- Constantly blaming you for his unhealthy behavior or anger
- Threatening to hurt you
Advice
- Visit https://www.thehotline.org/ to learn more about domestic violence and healthy relationships.
