Buzz
Getting your ex-boyfriend to want you back is no easy feat. Whether he was the one who ended the relationship, or you were the one who called it off and later realized your mistake, it can be challenging to make him want to return to you once things have ended. But don’t worry – while difficult, it’s not impossible. If you give him some space, address the issues that led to the breakup, and work on improving yourself, he may soon come back to you. If you want to learn how to make this happen, just follow these steps.
Steps
Give Him Space
Stop seeing your ex-boyfriend. You might be eager to get back together, but the worst thing you can do is constantly be around him, call him, or flirt with him in class until he gets the hint. If you’re always around, he’ll definitely notice, but it won’t be in a way that he’ll appreciate. Instead, take a break and stop hovering around him, at least for a few weeks or more.
- Decide whether you want to cut off contact completely, or if this isn’t feasible because you share the same classes.
- Stop calling or texting him. Even if you think of something funny that reminds you of him, it’s best to keep it to yourself.
- Try to avoid seeing him altogether, even if you’re hanging out with mutual friends. If you run into him at a party, you don’t have to be rude, but don’t spend too much time chatting with him either.
- You don’t have to be rude to keep your distance. If you see him, don’t run away, but don’t linger and make small talk either.
Reflect on the issues. While keeping your distance from your ex-boyfriend allows you to reassess the problems in the relationship, you need to identify what went wrong to avoid repeating the same mistakes. These issues might be simple or take more time to pinpoint. Here are some potential problems that could have occurred:
- Perhaps you were too jealous or controlling, and he couldn’t handle it.
- Maybe you didn’t spend enough quality time together.
- He might have felt that you didn’t care for or appreciate him enough.
- He could have seen you as overly clingy or always around.
- Circumstances might have changed, such as one of you moving away, or him leaving for college soon, prompting the breakup.
- You might have argued frequently and struggled to get along.
Develop a plan to address the issues. Once you’ve clearly identified the problems in the relationship—which could be a combination of factors rather than just one—it’s time to think about how to change things moving forward. You wouldn’t want him to come back only to face the same issues and drama again.
- You’ll need to make significant efforts to change, whether it’s controlling a certain aspect of your personality that contributed to the breakup or rethinking how to shift the dynamics of the relationship if you start over.
- If jealousy was the issue, think about ways to become less possessive.
- If he saw you as domineering or controlling, work on toning down that aspect of your personality.
- If frequent arguments were the problem, consider how to be less confrontational.
- If the issue was more about him, think about how you can reconcile without revisiting the same problems—perhaps he’s willing to change. But if he’s unwilling and you know it will cause long-term issues, consider whether it’s worth getting him back.
Work on self-improvement. Take some time to address the issues that led to the breakup and simply enjoy being alone or spending time with friends. Make a list of three flaws you want to work on and start addressing them. Self-improvement is a lifelong journey, but even small steps toward becoming your ideal self can benefit your relationship.
- If you focus on “yourself,” your ex will start wondering where you are. When you’re busy focusing on self-growth, he’ll think about you more.
- Spend time with female friends, exercise, or pursue hobbies you enjoy.
- Take time to improve yourself, but don’t take too long. If you spend months working on yourself and lose interest in the situation, your ex might move on.
Get Him to Notice You Again
Show him you’re having a great time without him. After some time apart and when you feel both of you have gained perspective, start giving him opportunities to see that you’re thriving. Attend events where he’ll be present or casually run into him while out with friends at his favorite coffee shop or bar. Don’t overdo it, but let him see you with other friends and remind him how fun it was to hang out with you.
- If you know you’ll see him, make sure you look your best without making it obvious that you dressed up for him.
- When you bump into him, greet him with a smile and act surprised—you’re too busy having fun to even think about running into him.
Make him jealous (optional). This approach won’t work for everyone, but if you think your ex will want you more when he sees you with another guy or flirting with a group of guys, you can give it a try. This doesn’t mean you should find a new partner just to make him jealous. Simply show him you’re having fun, flipping your hair, or even dancing with one or two other guys.
- Don’t overdo this. If he thinks you’re seriously dating someone else, he might back off. Or who knows—it might make him want you even more.
Make him jealous on social media. You can post a few pictures of you having a great time with friends, at the beach, or even hanging out with some guys. It will remind him of how amazing you look and make him miss you. Don’t post too often—just once or twice a week to remind him of how awesome you are.
- Time your posts when you know he’s online—if you’re familiar with his schedule, you’ll know when he’s likely to see your photos.
Start seeing him again. Begin making your interactions a bit friendlier. Move from casual greetings to short conversations, and then linger longer to chat with him for 10 or 20 minutes. Always be the one to say goodbye first, and don’t keep him longer than he wants. Next, wait for him to invite you for coffee, or take the initiative and ask him out for a drink.
- Don’t give away any signs that you’re trying to get back together. Just be your amazing, friendly self, and he’ll want to be around you.
Show him you’ve changed. When you start seeing each other once or twice a week, show him that any traits he disliked about you or your past relationship are gone. If he thought you never listened, give him more opportunities to talk. If he thought you were too clingy, show him how independent you’ve become.
- Don’t be too obvious. Avoid saying things like, "Don’t you notice I’m not jealous when you talk to other girls?" Instead, just don’t act jealous when he talks to someone else, and he’ll notice the difference.
Look for signs. If your ex wants you back, you’ll know. How did you know he wanted you in the past? He probably sent you signals. If he’s flirting with you, complimenting your looks, touching you lightly, or frequently asking about your plans or if you’re seeing someone else, he likely wants you back.
- Observe his body language. Is he making eye contact, standing close to you, and lighting up when you enter the room? If so, he wants you back.
- If he only wants to be friends, he won’t show romantic or affectionate gestures.
- Check his Facebook or try to find out if he’s seeing someone else in your mutual friend group, but don’t be too obvious. He might be dating someone else and just talking to you out of politeness or because he wants to stay friends.
Start dating slowly. If your ex begins flirting with you and realizes you want him back, he’ll keep asking you out if he feels the same way. Or, if you think he’s interested in reconnecting, take the initiative and express your feelings, then start dating again if he’s on the same page.
- Take it slow this time. Don’t see him more than a couple of times a week. Focus on building a strong foundation rather than jumping back into where you left off.
- Unless the issue in your relationship was your independence, you’ll need to be more self-reliant this time. Avoid structuring your social life around his schedule, and spend more time with friends or on your own pursuits.
Keep Him This Time
Avoid repeating the same mistakes. Remember that post-breakup reflection phase? It’s coming in handy now. When getting back with your ex, remind yourself of what went wrong and work to prevent it from happening again. If the issue was constant arguing, remind yourself to stay calm when conflicts arise. If the problem was being unkind to his friends, be more considerate this time—he’s worth the effort.
- If your ex was the one who made mistakes, gently remind him that his current actions might lead to the same issues as before.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. While you should avoid repeating past mistakes, if you’re constantly obsessing over avoiding them, you won’t enjoy the relationship. Have fun and try not to overthink things unless a conflict arises. If you’re too afraid of losing him again with every move you make, you won’t be able to live in the moment.
- If you feel insecure about the relationship ending again, your ex will sense it, and it will make him feel uncertain too.
Start fresh. Don’t treat this as Part Two of your relationship saga—think of it as two people starting over completely, equipped to handle challenges better. While you can’t completely forget the past, you don’t need to dwell on it or keep bringing it up. Of course, if any happy memories resurface, feel free to talk about them, but approach this as a new beginning.
- You’re starting over, and this time, you’re doing it more thoughtfully.
Don’t lose yourself. Improving yourself to enhance the relationship is important as long as both of you are committed to it. However, you shouldn’t completely change who you are just to fit into some idealized version your ex wants. Only change if it’s something you genuinely want, not just for his sake. Remember, he fell for you as you were initially, so if you change too much, he might not recognize the person he once loved.
- Fixing your flaws and becoming a completely different person are two different things. You can work on your shortcomings, but don’t overhaul your entire self just for the sake of the relationship.
Recognize when it’s not working. If you’ve been back together for a while and the same issues persist, perhaps the breakup happened for a valid reason. Some couples try to overcome the drama and reunite, but often there’s a fundamental incompatibility that keeps them apart. If the same problems resurface or you’re both unhappy, it might be time to end the relationship for good.
- Be honest with yourself. If you’ve tried everything and nothing works, it’s better to let go.
- Take pride in the effort you made to win your ex back. At least now you know it wasn’t meant to be—knowing the truth is better than wondering what could have been.
Tips
- Don’t push too hard if he’s not interested at first.
- If he genuinely doesn’t like you, let it go because he’s not the one for you. Don’t be sad—it’s his loss.
- Avoid texting or calling him too much. He’ll get annoyed if you constantly bombard him with messages.
Warnings
- Avoid going overboard with attempts to make him jealous, as over time, you’ll end up hurt and questioning whether he was truly jealous at all.
- Be cautious about flipping your hair near him if your hair is particularly stiff, as it might not have the intended effect.
- Don’t overexert yourself in trying to win him back.
- Make sure you don’t come across as awkward or silly while trying to impress him, whether it’s by flipping your hair, making him laugh, or other gestures.
