How to make your girlfriend want you back

Getting your girlfriend to want you back is no easy feat, especially when the relationship ended on a rocky note. However, if you believe it was a great relationship, you should pick up the embers and rekindle the fire. To make your girlfriend want you back, you need to give her space while reminding her of how amazing you are. If you want to know more, follow these steps.

Give her space. While you may think the best way to win your girlfriend back is to fight for her attention, it's actually better to give her space to breathe rather than immediately trying to rekindle the romance. Unless she's growing closer to someone else and you decide to split them up, you should calmly give her time until she’s no longer upset and can see your relationship with a fresh perspective.

• This doesn't mean you should cut off all contact unless you think it's best. But you shouldn’t message her too much or invite her out too often, as this may overwhelm her.
• If you give her space, she might start thinking about you more. She'll wonder, "It's been a while since I heard from [insert your name here]. He’s probably fine without me…" This curiosity will make her ponder what you're up to.
• If she reaches out to hang out, that's a good sign, but don't be overly eager when you meet up.
• Giving her space is also a sign of your maturity. It will make her long for your presence more.
• Of course, don’t drift too far away before the relationship becomes close again. Wait long enough for her to heal, but not so long that she forgets all the good things about you. Every situation is different — use your judgment. A general rule is to give her a few weeks, but no longer than two months.

Reflect on the issues between the two of you. During the time you're giving your girlfriend space, you shouldn't just sit idly by and wait for time to pass. Instead, reflect on why the relationship ended. If the issue is clear, like not spending enough time with her, the situation is easier to resolve. But if the problem is more complex – for example, she feels disrespected and you spent too much time partying – you need to identify what caused the love to fade.

• If she’s the one who initiated the breakup, you’ll face a bigger challenge. Think about all the reasons why she might have done this. If she suddenly wanted to break up, review old emails or messages to pinpoint the issue.
• If you ended the relationship, you’ll have a different challenge. You need to convince her that you won’t break her heart again.

Plan to address the issues. Once you’ve identified the problem, it’s up to you to decide which solution to pursue. If there are multiple issues, you’ll need several solutions or a comprehensive approach to tackle them all. If the relationship ended because you spent too much time with friends, prioritize her more by scheduling weekly date nights and thinking of activities you both enjoy. If the breakup happened because you struggled with communication, work on expressing honesty and compassion in your everyday relationships.

• Addressing your own shortcomings will help resolve the issue. You can’t be entirely blameless in the breakup.
• Part of your plan is to reconsider your understanding of her; for example, if her passion for horse riding irritates you, find a way to accept it before moving on to the next step.
• If there are multiple major issues, you may need a long-term plan, such as seeking therapy, quitting a bad habit, or reevaluating your personality from another angle.

Work on resolving your own issues. Even if you think you’ve pinpointed the exact problem and solution to win your girlfriend back quickly, things are rarely that simple. Instead, you need to work on becoming someone many girls would envy. When you get back with your girlfriend, she’ll notice the difference. This means reassessing yourself from the inside out; while changing your hairstyle won’t necessarily impress her, she’ll pay more attention to your happiness and the way you care about your image in her eyes.

• Spend more time on hobbies, whether it’s cycling or mechanical engineering. Passion for your hobbies will make you more interesting to talk to.
• Find ways to build a more positive attitude toward life. If just being around you makes her happier, she’ll definitely want to keep seeing you.

Show your girlfriend that you’re fine without her. If she hears that you’ve been devastated, crying in public, and shouting her name on the street, she’ll quickly lose interest before you even get the chance to say, "I miss you!" Instead, you should show her and let her hear that you’re living a happy life without her. She’ll see you as an active person surrounded by friends, and start to wonder why you’re not openly showing signs of missing her.

• Hang out with friends at places the two of you used to visit. Be sure to bring along other friends and let her see you laughing joyfully but not overdoing it.
• If you happen to see your girlfriend at an event, like a party, don’t drop everything and rush over to greet her. Approach her naturally, but let her notice that you have a lively social life without needing her around.

Make your girlfriend’s friends realize that she needs you. The truth is this: you’ll never get your girlfriend to want you back if her friends don’t like you. If her friends dislike you because you’re controlling, indifferent to them, or simply because you’re the bad boy, your job is to show them that you’re not as bad as they think – and find a way to make sure this information reaches the girl you like.

• If you accidentally run into her friends, try to have a conversation without revealing your intentions.
• When talking to them, don’t immediately mention your girlfriend. However, you can ask about her in a natural way and let them see that you’re heartbroken, if you’re not afraid to show your vulnerability.

Approach her slowly when the time is right. After you’ve caught her attention, begin to gradually reenter her life. This could be as simple as pausing for a brief chat when you run into her or casually placing your lunch tray next to hers, or even texting her if you know she’s interested in a TV show that’s about to air.

• Be subtle. Treat her kindly, making her wonder if you’re just trying to be friends. Don’t rush into excessive compliments as soon as she agrees to hang out again.
• Once you’ve started talking again, take things up a notch. Invite her to do something simple, like grabbing coffee or attending a lecture together. Don’t ask her for anything romantic just yet.

Show her that you’ve changed. You can demonstrate that you’ve changed without shouting, “Look at how much I’ve changed!” Simply spend enough time with her for her to notice that you’ve genuinely changed your behavior, if necessary. If she thought you were too messy, try improving your appearance. If she complained about you always being late, make an effort to arrive early for your next coffee date. Don’t announce these changes, just let her see them on her own, and she’ll be genuinely moved.

• Make sure you feel natural with these changes. Don’t change anything about yourself just to please her, or you’ll fall back into old patterns.
• If you know you hurt her during your relationship, it’s never too late to apologize. She’ll be touched that you’ve spent so much time reflecting on the relationship after breaking up.

Play it a bit hard to get. This is something you should definitely do. When you feel like you’re about to win your girlfriend back, or when she realizes what a great lover you are, it’s still not the right time to confess your feelings. Instead, throw her a curveball, making her realize she needs to fight for your love rather than just fall into your arms. As you start hanging out more, don’t always be ready to accept her invitations.

• Disappear for a few hours so she starts wondering where you are. Her mind will start racing.
• If you’ve dated someone else before, mention it, but don’t go into too many details. Let her know she might lose you.

Make sure she truly wants you back. When you feel you’ve caught your girlfriend’s attention and even made her a little jealous, this is the moment you need to confirm whether she truly wants you back before you reveal your true feelings. You don’t need to be 100% certain of her thoughts, but the more confident you are that she wants you back, the less likely you are to make a mistake. Here are some signs she might want you back:

• Pay attention to her body language. When talking, does she lean toward you and make eye contact? Does she look down at the floor when she’s shy?
• Notice if she gets jealous. Does she ask about whether you’re seeing anyone else, or does she seem disappointed when she sees you talking to other girls? If so, she might be wanting to claim you back.
• Observe if she starts treating you like a boyfriend. Does she hug you, compliment you, or invite you to join activities that resemble dates?

Express your feelings. Once you’re fairly sure that your girlfriend shares your feelings, there’s no point in beating around the bush. Choose a moment when it’s just the two of you and find a romantic spot to ensure you have the privacy needed. Then, look her in the eyes and tell her how much you’ve missed her and that you really want to be her boyfriend again. There’s no need to lower yourself, but make sure to show her that you’ve given a lot of thought to the breakup and are determined to make the relationship work this time.

• Show it through your actions. Let her see how much effort you’ve put into changing yourself rather than just making empty promises.
• Give her time. If she seems hesitant at first, don’t get angry or disappointed. Remember, even if she really wants you back, she’s likely trying to protect herself from getting hurt again.

Create a fresh start after mending the relationship. If you’re lucky enough to be given a second chance, make every effort to create a fresh start. While you might still visit the same restaurants or watch the same TV shows you did before, the key is to find new activities and dating strategies so that the renewed relationship doesn’t feel like just a rehash of the past.

• You can reminisce about happy memories, but avoid thinking or talking about any negative experiences unless you’re both able to laugh it off.
• Don’t neglect her. Just because you’re dating again doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to show interest in her.
• Take it slow. Treat the relationship like it’s something new rather than returning to old behaviors. Don’t rush to spend all your time together, even if that’s what you did before the breakup.

Don’t repeat past mistakes. Of course, you shouldn’t dwell too much on past mistakes, but be cautious of anything that caused the relationship to fail the first time. If the breakup happened because you spent too much time with your friends, and you’re still hanging out with them frequently, cut back a bit. If the breakup was due to something she did, talk about it honestly if it happens again.

• Don’t forget how bad it felt when you made those mistakes the first time. You don’t want to go through that pain again.

Don’t overthink it. While it’s important to be mindful of past mistakes, you can’t obsess over them, or the relationship will fail before it has a chance to go in the right direction. If a bad situation arises, you can remember what happened and handle it carefully, but don’t worry too much about failure because that will stop you from enjoying the time you’re spending together.

• If you’re always worried about failing, your girlfriend will notice, and of course, she won’t like a relationship like that.

Be true to yourself. If you need to make changes to become better in the relationship, do so, but don’t overcompensate by constantly trying to please her at the expense of yourself, as this will make you uncomfortable. In the end, she’ll date you for who you truly are, so don’t forget to let her see the charming parts of your personality.

• If you feel you can’t be yourself without causing major issues in the relationship, you need to reassess your priorities in life.
• Be confident. Remember that your girlfriend loves you, not just the submissive version of yourself you’re showing to win her affection.

• Be discreet and evaluate your ex-girlfriend before taking any steps; she may have changed in some way (for better or worse), and whether you like the new version of her or not, you might find it easier to win her back.
• When meeting with your ex, avoid publicly criticizing her new boyfriend, as this will reveal your intentions and put you in an awkward position.
• Make sure to address any unresolved issues between you before embarking on this mission; don’t overlook any problems that have yet to be discussed.