How to Manage Anger

Observe the physiological signs of anger. Anger is an emotional and physiological response, involving chemical reactions in your brain. When angry, the amygdala (the brain’s emotional center) sends signals to the hypothalamus, which then releases epinephrine to the nervous system. This triggers the sympathetic nervous system, activating the adrenal glands to release adrenaline throughout the body. Adrenaline helps prepare the body to face threats by increasing heart rate and sharpening the senses.

• This biological process prepares you to either fight or flee. If you often feel angered, it could mean that your tolerance for these physiological reactions is too low (for instance, becoming angry when a colleague plays loud music).

Assess Your Emotions. Anger is often a result of various emotions that have built up over time, such as feelings of hurt, sadness, grief, depression, or fear. It serves as a defense mechanism, allowing us to cope with other emotions more easily. Take a moment to reflect on whether you allow yourself to experience a wide range of emotions or if you suppress emotions you believe are unnecessary.

• If you suppress anger with other emotions that you struggle to manage, consider consulting a specialist to understand how to process and accept these feelings.

Accept that anger is a completely normal and healthy emotion. Anger isn't inherently bad. It plays a vital role in protecting us from harm or injustice. When someone wrongs you, anger surfaces as a reminder to confront the person or stop the harmful actions directed at you.

• Many people (especially women) are taught that anger is impolite. However, suppressing natural emotions can negatively impact both your emotional well-being and your relationships with others.

Recognize signs of losing control over your anger. While anger is a natural response, it can sometimes be harmful. You need to address this issue or seek professional help if you notice the following signs:

• Minor inconveniences, such as spilling milk or dropping something, make you furious.
• You engage in aggressive behaviors like yelling, screaming, or physical aggression when angry.
• Your anger becomes chronic, occurring frequently.
• If you are influenced by substances like drugs or alcohol, your behavior becomes worse and more violent.

Engage in Physical Activity. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins, which help calm you down, and physical movement allows you to release anger. Regular exercise also helps regulate your emotions. While exercising, focus on the activity and your body, and avoid letting distracting thoughts take over. Here are some activities that can help you manage anger:

• Running/Walking
• Weightlifting
• Cycling
• Yoga
• Basketball
• Martial Arts
• Swimming
• Dancing
• Boxing
• Meditation

Get Enough Sleep at Night. Adults need at least 7-8 hours of sleep each night to maintain optimal health. Sleep deprivation can lead to a variety of health issues, including difficulty regulating emotions effectively. Getting sufficient rest can improve your mood and help calm your anger.

• If you suffer from chronic insomnia, consider speaking with a doctor. You may need to adjust your diet or lifestyle habits to improve your sleep quality. Herbal supplements or medication may also help you sleep better.

Keep an Anger Journal. Begin by writing down the details of your anger. If you find yourself losing control of your emotions, document it in your journal. Make sure to include how you felt, what triggered your anger, where you were, who you were with, how you reacted, and how you felt afterward. Over time, you may begin to notice patterns that can help identify specific people, places, or situations that provoke your anger.

• You could write something like: "Today, I was very angry at a colleague. He called me selfish for not ordering lunch for everyone. We were in the lobby, and I was taking a break after a stressful workday, eating a sandwich at the restaurant next door. I got really upset and yelled at him, calling him names, then stormed off. I slammed the desk when I returned to the office. Afterward, I felt guilty and embarrassed, so I hid in my office until the end of the day."
• After some time, reviewing your journal may reveal that being called selfish triggers your anger.

Plan Your Anger Management Strategy. Once you've identified the root cause of your anger, you can plan ways to handle it. You can use anger management techniques outlined in Section 1, paired with if-then scenarios.

• For instance, you're about to visit your mother-in-law, and she disapproves of your parenting style. Before you go, you might decide, "If she complains about my parenting, I will calmly explain that I appreciate her concern, but I have my own approach to raising my children, regardless of what she thinks." You might also decide to leave the room or pack your things and head home if you feel yourself becoming too angry.

Practice Assertive Anger Expression. People use assertive anger expression to acknowledge the needs of both parties in a conflict. To practice assertive expression, focus on the facts (without exaggerating emotions), communicate your needs respectfully (rather than demanding), and clearly express your feelings effectively.

• This approach differs from passive anger expression, where you may silently harbor anger and act out inappropriately, leading to outbursts that don't match the situation.
• For example, if you're angry with a colleague for playing loud music while you're trying to concentrate, you could say, "I understand that you enjoy listening to music while working, but the noise makes it difficult for me to focus. Would you mind using headphones so that it doesn't disturb others? This way, we can have a more comfortable working environment for everyone."

Find an Anger Management Program Locally. Anger management programs can teach you how to handle your anger and control your emotions in a healthy way. Participating in a group session can help you realize that you're not alone—many people face this issue. Group therapy or seeing a specialist may also be helpful in certain situations.

• To find a suitable program, you can search online for "anger management classes" along with your city, state, or area. You can also include advanced search terms like "for teenagers" or "for those with PTSD" to find the best group that suits your needs.
• You can also ask your healthcare provider or a specialist for recommendations, or inquire about self-improvement courses offered at community centers in your area.

Consult a Mental Health Professional. If your anger is affecting your daily life or the ability to maintain positive relationships, it may be time to visit a specialist. They can help address the root cause of the issue, and you may require therapy or medication. Mental health professionals can teach relaxation techniques to help manage anger and help you develop emotional coping strategies and communication skills.

• If you're based in North America, you can find anger management specialists here, and in the United Kingdom here.

Take a Break as Soon as You Feel Anger Rising. Step away from what you're doing, remove yourself from the triggers, and/or take deep breaths. Distance from what frustrates you makes it easier to regain composure.

• Remember, you don’t need to respond to the situation right away. You can count to 10 or even say, "I’ll think about this and get back to you later" to give yourself time to calm down, if necessary.
• If you’re at work and feeling angry, step into a private room or take a quick break outside. If you drive to work, sit in your car for a moment to gather yourself.
• If you’re at home and upset, find a private space (such as the bathroom) or take a walk with someone you trust to release the tension.

Allow Yourself to Feel Angry. It’s completely natural to experience anger. Giving yourself time and space to feel angry can help you process and overcome it. Once you’ve moved past it, you can understand why you felt angry in the first place.

• Let yourself experience the anger and locate where it resides in your body. Is your anger coming from your stomach? Your hands? Search for the anger, let it “play out,” and know that it will eventually pass.

Practice Deep Breathing. If your heart races from anger, slow it down by controlling your breath. Deep breathing is one of the most crucial aspects of mindfulness meditation and helps regulate emotions. Even if you're not practicing full meditation, deep breathing can have similar effects.

• Inhale while counting to 3, hold your breath for 3 seconds or longer, then exhale while counting to 3. Focus solely on counting your breaths.
• Ensure you’re filling your chest with each breath, allowing your chest and belly to expand. Then exhale fully, remembering to pause between breaths.
• Continue breathing deeply until you regain control of your emotions.

Visualize Your "Happy Place". If you’re struggling to regain composure, imagine yourself in a completely relaxing environment. It could be your childhood backyard, a peaceful forest, a deserted island, or a fictional land—any place that brings you comfort and peace. Focus on imagining every detail of this place: the light, sounds, temperature, weather, and scents. Continue to immerse yourself in this happy land until you’ve fully embraced it, taking a few moments until you feel calm again.

Practice Positive Self-Talk. Changing your perspective from negative to positive (also known as “cognitive restructuring”) can help you cope with anger in a healthy way. After giving yourself time to cool off, “discuss” the situation with yourself in a positive and light-hearted way.

• For instance, if you’re angry while driving, you could say, "He almost hit my car, but he’s probably in a hurry. I hope I never see someone like him again. I’m grateful that I’m okay, and my car is fine. Lucky for me, I can keep driving calmly and focus on getting back on the road" instead of reacting negatively with “That idiot almost killed me! I want to kill him!”

Ask for Support from a Trusted Friend. Sometimes, sharing your concerns with a close friend or confidant can help release your anger. Be clear about what you need from them. If you only need someone to listen, let them know from the start that you don’t require advice or help—just empathy. If you’re looking for solutions, make that clear as well.

• Set a time limit. Give yourself a fixed amount of time to vent about what’s bothering you, and stick to it. When the time is up, let it go. This will help you move on rather than getting stuck in an ongoing cycle.

Try Finding Humor in the Situation That Made You Angry. After calming down and feeling ready to move past the incident, try looking at it from a humorous perspective. Viewing the situation with humor can change your body’s chemical reaction from anger to amusement.

• For example, if someone cuts into your lane while driving, you might think they’re being silly because they’ll only arrive 15 seconds earlier. You can laugh at their actions and then get back to your day as usual.

• Try listening to calming music to relax your mind.
• If you're angry and struggling to control yourself, find a quiet place alone. Shout into a pillow, cushion, or anything that muffles sound. (You can yell if no one is nearby) This can help relieve tension.
• Understand that it's normal for people to feel anger sometimes, and it needs to be released. However, there are more effective ways to release it than yelling at others.
• Ask yourself if the person deserves to be yelled at, or if you’re using them as an outlet for frustration from something or someone else.
• Engage in a creative activity like writing, drawing, etc., to channel your energy. Hobbies help lift your mood and allow you to use your energy wisely, rather than getting stuck in an unresolved situation. Imagine what else you could do with the energy spent while angry.
• Reflect on the stress you create for yourself. Do you want to feel like this? If not, consider making a change.
• Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool to reduce stress and/or anxiety, which are often the causes of anger.
• Stay away from anything that makes you angry until you calm down. Avoid all people, things, and go to a quiet place, breathing deeply until you regain composure.
• Try thinking of someone you love and remind yourself that you are better than the bully.
• When you're angry, take a deep breath and try not to express it outwardly. Later, talk with friends or family, but stay calm and understand their perspective.

• Remove yourself immediately when you sense that you’re about to lose control or become violent.
• Anytime you have thoughts of harming yourself or others, seek help immediately.
• Anger is never, and should never be, an excuse to attack or abuse those around you—whether verbally or physically.