Buzz
Being separated from those we care about is always challenging, particularly when that person is your significant other. While it's completely normal to miss them, it's equally vital to prioritize your emotional health and well-being. The process of dealing with the absence of your partner remains the same, regardless of the duration of separation. Redirecting your mindset and occupying your free moments with meaningful activities can help you focus on the positive aspects of missing the person you love. If you're grieving due to a loss or a breakup, finding ways to handle these emotions is equally important.
Steps
Keeping Busy
Spend more quality time with your loved ones and friends. Sitting alone at home waiting for your partner to return is unlikely to ease the pain of missing them; in fact, it might make it worse. Instead, make an effort to connect with friends and family. View this time apart as an opportunity to reconnect with old friends or even bond more with your best friend. This is a perfect time to remind the people you care about how much they mean to you.
- Reach out to a friend and schedule a coffee date.
- Host a dinner with friends and enjoy cooking together.
- Plan a visit to your grandmother's house for a weekend getaway.
- Don't isolate yourself, especially if you're feeling down or depressed.
Invest more time in your hobbies. Chances are, there’s either an activity you’ve reduced to spend more time with your significant other, or a new interest you've been meaning to explore but haven’t yet had the chance.
- Rather than sitting around feeling lonely, use this free time to complete that model ship or sewing project you’ve started.
- Start learning a new language using a free app like Duolingo.
- Pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read and dive in.
Craft a beautiful work of art to honor your relationship. Choose the artistic medium that excites you or even experiment with something new! Create a cross stitch pattern with your initials, a meaningful quote, or your partner’s favorite movie character. Paint an abstract piece representing your feelings about your partner using different colors and textures. Make a photo collage featuring your favorite moments together.
- Cross stitching is a great solo activity, involving intricate work and attention to detail. If you're a beginner, select a simple pattern to avoid frustration.
- Pick up some inexpensive acrylic paints from a craft store or Walmart, and a canvas to create your abstract painting. Use colors that reflect your emotions and consider adding texture with materials like sand or plaster.
- Use an empty picture frame, with or without glass, to create a collage. If the frame has no glass, glue images to cardboard and seal it with Mod Podge or a protective spray varnish.
Write a poem, comic, or illustrated story. Create something personal that reflects your relationship, either to send to your significant other or share when they return. Whatever writing form you enjoy, put your energy into crafting a heartfelt gift that demonstrates how much they mean to you.
- Write an original poem on special paper with a calligraphy pen. Or, go the extra mile and make your own handmade paper.
- Write a children's book about your love story, complete with illustrations. You don’t need to be an artist to make a simple, cute book that your partner will cherish. Keep the illustrations simple but add meaningful touches to each page.
Build new relationships. Join a book club or a movie critique group. These activities can help you meet new people and get out of the house, while also keeping you occupied with reading or watching material. You might even make a great new friend or connect with a couple to hang out with on future date nights.
Use exercise to distract yourself. When sadness takes over and you can’t seem to get into your usual hobbies, get active! Go for a run, cycle along a scenic trail, or hit the gym for a quick 20-minute cardio session. Exercise not only helps you focus on something other than your worries, but it also triggers the release of endorphins, which act as natural mood enhancers and pain relievers.
- Even just five minutes of intense exercise can lift your spirits immediately, and regular exercise can help alleviate long-term feelings of depression. Think of exercise as natural medicine your body needs to stay balanced.
Complete any unfinished tasks. Use the time apart as an opportunity to wrap up projects you’ve started but haven’t finished. These could be things you’ve been procrastinating on or tasks that require just a little more attention. Completing these tasks will keep you busy and give you a sense of accomplishment.
- Recaulk your bathtub, refinish your grandmother's antique dresser, fix the screen door that keeps blowing open, etc.
- Finish that book of short stories you've been writing, sew the throw pillows you've been planning, or enroll in the pet training classes you've been meaning to attend.
- Paint your bedroom, add shelves to the bathroom, or finish planting your vegetable garden.
Maintaining a Healthy Relationship
Understand that spending time apart is beneficial. Whether you live together or not, time apart is essential to preserving your individuality within any relationship.
- If you can't handle being separated for even a few days, it might indicate an unhealthy dependence on each other for your happiness and self-worth. Remind yourself that you are valuable on your own and that having personal time is healthy. Try affirming: "I am important and spending time alone is good for me."
- Being apart gives you the chance to miss your partner, and that reminds you how much they mean to you. If you're never apart, you may start taking each other for granted and overlook the small things you love about one another.
Stop obsessing over what your partner is doing. If you find yourself constantly wondering what your partner is up to without you—whether it's something as trivial as watching an episode of your usual show, or worse, worrying about infidelity—you may be masking your own fears of abandonment or being hurt. Redirect your focus to what you can control: how you spend your own time.
- While occasional worry is natural, excessive preoccupation with these thoughts often signals attachment anxiety. People with this anxiety tend to expect the worst from their partners or are constantly waiting for the relationship to end.
Make a call or set up a video chat. If distance keeps you apart physically, scheduling a phone call or video chat can give you something to look forward to. It's also a great way to stay connected while you're apart, and have an actual conversation.
- Be careful not to call or text excessively. Consider the length of your separation and how often you typically communicate with each other.
- If your partner is busy, send an email or message on Facebook instead of texting, or leave a sweet voicemail. These methods allow you to communicate without interrupting your partner’s work or family time, and they'll appreciate the thoughtful gesture.
- Set up a special moment to share, like watching a favorite show simultaneously while your partner is away. Knowing that you're watching the same thing can bring you closer, and it will also provide something to discuss besides how much you miss each other.
Keep the excitement alive in your relationship. When you finally get to see each other, or when you connect over the phone or through a video call, make sure to avoid falling into routine conversations or activities. Plan diverse and unique date ideas. Introduce fresh topics to discuss, or dive into subjects you’ve never explored together to deepen your understanding of each other.
- If your conversations feel repetitive, bring up a current event or something interesting you've recently discovered.
- Reflect on your childhoods: What did you dream of becoming? What were your favorite childhood activities? What was your most memorable Halloween costume?
- Look online or in your local newspaper for new activities to try. Ask your friends or coworkers who have significant others about their favorite things to do together for inspiration.
Organize a memorable activity. Plan something new that you’ve never done as a couple, or something you’ve both talked about wanting to try. Alternatively, surprise your partner with a special day centered around something they’ve always wanted to do. Let your creativity flow! Consider planning an entire day inspired by a theme, such as a romantic movie like When Harry Met Sally or a faux Parisian adventure.
- Grab croissants and enjoy them at an outdoor café, stroll across a picturesque bridge, and visit your city's art museum.
- Pack a picnic and head to a public garden, then stop by a plant store on your way home to pick up some flowers you spotted earlier and plant them together.
- Choose a “water” theme and visit an aquarium or science museum, find the largest public fountain in your city and make wishes together (ensure it’s permitted!), then end your day with a walk along a nearby beach or canal.
- Organize a scavenger hunt that takes you to places significant to your relationship, or to surprise spots your partner will adore.
Express your love and longing to your partner. One of the best ways to manage separation and keep your bond strong is through open communication about your emotions. Let your partner know that you miss them and ask about their day. Share what you've been up to so you can stay emotionally connected. Let them know how much you appreciate having them in your life.
Transforming Negative Emotions
Accept that your negative emotions are natural. When you’re really missing your partner and can’t seem to distract yourself, don't fight it. Trying to block thoughts of someone often only amplifies the feeling of longing. Instead, ask yourself what’s causing the sadness or frustration. Understanding the reason behind your emotions allows you to address them more effectively.
- If you’re feeling wistful, reflect on whether you’re simply bored, had a bad day and wish they were there to listen, or miss the little things they do for you. Try going to the movies, calling a friend, or trying a new recipe from another culture.
- If anger or frustration arises, explore the specific cause. Are you feeling abandoned, neglected, or insignificant? These intense emotions are often exaggerated reactions to separation and may not truly reflect your partner’s feelings or intentions.
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When you catch yourself thinking, “I miss them so much! I can't take it anymore,” pause and redirect your thinking. Replace these negative thoughts with more positive affirmations about yourself. Remind yourself that you can manage the distance and that being apart doesn't have to feel bad.
- If you catch yourself dwelling on the time you're missing together, stop and focus on the present. For instance, replace “I wish we were together right now” with “It's nice to have the cat (or dog) all to myself today, especially since they usually go to my partner first.” Shift loneliness into feeling connected to something or someone else.
- If you're stuck in negative thinking, use logic to challenge those emotions. Thinking “I can’t be happy when they’re not around” will keep you unhappy. Instead, acknowledge that you have control over your feelings and choose to focus on being happy with what you're doing right now.
- Recognizing cognitive patterns takes effort. Every time you think a certain way, your brain is more likely to do it again.
- Shifting from negativity to positivity is a skill that requires practice. Be patient with yourself and don't criticize yourself for the effort.
Replace longing and sadness with gratitude. It's natural to miss your significant other since you’d rather be with them than apart. Rather than dwelling on sadness, shift your focus to gratitude for having such a wonderful partner. Consider making a list of things you appreciate about them, or think of the blessings they bring into your life.
- Think about the ways you’ve grown as a result of your relationship: Have you become more patient, mature, or social? Have you faced old fears or broadened your perspectives? Are you proud of how you’ve learned to prioritize others' needs?
- Choosing to focus on gratitude rather than on missing your partner doesn’t mean you shouldn’t allow yourself to miss them. It's okay to feel that way.
- Try creating a habit of noticing when loneliness hits and instead of focusing on the absence, shift your attention to the gratitude you feel for the time you do get together. Start a gratitude journal to help redirect your feelings immediately when they arise.
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Think of it this way: not seeing your partner as often will make the time you do have together even more meaningful and enjoyable!
The advice in this section is based on the experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have any tips you'd like to share on Mytour, please submit them in the field below.
- One of the most effective things you can do during long periods of separation is to distract yourself. Focus on activities that make you feel good and lift your spirits.
- Text your partner occasionally, but avoid sending multiple texts in a row. A simple “hope you’re having a great day” message is a thoughtful way to stay connected without overwhelming each other.
- Print out a calendar and tape it to your desk. Mark off the days as they pass, and highlight the day your partner is returning. This simple visual can help you cope with the wait until you're reunited.
- Whenever you're missing your partner, revisit old texts or emails from them. You could also create something meaningful like a song or poem to commemorate the good times you’ve shared.
- If the separation becomes particularly difficult, confide in a trusted friend and share your emotions. It can be a great release and can help you gain some valuable advice in the process.
