Buzz
Eye communication is a vital yet challenging component of effective interpersonal skills. To improve your ability to maintain eye contact, regular practice can help you make a strong impression. Mastering eye communication can transform you into a better listener, a more effective communicator, and a more persuasive presenter.
Steps
Practice Eye Communication
Try to relax as much as possible. Like many things, overthinking your actions can lead to self-doubt and discomfort. Your nervousness might be misinterpreted as dishonesty, undermining your efforts.
- Often, maintaining eye contact with someone in authority or of higher status can be particularly challenging. Unfortunately, there are times when you need to exude confidence to capture your audience's full attention, making relaxation more crucial than ever.
- If you're preparing for an important meeting or interview, practice breathing exercises to slow your heart rate and let oxygen help you relax. A few deep breaths can significantly calm your nerves.
Focus on one eye of the person you're speaking to. Maintaining eye contact with both eyes can be challenging, so concentrate on one eye or a specific spot on their face.
- If possible, try alternating between both eyes instead of focusing on just one. Look at one eye for about 10 seconds, then switch to the other.
Find a nearby focal point to adjust your gaze. When you look at the bridge of the nose, eyebrows, or just below the eyes, the other person will still feel you're making eye contact, while you avoid the discomfort of direct eye contact. They won't notice the difference, allowing you to focus on listening and improving your communication skills.
Break eye contact occasionally by nodding or using other gestures while listening. It's natural to look away sometimes, but instead of glancing elsewhere uncomfortably, use gestures like nodding, smiling, or laughing. These actions are natural and provide a comfortable break when needed.
Maintain eye focus while speaking and listening. Eye contact during listening is tough, but it's even harder when you're thinking of what to say next. Occasionally, you can look away, but try to keep your face and eyes directed toward the person as you speak.
- Looking upward while speaking might make others suspect dishonesty, while looking down suggests nervousness. Aim to keep your gaze level. If maintaining eye contact feels too intense, focus on their ear or chin instead of looking up or down.
Practice at Home
Practice at home to remind yourself to maintain eye contact. The key to effective eye communication is remembering to do it. If you tend to look at your shoes, practice alone to shift your habit from looking down to focusing on faces. You can practice with the TV, a mirror, or any method you find effective.
Practice with the TV. One of the simplest ways to practice eye contact alone is by watching TV. Focus on making eye contact with characters on the screen and practice skills you can apply to real-life conversations.
- Of course, eye contact with TV characters differs from real people. The goal is to hone your skills, not replicate the feeling.
Try watching vlogs. If you don’t have a TV, head to YouTube and search for vlogs or videos where the speaker maintains eye contact with the camera. These videos are widely available and free, helping you understand how eye contact feels in real conversations.
Practice video calls. If you have a close friend you enjoy talking to, use Skype or other video chat apps to practice eye contact. This method is simpler than practicing in person since you’re interacting through a screen.
Practice looking into your own eyes in the mirror. While it doesn’t feel the same as looking into someone else’s eyes, you can train yourself to focus on your reflection. Spend a few minutes before or after showering practicing eye contact in the mirror instead of avoiding your own gaze.
Learn to simulate eye contact if you have a disability or condition that makes direct eye contact difficult. Individuals with autism, anxiety disorders, or similar conditions may find eye contact overwhelming or intimidating. Don’t sacrifice your comfort for the sake of a pleasant conversation.
- Focus on a spot near their eyes, such as their nose, mouth, or chin.
- If they notice you’re avoiding eye contact (which is unlikely), you can say something like, "I find it hard to look directly into someone’s eyes. I listen better when I’m not focusing on eye contact."
Take it slow. You can’t expect to go from feeling awkward during eye contact to exuding confidence overnight. It’s a gradual process, and it’s okay to progress at your own pace.
- If you can maintain eye contact during daily conversations, that’s already a success. You don’t need to sustain it throughout an entire conversation to show improvement.
Make a Good Impression
Practice other listening skills. When you’re fully engaged in what the other person is saying, you’ll worry less about eye contact. Nodding, paraphrasing key points, using body language, and other active listening techniques are just as important as maintaining eye contact. To listen actively, keep these tips in mind:
- Sit comfortably.
- Nod occasionally.
- Listen carefully and repeat important details.
- Process what’s being said.
- Avoid waiting for your turn to speak.
- Respond thoughtfully to the conversation.
Find a comfortable environment. During a conversation, aim to maintain eye contact for about 80% of the time, using gestures for the rest. Stay calm and let things flow naturally.
- Avoid staring. While eye contact is good, staring can be unsettling. Relax and remind yourself that the goal is a comfortable conversation, not perfection.
Show the allure of your eyes. Don’t immediately turn away when someone calls you. If someone calls your name, don’t act as if you’ve been freed from a boring conversation. Instead, hesitate slightly before turning toward the person.
- Glancing away briefly before returning your gaze is a good idea. However, remember that dangerous or urgent situations should always take priority.
Smile with your eyes. Relax your eyebrows, or you might appear intimidating or suspicious during eye contact. Avoid squinting, as it can make you seem disapproving, and don’t furrow your brows, as it may come across as anger.
- Practice in front of a mirror. Observe how your eyes change when you smile, frown, or make other expressions. Train yourself to smile with your eyes, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
Always maintain eye contact during job interviews. Eye contact and active listening are crucial during interviews or any situation where you want to show interest and respect. Potential employers may perceive a lack of eye contact as dishonesty or insecurity, which could cost you the opportunity.
Use eye contact during dates. Looking into someone’s eyes conveys affection and respect, both essential for a great date. When you’re out with someone you like, make eye contact as often as possible, as eyes are the windows to the soul.
- Eye contact can also help gauge their interest, but don’t jump to conclusions. If they struggle with eye contact, they might just be nervous or shy, not necessarily disinterested.
Maintain eye contact when proving a point. During arguments or heated debates, it’s tempting to avoid eye contact. However, this can signal insecurity or hesitation, which undermines your position. Instead, look directly into their eyes to assert confidence and show you stand by your words.
- If someone tries to intimidate you, don’t look away. Break their power by holding their gaze firmly.
Tips
- Practice by imagining the face of the person you’re talking to on the phone or chatting with online.
- If you can’t maintain eye contact because you’re bored, pause the conversation and switch topics.
- Short but frequent eye contact is less likely to make the other person uncomfortable.
- Use a polite excuse to exit the conversation: "I lost track of time! I’m sorry, but I have an appointment. It was great talking to you."
- Visualize yourself as someone confident with eye contact. Imagine the importance of understanding the other person and looking into their eyes.
Warnings
- If you focus on their eyebrows or nose, stick to that spot. Don’t let your eyes wander across their face, or they might think you’re searching for blemishes or flaws.
- Look into their eyes, but don’t stare! Intense eye contact can come across as insincere or even creepy. Remember to stay confident and natural!
