How to Master Good Manners

Good manners are essential and must be learned. To possess good manners means to act in a way that is socially accepted and respected. A positive attitude will help you build better relationships with people you know and those you will meet. Some steps to improve your manners include getting familiar with basic etiquette such as table manners and phone etiquette. Starting with being polite to others is a great way to begin, and you can continue your journey toward good manners by holding the door for others when possible. A positive attitude conveys respect to those you interact with and, in turn, demands respect from them.

Develop basic polite behavior. Say "Please" and "Sorry" when needed, even with the person behind the counter at McDonald's. People will notice when you're polite and respectful, and it means a lot.

• Additionally, say "Sorry" whenever you accidentally bump into someone, or when you need to temporarily leave a social setting.

Hold the door for others. You don't have to be a man to hold the door for someone else. If someone is approaching the door right behind you, you should pause for a moment and hold it open. Say, "Please, go ahead," if the person is a stranger; if it's someone you know, you can replace 'sir' or 'ma'am' with their name.

• If you're unsure whether someone will appreciate your gesture of holding the door, politely ask them. You could say, "May I hold the door for you?" This gives them the opportunity to accept or decline.

Speak politely. Try to keep your voice volume as low as possible while ensuring others can still hear you, and avoid using slang or filler words like "like," "um," or "uh." Remember that not everyone around you is hearing-impaired, so there's no need to shout. They might perceive you as rude.

• Make sure to pronounce your words clearly and speak in full sentences.
• Avoid discussing inappropriate topics in public, such as bodily functions, gossip, crude jokes, swear words, or anything you wouldn't want your mother (or someone you're trying to impress) to overhear.
• Do not interrupt or talk over others while they're speaking. Practice being a good listener, and wait for your turn to speak.

Offer your seat on public transport. If you're on a crowded bus or train and notice someone struggling to stand, such as an elderly person, a pregnant woman, or someone carrying heavy items, you should offer your seat to them. A simple phrase like, "Sorry, I'd be happy if you took this seat" can make the person feel less awkward. If they decline, politely say, "Please feel free to let me know if you change your mind."

Congratulate others. You should congratulate those who have achieved something significant, such as graduating, getting a promotion, adding a new family member (like getting married or having a baby), or accomplishing something worth praising. The person you're congratulating will feel inspired and touched by your words. They will likely return the favor when you reach your own milestones.

• Show good sportsmanship. Congratulate someone who has beaten you in a race, sports event, election, or other competition.

Be a courteous driver. Driving with good manners might seem outdated, but it's actually related to safety. Here are some guidelines to follow:

• If you reach an intersection, stop and let another driver pass if they're unsure how to maneuver.
• Yield to pedestrians and cyclists. Keep in mind that your two-ton vehicle is more dangerous to them than the other way around, so you are responsible for ensuring everyone's safety.
• Don't tailgate other drivers or refuse to let them change lanes.
• Use your turn signals even if you think no one is around – you never know if there’s a pedestrian or cyclist you can't see.

Know how to greet others. Whether in casual or formal situations, acknowledging the presence of others is a fundamental aspect of good manners. Failing to do so can be seen as disrespectful in most contexts. Here’s how to approach greetings:

• If greeting family members or close friends, a simple, casual greeting will do, such as "Hey, how’s it going?"
• If you’re greeting elders, business partners, church leaders, or anyone with a formal relationship, it’s best to follow proper etiquette unless told otherwise. Greet them using their preferred titles (e.g., "Ms. Chau" or "Pastor Sang"), or with "Sir" or "Ma’am." Avoid slang like "hey" or "yo," and aim to speak in full sentences. A greeting like "Hello, Ms. Chau. How are you?" is suitable.
• Perform the appropriate greeting gesture. For casual greetings, your interaction with the person depends on your preference—you might not do anything, give a hug, shake hands, or choose another greeting based on your relationship. For formal greetings, you can shake hands or give a slight bow. If the person you’re greeting offers a hug or cheek kiss, accept it graciously.

Manage introductions with grace. If you're with two people who don’t know each other but you do, it’s your responsibility to introduce them politely. Follow these steps:

• You should introduce the second person to the one with the higher social status. This means the person of lower status should be introduced to the person with a higher status. (For example, "Ms. Chau, I’d like you to meet my good friend, Lan Anh." Lan Anh is the one with lower status in this introduction). In some situations, it’s clearer: younger people should be introduced to older people, men should be introduced to women, and those without expertise should be introduced to clergy, government officials, military members, or anyone with higher standing. If you’re unsure, trust your best judgment.
• Start the introduction by saying the name of the person with higher status first, followed by "I’d like you to meet…" or "This is..." and then the name of the person with lower status.
• After both people have greeted each other, offer some context about each of them. For example, you might say "I’ve known Lan Anh since elementary school" or "Ms. Chau is a close friend of my mother." Whatever you say, you need to be prepared to start or maintain a brief conversation that you take responsibility for initiating.
• When introduced to someone, look them in the eye and remember their name. After the introduction, greet them and say something like "How are you?" or "It’s a pleasure to meet you," followed by a handshake.

Groom yourself appropriately. Whether you’re going to school, work, or just to the supermarket, your good behavior won’t be noticed if you haven’t groomed yourself properly. Bathe daily and keep your hair, skin, nails, and clothing as clean as possible. Wear clothes that are freshly laundered and suitable for the occasion, whether it’s your school uniform or casual work attire.

Write thank-you notes. Whenever someone gives you a gift or does something particularly kind for you, send them a thank-you note within a few days (or weeks for bigger events like a birthday party). Emphasize your appreciation for the specific gift or act and express your joy in having them as a friend.

• Remember that email thank-you notes are acceptable in certain situations, such as for coworkers or people who live far away where sending an email is more practical. However, whenever possible, it's best to send a handwritten note.

Only use your phone in appropriate settings. For example, using a phone in the restroom, during a meeting, when a service staff is assisting you, in a church, or (sometimes) on public transportation is considered impolite. If you feel awkward using it or if people are glaring at you in frustration, it's best to put it away.

• When talking on the phone in public, remember that everything you say is no longer private. Keep your voice at a level that’s ‘indoor’ or lower. In general, people with good manners avoid discussing embarrassing topics in public.
• Don’t talk to others in the room while on the phone. It’s worse to have a phone conversation while someone is chatting with you, or perhaps not even paying attention, and you can’t tell whether they’re speaking to you or someone else. If someone tries to talk to you, just point to your phone, and they’ll get the message.
• Avoid using a computer while on the phone unless it’s part of customer service. It’s incredibly rude and annoying when someone forces you to listen to the sound of typing on a keyboard.
• When socializing with others, try to refrain from using your phone. It implies that you’d rather be elsewhere, with others, and that the person you’re with is less important.
• Avoid making calls before 8 a.m. and after 8 p.m. unless it’s an emergency or an important international call. Additionally, avoid calling people during mealtimes, work hours, or school hours. People don’t expect to be disturbed during these times unless it was previously arranged. This also applies to texting, though of course, texting in an emergency is acceptable.

Ensure you have the correct phone number. If you accidentally disturb someone by calling the wrong number, politely say, ‘I’m sorry! I dialed the wrong number.’ DO NOT simply hang up. The person on the other end could be sick, disabled, or elderly, so show respect and apologize for any inconvenience caused. Similarly, if someone calls you by mistake, kindly let them know they’ve dialed the wrong number.

Check your voice! Your voice carries much more meaning than just its tone and reflects your character and personality, even over the phone! Keep in mind: the person on the other end cannot see you, so your voice becomes your facial expression, gestures, character, and personality. Always be mindful of your tone, speaking cheerfully and clearly. Smile through your voice! What they hear will shape their impression of you, whether positive or negative.

Practice basic politeness in conversations. When someone answers the phone, don’t jump straight into telling them what you want. This will confuse them and make them wonder who you are. It will also make you seem rude, which isn’t ideal if you need their help. It leaves a bad first impression! And don’t say ‘Who is this?’. You called them, so introduce yourself and clearly state who you are and what you want – politely! For example, say ‘Hello, my name is Nam, and I would like to speak with Ms. Mai. Is she available?’ If they’re not available, let them know whether you’ll call back later or if they should return your call. Or if you’re making an inquiry, say ‘Hello, I’m Nam. I saw the advertisement in the local paper for a sales assistant position; is the position still available?’ When you end the call, say ‘Thank you for your help. Goodbye,’ and be sincere! Also, make sure to give them time to say 'Goodbye' too.

Give others a chance to answer the phone! They might be in the garden, knitting, baking, washing the car, or at the other end of the house. Don’t just let the phone ring three times and hang up! It’s frustrating when someone has to stop what they’re doing, only for you to hang up as soon as they pick up the phone! On the other hand, don’t let the phone ring for too long. The person you’re calling might be busy or might not want to take the call at that moment, and you could just be inconveniencing them. This is especially true when calling on a mobile phone, and the recipient might be in a meeting, at the movies, etc.

Không nên dành cả giờ (hoặc nhiều giờ) để tán gẫu với ai đó. Đừng nên lãng phí thời gian của người khác hoặc làm phiền gia đình họ! Đây là một trong những yếu tố gây mất điểm nhiều nhất trong việc sở hữu một cuộc trò chuyện thân thiện! Người đó có thể sẽ không muốn nói chuyện với bạn lần nữa.

Biết cách trả lời điện thoại. Chỉ cần vui vẻ và lịch sự nói "Xin chào". Tránh nói theo kiểu "Chào buổi trưa, nhà An đây" hoặc "Mai An đang nói đây". Xã hội ngày nay rất nguy hiểm. Nếu bạn đang ở nhà một mình và bạn không biết người gọi điện cho bạn, đừng nói cho họ biết rằng không có ai ở nhà hoặc chồng bạn đang đi làm, v.v. Luôn nhớ giả vờ như một ai đó đang có mặt cùng bạn. Bạn cần phải sử dụng trí thông minh và suy nghĩ cơ bản thời xưa! Hãy giữ an toàn cho bản thân!

• Nếu cuộc gọi là dành cho người khác, bạn có thể nói “Xin chờ một chút, tôi sẽ gọi họ cho bạn”. Đặt điện thoại xuống bàn một cách nhẹ nhàng. Nếu người mà họ tìm không có mặt, bạn có thể nói “Xin lỗi, Sang không có ở đây. Tôi có thể ghi lại lời nhắn và yêu cầu cô ấy gọi lại cho bạn càng sớm càng tốt hay không?”.

Yêu cầu người khác giữ máy một cách lịch sự. Nếu bạn phải thực hiện hai cuộc trò chuyện cùng lúc, bạn cần phải xin thứ lỗi cho bản thân phải gây gián đoạn một cuộc trò chuyện và quay lại sau. Bạn có thể nói "Xin lỗi, bạn chờ máy chút nhé; sếp đang nói chuyện với tôi", và chờ đối phương trả lời. Nếu cuộc trò chuyện cá nhân kéo dài hơn một phút, tốt nhất là bạn nên hỏi "Tôi gọi lại cho bạn được không? Mẹ tôi cần nói chuyện với tôi và sẽ phải tốn một vài phút".

• Trong trường hợp cần vào nhà vệ sinh, bạn có thể nói một điều gì đó để ngừng cuộc trò chuyện mà không chia sẻ quá nhiều thông tin. Bạn chỉ cần nói "Bạn giữ máy một vài phút nhé? Tôi sẽ quay lại ngay".

Không nên mở miệng khi nhai thức ăn. Đây là nguyên tắc hiển nhiên, nhưng là điều mà bạn dễ quên khi đang tận hưởng bữa ăn ngon miệng.

Say "Excuse me" whenever you need to leave the dinner table. If you are a child or a teenager, you might ask an adult, "May I leave the table because (add reason here)?"

Ask others to pass you dishes or condiments. Never reach across someone else's plate or dish to grab something; instead, politely ask the person sitting next to you, "Could you please pass me the sauce?"

Avoid resting your elbows on the table while eating (according to British and American etiquette). Resting your elbows on the table during a meal is something that is often discouraged. However, if the meal hasn't started yet or has already finished, it's acceptable to rest your elbows on the table.

• In French culture, this action is considered acceptable.

Know how to manage in both casual and formal settings. One of the most daunting parts of dining is not knowing which plate or utensil to use. Here’s a quick guide:

• If you forget something specific, remember: "start from the outside and work your way in." Basically, this means if both sides of your plate have utensils, begin with the ones furthest from the plate and gradually move closer to it.
• If you're still uncertain, just observe the actions of others.
• For casual settings, the food plate is placed in the center.
  • The two forks will be on the left side of the plate—the one closest to the plate is for the main course, while the one furthest from the plate is for salad or appetizers.
  • The main knife will be placed on the right side of the plate, with the blade facing the plate; next to it are two spoons. The soup spoon will be placed farthest on the right; the dessert spoon (or tea spoon) will be between the soup spoon and knife.
  • Your glass will be positioned just above the main knife. A replacement glass is placed on the right.
  • A small salad plate may be placed on the left of the forks.
  • A small bread fork will be positioned above the left side of the main plate, along with a small butter knife. Use the butter knife to spread butter and place it on your plate, then use the knife to spread "your" butter onto the bread.
  • The dessert spoon or fork will be placed horizontally above the main plate.
  • A cup and small saucer (if you're having coffee or tea) will be placed above and to the right of the knife and spoon.
• Understanding how to manage in a formal setting. A formal setting will closely resemble a casual one, with a few exceptions:
  • You will have a small fish fork placed between the main fork and plate if fish is being served.
  • A fish knife will be placed between the main knife and soup spoon if fish is served.
  • You will also have an oyster fork placed on the far right of the right-hand utensils, if oysters are being served.
  • The glasses will be arranged according to the type of formal event. The glass just above the main knife is for water; to the right of it is for red wine or white wine, and the farthest on the right is for sherry.

Holding utensils. The way you hold utensils depends on your personal preference. Both methods below are acceptable. Generally, there are two styles:

• American Style: If you're cutting food, you switch the fork to your non-dominant hand and hold the knife in your dominant hand. After cutting, you place the knife on the edge of the plate and switch the fork back to your dominant hand to bring food to your mouth.
• European Style: The fork stays in the left hand while you use the right hand to hold the knife and cut food. Once finished, you place the knife on the edge of the plate, or simply hold it in your hand.

Know the correct placement for the remaining utensils. The way you position your utensils on the plate signals to the server whether you're finished or plan to continue eating. For the purpose of this guide, think of your plate as a clock face.

• If you're finished, place the fork and knife together on the same side, with the tines and knife blade slightly above the center of the plate, with the handles pointing toward the 3 o'clock and 4 o'clock positions.
• If you plan to continue eating, place the fork and knife closer to the center of the plate, with one utensil's handle pointing towards the 8 o'clock position and the other pointing towards the 4 o'clock position.

• Never speak while someone else is talking.
• Avoid blowing your nose in front of others while eating.
• Never allow your children to run around someone else's home as they may break or steal something.
• Receive gifts graciously; make eye contact, accept with both hands, and express gratitude!
• When waiting for an elevator and the doors open, allow people exiting to go first. Trying to enter before others exit is rude and delays the process.
• Start your day with a positive attitude about your schedule. Treat everyone you meet the way you want to be treated. A smile is contagious. Greet your colleagues when you arrive at work and say goodbye when leaving.
• Try not to laugh loudly in public places where people desire quiet.
• Start showing good manners with your parents. They will appreciate you talking to them with respect, as respect demonstrates a positive attitude.
• Always control your temper. When you're angry with someone, stay calm and lower your voice when you speak.
• Never place your hands on the table while eating. This means being mindful of your table manners.