Buzz
Oral communication (or talking dirty) is an exciting and fun way to strengthen your connection with your partner in the bedroom. To develop this skill, simply get into the habit of being more open during intimate moments. Try speaking provocatively about your actions when you are together. By practicing oral communication with your partner, you will soon enhance the intimacy and emotional connection between you two in the bedroom.
Steps
Start practicing oral communication
Adjust your tone of voice. Before you start, think about slightly adjusting your voice to suit a more provocative style of speech. Try speaking slower and more softly. Don’t use a tone like you're asking your partner to take out the trash; instead, aim for a seductive tone in the bedroom.
- According to a study by Albright University, adjusting your voice to sound more alluring seems to work better for women than for men. So for men, it’s better to speak naturally.
- Don’t expect to perfect oral communication right away. Try experimenting with this type of speech. The more you practice, the more comfortable and natural it will become.
Start with soft sounds. Before diving into full-blown oral communication, practice emitting soft moans or deep sighs to express your arousal. You may have already done this, and if so, that’s great. If not, get comfortable with using both your voice and body in the bedroom.
- Encourage your partner to make sounds too, if they haven’t yet. You shouldn't be the only one moaning or expressing pleasure.
Give your partner a compliment. Start off gently. Simply tell them they look attractive or that their bedroom skills are amazing. You could say, “You look so hot without your shirt on” or “It’s great to be with you tonight.” You can also compliment specific body parts like, “Your hands are so strong” or “Your legs are so muscular.” Make your partner feel desired and appreciated.
Start with light oral communication. Take things a step further with more subtle oral communication, but it doesn't mean you need to say anything overly explicit. Just express how comfortable and excited you are in a relatively gentle way. Here are a few things you can say:
- “I crave you so much.”
- “All day I’ve just wanted to be with you.”
- “Your body scent is so enticing.”
- “I’ve been looking forward to this moment for so long.”
- “You look so irresistible right now.”
- “You always know how to turn me on.”
Don’t treat it like a performance. You might feel pressure or awkwardness if you view oral communication as a performance. There’s no such thing as “wrong” oral communication; it’s about expressing your true feelings. Don’t say anything you don’t want to say, avoid words that make you uncomfortable, and never use terms that don't feel right for you.
Get more specific with your oral communication
Say “I really love it when you [verb] my [body part].” This is the perfect formula to spark desire. There are many verbs and body parts you can add to this structure to turn your partner on. Here are a few gentle examples, but you can imagine much naughtier ones:
- “I really love it when you kiss my neck.”
- “I really love it when you touch my thighs.”
- “I really love it when you lick my ears.”
- “I really love it when you stroke my back.”
- Of course, you can always tweak the phrasing to your liking. For example, these could also be said as, “You [verb] my [body part] and I love it.”
Practice direct commentary. Describe what's happening as you’re both engaged in intimacy. Imagine you’re a sports commentator for a private event, where only you and your partner are participants. Say things like “I love it when you (do something)” or “You (do something) and it turns me on” to increase pleasure for what's to come. Commenting on what’s happening as it unfolds doubles the arousal. Here are some things you could say:
- “I love it when you sit on top of me.”
- “I love it when I watch you take your shirt off.”
- “I love kissing your neck.”
- “I love watching you undress in front of me.”
Ask if your partner likes what you're doing. While you're caressing and pampering your partner, ask them if they enjoy what you're doing. Don’t just keep asking, “Do you like this?” Instead, vary your questions and be more specific, asking if they like exactly what you're doing for them. Here are a few things you could say:
- “Do you like it when I touch you there?”
- “Do you like it when I kiss you there?”
- “Do you enjoy the feeling when I stroke you there?”
Express your feelings. Don’t be shy about telling your partner how much you're enjoying yourself. A simple statement like “This feels so good” can have a big impact. Your partner will be aroused just by hearing you say it. You can even be more specific about your feelings, mentioning certain body parts if you want to emphasize them.
Keep changing up your phrases. To make oral communication effective, remember to keep things fresh with new phrases to excite your partner. Don’t just stick to one technique – try out every verbal style that turns you on. Make sure you’re as specific as possible when refreshing your speech.
- Don’t just say something feels great – mention which part of your body feels great. If your whole body is shaking with excitement, let your partner know.
Share your quirky thoughts. Revealing your strange desires is one of the best ways to engage in verbal intimacy. Let your partner know about your most unusual sexual fantasies and see if they can fulfill them. If you and your partner are truly comfortable with each other, feel free to be open. Tell them everything you've been yearning for and watch how excited it makes them.
- Proceed cautiously. If your thoughts are really out there, make sure you and your partner are truly comfortable with each other before revealing those deep desires.
Let them know when climax is near. Simply telling your partner that you're about to climax or that you're getting close to reaching that peak will turn both of you on even more. This will intensify the pleasure and make the experience more exciting for both of you when it happens.
Give your partner commands. Don’t be afraid to take charge in the bedroom. Let her know what you want her to do for you and be the boss to satisfy your desires. You can start simply by saying, “Take off my shirt” or “Take off my pants” and then give more detailed commands as you both get into it.
- Don’t hesitate to show a bit of dominance. Be the boss and let your partner know exactly what you want them to do.
- You both can take turns giving orders. After you’ve been in control for a while, switch roles and let your partner tell you what they want.
Engage in verbal intimacy smartly
Ensure both of you are comfortable with verbal intimacy. While verbal intimacy is an exciting part of many couples' bedroom life, it’s not for everyone. If your partner isn't into it, don’t force it. Forcing it will only make them frustrated instead of excited.
- It’s okay if your partner enjoys hearing verbal intimacy but doesn’t feel comfortable participating in it. Of course, if you prefer both of you to engage in it, it’s better to let it go. However, it’s perfectly fine for verbal intimacy to happen in the bedroom, even if only one of you speaks.
Discuss your boundaries. Before trying verbal intimacy, you may not have had a direct conversation about expectations, but it’s important to set boundaries. You might try it spontaneously for the first time, but eventually, you should make clear what words or phrases make either of you uncomfortable.
- If your partner says something rude or offensive while being intimate, don’t stop or get upset. Simply say, “Please don’t say that again next time.” If they don’t get the message, you can pause the fun and address it.
- If you're too shy to admit a word or phrase bothers you during the act, feel free to bring it up afterward. Just make sure your partner understands your feelings.
Don’t confuse bedroom play with real life. Remember that what you and your partner say in the bedroom is part of the intimate game and doesn’t apply to your everyday life. If they allow you to say certain things or call them by certain names in bed, it doesn’t mean they accept it in other contexts.
- You and your partner might take on different roles while engaging in verbal intimacy, but that doesn’t mean those roles reflect your real-life relationship dynamics.
Choose your words wisely. Use your intuition and avoid words that could offend, until you both have established your boundaries and preferences. Start slow and initially follow your partner’s lead to understand what works for them. You should never say anything that feels insulting or degrading during the experience.
Watch adult films for verbal inspiration. If you're unsure how to introduce verbal intimacy, adult films can provide a lot of ideas for what people say during intimate moments. Of course, the language used in those films might be much more intense than what you’d naturally say in your own bedroom, but it can help spark ideas.
- If both of you are comfortable, you might even consider watching adult films together. It could give you both creative ideas and enhance your excitement. You can also comment on the words used by the actors.
Speak in your own way. Although verbal intimacy is a part of the sexual game and not meant to reflect reality, you should still be true to yourself. Speak in your own style, like your own naughty version. Speaking in your own way will make you feel more at ease and allow you to explore your full verbal intimacy potential.
Tips
- Verbal intimacy isn’t complicated. Start simple by thinking about the parts of your partner’s body you love, then tell them exactly what you’re thinking. It’s a great way to lead to a more intense and passionate finish!
- Remember, verbal intimacy only works when there’s genuine attraction between you two. Using it as a tool to flirt will make you come across as creepy if you’re not careful.
- Struggling to find the right words or still feel uncomfortable? Dirty talk doesn’t have to be vulgar. You can simply moan or breathe heavily to show your partner how you’re feeling, or try saying something as simple as, “Oh, I really like that!” Let the emotion in your voice do the work.
