How to Master Your Emotions

Life sometimes places us in situations where emotions run high, creating states of distress and turmoil: sadness, anger, jealousy, despair, and pain. It's not always possible to control these emotions, and sometimes, trying to do so isn't even advisable, as emotions can help us solve problems and improve our lives. However, strong emotions can be overwhelming, and in such moments, you may need to temporarily suppress your feelings to continue dealing with the situation. To achieve this, focus on managing the environment, becoming aware of your emotions, calming your body, and addressing anxiety when it arises.

Understand that suppressing emotions comes with its own costs. Studies show that repressing negative emotions can drain mental energy, making it harder to manage stress and make sound decisions. This also means that emotionally numbing yourself may harm your ability to recover, even affecting your memory retention. You should only suppress emotions when it's absolutely necessary to overcome obstacles in daily life.

• A more effective alternative to emotional suppression is to adjust negative emotions and focus on more positive ones. For instance, you might want to "freeze" in response to an embarrassing incident at work, but you could also try viewing it not as something shameful, but as an enjoyable experience. This method, called cognitive reframing, while different from emotional numbing, produces similar results.
• Be aware that prolonged or complete emotional numbness can be a sign of a mental health disorder, such as PTSD or clinical depression. If you constantly feel alienated, numb, and hopeless, it's important to seek help from a doctor or therapist as soon as possible.

Avoid people, situations, and events you dislike. The simplest way to manage your emotional reactions is by controlling your surroundings. Ensure you don’t trigger strong emotions from the start. Make it a point to steer clear of people, places, and activities that are likely to provoke negative feelings if you’re already aware of them in advance.

Master situations you dislike. There are times when we must be around people we dislike or do tasks we dread. If avoiding these situations is impossible, look for ways to take control of them. Don’t see yourself as a helpless victim: instead, find your power in those circumstances. Simply reminding yourself that you always have a choice can help you handle intense emotional moments with minimal harm. For instance:

• If you’re stressed studying the night before an exam, try studying two nights before. That way, you can relax the night before the test.
• If you dislike parties because of the large crowds, bring along a few close friends. You can find them if you want to escape the crowd and have a private conversation.

Distract yourself. When emotions start to rise, stop what you’re doing and switch to something else. Try engaging in an activity that requires full concentration. By distracting yourself, you’ll be able to handle your emotions later, once you’ve calmed down and are thinking more clearly. Right now, don’t worry about managing your emotions; just change your mood by switching tasks. Some activities that might help include:

• Playing video games
• Watching movies
• Focusing on a hobby
• Going to a concert or comedy show
• Exercising

Take a break from technology. The digital world can increase our stress: using tech devices often means adding pressure from work, life, and feelings of helplessness. You can help yourself stay calm and happy right now by disconnecting from social media. Regain control of your mental life by limiting your internet usage. Here’s how you can do it:

• Check emails only at work – never at home
• Turn off your phone at night
• Disable notifications on social media
• Delete your social media profiles
• Stop using the internet on weekends

Appear calm, even when you don’t feel that way. According to the "facial feedback" theory, you can change your emotional state simply by altering your facial expression. In other words, by pretending to feel a certain way, you may start to genuinely feel that emotion. If you want to numb your feelings, act as though your emotions are numb. This might be difficult during stressful moments, but with practice, it will eventually become natural. You can stay calm by:

• Maintaining a cold, neutral expression
• Keeping your mouth in a relaxed state – neither smiling nor tightening
• Speaking in a low, soft tone
• Using short, direct sentences
• Maintaining steady eye contact with a blank, calm gaze

Remind yourself that negative emotions are in your mind. Tell yourself that these emotions are not objective events: you are never forced to feel miserable. Remember, those emotions stem from your own mind. This means you have the power to rise above negative emotions like fear, anxiety, or anger. When a negative emotion is about to surface, simply dispel it with the mantra: "This is just in my head." This is a crucial part of mindfulness.

Rehearse situations that might trigger negative emotions in the future. In addition to protecting yourself from current emotional distress, you can use mindfulness techniques to prepare for future challenges. Think about upcoming events that might cause you pain, such as a stressful exam, a potential argument with your partner, or a difficult task at work. Visualize how you will calmly and unemotionally respond to each upcoming event, and practice overcoming those negative emotions. You will soon become accustomed to such intense emotions and be better prepared to stay composed.

Pay attention to your emotional state. Each day, perform a few "mental health checks" to assess your emotional condition at that moment. Even if you don’t feel sad or angry, being mindful of your feelings and the reasons behind them will help you understand your instinctive emotional reactions to daily life. Gradually, mindfulness will allow you to manage your emotional responses more effectively. During your "mental health check," ask yourself the following questions:

• What am I feeling right now? Do I have one overwhelming emotion, or are there several mixed emotions? Just naming your emotions can help you view them more objectively.
• Why am I feeling this way? Are my emotions coming from internal factors (like my own fears) or external factors (such as someone yelling at me)?
• Do I enjoy how I feel right now? You might feel joy or gratitude and want to nurture those emotions. Or perhaps you feel anxious or afraid and don’t want to experience these emotions again.
• What can I do to control my emotions in the future? Ask yourself if you can encourage positive emotions while preventing or even eliminating negative ones. How can you arrange your life to master your emotions without letting them control you?

Don’t blame yourself for showing emotions. Sometimes your "emotional shield" can break, and you find yourself revealing unwanted feelings. Maybe you cried at work or couldn’t hide your sadness at school. Remind yourself that this can happen to anyone, and try to learn from those experiences. Here are some ways to forgive yourself:

• Focus on the future instead of the present. Ask yourself what lesson the current setback can teach you about how to react in the future. Praise yourself for learning from the difficult situation.
• Tell yourself that failure will make you stronger. Emotional resilience doesn’t come overnight: you will need to practice gradually over time. See this as a step in mastering your emotions.
• Assess things realistically. Remember, you are the one who cares most about your emotional state. Your colleagues, friends, and family will soon forget your minor emotional outbursts. Keep in mind that this isn’t a catastrophe: it’s just a small glitch in life.

Pause before reacting. When something happens that makes you angry, try to stay calm and still for a few moments. Take deep breaths and count to ten. Once you've passed through the initial burst of emotion, you'll be able to respond to the situation with composure and rationality, rather than simply reacting impulsively.

Keep a journal. A great way to prevent emotions from overwhelming your life is to pour them out… onto paper. Release your emotions by journaling. This will help you forget your emotional state and move forward with life. Studies show that those who regularly vent their emotions in a journal feel more in control of their emotions. Try to journal at specific times during the day or when you sense your emotions starting to escalate.

• Pay particular attention to whether your emotional reactions are similar to those of others or if they are exaggerated.
• Ask yourself if you’ve felt this way before. This will help you identify patterns in your emotional states.
• If something upsets you, remind yourself that you’ll write about it in your journal later. This can prevent you from reacting impulsively.

Take deep breaths. Deep breathing exercises can help you maintain calm. They are also an excellent coping mechanism when you feel emotions rising. Inhale through your nose for 5 seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds, then exhale through your mouth for 5 seconds. Repeat as necessary until you feel calm again.

Engage in high-intensity aerobic exercises for 30 minutes. Physical activity can pull you out of emotional pain and also help you become more composed and rational. Choose a sport, exercise routine, or physical activity. Each time you feel emotions rising, put on your sneakers and get moving to elevate your heart rate. Soon enough, you’ll forget about your emotions. Some physical activities ideal for relieving stress include:

• Running or brisk walking
• Cycling
• Swimming
• Team sports like soccer or volleyball
• Martial arts
• Kickboxing
• Dancing

Avoid stimulants. It may be tempting to use stimulants to numb your emotions. However, alcohol and other stimulants can impair your self-control, leading to even worse emotional reactions. Even caffeine can trigger stress responses. Maintain calmness and tranquility by steering clear of stimulants, alcoholic drinks, and caffeine.

• One exception to this is when you're prescribed medication for mental health disorders. In such cases, always follow your doctor’s instructions.

Get a full night’s sleep every night. Sleep deprivation can make it difficult to handle emotions calmly. Ensure you get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. If you're having trouble sleeping, consider the following:

• Keep the bedroom cool and well-ventilated
• Set up a comfortable mattress and bedding
• Use a white noise machine to block out external sounds
• Avoid alcohol, caffeine, and heavy meals, especially in the evening

Maintain a social network. Sometimes, feelings of anxiety or depression can cause you to withdraw. However, social relationships are key to maintaining emotional balance. Share your feelings with friends and family, and ask for their help in processing emotions. While this won't numb your feelings, it will help you recover more quickly.

Take positive action. Occasionally, you may feel anxious about situations you can't control. Instead of continually worrying, take proactive steps to improve the situation. Resist the urge to avoid: that will only prolong your stress.

• For example, if you're stressed about an upcoming exam, don't try to forget about it. Instead, assign yourself a daily 20-minute study session: this will help alleviate anxiety.

Remind yourself that stress is temporary. You need to remember that most stressful situations will pass soon: they can't last forever. Whether it's a party you don't want to attend, an exam you dread, or a work project you dislike, remind yourself that the situation will be over soon. Don't make it seem like your entire life revolves around that moment of stress.

Take a break. Sometimes, you'll be able to handle stress more effectively after taking some time to recharge. If you start feeling overwhelmed, take 20-30 minutes to go for a walk, chat with friends, or listen to your favorite music. Return to the situation when you're calmer and more prepared to face it.

• You’ll feel especially relaxed when engaging in social activities (like grabbing coffee with friends) or going outside (like taking a stroll by a lake). These activities are likely to help you regain composure more effectively than sitting in front of the TV.

Try to control your emotions when facing challenges. Intense emotions can sometimes be an obstacle when you're dealing with stressful situations. For example, if you're about to give an important presentation, anxiety might cause you to lose focus and ruin your performance. Knowing how to manage these feelings will be beneficial when you need to overcome challenges at work or school.

Temporarily set aside your emotions when you need to make a decision. While emotions play a role in decision-making, sometimes you need to push them aside to evaluate other factors. For example, you may feel devastated after a breakup and want to move to a different city just to avoid seeing your ex. But if you can overcome the sadness and consider other aspects, you may realize that leaving everything behind might not be the best choice.

Làm tê liệt cảm xúc khi bạn ở trong tình huống không thể kiểm soát. Làm tê liệt cảm xúc cũng có thể là một cơ chế phòng vệ hữu hiệu. Có thể bạn gặp phải kẻ bắt nạt ở trường, có thể bạn phải ở bên cạnh bà chị khó chịu ở nhà. Trong những tình huống khó có khả năng thay đổi, bạn có thể tự bảo vệ mình bằng cách tạm thời “đóng băng” cảm xúc để chống chọi cho qua.

Tránh làm tê liệt cảm xúc quá thường xuyên. Cảm xúc đến với chúng ta không phải là không có lý do. Chúng ta cần có cảm xúc để sống trong thế giới này, và xét cho cùng thì cảm xúc cũng giúp sức khỏe tâm thần của chúng ta không bị tổn thương. Khi thường xuyên làm tê liệt cảm xúc thì nghĩa là bạn cũng đang tách bản thân mình khỏi những trải nghiệm mà bộ não của bạn vẫn cần đến. Sợ hãi, buồn khổ, tuyệt vọng và các cảm xúc mà dường như không ai muốn trải qua thực ra cũng quan trọng như cảm giác vui sướng và hào hứng. Nếu bạn không cho phép mình buồn thì càng ngày bạn càng khó cảm thấy hạnh phúc. Thay vì chế ngự cảm xúc, bạn hãy học cách tiếp xúc với nó và tận dụng lợi ích của nó.

• Đôi khi mạng lưới xã hội có thể giúp bạn xử lý cảm xúc một cách bình tĩnh. Nhưng cũng có lúc bạn sẽ xúc động hơn khi ở bên cạnh những người khác. Hãy làm những gì mà bạn tin là tốt nhất cho mình và luôn chăm sóc bản thân.
• Hành vi tránh né cảm xúc đôi khi có thể khiến bạn đau khổ hơn. Bạn nên tìm những phương pháp lành mạnh để xử lý cảm xúc của mình – không phải bây giờ thì vào lúc khác.
• Cố gắng đạt đến trạng thái điềm tĩnh và bình thản thay vì hoàn toàn làm tê liệt cảm xúc. Hãy tìm cách phản ứng bình tĩnh trước những tình huống khó khăn mà không phải đóng chặt cảm xúc.

• Emotional numbness can sometimes indicate a serious mental health disorder. If you find yourself unable to experience happiness, surprise, or satisfaction, consult with a doctor about possible treatment options.