Buzz
Overcoming the pain of a breakup is never easy, especially when you still have feelings for your ex. The first and most crucial step to picking yourself up and moving forward is to limit contact with them. Keep yourself occupied with positive activities instead of focusing on the past. Accepting reality and trying to close the chapter on the old relationship is also helpful. Remember, though the present may be tough, time will eventually ease the pain.
Steps
Maintain Distance from Your Ex
Stop calling, texting, or emailing. You need space to move on, so establish a “no contact” rule. This isn’t to create tension or make them miss you, but to give yourself a chance to heal and start fresh without them.
- If cutting off contact feels too difficult, ask friends to help you stay away. You can also temporarily block their phone number and email address. Unblock them later when you feel stronger.
- If you share children or work/study in the same place, completely cutting off contact might not be possible. In such cases, limit interactions to only necessary discussions, like work-related projects.
- If they still try to reach out, ask them to respect your need for space. If they persist, consider changing your phone number and email address.
Unfollow your ex on social media until your feelings have faded. It’s hard to move forward when you keep checking their profile and seeing them with new people. Stop following your ex so you can focus on yourself for a while. This will also help you resist the temptation to reach out to them.
- You can always refollow them later if you want.
- If mutual friends keep mentioning your ex, consider unfollowing them too. If your social circles overlap too much, you might want to take a break from social media altogether.
Avoid places your ex frequents. Running into your ex at a coffee shop or bar can be awkward and slow your healing process. Try exploring new hangout spots instead of places they often visit or locations you used to go to together.
- If you accidentally bump into your ex, keep the interaction brief. A quick hello before moving on is enough.
Return, store, or get rid of mementos. Limit your thoughts about the past relationship or “happy moments” by removing gifts, personal items, and other reminders of your ex. Return anything they might want back, store sentimental items in a box, and donate or discard the rest.
- Getting rid of keepsakes not only helps you maintain distance but also symbolizes a fresh start with new memories.
Keep Yourself Busy
Rediscover things you’ve neglected. A new hairstyle, an interesting class, a hobby, or a motivating goal can reignite joy and passion in your life. Reawaken the things you set aside during your relationship and nurture them.
- For example, if your ex thought your dream of traveling the world was crazy, now’s the time to plan that trip you’ve been postponing. If your wardrobe was previously chosen by your ex, it’s time to build a new one.
Change your routine. Trying new things not only helps you move on from your ex but also introduces you to new friends and helps you discover more about yourself. Seek out activities that bring you joy, excitement, and fulfillment—or all of the above. For example, you could try:
- Joining a community organization
- Volunteering for a cause you care about
- Joining a recreational sports team
- Learning a new language
- Participating in a book or game club
Spend time with friends and family. Lean on your support network to help you move past the old relationship. Fill your social calendar with engaging activities, like a fun night out with close friends or a game night with family.
- If you need to vent, share your feelings with people you trust and let them know how they can support you. For example, you might say, “I really need a hug right now.”
- While it’s okay to talk about your feelings, try not to constantly bring up your ex or ask about their current life. Ask friends and family to gently steer the conversation if they notice you dwelling on the past.
Practice self-care. Establish a new routine that prioritizes taking care of and loving yourself. Develop habits like reading, writing, practicing relaxation techniques to relieve stress, or joining a new gym.
- Relationships often consume a lot of your time and energy. Use this time to focus on yourself without feeling guilty.
Date someone new when you’re ready. You might think, “I’ll never find anyone like them,” but how will you know if you don’t get back out there? Start by removing the pressure to find someone “worthy,” and focus on meeting new and interesting people.
- Dating others can also help you feel attractive and desired, feelings that are hard to come by after a breakup.
- While dating can be exciting, avoid using someone new just to fill a void. Only start dating again when you’ve healed somewhat.
- Before dating someone new, take time to reflect on what you want in a relationship and what you need from a partner.
Accept that the relationship is over
Avoid numbing your emotions. It’s easy to turn to alcohol, drugs, unhealthy food, or reckless shopping to forget your pain and push away negative thoughts, but these “quick fixes” won’t bring lasting results. They’ll only make things worse.
- Instead of indulging in harmful habits to cope, focus on constructive activities like exercising, eating healthy, and leaning on friends.
Give yourself time to grieve. Suppressing emotions can hinder your ability to move forward. Let yourself scream, cry, or express your feelings in any way that feels right. Allow yourself to feel what’s happening without judging yourself.
- Set a time limit for grieving. It could be two days, two weeks, or two months—give yourself permission to feel sad for a while. During this time, you might feel anger, confusion, or even relief.
- Once the grieving period is over, try to reconnect with life and the world around you, even if it’s just visiting a friend one afternoon.
Stop idealizing your ex. Make a list of their flaws and the reasons why the relationship ended. This will help dispel the illusion that you’ve lost the most perfect person in the world and keep you grounded as you move forward.
- Create a “cons” list about your ex to balance out the positives. For example, note the issues in the relationship, like dishonesty, infidelity, or lack of support.
Wish your ex well whenever they cross your mind. You can’t completely forget someone you deeply loved, so don’t expect those feelings to vanish like a dream. Instead of berating yourself for lingering emotions, turn them into something positive. Wish your ex well whenever they pop into your thoughts.
- For example, if you’re struggling with memories of your ex, say out loud, “I wish them a peaceful and happy life.” Take a deep breath, exhale, and carry on with your day.
- Don’t beat yourself up if you still feel affection for your ex long after the breakup. It’s okay, but it doesn’t mean you should hold onto a relationship that’s no longer working.
Write a letter to your ex to close the chapter. Detail what led to the breakup, your feelings, and anything else you need to get off your chest. Acknowledge your role and try to forgive their mistakes.
- Once written, you can send the letter if you want, or you can burn or tear it up.
- Accepting what happened makes it easier to move on. It also helps you learn valuable lessons to avoid repeating the same patterns in the future.
Be patient. It takes time to move on from someone you love, so don’t rush the process. Take it one step at a time. As time passes, the pain will fade, and you’ll find yourself feeling more optimistic and hopeful about the future.
