Buzz
Proven strategies to help you heal and move forward
It's tough when you fall for someone who’s out of reach, but overcoming that emotional hurdle is possible, leading you to better things. We consulted with licensed therapists, psychologists, and relationship experts to offer guidance on moving on, cutting ties, staying busy, and understanding your emotions.
- Unfollow or block them on social media to eliminate contact.
- Minimize interactions with them as much as possible.
- Share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member.
- Engage in activities like hobbies, exercise, or projects to keep your mind occupied.
- Try dating again to remind yourself that other opportunities exist.
- Practice self-care to boost your confidence and self-worth.
Steps
How to Get Over Someone You Can’t Have
Unfollow or block them on social media. It's difficult to move on when you're constantly exposed to their presence, even if it’s just through photos on social media. Psychiatrist Kirsten Thompson explains that “scrolling through their social media accounts, etc. doesn’t allow your mind and body to adapt to a life where they are not involved.” Take a step back by clicking “unfollow,” or even block them entirely to give yourself the emotional space you need.
- If they’re not an essential contact, consider blocking them on your phone too.
- It might also help to unfollow their friends or associates, cutting them out from your online world completely.
Talk to someone you trust. Licensed counselor Casey Lee advises that “our emotions need to be felt through to completion with someone that will hear, support, and be there with us.” After opening up, you’ll likely feel much lighter, so find a reliable friend or family member and share your feelings with them.
- Alternatively, try writing everything down in a journal. It’s important to express those internal emotions to make them less overwhelming.
Allow yourself time to process your feelings and face the truth. Dating coach Lauren Bilotta suggests, “allow yourself to grieve.” If you realize you can’t be with this person, accepting it is the fastest route to healing. Let yourself feel the sadness; it helps you accept the situation and keeps you from holding on to false hope in the future.
- Being honest with yourself can also help: say something like, “Get a grip, Samantha. You can’t date Peter because he’s married. He’s off-limits.”
- If they can’t see your worth, remind yourself: they don’t deserve you. Repeat this when you’re feeling down.
Practice self-care to ease your emotions. There’s only one way to process your feelings, and that’s by allowing yourself to feel them fully! While doing so, take care of yourself. Treat yourself to something special, enjoy a spa day, watch a favorite show, and just relax. You’ve been through a lot, and rest is important!
- Consider creating a “Getting Over Them” playlist to help you process your emotions.
- Spend time outdoors to feel more grounded and at peace.
Try a new hobby to keep yourself occupied. “Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself,” advises Bilotta. Instead, channel your energy into picking up a new hobby. Staying busy and active is crucial for moving forward and not dwelling on what didn’t work out.
- If you're not sure what hobby to try, look for ideas online. You could join a club, get into fitness, travel, or finally try something you've always wanted to do. Now is the perfect time to focus on yourself.
Consider seeking closure, if you're comfortable doing so. If this person is still a part of your life, you may wonder whether it’s worth discussing your feelings with them. Having an honest conversation could provide the [Get-Closure| closure] you need to move forward. However, remember that closure may not come, so proceed with caution before reaching out.
- Only consider this if you’re sure it won’t lead to further complications, such as a casual encounter. If there's any chance of worsening things, it's better to refrain.
- You could say, “I just want to know where we stand. I’ve been confused, and I need some closure to help me move on.”
Avoid spending time with them as much as possible. If you're friends with this person but can't date them, you might still be forced to interact with them due to your circumstances. Psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz highlights that this can make moving on even more challenging. Try to avoid events where they will be, and politely decline any invitations they extend.
- If they know how you feel, explain why you need some distance. You might say, “I enjoy our time together, but it’s too difficult for me right now to be around you until I process my feelings.”
- Let your friends know you're not seeing them so they can avoid bringing them up in conversation.
Limit communication with them to necessary interactions only. If this person is a coworker or acquaintance you can't fully distance yourself from, try to set clear boundaries and minimize contact. If you don’t work closely together, simply avoid spaces where they tend to be.
- If your work situation requires frequent interaction, consider discussing a reassignment with your boss or teacher, or request a switch to a different project with another team.
- Make sure that your emotional connection doesn’t interfere with your professional conduct. Be polite, but don't go out of your way to engage.
Recognize their imperfections and avoid idealizing them. When you have strong feelings for someone, it’s easy to focus only on their best traits, especially when they’re unattainable. But remember, no one is perfect, and acknowledging their flaws can help you let go.
- Make a list of reasons why the relationship wouldn’t work, and jot down traits you don't particularly like about them. Keep this list handy to refer to when you're feeling vulnerable.
- If they’re an ex, remind yourself why the relationship ended in the first place—those same issues will likely resurface if you get back together.
Reinforce the reasons why it won’t work to resist temptation. If you’ve been in a relationship with this person, you may feel drawn to physical contact, especially if that was a central part of your connection. Psychologist Liana Georgoulis recommends practicing meditation to help redirect your thoughts. As you meditate, reflect on why the relationship wasn’t viable.
- Spending intimate time with them may make it harder to move on, as it will likely deepen your emotional attachment. While friendship may be possible, avoid anything romantic.
- Also, remind yourself of their flaws. It’s easy to idealize someone when they’re out of reach, but don’t forget that they’re human, too.
Re-enter the dating world to discover new possibilities. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is remind yourself that something better and more achievable is waiting out there! It can be tough to envision yourself with anyone but the person you're fixated on, but meeting new people can show you that there’s someone who truly sees your worth. It might also help take your mind off someone who’s just out of reach.
- Consider joining an online dating site or asking friends and family to connect you with someone. You might also meet someone at your school, church, or workplace.
- You’ll likely be amazed at how many people you’ve overlooked because you’ve been focused solely on the person who wasn’t available.
- Eventually, you’ll find someone who’s a better match and understand why things didn’t work out before.
Remind yourself of your own value. Practicing self-love is essential to moving forward. Engage in activities that make you feel empowered and strong. Bilotta suggests nurturing yourself with things like positive affirmations, pampering, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. For example, dedicate time each day or a few times a week to your favorite hobby as an act of self-care.
- Self-love also means being compassionate with yourself. It’s okay if things aren’t perfect. Allow yourself a night off to binge-watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Call a friend if you’re feeling down and let them know what’s going on.
- If you’re struggling with self-esteem, it might be helpful to seek out therapy. A therapist can help you realize how valuable you are, which could make it easier to move on.
Seek encouragement and support from others. Lee highlights the importance of a strong support system. Sharing your feelings is vital for your emotional well-being. Although it may seem like a good idea to bottle everything up, you won’t feel better by holding onto anger, sadness, bitterness, and grief. Plus, when you’re surrounded by people who care about you, you’re less likely to think about those who don’t.
- You might want to join a support group or speak with a counselor to help you process your emotions. They can offer guidance on moving forward and boost your confidence so you’re ready to meet someone who truly understands you.
- Reader Poll: We asked 620 Mytour readers what coping strategy they found most effective after facing rejection. Only 9% mentioned seeking therapy or professional help. [Take Poll] Therapy can be extremely helpful, and you should always seek help if needed. However, in many cases, relying on the support of friends and family may be all that’s required.
Why is it so challenging to move on from someone I can't have?
Closure is often lacking. In relationships that can’t work out, there’s both more and less closure. There’s more because you know it’s simply not going to happen. But there’s less because you keep searching for ways to make it work. The difficult reality is that it won’t happen, and it’s often better to release the need for closure and start focusing on what’s ahead instead of staying fixated on the past.
The relationship feels one-sided and isolating. If you're harboring feelings for someone who's already with someone else, or even a celebrity, you'll find that closure is elusive because things were never truly open to begin with. Still, the emotions you’re experiencing are very real, and they won’t just fade away using the usual coping methods. It might feel like you're facing this alone or that the other person won’t or can’t reciprocate, but you are never truly alone!
It’s easier to fall into obsession. When something feels out of reach, it's easy to become fixated. Georgoulis points out that “the more you dwell on obsessive thoughts, the stronger they become.” It’s a vicious cycle, and if you don’t take steps to break free from it, it only gets worse. That’s why it’s so important to let go of these thoughts and shift your focus to other things.
It’s tempting to imagine what could be. Daydreaming can set you up for disappointment, as it only builds up your hopes and makes the inevitable reality harder to face. But even knowing this, we can’t help but wonder, “What if?” However, these thoughts are ultimately dead-ends, and it’s healthier to let them go rather than linger on them.
You begin to question your self-worth. Lee explains that when things don’t work out, “it can make opening yourself up… really scary.” You start wondering if you're even capable of love or if you're deserving of it, especially when things didn’t work the way you hoped. But remember, it only takes one successful relationship to change everything for you! Don't let this one setback define your future possibilities.
- It’s common to compare yourself to others in happy relationships, but keep in mind that everyone's journey is unique, and those comparisons aren’t fair to yourself.
You feel trapped or fear future regret. When you're investing all your emotions into a situation that can’t give back, it’s easy to feel like love is futile or that you'll never meet someone who’s right for you. You grieve a future you’ll never experience. But these feelings aren’t accurate! The truth is, you just don’t know how to channel your emotions, so you keep investing in something that’s not going anywhere.
- The best way to win this battle is not to play! Instead, redirect your love towards friends, family, and the people who are actually present in your life.
How much time does it really take to move on from someone?
It generally takes a few months to regain your sense of self. However, the process is different for everyone. Some people believe that the time it takes to mourn is roughly half the length of the relationship. If you never actually had a relationship with this person, it might still take a few months. For now, try not to focus too much on the time it takes. Eventually, you’ll wake up one day and realize that it no longer bothers you as much, and you’ll have grown through the experience.
Key Takeaways
Allow yourself to feel your emotions while gradually releasing them from your life. Ultimately, the best way to recover from an unrequited love is to give yourself time. During this period, let yourself process the grief of what you can’t have while also taking active steps to distance yourself from this person. In time, you’ll move forward, meet someone you can truly love, and realize that you've emerged as a stronger and more resilient individual.
- Lean on people who care about you for support.
- Prioritize self-care to help you manage your emotions.
- Discover new passions and interests to help you heal while continuing to grow.
Master the art of getting over your crush with this expert guide.
1
Let Go of Love for Someone Who Is Out of Reach
2
Proven Methods for Moving On from Someone You Love
3
How to Move On from Someone You Can't Have or Never Dated
4
Let Go of the Girl of Your Dreams
5
How to Stop Liking Someone
6
Move On from an Infatuation
-
Avoid getting lost in fantasies or imagining a relationship that isn't there. If you feel the need to fantasize, direct it toward someone new.
The tips shared in this section come from the experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have advice you'd like to contribute to Mytour, feel free to share it in the submission box below.
- Remember, you’re doing yourself a favor. No matter how hard you try to make things work, if it’s not meant to be, it won’t. So stop chasing! Try meeting new people, or better yet, take a break from relationships for a while. If you're infatuated with this person, you’ll need time to heal. Make the rest of your life amazing.
- If they're already involved with someone you know, don’t let yourself linger in a hopeless situation. Don’t say, 'I’ll wait for them,' and don’t keep yourself stuck in that position. Go meet new people. Best of luck!
- Even if you desperately want to talk to them, resist the urge. It’s like picking at a healing wound—it only makes the pain worse.
