How to Move On from Your Ex-Boyfriend

Weeks, months, or even years may have passed since you and your ex-boyfriend broke up, but all you can do is think about the happy moments you once shared or long for his embrace. Now is the time to take serious action to forget about your ex and start enjoying your life. If you want to move on, you must cut all ties with him, focus on yourself, and stop comparing every new guy you meet to your ex. To understand what steps you need to take, read the following guidelines.

Give yourself time to grieve. Going through a period of sadness is completely natural – don’t feel like you need to immediately jump back into your regular routine, hang out with friends, and do exactly what you usually do after a breakup. If you don’t allow yourself time to be alone, talk with a friend, cry, and reminisce, you won’t be able to truly let go and forget your ex.

• It’s unavoidable to feel down and lost for a while. There’s no need to deny the hurt you’ve experienced.
• If you want some time alone, let your friends and family know so they can be considerate. Just make sure you don’t stay alone too long, or you might indulge in your negative feelings.

Don't dwell on the beautiful moments from the past. You may recall these memories once you have let go of the triggers, and eventually, these memories will become fond recollections. However, right now, they only bring sadness and a sense of loss. Try not to fantasize or recount the details of the wonderful days you spent together.

• In the future, after gaining new perspectives, you will be able to appreciate these special moments, but not now.

Remind yourself why the relationship ended. Instead of focusing on how good your relationship was, think about all the bad moments and remember the reasons why it fell apart. Recall the arguments, the incompatibilities, or any other reasons that led to the breakup. Even though you miss him, remind yourself why the relationship no longer holds any meaning.

• While you shouldn't dwell on all the bad moments, you can remind yourself of a negative memory whenever you start to feel nostalgic or warm about your ex.

Don't blame yourself. It's normal to reflect on the relationship and what went wrong, but don't waste time blaming yourself for what happened. Even if you feel like you did something or acted in a way that made your ex want to end the relationship, don't think you should have done things differently. Accept that it's over, and you can't change it.

• Letting go of regrets is a significant step in the process of moving on. If you're obsessed with what could have been or what should have happened, you'll be too nostalgic and unable to look forward to the future.

Think about all the great qualities you possess. Make a list of things you love about yourself. Once you've completed this list, create another one listing all the flaws of your ex. Look at both lists and conclude that he doesn't deserve you and that the breakup was inevitable. You'll feel more confident knowing that your ex wasn't worthy of you, or that he was just a guy like any other. You will silently thank yourself for breaking up with someone who didn’t have what it takes to be your boyfriend.

• Making a list of what you love about yourself can also help you build your self-confidence, an essential factor in overcoming a breakup.

Strive to stay positive. While maintaining a positive attitude may be the last thing you want to do, “there’s always a silver lining,” and you'll be able to change your perspective and enjoy life again quickly. Recognize when you're starting to feel negative or have troubling thoughts, and replace them with positive ones about everything in your life that you desire, from joy with family and friends to all the reasons for hope.

• Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively, try to balance it with two positive thoughts.
• Spending time with positive people will also help you feel better. Meet up with those who make you see yourself and the world in a brighter light.
• Make a gratitude list. This will make the world seem less bleak to you.

Loại bỏ những thứ khiến bạn nhớ đến người ấy. Trước tiên, hãy cho toàn bộ đồ vật của người yêu cũ vào một chiếc hộp hay va-li và gửi trả ngay lập tức. Tốt nhất là nhờ một người bạn mang những thứ này trả cho anh ấy để bạn không phải gặp mặt. Điều này sẽ ngăn bạn cố gắng ngửi mùi hương hay chạm vào những gì thuộc về bạn trai cũ. Sau đó, bỏ đi mọi thứ nhắc bạn nhớ về kỉ niệm của hai người – từ hình ảnh, đĩa CD người ấy thu cho bạn, quà tặng hay đồ lưu niệm từ những chuyến du lịch mà cả hai đã cùng đi.

• Có thể hơi đau lòng vì đây là tất cả những gì bạn còn lại từ anh ấy, nhưng bạn nên biết điều gì nên làm. Sau khi thực hiện, bạn sẽ có một cảm giác thành công và đây sẽ là tiền đề cho quá trình tự chữa lành sắp tới.
• Nếu bạn thực sự muốn giữ gìn những hồi ức của mối quan hệ và trả lại cho người ấy vào một ngày nào đó, hãy cho chúng vào hộp và để xa tầm mắt – bạn có thể trữ trong gara hay tại nhà một người bạn. Chỉ cần tránh xa khỏi cám dỗ bằng mọi giá.

Ngừng liên lạc với bạn trai cũ. Mặc dù bạn cho rằng việc nói chuyện với người yêu cũ sẽ giúp bạn thấy khá hơn vì bạn nhớ anh ấy vô cùng, nhưng điều đó chỉ khiến bạn trăm ngàn lần không thể cải thiện. Mỗi lần nghe giọng người ấy, bạn sẽ thấy buồn, hối tiếc, cay đắng và vô số những cảm xúc tiêu cực khác sẽ khiến bạn tuột dốc không phanh. Trừ khi bạn phải nói chuyện với người cũ vì lý do hậu cần, như tìm cách giải quyết chiếc xe hơi hay căn hộ chung, nếu không bạn nên chấm dứt hoàn toàn việc trò chuyện và nhìn thấy anh ấy.

• Đừng cho rằng điều chín chắn có thể làm là đi uống cà phê với người cũ mỗi tuần hay hai tuần một lần. Điều này chỉ khiến bạn đau đớn hơn. Nếu anh ấy cứ khăng khăng rằng cả hai nên thử "làm bạn", hãy nói rằng đây không phải lựa chọn dành cho bạn. Bạn có thể "chỉ là bạn" khi và chỉ khi bạn sẵn sàng, nhưng điều đó phải mất đến nhiều tháng, thậm chí nhiều năm.
• Ngừng nhắn tin cho người yêu cũ. Cho dù có thực sự nhớ anh ấy, bạn cũng phải đè nén lại.
• Mặc dù có thể bạn muốn cho người yêu cũ thấy rằng bạn không thèm bận tâm nếu anh ấy ở gần, nhưng bạn nên tránh bất cứ buổi gặp gỡ ngoài xã hội hay những nơi người ấy có thể lui tới trong một thời gian.
• Có thể việc tránh mặt người cũ bằng mọi giá sẽ bất tiện hơn nhiều so với việc thỉnh thoảng chạy đến bên anh ấy, nhưng điều này sẽ tốt hơn cho bạn.

Tránh xa mạng xã hội. Nếu người yêu cũ hoạt động trên các trang mạng xã hội thì bạn hãy tránh xa Facebook, Twitter, Instagram hay bất kỳ trang web nào bạn có thể biết anh ấy nghĩ gì, làm gì và nói gì một thời gian. Việc đọc những bài viết hay xem ảnh của người ấy chỉ càng khiến bạn phát điên và lo lắng vì sao bạn trai cũ lại có thể sống tốt nhanh chóng như vậy, hay hoài nghi rằng anh ta đã có người mới qua những gì bạn thấy trên mạng.

• Nếu thực sự thích dùng mạng xã hội, bạn nên chặn họ. Có vẻ như đây không phải là một biện pháp trưởng thành, nhưng dù sao thì cũng hay hơn là dành hàng giờ để da diết nhìn trang cá nhân của người ấy.

Hạn chế hỏi về người ấy. Cho dù bạn và người cũ có hàng tá bạn chung thì bạn cũng nên tránh hỏi bạn bè về việc dạo này anh ấy thế nào -- hay tệ hơn là hỏi người ấy có gặp gỡ ai không – điều này chỉ khiến bạn muốn gần họ hơn. Và nếu như bạn cứ hỏi người khác về anh ấy thì điều này sẽ đến tai bạn trai cũ.

• Nếu cả hai có nhiều bạn chung, bạn có thể nói với người ấy rằng bạn sẽ thoải mái hơn nếu bạn bè không nhắc đến anh ấy quá nhiều trước mặt bạn. Mặc dù biện pháp này nghe có vẻ cực đoan, nhưng họ sẽ hiểu và giúp bạn thấy khá hơn.

Avoid activities that remind you of him – for a while. If you're genuinely determined to forget your ex quickly and erase his presence from your life, stop doing the things you both enjoyed, even if you can do them alone. If you loved hiking with your ex, take a break from hiking; if you both enjoyed listening to The Wall’s music, avoid listening to Rock for a while.

• This also applies to favorite restaurants or hangout spots. You should do everything you can to avoid thinking about him or wishing he were still here.
• You may eventually return to activities you love, but for now, it's best to fill your time with something fresh.
• If you were both hooked on a TV show, stop watching it for now. Instead, consider reading a book.
• Of course, you don’t need to stop all the activities you enjoy just because you want to forget your ex. You just need to discover new habits that help you avoid thinking about him most of the time.

Change your environment. If you truly want to banish your ex from your life, try altering your surroundings so you no longer feel his presence. Rearrange the furniture in your room or apartment, and add some plants to freshen up the space. You could also repaint the walls with a new color. This way, you’ll be less likely to remember the times you both shared happily in this place.

• If you *really* need a change of scenery, consider going on a trip or even just a short getaway. Visiting a completely new place, one that’s not associated with your ex, will help you forget his presence in your life.

Seek support from your family. Unlike your ex, your family will always love and protect you. Now that you're single, you can spend more time nurturing your family relationships. Have meals together, help out with chores, and engage in meaningful conversations with your parents or siblings. This will help you feel better about the breakup and give you something to look forward to.

• If you live far from your family, you can still stay connected with them. Make an effort to call, video chat (via Skype, Zalo, Messenger Facebook, etc.), or send postcards on special occasions.

Enjoy time with your girlfriends. This will help you feel better and accelerate your healing process. No matter how sorrowful you feel after a breakup, sometimes a bit of fun with your girlfriends is the perfect remedy for a broken heart. So go shopping, watch a movie, and enjoy some interesting chats with a glass of white wine. Stop dwelling on the sadness and make yourself happy, even if it’s just for an hour or two.

• Remind yourself that you no longer have to worry about your ex; you now have more time to focus on your girlfriends.
• Open up. Share your feelings with your close friends; they’ll help you feel better.
• Just remember, you need to have fun – if you spend all your time crying and talking to your girlfriends about how much you miss your ex, both you and they will feel drained.
• You can also use this healing period as an opportunity to build a closer relationship with someone you know. If you feel a connection with a girl from your English class, now could be the perfect time to invite her for tea or coffee.

Keep yourself on a busy schedule. Although the last thing you may want to do after a breakup is keep yourself occupied, it's actually one of the easiest ways to stop thinking about your ex. If you spend your days sitting at home in the dark with nothing to do, it's only natural that you'll find yourself wondering what he's doing. But if you fill your schedule with fun outings, workouts, and time for work, studies, or hobbies, you won't have time to dwell on the broken relationship.

• Try to plan your day with at least one thing to look forward to. This will make you feel less hopeless.
• Maintaining a busy schedule doesn't mean constantly socializing or running around until there's no time left to rest. You need to carve out some time for yourself to reflect – but in moderation.

Exercise. Although working out to forget about a guy may sound strange, you will actually feel better if you make a habit of taking care of your body. Dedicating just 30 minutes of exercise each day will do wonders for both your mental and physical well-being. If you truly want to move on from your ex, start a consistent workout routine and stick with any form of exercise you enjoy.

• Incorporate exercise into your schedule. This will help you maintain a busy routine.
• Don't do something you don't enjoy. Find an activity you like, whether it's running, yoga, weightlifting, or swimming, as long as you enjoy it and stay committed to it.

Get outside as much as possible. You should avoid hiding indoors – get out, even if it's just on your own. Instead of stepping out of the house only for monotonous daily tasks, try going for a run in the early morning sun. Rather than doing your homework or reading at home, you might feel less lonely if you take it to a café. You can even bring anything you need to do at home to a sunny park where you can be 'alone' but still among people.

• By soaking up the sunlight and fresh air, you'll definitely feel more refreshed.
• If you're on the phone with a friend, don't sit in a dark room. Instead, take the phone outside and go for a walk. You can catch some sun and get some exercise while chatting away.

Find joy in your hobbies and interests. Don't let a breakup stop you from doing what you love. Feeling down about the end of a relationship doesn't mean you should give up on all the activities that bring you joy and make your life meaningful. If you enjoy Zumba classes on Tuesday nights, don't skip them. If you love watercolor painting on Sundays, keep that habit. Stopping all your fun activities will only make you feel more down.

• You might think it’s too hard, or even impossible, but keep doing the things that once made you happy. Just act like you’ve been doing them all along – you’ll realize you genuinely enjoy these activities once more.
• If you stop doing what you love, you might forget who you are. Remind yourself that you were a well-rounded person before your ex came into the picture, and now it’s time to pick up the pieces and be whole again.

Limit excessive drinking. While you might enjoy a glass of wine with your girlfriends or attend a friend's birthday party to relax, this is not the time to drink to excess. If you overindulge, you're likely to fall into a sad, tearful state, ruining the night for yourself and everyone around you. Though it may seem strict, you should limit drinking until you're mentally strong enough to handle it without issue.

• Many people turn to alcohol in tough times, but few can truly handle it. If you usually go out drinking with friends, consider switching to other sober activities that everyone can enjoy.

Embrace your alone time. Before you can truly move on from your ex, it's essential to learn to love yourself. While spending time with friends and staying busy might help you feel better, you also need to be comfortable enough with yourself to enjoy a night spent with a good book or a movie.

• Set personal goals you want to achieve on your own. Whether it's training for a marathon, finishing a long novel, or learning French, facing challenges and reaching goals will build your confidence and make you look forward to spending time alone.
• Keep a journal. This will help you reflect on what’s happened and track your progress each day.
• Meditate. Meditation is a great practice that you can do on your own. Not only will it help you relax, but it will also help you feel more balanced and in control of your body. However, meditation is not a group activity.

Discover a new passion. Along with continuing things you enjoy and spending time by yourself, finding new activities can help open up your thinking and make your life more meaningful. You could start photography, writing poetry, or engage in any activity you've always wanted to try but were too shy to pursue.

• Talk to a friend or family member who has a deep passion for something. They might help you discover new activities that could add more meaning to your life.

Relish the single life. While it might seem impossible, especially when all you can think about is your ex, this is the perfect time to enjoy the freedom of not worrying about every little thing you say or do. Dress up, have fun with your girlfriends, flirt with a few guys, or simply do things your ex never enjoyed like biking, going for coffee, reading a book, and so on.

• Listen to advice from single friends. They always know how to make the most of life.
• Enjoy the fun of dressing up and going out. You no longer have to obsess over your appearance – wear that outfit you’ve never dared to try because your ex didn’t like it.

Don’t date again until you’re ready. One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to move on from an ex is to jump straight into a relationship with the first person you meet. You might think that being with someone else will help take your mind off the pain, but in reality, it only makes things worse as you keep comparing the new person to your ex and thinking they don’t measure up.

• Not only will you make the healing process harder, but you might also unintentionally hurt someone who genuinely likes you.
• You’ll know when you’re ready to date again when you meet someone who sparks your interest and you enjoy talking to them without thinking about your ex.

• If your ex calls or texts you after the breakup, don't pick up the phone or reply. This will show him that you are too easy to get.
• It's a good idea to delete his number, and then call a few friends to hang out and distract yourself.
• If your ex cheated or treated you poorly during your relationship and you want to teach him a lesson, plan your response. A short but biting message that makes him understand how much he hurt you and that he should feel ashamed for his actions can be effective.
• When returning your ex's belongings, make sure to ask for your stuff back as well. This will clearly show that you are cutting ties completely and no longer want any ambiguous relationship with him, implying that you're ready to move on.
• If the breakup was amicable and you're open to being friends again, don't act aggressively when you meet him after the breakup. Acting cold or hostile will greatly diminish the chance of maintaining a friendship.
• Avoid going to places that will remind you of the memories you shared together.
• Don’t go back to someone who made you feel bad about yourself!
• Don't keep any objects that remind you of your ex, such as gifts he gave you, around your home.

• Don’t go back to someone who made you feel bad about yourself! No matter how many times he apologizes or begs for your forgiveness, remember how you felt the last time you saw him flirting with another girl or criticizing your appearance. Be strong.
• If you're not ready to face him, don't push yourself to do so. You risk feeling awkward, stumbling over your words, and feeling inferior, even if you know you’re not.