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Learn exactly what to say to a friend who is mourning
The loss of a parent is an incredibly difficult experience. When trying to comfort a friend in mourning, it’s hard to find the right words that convey sympathy without diminishing their grief. While phrases like, “I’m here for you,” are well-meaning, they may not feel sufficient in the face of such a loss. Below, we provide additional comforting words for someone who has lost a parent.
Words to Console a Friend in Mourning
The first step is to express your condolences: "I am so sorry for your loss." You can also offer practical help, such as preparing meals or tidying up their home. Consistent support is crucial, so be sure to check in on them, allow them to express their emotions, and let them know you're there for the long haul.
Helpful Steps
What to Say to Someone Mourning the Loss of a Parent
Offering comfort by reminding your friend they are not alone. When a friend experiences the loss of a parent, don’t worry too much about finding the perfect words to say. Instead, focus on offering your support, presence, and willingness to help in any way you can. Here are some phrases you might share with someone grieving the loss of their parent:
- "I am truly sorry for your loss."
- "Please accept my deepest condolences."
- "I can’t imagine how hard this is for you and your family right now."
- "I’m so sorry to hear about your parent's passing."
- "Please remember, I’m here for you during this painful time."
- "If you need anything at all, just reach out."
- "Is there anything I can do to help right now?"
- "Don’t forget to take care of yourself; I’m happy to help however you need."
- "Have you had a chance to eat or rest yet?"
- "Would you like me to watch the kids for a while so you can get some rest?"
- "It's okay not to want to do anything right now."
- "Know that you have a support system here for you."
- "If you want some quiet company, I’m happy to just sit with you."
- "Don’t hesitate to feel whatever you're feeling – this is a safe space."
- "I know words can’t fix this, but know that I’m here by your side."
What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost Their Mother
Remembering the wonderful qualities of the deceased mother. If you had the privilege of knowing your friend’s mother, don’t hesitate to mention a special memory of her and share your sincere condolences. Let your friend know you are there to help in any way. Here are some examples of what to say to someone grieving the loss of their mother:
- "Your mom always made me feel so welcome and at home."
- "She had such a warm and kind presence about her."
- "There is no one who could ever take your mother’s place."
- "I know it’s hard to imagine a world without your mom in it."
- "There’s nothing that could have prepared you for losing someone as wonderful as your mother."
- "Your mom fought so bravely until the end; she was a true force and will be deeply missed!"
- "It was a blessing to have known her for as long as I did."
- "You carry so many of her beautiful qualities with you."
- "I hope you find comfort in knowing she’s proud of you, wherever she is."
- "I was heartbroken to hear of your mother’s passing. She was an extraordinary woman."
- "May your dear mother rest peacefully."
- "I’m confident you will continue to honor her legacy of kindness and joy."
- "I wish I could have known her better – she seemed like such a kind and loving person."
- "Your mom always treated me like family, and I’ll never forget that kindness."
- "Your mother’s light will always shine through you, no matter what."
What to Say to Someone Mourning the Loss of Their Father
Help your friend reflect on and cherish their father’s life. Let your friend know how much their father’s presence impacted your life—reminiscing about his life could provide comfort. Sharing fond memories of his unique personality traits may help lift their spirits and provide some relief. Listening to how others remember him can also aid in processing the loss. Here are some things you might say to someone grieving the loss of their father:
- "Your dad always had the funniest jokes!"
- "Remember that day he took us to play hooky? Such a great memory!"
- "A dad like him will never be forgotten."
- "His heart was as big as his laughter!"
- "Your father was a man of great integrity, and everyone admired him."
- "I’m so grateful to have known him as long as I did."
- "I’ll always miss the amazing stories he told."
- "Your father was such a genuine and honorable man."
- "The loss of your dad is so deep– he was truly a great man."
- "No one could ever fill his shoes."
- "Having your dad’s wisdom and love in your life was a true blessing."
- "This loss will shape you, but his spirit will always remain with you."
- "What are your favorite memories of your dad?"
- "I know he felt blessed to have you by his side until the end."
- "I have the highest respect for your father."
How to Compose a Message Offering Your Condolences
Begin by expressing your condolences. This is an especially challenging time for them, so aim to keep your message brief and sincere. The most important thing is to let them know you are there for them. Even a simple phrase like, “I just want you to know I’m thinking of you,” will demonstrate your care. Other things you might say include:
- "I’m so sorry for your loss."
- "Please accept my deepest sympathies."
- "My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family."
EXPERT TIP
Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
There’s no perfect thing to say. Trying to come up with the perfect words can actually add more stress to the situation for both the person offering comfort and the one receiving it. Remember, being there for someone can take many forms, and sometimes just being present is enough.
Validate their feelings of loss. Avoid comparing your own experiences to theirs. Even though you may have gone through a similar loss, it’s crucial to acknowledge that everyone’s grief is different. Refrain from saying, “I know just how you feel,” and instead, give them the space to fully experience their emotions. Here’s what you might say:
- "I can’t truly imagine what you’re going through."
- "I know I can’t fix this, but I’m here for you."
- "It’s okay to feel everything you're feeling right now."
Offer your assistance in any way you can. During the overwhelming time following a loss, your friend might feel too drained to handle everyday tasks. Grief can lead to neglecting self-care, so offering to help with practical matters can be a real blessing. Whether it’s preparing a meal, tidying up, or taking care of their pets, any gesture will show you care. Some things you can offer:
- "What would you like for dinner? I’ll cook and bring it to you!"
- "Why don’t you rest while I tidy up around here?"
- "Is there anything I can do to take a little weight off your shoulders?"
End your message by reminding them you’re always there. Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and it’s important to remind your friend that you’re available whenever they need someone. Grief can come in waves, so reassure them that it’s okay to reach out, no matter how much time has passed. Let them know they’re not a burden, whether they need to vent, cry, or just talk. Here are some ways to offer ongoing support:
- "I’ll always be here to pick up the phone for you."
- "Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to!"
- "I’ll never get tired of listening when you need to talk."
What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Lost a Parent
Avoid relying on clichés or discussing the afterlife with someone in mourning. When you’re trying to comfort a grieving friend, you might feel compelled to use a familiar phrase, but some of them can unintentionally cause more pain. Here are some phrases to steer clear of:
- “He’s in a better place now.” Unless your friend holds strong religious beliefs about the afterlife, this can come across as dismissive, as it may ignore the depth of their current loss. Instead, focus on giving your friend space to grieve rather than speculating about where their loved one might be.
- “Time heals all wounds.” While time can gradually help ease the pain of grief, it’s not a universal truth. This phrase oversimplifies the process and may not resonate with your friend, especially if the pain feels overwhelming or permanent.
- “It was God’s plan.” Unless your friend is very religious and finds solace in this view, this statement might seem insensitive. It could unintentionally make them feel like their loved one’s death was predestined, leaving them with feelings of helplessness and questioning the purpose of their grief.
- Sometimes, simply sitting in silence together can be just as meaningful as talking. After a loss, your friend may need some time to process their emotions quietly. Especially following a funeral or wake, they might prefer the quiet companionship of just sitting with you, without feeling pressured to say anything.
- Keep in touch regularly. A daily check-in doesn’t have to involve lengthy conversations or surprise visits. A simple text asking if they need anything can be incredibly supportive, allowing you to offer help or a brief distraction if they need it. This gentle outreach can make a world of difference.
