How to Overcome Awkwardness

Understand the difference between shyness, social anxiety, and awkwardness. People often use these terms interchangeably, but they are quite distinct. Shyness and anxiety can make you feel awkward, but you can also feel awkward in social situations without being shy or having social anxiety.

• Shyness is simply discomfort around others. Shy individuals may feel uneasy in certain social settings, but this usually doesn’t significantly disrupt daily life. If you’re shy, you can overcome it by challenging yourself to engage in uncomfortable situations.
• Social anxiety can feel like extreme shyness. Those with social anxiety often have an irrational fear of embarrassing themselves in social settings, which hinders their ability to function socially. If you have social anxiety, a mental health professional can help you manage it.
• Awkwardness, or feeling self-conscious around others, is the sensation that everyone is watching you, sometimes leading to embarrassment. It can happen to anyone but is most common during adolescence.

Practice self-acceptance to build confidence. When you are confident, the underlying feeling of self-consciousness tends to blend into your experiences. Instead of worrying about what others think, you can focus on enjoying the moment. Building confidence doesn’t happen overnight, but you can gradually achieve it by learning to accept yourself.

• When negative thoughts about yourself arise, try to reframe them. For example, if you feel shy in a situation, instead of criticizing yourself, view it differently: today you feel calm, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s a place for introverts in the world, just as there is for extroverts.
• Recognize that you are amazing simply because you are you. You are invaluable, even with your imperfections—after all, everyone on Earth is imperfect.

Engage in social hobbies. To feel more comfortable in social situations, consider joining a hobby that involves moderate social interaction. It could be anything you’re interested in, and it will give you the opportunity to interact with new people (even just a few). This can be helpful if you’re trying to overcome shyness or social anxiety.

• Consider taking a small class to learn a new skill, like painting or boxing. You could also join a sports team or social group to engage in activities with others.

Let go of safety behaviors used to reduce anxiety and fear when you feel scared. Many shy or socially anxious people have certain behaviors they use to protect themselves from awkwardness in social interactions. This might include looking at their phone or avoiding eye contact at a party, or drinking alcohol or taking medication to feel less awkward. If you truly want to overcome awkwardness, you need to identify these coping behaviors and let them go. The more you experience social interactions without relying on these behaviors, the easier they will become.

Recognize that anxious thoughts are not true. If you find yourself obsessing over all the bad or awkward things that could happen in your next social interaction, you need to start actively challenging those thoughts. The next time such a thought arises, ask yourself if it’s really likely to happen. Then think about why the worst-case scenario usually doesn’t occur and remind yourself of those reasons.

• For example, if you’re worried you’ll say something stupid while talking to someone you like, tell yourself that’s not true because you’re intelligent, you have interesting things to say, and you’ve planned what to talk about.

Practice communication skills. Individuals who feel socially awkward often struggle with responding appropriately during conversations. If this describes you, the best approach is to practice as much as possible. The more experience you gain by talking to different people about various topics in diverse settings, the better you'll become at navigating conversations.

• To truly overcome your fear, engage in conversations with strangers rather than clinging to friends at social gatherings.
• Feeling more confident can come from knowing who will be at an event beforehand. This is especially useful for building close business relationships. Gather as much information as possible about attendees before meeting them to plan your talking points.

Try reading novels. Those who read fiction often possess better social skills compared to readers of non-fiction. This may be because they experience a wide range of social scenarios through the perspectives of fictional characters. If you feel the need to enhance your social exposure without awkwardness, consider diving into novels.

Join a class. If you want to build confidence and improve social skills, consider enrolling in acting or improvisation classes. These classes can help you step out of your comfort zone, teach you how to handle unexpected situations quickly, and encourage you to laugh at yourself. All of this can significantly reduce social awkwardness.

Don’t be annoyed by awkwardness. While you might think that being awkward holds you back, it can actually offer some benefits. People often perceive awkward individuals as honest and harmless. Awkwardness can also be uniquely humorous. For these reasons, many find awkwardness endearing and even attractive.

• The less you worry about being awkward, the less its negative effects will impact your relationships, so just relax!

Smile more often. Smiling has been proven to make people appear more approachable and attractive. Smile while talking, walking, and in public spaces. You'll notice more people wanting to engage in conversations with you!

Maintain eye contact. Those who feel awkward often avoid eye contact, which can create an impression of disinterest or rudeness. Keeping eye contact during conversations shows genuine interest in what others are saying and helps build a connection.

Plan ahead. If you often find yourself unsure of what to say, it helps to prepare a little in advance. Create a list of topics you can use in conversations when you run out of things to discuss.

• If you're passionate about something, like cars or travel, it's a great topic to share. Conversations flow more naturally when you're genuinely interested in the subject.
• Current events are always a good starting point, so stay updated on what's happening in the world.
• Keep things light, especially when talking to strangers. Most people prefer to avoid heavy or controversial topics.

Ask open-ended questions. A great way to keep a conversation going is by asking the right kind of questions. Focus on questions that encourage longer responses, which naturally lead to follow-up questions. Instead of asking, "Do you like school?" try, "What's your favorite class?" Then you can ask, "Why do you like that class?" or "What have you learned from it?" and so on.

• Asking questions also prevents you from talking too much about yourself, which others might find unappealing.

Eliminate awkward silences. Long pauses in conversation can make people uncomfortable, especially if you're shy or have social anxiety. Remember that pauses often feel longer than they actually are, so don't let them derail the conversation.

• Don't overthink it—just keep the conversation going. Even if you change the topic entirely, it’s better than letting the silence linger.
• If you can't think of anything else to say, bring up something general, like the weather or the food at the event. Start with something simple like, "What do you think about this weather we're having?"
• Remember, silence doesn’t have to be awkward. If a few seconds pass, ask a question to re-engage. For example, if someone mentioned their trip to Prague, you could later ask, "So, you went to Prague. Did you travel anywhere else in Europe?"

Be kind to yourself. Try not to get upset if a conversation doesn’t go as planned. Let it go and move on to talk with someone else.

• Remember, you’re not alone. Everyone feels awkward sometimes. Laugh at your awkwardness and avoid taking things too seriously all the time.