Buzz
The more you immerse yourself in social media, the more life can feel like it revolves around expensive handbags, shiny cars, and flawless faces. At times, it might seem impossible to love yourself. We become insecure about who we are and what we can contribute, and fail to realize we are no different from others. However, insecurity can also be the drive you need to improve yourself. Hold on to that feeling and don’t let it fade. Face it, accept it, and you’ll be on the right path to accepting and loving yourself.
Steps
Change Your Mindset
Distinguish what is real from what is imagined. There are always two parallel realities for each person at every moment: the external reality and the internal reality. Sometimes, all you need to do is take a step back and realize that the things you create in your mind don’t affect reality. They are simply fears and anxieties taking control of you. When you feel anxious, ask yourself: is this reality or just something you created?
- Imagine your partner replies to your message with just "OK", right when you’re rambling about the amazing anniversary you’ll celebrate together the next day. In your mind, thoughts start flooding in: "Oh no, he doesn’t care. He’s not interested in me. What am I doing? Is this it? Are we breaking up?" Hold on. Do those two words "OK" really mean all that? No. That’s just your imagination. It could mean he’s busy or not in the mood, but it doesn’t mean everything is over.
- People tend to focus on the negative and see the worst in harmless situations. Paying attention to what only exists in your mind will help you gradually rid yourself of insecurity, and your wild imagination will need significant improvement.
Recognize that your insecurity is invisible. Imagine walking into a party where you don’t know anyone and feeling completely on edge. You become overwhelmed by your insecurities, wondering why you even came, and you’re sure that everyone is staring at you, noticing just how insecure you are. Wrong. Sure, they might see that you’re tense, but that’s it. No one can see the real you. Don’t let something entirely invisible hold you back from becoming the person you want to be.
- Most of us are overly concerned with the assumption that everyone can sense our emotions and can see just how insecure we are, which only makes things worse. Fortunately, this assumption is wrong. No one is judging your insecurity because no one can see it.
Believe that nothing is exactly as it appears. Have you ever heard of the woman who pretended to travel around the world, even deceiving her closest friends and family? On Facebook, she posted pictures showing her amazing adventures, but in reality, she was just at home pretending. In other words, people only show you what they want you to see – behind the scenes, it’s not so glamorous. Nothing is as it seems, no one is truly as they appear, and there’s no reason to compare your journey with someone else’s.
- As Steve Furtick said, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel." We will talk about comparison shortly, but realize you’re only watching highlight reels, not the full picture of someone’s life.
Listen to and accept your emotions. One way to fight insecurity is to simply not deny it. Along with holding you back until it erupts, insecurity also sends the message that your feelings are invalid or wrong. When you feel something is off, you can’t accept yourself. And when you can’t accept yourself, insecurity creeps in. So, accept those small feelings and experience them. They will quickly pass when you do.
- However, this doesn’t mean accepting every feeling as the truth. "I’m so fat and ugly" is something you should let yourself feel, but not believe. Acknowledge that you feel that way, then ask yourself why and do something about it.
Improve Your Self-Image
If you’re going to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to you. Again – when you look at others, you’re watching their highlight reels. Don’t do that. When you catch yourself comparing, stop. Just stop. Remind yourself that you’re looking at highlight reels, and those reels are fleeting.
- And if you need to fill the gaps in your comparisons, compare yourself to your own past. How have you grown? What new skills do you have now that you didn’t before? How have you become a better person? What have you learned? After all, in the race of life, you are your greatest competitor.
Make a list of all your positive qualities. Seriously. Grab a piece of paper, a pen (or your phone), and write them down. What do you like about yourself? Is it a talent? A physical feature? A personality trait?
- If you can’t think of anything (you’re not alone), ask a few close friends or family members what they appreciate about you. There are numerous studies suggesting that others often see our strengths more clearly than we do ourselves.
- When you’re feeling like a total failure, refer to this list or recall its contents. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude, and your insecurities will soon fade. You can even find self-affirmation lists online to use when you can’t think of any positive traits.
Take care of your body, space, and time. To truly love yourself, your mind needs tangible proof that you’re taking care of yourself. If someone treats you badly, you won’t believe they love you, and the same goes for the way you treat yourself. Remember the following:
- Take care of your body. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, and regularly keep your health at 100%. This is the bare minimum.
- Take care of your space. If you live surrounded by piles of snack bags and clutter, you’ll never be prepared to face the world. Also, consider your mental space. Practice meditation, yoga, or find other ways to keep your mind stress-free.
- Take care of your time. In other words, make time to A) relax, and B) do something you love. With these two actions, happiness will follow – overcoming this is one of the biggest hurdles to self-acceptance.
Set boundaries for yourself. Hopefully, you treat yourself kindly and know how to treat yourself, but what about others? Define your boundaries – in other words, what will you accept and what won’t you tolerate? What crosses the line of what you consider "okay"? Why is this so important? Because you have rights and you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated. You just need to know how you want to be treated.
- A good example is how long you’ll wait for a friend who is late. You might set a rule that you won’t wait longer than 30 minutes. If they snooze the alarm, you won’t wait any longer. After all, your time is incredibly valuable – you are valuable. If they don’t respect that, they’re disrespecting you. And if they respect you, they’ll be on time.
When in doubt, fake it. "Fake it till you make it" isn’t just a cheesy saying. In fact, science shows that this phrase works. Pretending to be confident convinces others that you’re more self-assured and capable than you really feel, and you’ll get more opportunities and better results as a result. So, if you need a bit more confidence, rely on your acting skills. No one will notice.
- Not sure where to start? Pay attention to your whole body and relax any tense muscles. When we’re stressed, our bodies stiffen up. Relaxing your muscles signals to your mind and the people around you that you are calm and composed.
Action
Begin collecting your confidence-building materials. Use your phone or a small notebook to jot down every compliment you've received. Every single one. When you need a little motivation boost (or when you have a few spare moments), go through what you've written. By the end, you'll feel incredible.
- It’s easy to focus on the negative, especially if you tend to be naturally self-critical. When we lack confidence, everything around us seems negative, and compliments fade into the background. Writing down those compliments helps bring them back to the forefront and makes them tangible. Self-love follows naturally as a result.
Spend time with people who make you feel amazing. Unfortunately, our self-perception is often influenced by those around us. If you’re surrounded by negativity, it’s easy to become negative. If you're surrounded by happy people, you’ll likely feel happier yourself. So, stick close to those who make you feel great about yourself. Why would you do otherwise?
- Along with that, it’s time to remove those who don’t help you love yourself. Seriously. If you're surrounded by people who don't lift you up, it’s time to let them go. You deserve better. Ending a toxic friendship may be tough, but it’s totally worth it when you notice how much better you feel afterward.
Find a job you truly enjoy. Work consumes so much of our lives. If you're stuck in a career that you hate, feeling miserable every day, the subconscious message you're sending to yourself is that you're not capable and you don't deserve anything better. If this sounds like your situation, try to change it. We're aiming for your happiness.
- Also, your job may be keeping you from your true passion. Imagine if you had more time to do what makes you happy – how would that feel? Absolutely amazing. When you have a clear sense of purpose, it becomes easier to feel confident and love yourself.
Confront obstacles and pain. Do you remember when we talked about "feeling your emotions" earlier? When you acknowledge them, you’ll be able to face them and find their source. What about you or your situation prevents you from genuinely being happy and loving yourself? Is it your weight? Your appearance? Something about your personality? Your position in life? How someone treated you in the past?
- Once you've identified the issue, you can take action. If it's your weight that bothers you, let it be the motivation to get fit and feel better about yourself. If it's your social standing, you can make changes to achieve more success. Whatever it is, use it to your advantage. It could be the exact push you need to improve. Who knew insecurity could be so useful?!
Change what you cannot accept. People often say to accept what you can’t change, but the other part of that phrase is to change what you cannot accept. Can’t accept your appearance? Do something about it. Can’t accept your career path? Change direction. Can’t accept how you’re being treated? End the relationship. You have a surprisingly powerful ability – you just need to use it.
- Yes, it will be hard. Losing weight isn’t easy. Changing jobs is equally tough. Breaking up with a toxic partner is unpleasant. But these things are all achievable. It will be challenging at first, but in the long run, you’ll be in a much better place. A place of confidence and self-love.
Advice
- Always stay true to yourself, no matter what. Remember to smile and speak words of love to yourself.
- Just because your friends are different from you doesn't mean you need to change to be like them.
- Keep your head held high at all times.
- To get through the toughest moments, think about the best times you've had and imagine how you'd feel in those moments.
- Flash a smile! It will make you more approachable and also strengthen your confidence.
- If you have something others don't, like two widely spaced front teeth, don't hide it by refusing to smile—embrace it! Learn to love your uniqueness.
- Do something that makes you feel embarrassed. The more comfortable you are doing it, the more confident you'll become.
- Take time to get to know yourself. This is a crucial step, though it may feel uncomfortable. You can start by enjoying your own company in peace and quiet.
- Get closer to your family and friends.
- Exercise and become healthier; this will boost your mood. This action impacts not just your appearance, but your inner self too.
