How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

We all encounter moments of self-doubt, whether now or at some point in the future; it's a natural response that helps us assess whether our bold actions will lead to success or failure. Imagine having to decide whether to jump across the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle—at that moment, self-doubt is actually a virtue. However, in everyday life, being overly self-conscious to the point of avoiding even simple actions, like speaking openly with friends, can limit your ability to enjoy life. Life is constantly changing, and the stable aspects of today can easily crumble or vanish tomorrow. But if you empower yourself, you can always rebuild, rise above, keep moving forward with determination, and find happiness wherever you go. Follow Step 1 to start your journey toward overcoming self-doubt.

Practice Objectivity. If you feel like you can’t achieve something, step outside of yourself for a moment and imagine being a completely different person. Think about what advice you would offer someone else in your shoes. For example, if you're nervous about going to a party where you don’t know many people or attending a job interview, imagine the guidance you’d share with someone facing the same situation. By viewing things this way, you'll realize there's nothing to fear, and you'll succeed by fully committing to what you're doing.

Write About Your Fears. Write down everything that worries you, and all the factors that make you feel incapable of achieving anything. Reread them and ask yourself how many of these are reasonable, and how many are just products of negative thinking. Take time to really reflect on the root causes of your fears—whether it's the fear of looking foolish, disappointing your parents, or not living the life you’ve dreamed of. Consider how many of your fears you can handle, and how many positive solutions you can come up with for all of your worries.

• Fear of failure or the fear of appearing poorly is completely natural. Everyone, at some point, experiences such fears. However, it’s not natural to feel like you can't accomplish anything just because anxiety is holding you back.

Remember Your Past Successes. Instead of focusing on moments when you embarrassed yourself, failed at something, or looked foolish, take time to reflect on times when you excelled. Think about the achievements you were proud of in school, the wonderful friendships you’ve maintained, or when your sense of humor had an entire group laughing. The more you remember those great moments, the more confident you’ll feel and the more of them you’ll create in the future.

• Writing down each of your successes immediately after they happen can also help. Keep a success journal on your desk and fill it with accomplishments and happy memories. Whenever you feel like you’re unable to do anything right, read through this list and remember how amazing and capable you are.

Ask Yourself, "What’s the Worst That Could Happen?" And be honest with your answer. If you have a new haircut and some people don’t like it, it’s not the end of the world. If you really hate the haircut, don’t worry—your hair will grow back. Don’t let silly worries stop you from trying something new. When you realize that the worst-case scenario isn’t as bad as it seems, you’ll feel more empowered and ready to take risks.

• If you're unsure whether your answer is reasonable or not, share it with someone you trust who has strong intuition. They’ll help you understand whether the worst-case scenario is something real or just an exaggerated fear.

Now Ask Yourself, "What’s the Best That Could Happen?" This is something that people with low self-esteem rarely do. Let’s say you’re nervous about a first date with someone you’ve been set up with. The best thing that could happen is that the two of you immediately hit it off, begin a meaningful relationship, and both are satisfied. That’s definitely a reason to go on the date, isn’t it? While the best thing doesn’t always happen, considering it allows you to approach situations with a more positive mindset.

• Before trying something new, you could write down the best things that could happen, or the top three possibilities, so they don’t fade from your mind when you dive into the experience.

Remember Your Positive Qualities. To maintain confidence, you need to think about the positive qualities you possess. Make a list of everything you love about yourself, from your friendliness to your intelligence, and reflect on them when interacting with others. People with low self-esteem tend to focus only on their worst traits, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction with who they are.

• If you only focus on the negative aspects of yourself, you'll keep dwelling on them and forget about your positive qualities. If you’ve been overly critical of yourself for a long time, it may initially be difficult to come up with things you value about yourself.

Practice Positive Self-Talk. Recognizing negative self-talk is difficult, especially if it’s been your habit for a long time. If you’ve always told yourself that you're a loser, a failure, and that you can't do anything right, you will likely continue feeling this way. Instead, practice speaking to yourself about your positive traits so that you can approach tasks with a healthy mindset and a desire to succeed.

• An effective exercise to make positive self-talk easier and to stop harshly criticizing yourself is to counter each negative thought with two genuinely positive statements about yourself. They don’t have to be related.
  • For example, if you burn your tongue because you didn’t wait long enough for your coffee to cool down and mutter to yourself, “You idiot! That was such a dumb move,” immediately remind yourself, “But I’m pretty good at tennis, and I have a great sense of humor.” It might sound strange, but you’re changing your attitude by complimenting yourself.

Ask Yourself Why You Say No to Yourself. Say yes more often. Instead of listing all the reasons to say no to a new experience, consider the possibilities that could happen if you say yes. Even if not every answer makes sense, saying yes could bring unexpected and fresh outcomes. If you experience some discomfort after saying yes to something new, you’ll recover and gain valuable experience. At least, compared to saying no, you’ll feel positive about being open and willing to try something new.

• Imagine a casual acquaintance from your music class approaches you and says they want to start a band, and the band would love to have you join. Your automatic response might be, “No way, I’ve never been in a band, and you don’t seem to know how to make a band successful—besides, I’m not a musician and I don’t have time because of school and...”
  • With this mindset, before anything even starts, you’ve already limited yourself by not considering the potential of the idea. You could’ve made friends with this person and their friends, had a fun experience, and created a new story to tell. Just say yes and see where it leads.

Nurture Your Relationships. Pay attention to your friends and how they interact with others, themselves, and you. If you start noticing that most of your friends are in the habit of criticizing, daily commenting on others’ clothes, body types, decisions, speech, or attitudes, you may want to seek out friends who are less judgmental. Try to find people who speak positively about others and avoid making snap judgments.

• It’s fine to have a few negative friends, but when you're surrounded by negativity—even if it’s not directed at you—you still feel the effects. Even if your friends are criticizing someone else’s silly haircut that you like, you’ll start doubting your own opinions and lose confidence.

Be More Tolerant of Others. Try not to judge others too quickly. Attempting to make someone else feel inferior may seem like it elevates you, but in reality, every time you put someone down, you’re criticizing an aspect of yourself and lowering your own self-worth. Instead, lift others up. Not only will you increase your chances of making friends and forming meaningful relationships, but you’ll also raise yourself up in the process.

• When you find yourself criticizing someone’s failure or decision, ask yourself why you’re doing so. If your first thought is 'because they’re wrong,' dig deeper. Why is it wrong? In what context? Is it possible that your culture or upbringing has shaped this judgment?
• Is there anyone from a different country or culture who might feel the same way as you? Just because someone does something differently than you or lives in a way you wouldn’t choose doesn’t necessarily mean they’re doing something wrong.

Do Something You Enjoy Every Day. It doesn’t have to be dangerous—just visit a part of the city you’ve never been to before and check out a random store. See what you find there. Strike up a conversation with the shopkeeper. The more new and exciting experiences you have, the easier it will be to embrace life rather than fear new things or unfamiliar people. If you know you can do something fun each day, you’ll stop thinking that everything you try will end in failure.

• If you're self-conscious about your appearance, visit an unusual clothing store and try on clothes that you know don't suit your style. Laugh at the image you see in the mirror. You might even find something that suits you after all. If not, you’ll still have your familiar clothes, and they won’t seem as strange as before. The key is to try new things as often as you can!

Identify the Defects You Can Change. If you dislike your freckles or your voice, there's not much you can do about it. For the flaws that are unchangeable, gradually accept them. However, for the traits you can change—such as becoming easily stressed, lacking compassion, or not being persuasive enough—you need to take the necessary steps to address them. We’re all born with certain tendencies, and it’s hard to transform yourself entirely, but you can surely improve changeable qualities in a positive direction.

• If you take action to improve what you don’t like about yourself, you’re on the right path to feeling more confident in the future.
• No one says it’s easy to identify what you want to change and then actually make those changes. But it’s still better than constantly complaining about things you dislike about yourself without doing anything to fix them.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others. One of the most effective ways to feel insecure is to compare yourself to others you know, or even those you see on TV. When you do this, you’re bound to make yourself feel inadequate, poor, unsuccessful, and full of many other common insecurities simply because you think you're not measuring up to someone else. Instead, focus on what makes your own life better according to your standards, not someone else’s.

• If you try hard enough, you’ll always find people who are healthier, wealthier, and smarter than you. However, the reality is that there are also many people who wish they could be like you in some way. As the saying goes, 'The grass is always greener on the other side,' the person you think has everything perfect might also be wishing they were someone else.

Talk to a Close Friend. One way to overcome insecurity is to talk about it with a close friend. Being with someone who knows and understands you will provide an unbiased perspective, and you’ll see that your fears or worries are completely irrational. A good friend will make you feel better, remind you that you can achieve your goals, and dispel the negativity or doubt that surrounds your life.

• Sometimes, simply talking about something can solve half the problem. You might feel worse if you bottle up your insecurities inside.

Strive to excel at something. If you want to feel better about yourself, one way to achieve this is by becoming skilled at something. It could be dancing, writing short stories, drawing, telling jokes, or even becoming proficient in learning a foreign language. It doesn't matter what it is; what matters is that you've dedicated enough time and effort to something you can confidently say, 'Hey, I’m really good at this.' Pushing yourself to succeed and committing to doing it regularly will definitely help you feel better about yourself.

• To clarify, don't aim to become the best football player or the quickest student in math class just to impress others. Do it because it will make you proud of yourself.

Learn to laugh at yourself. People who lack confidence often take themselves too seriously. They're constantly afraid of failure or embarrassing themselves. In contrast, more confident individuals are those with a sense of humor who understand that everyone does something embarrassing at times. They accept that they’ll mess up occasionally, and that's completely fine. You need to learn how to laugh at yourself and make jokes when things don't go as planned, instead of stressing about needing to appear perfect at all times. Life will feel much lighter when you face each day with more laughter and less anxiety about perfection.

• This doesn't mean you should belittle yourself or make fun of yourself all the time. It simply means treating yourself with more kindness and compassion. When you can laugh at yourself, others will feel more at ease around you, knowing they don't have to worry about upsetting you, and you'll feel more comfortable with yourself too.

Absorb as much information as possible. One reason for a lack of confidence is the fear of uncertainty. You don't know what to expect at a party, in a new class, or on a trip where you don't know many people. When you can't predict what's going to happen in a specific situation, you can help yourself feel better by gathering as much information as you can, so you feel more in control. This will help you feel more certain about the upcoming event.

• For example, if you're about to attend a party, try to find out who will be there, what activities will take place, what the dress code is, and so on, so you'll have a better sense of what to expect.
• If you're worried about a presentation, make sure you know the number of attendees, what the presentation room will look like, whether anyone else is speaking, and other similar details, so you won’t be caught off guard by unknown factors.

Remember that you're never alone. You may feel like you're the only person in the world doubting yourself or thinking you're not worthy of measuring up to anyone. However, you need to remember that everyone feels insecure at some point, even the most successful supermodels or entrepreneurs. Self-doubt is a part of life, and once you stop feeling insecure about your insecurities, you're already on the path to feeling better! Everyone has their own sources of self-doubt, and your doubts are completely normal. Recognizing this will guide you toward a more positive mindset.

• Pick a hobby or activity that you find exciting and practice it as much as possible. It could be a solo activity or something you do with a group. Even if you're not great at it when you start, or if after a while you don't feel like an expert, you're still creating a new aspect of yourself. And if you do this with a group, you're building relationships. Regularly engaging in sports, walking, knitting, reading, photography, drawing, playing an instrument, collecting insects, learning a language, or volunteering in your community are all great ideas.
• If someone criticizes you, take a moment to think objectively - “Is there truth to what they’re saying? Have they considered it from multiple perspectives? Do they understand your viewpoint? Are they offering solutions, or just making you feel inferior?” Try to see things from their perspective.
• When you feel embarrassed, laugh at yourself and try to stay cheerful. Becoming angry or silent for a long time will only ruin the opportunity to enjoy what you're doing and will keep you upset. If you laugh, you’ll move past it and keep yourself in a good mood.
• Help others, even with the 'simple' things – It boosts your confidence and earns you respect. Working together brings motivation and joy. Make others, and yourself, feel that you are needed.

• Confidence takes time to develop and can fluctuate greatly. It may take years for you to realize that you've changed. Keep believing that you're evolving and do your best.