How to Overcome Social Anxiety Syndrome

Some people may experience significant difficulty when attempting to interact with colleagues, often feeling nervous or fearful. If this sounds familiar, you may be dealing with social anxiety or social phobia. There are many steps you can take to better cope with these daily social interactions.

Confront negative thoughts. Social anxiety can lead to negative self-talk when faced with social situations. You might think: 'I look like a fool' or 'I'm embarrassing myself.' The first step to overcoming these thoughts is to recognize them when they arise in your mind. Understanding the root cause of social anxiety can help you overcome it.

• Stop yourself when such thoughts come up and remind yourself: 'No, I don't look like a fool. I am strong, and I will get through this.'

Check the reality of your fears. After facing and identifying your thoughts, analyze your fears. Try writing down negative thoughts alongside positive ones.

• Ask yourself about your negative thoughts. For example, 'Am I really embarrassing myself?' or 'How can I know if I'm messing up the presentation?'. Follow up with the question 'If I mess up, will it be the end of the world?' A reasonable answer to these questions is that it’s unlikely you’ll embarrass yourself or ruin everything. Even if you make a mistake, remember that you're human, just like everyone else around you, even experts make mistakes.

Stop unrealistic predictions. People often make the mistake of making unrealistic predictions when dealing with social anxiety. You can’t predict what will happen in the future. If you try, you'll only envision the worst-case scenario without considering the present situation. This only creates unnecessary anxiety.

• Remember that you have the power to change your exaggerated thoughts. For example, if you’re attending a wedding, focus on the fact that you won’t be the center of attention.
• Imagine yourself at the wedding, chatting confidently with others, and feeling comfortable.

Recognize that not everyone is judging you. Social anxiety often arises from the belief that everyone around you is evaluating you. If that's the case, take a step back and you’ll realize that most people aren’t even noticing you. And if they are focused on you, they’re likely not having the negative thoughts you assume.

• Don’t try to read other people’s minds. You can’t know what they’re thinking. Also, they don’t see your flaws as you think they do.
• Use social situations as opportunities to practice changing your negative thoughts about yourself and stop assuming others are judging you.

Understand that everyone feels anxious. You’re not the only one feeling anxious in social situations. Over 12% of the population faces this issue, and the number continues to rise.

• Realizing this can help you recognize that you're feeling the same as those around you. You’re not alone in your fear. People also experience anxiety; remember that this can help you understand that others won’t criticize or judge you if they see you’re nervous.

Understand that you need practice to overcome the problem. Overcoming social anxiety won’t happen overnight; you need persistence and a lot of practice. You’re learning new behaviors, new thought patterns, and new social skills. All of these need practice. However, you will gradually master these new skills and begin to overcome or control your anxiety.

Shift your focus. One way to reduce anxiety is to stop focusing on the social situation itself. Try to pay attention to your surroundings, the conversation, and connect with the people around you.

• Start by understanding that while you might focus on how others think of you, they are not paying attention to you as much as you believe. If you say or do something embarrassing, others likely won’t notice, and even if they do, they will quickly forget.
• Try focusing on other things when you notice physical symptoms in social situations. People rarely notice the physical symptoms of anxiety or nervousness. Instead, focus on your experience in the situation, like listening to music, savoring food, or engaging in other activities like art or dancing.
• Most people also feel anxious in social situations just like you. They’re busy focusing on themselves.

Take small steps. Make a list of the 10 situations that make you feel anxious. Rank them, placing the most stressful ones at the top. Start with the least stressful ones and gradually face each situation that causes anxiety.

• Wait until you feel more comfortable with one situation before moving to a more stressful one. You want to reduce anxiety, not intensify it.
• It might take time to complete this list, and that’s perfectly fine. You might not even get to number 10. But if you manage to work through numbers 1 to 7, you will have made significant progress in overcoming social anxiety.
• If you find it difficult to manage this anxiety on your own, seek help from a mental health professional, who can support you as you work through each fear on your list.

Set meaningful goals for yourself. Overcoming social anxiety may seem like an abstract process. How can you know if your condition has improved? Just putting yourself in a few social situations isn’t enough. That may be step 1, but you need to continue working to have more interactions. Set goals for yourself each time you engage socially. As you achieve these goals, you’ll begin to notice progress and improvements in yourself.

• Start by having a conversation with someone you interact with regularly, such as a colleague, classmate, or someone else you see often. You could comment on the weather, homework, a work project, or a previous meeting. Begin by setting a goal to speak with one person once a week, then increase this to every day or talk to several people in one day.
• Set a goal to contribute to class or meetings. Don’t worry about what others think. Focus on the fact that you’ve done it. That’s progress.
• If you’re part of a group, challenge yourself to contribute at least three points during the conversation.
• Invite someone out for dinner. They could be a friend or a romantic partner. Don’t stress over their answer – just focus on the fact that you’ve made the decision and invited them.
• This helps you focus on the task and your goal, not on anxiety. The goal here is to control the situation. You know you can control what you do, what you say, and what you ask. You can’t control others, so don’t worry about them.
• You can even practice with friends at home about what you will do or say in social situations.

Relax. Try training yourself to stop worrying about social situations. Instead, focus on relaxing. Anxiety and stress about what you’re worried about will only make it harder when you actually enter the situation.

• Think about the situation while you’re relaxing. Take a warm bath, wrap yourself in a blanket, or listen to your favorite song. Think about the upcoming event. Since you're in a comfortable environment and your mind is at ease, you’ll feel better about the event ahead.
• Imagine being in that situation, feeling comfortable and confident. Thinking positively about the situation can help you overcome negative thoughts.

Practice deep breathing. Deep breathing is a fantastic technique for managing anxiety during or before social situations. It helps reduce physical anxiety symptoms, many of which stem from shallow breathing. Practice this exercise daily to build a habit and apply it naturally when you find yourself in a stressful situation.

• Breathe from your belly, not your chest. To practice, lie on the floor or sit upright in a chair. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. As you inhale, the hand on your belly will move while the one on your chest stays almost still.
• Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose. Hold for a count of 7. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 8. Gently contract your abdominal muscles to push all the air out of your lungs. This step is very important.
• Perform deep breathing five times. Try one deep breath for 10 seconds.

Seek support from friends and family. Talking to loved ones about your struggles is incredibly important. A good friend or family member can encourage and help you face your fears. Ask them to support you as you gain the courage to try new things.

• Ask family or friends to accompany you to places that make you anxious. Occasionally going to new places with someone you trust can help ease your anxiety.
• Make sure you rely on friends or family members who are empathetic, positive, and encouraging. If they are negative, put you down, lecture, or criticize you, seek support from someone else.

Socialize more. Although you may feel scared when putting yourself in social situations, it’s important to seek them out. The more you avoid something, the more it controls your mind. Anxiety increases until it becomes what you fear most. The more familiar you become with something, the less you fear it, and it has less of an impact on you.

• Try creating your own space. You feel anxious because something is unfamiliar. Visit a restaurant, a place in the city, or a gym. Go for a walk. Begin to familiarize yourself with it. Once you start getting comfortable with a place, you’ll feel more at ease. Plus, you can notice your surroundings and start interacting with others.
• Be with someone else. You don’t have to do this alone. Go to an event with a friend or family member. Start with small things like attending a free class at a community center, signing up at a gym, volunteering, or joining a meetup group and attending a meeting.

Join a club, organization, or group related to one of your hobbies or skills. Finding people who share your interests can help you interact with more people. Clubs and groups provide an ideal environment for social integration, which helps with your anxiety. It’s easier to push yourself to engage in conversation when you don’t feel out of place in a crowd.

Focus on the conversation. When you are in a social situation, try to focus on the conversation instead of your own worries. This will help you connect with others and give you an opportunity to engage in the discussion. If you start to worry about how you're coming across to others, pause and redirect your attention to the present moment. You need to contribute more to the conversation when it feels natural.

• Focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on past events.

Practice patience. When you find yourself in an anxiety-inducing situation, try to practice patience. At first, you may feel like you can’t tolerate the anxiety, but it tends to lessen the longer you stay in the situation. Try to endure until the anxiety reduces by half. It could take about 30 minutes, but sometimes it subsides quickly.

• Some social situations happen quickly, like saying hello or chatting casually. While it may bring anxiety as you wait to move past it, you will eventually feel at ease talking to someone.

Observe and listen when in a large group. Group situations can provide an excellent opportunity for practice. You can engage and be around others without being the center of attention. There will be multiple people contributing to the conversation, so don’t feel pressured to speak up. Try to relax and look around the room to see if others are paying attention to you or if they are comfortable with their friends.

• When the opportunity arises to share something meaningful that you think others will appreciate, go ahead and speak. You will do well.
• This is a great place to set personal goals. Start by deciding to say one thing during the conversation and gradually increase as you become more comfortable.

Remember that most people aren’t focused on your mistakes. Most people don’t notice imperfections. They focus on the good things that people do and say. Be confident in this knowledge and showcase your positive qualities. Be yourself. Most people will feel comfortable with you around.

• Those who dwell on mistakes often do so because they lack self-esteem. If they judge you, you probably wouldn’t want to be around them anyway.

Be friendly and kind. People enjoy being around those who make them feel happy, and kindness is an easy way to bring joy to others. Offer genuine compliments, make eye contact, show interest, and smile. Anything you can do to brighten someone’s day is a strength you possess.

Consult a doctor. If you believe you are experiencing social anxiety disorder, consider seeing a doctor. A doctor will work with you to ensure that your examination is as comfortable and reassuring as possible. Some doctors may discuss your condition over the phone, while others will schedule an appointment before or after working hours. Speak with your doctor to take the first steps toward improving your social anxiety.

Consider therapy. If your social anxiety is so severe that you cannot manage it on your own, consider seeking professional counseling. Therapy is often a proven method for overcoming social anxiety. A specialist may guide you through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), helping you change how you think, act, and react in social situations. This approach will gradually reduce your anxiety and fear.

• CBT teaches you how to manage physical symptoms through relaxation and breathing techniques, replace negative thoughts with more balanced ones, and gradually face social situations.

Join a therapy group. In some group therapy settings, you can experience Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as part of a group. This therapy may include role-playing, social skills training, acting, video recordings, and mock interviews. These exercises are designed to help you confront real-life anxiety-inducing situations and prepare for them.

Join a support group. A support group differs from a therapy group in that it focuses on providing the emotional support you need during recovery. It can help you feel less isolated and anxious. You can find local support groups in your area.

• Try using self-help methods based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, such as Joyable. https://joyable.com/. This app combines cognitive strategies, education, and a personal coach to help you overcome social anxiety.

Take medication. Sometimes, medication is used to reduce the symptoms of social anxiety, but it doesn't cure them. Once you stop taking the medication, symptoms like anxiety may return. Medication is typically used in combination with therapy and self-help methods.

• Common medications include Beta-blockers, which help with physical symptoms of anxiety, antidepressants, and mild tranquilizers like benzodiazepines.

• Take things one step at a time.
• Be positive.
• Be yourself.
• Failure is inevitable. It happens to everyone, so don't dwell on it. Remember, you're learning. Think about ways you can do better next time.
• Find people who align with you. Choose those who make you happy, rather than those who seem popular but unenthusiastic.
• Relax. They are only human, and there are over 7 billion people in the world.
• There are social anxiety support groups. If there's one near you, gather the courage to join. You'll meet kind people who genuinely want to connect with you.

• Don’t avoid things. Every time you avoid an event, person, or situation, you're letting social anxiety take control. You’ll feel proud of yourself and more confident in social situations. The more you avoid an uncomfortable situation, the worse it becomes.
• Don’t stress over people disliking you. Everyone has someone who doesn't like them.
• Don’t get discouraged. Cultivate perseverance and patience, as the rewards will eventually be worth all the effort and courage you’ve put in.