How to Overcome Sorrow

Crying. Some research suggests that crying can have a relaxing effect by releasing endorphins, a natural chemical in the human body that brings feelings of comfort. Crying may also activate the sympathetic nervous system, helping your body overcome stress and trauma.

• Many studies suggest that crying is an effective coping mechanism because it allows you to share your pain with others. It can also encourage others to show support.
• Media widely reports the views of Dr. William Frey, who claims that crying helps eliminate toxins from the body. While this might be true, the amount of toxins removed through crying is minimal, as most tears are absorbed back into the nasal passages.
• One study found that whether you feel better after crying depends on your belief about crying. If your culture (or even your family) sees crying as shameful, you might not feel relief after crying.
• Don’t cry if you don’t feel like it. While it is often said that not crying after a painful event is bad for your health, this is not necessarily the case. Crying just because you feel you should may actually make it harder to recover.

Exercise. Numerous studies have demonstrated that physical activity helps the body release endorphins and other chemicals that can combat sorrow. One study found that participants who engaged in moderate exercise for 10 weeks felt more energized, optimistic, and calm compared to those who did not exercise. Moreover, exercise has even greater benefits for those experiencing depression.

• Exercise also provides you with time to focus on a specific goal. This can help distract your mind from your sorrow.
• You don’t need to run a marathon or spend all day at the gym to reap the benefits of exercise. Even light activities like gardening or walking can have positive effects.

Smile. Many studies have proven that smiling, even when you’re feeling down, can help improve your mood. The Duchenne smile, which involves the eye muscles and corners of the mouth, has the most positive impact on your mood. So, if you're feeling sad, try smiling. At first, it may feel forced, but it will help you feel more optimistic.

• Conversely, research shows that frowning when upset seems to make people feel more frustrated than those who don’t frown (or can’t frown).

Listen to Music. Music can soothe and help you relax. The reason you want to listen to music is just as important as the type of music you choose. Listening to 'beautiful but sad' melodies from your favorite classical music can help you overcome sorrow.

• Using music to reminisce about sad memories is not a great idea. Choosing music that you enjoy is the most effective way to lighten your mood.
• If your sorrow is causing you stress, you can search for playlists titled 'the most relaxing music in the world' curated by the UK’s Sound Therapy Institute, based on scientific research. These tracks include music by Enya, Airstream, Marconi Union, and Coldplay.

Take a Shower or Soak in a Warm Bath. Research has proven that physical warmth can make people feel more comfortable. A warm bath will help you relax and can also ease the feeling of sadness.

Recognize your feelings. Sadness is a natural emotion and can even be healthy. Some studies suggest that experiencing mixed and negative emotions is crucial for mental well-being. Research has also shown that avoiding or suppressing emotions often intensifies these negative feelings.

• Try to understand your emotions without judgment. You might easily think, 'This is nothing, why should I be upset about it?' Instead, accept your true feelings. This will allow you to take control of them.

Distract yourself. Research indicates that dwelling on sadness hinders your ability to heal. Distracting yourself from sorrow can help you move past it.

• Find enjoyable activities to engage in. Doing things you like can help ease your sadness, even if you don’t feel like it at first. Go for a walk, take a painting class, try a new hobby, or learn to play the guitar. Allow yourself to do whatever interests you.
• Interact with friends. Spending time with loved ones can trigger the release of oxytocin in your body. Go to the movies, grab a coffee, or go on a blind date. Studies also show that isolating yourself from others can worsen symptoms of depression, including feelings of sadness.

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves being aware of your experiences and accepting them without judgment, including your own emotions. Studies have shown that practicing mindfulness can actually change how your brain responds to sadness. It can also help you recover more quickly.

• Mindfulness can help you avoid ruminating on your sorrow by focusing on the present moment.

Try meditation. A popular form of mindfulness practice is meditation. Many studies have found that mindfulness meditation can reduce the brain’s response to emotional triggers.

• Mindfulness meditation also helps soothe symptoms of depression and anxiety.
• A basic mindfulness session lasts around 15 minutes. Find a quiet and comfortable place. Sit cross-legged on the floor or on a chair. Relax your clothes and make sure you’re comfortable.
• Focus on a part of your breath, such as your chest rising and falling, or the sensation of air passing through your nose. Direct your attention to these sensations.
• Slowly inhale through your nose, allowing your stomach to relax and expand as you fill your lungs. Then slowly exhale through your mouth.
• Continue breathing this way as you expand your focus. Pay attention to your sensations, such as the feeling of clothes on your skin or the rhythm of your heartbeat.
• Be aware of these sensations without judging them. If you get distracted, return your focus to your breath.

Practice yoga or tai chi. Yoga and tai chi have been proven to reduce stress and improve mood. These effects may be due to the emphasis on 'self-awareness' in these practices. Many studies show that yoga and tai chi can reduce both physical and emotional pain.

• Joining classes with others can provide more relief than practicing alone.

Identify the causes of grief. Grief is the feeling of sadness that arises when you lose something or someone important to you. Everyone experiences grief differently, but generally, it is a natural reaction to loss. Some common forms of loss include:

• Loss of a loved one, such as a friend, family member, or partner
• Learning that a loved one has a terminal illness
• The end of a relationship
• Loss of a pet
• Leaving home or moving to a new place
• Losing a job or business
• Loss of valuable or sentimental possessions
• Loss of physical functions

Recognize natural grief reactions. Everyone responds to grief and loss in their own unique way. There is no ‘right’ way to grieve. Some common reactions to loss include:

• Denial. It can be hard to accept the reality that the loss has occurred. You might think, 'This didn’t happen,' or 'This doesn’t happen to someone like me.'
• Confusion. After a loss, you may find it hard to focus on anything. You might forget things easily and struggle to express your thoughts and feelings.
• Numbness. You may experience emotional numbness in the early stages of grief. This may be the brain's way of helping you avoid being overwhelmed.
• Anxiety. A natural feeling after a loss, especially if it was sudden, is restlessness, unease, or worry.
• Relief. This feeling may make you feel guilty, but it is a natural response. You might feel relief if a loved one who has suffered from a long illness is finally at peace. Don’t blame yourself for this feeling.
• Clinical symptoms. You may experience various physical symptoms after a loss, such as shortness of breath, headaches, nausea, fatigue, and exhaustion. You might have trouble sleeping or sleep excessively.

Don’t judge your feelings. It is common for people who have lost material possessions or a pet to feel embarrassed, as if they 'shouldn’t' be grieving these losses. Avoid thoughts of ‘should’ or ‘should not’ and accept your pain. It is never wrong to grieve over the loss of something precious to you.

• Some studies have shown that the death of a pet can be as painful as losing a family member.
• The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) offers a 'Pet Loss Hotline'. They can provide support for issues such as knowing when to make the decision to humanely euthanize a terminally ill pet, how to cope with the grief, and how to care for a new pet. Their number is 1-877-GRIEF-10.

Understand the stages of grief. Most people experience five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Not everyone experiences these stages in order. For many, grief forms a cycle through these stages and gradually lessens over time.

• These stages are not a set rule. You shouldn’t treat them as a guide for yourself. Instead, use them as a way to recognize how you’re feeling and how to cope with it. Never regret the way you grieve.
• These stages may not occur in a linear way. You may experience multiple stages simultaneously, or some stages may not happen at all. There’s no ‘normal’ way to grieve. Each person’s experience of loss is natural and unique to them.

Recognizing Denial. Denial is often one of the first reactions to loss or bad news. It frequently manifests as a feeling of numbness. Denial may include thoughts like 'This isn’t real,' 'I can’t accept this,' or even 'I’m fine, really.'

• A common thought during denial is wishing it were 'just a dream.'
• Don't confuse feelings of numbness or shock with 'not caring.' Denial is a defense mechanism the brain uses to protect you from stress while you adjust to the new reality. You may deeply care about someone, yet still react with denial or numbness.

Recognizing Anger. Anger is another common reaction to loss. It might show up as thoughts like 'This is so unfair,' or 'Why did this happen to me?' You may look for someone or something to blame for your loss. Anger often arises when you feel out of control in a situation, and it’s also a typical response when you feel threatened.

• Talking to a grief counselor or joining a support group can be incredibly helpful when you’re dealing with anger. It can be difficult to manage this emotion alone. It’s important to speak with someone who doesn’t judge your anger but helps you work through it.

Recognizing Guilt. Thoughts and feelings of guilt can arise at some point after a loss. These feelings often involve thoughts about what you 'could have done' to prevent the loss from happening. You might feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and even imagine going back in time to change things to avoid the pain.

• Seeking help during this stage is crucial. You can’t overcome feelings of guilt or heal alone. Talking to a mental health professional or joining a grief support group can provide the necessary assistance.

Recognizing Depression. Depression is a very common response to loss. It might be short-lived for some, but for others, it can take a long time to heal. It’s important to seek professional mental health support when dealing with depression. If left untreated, depression can worsen. Symptoms of depression include:

• Fatigue
• Sleep disturbances
• Feelings of guilt, helplessness, or worthlessness
• Feelings of fear or sadness
• Feeling detached from others
• Headaches, cramps, muscle aches, and other physical pains
• Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Changes in normal mood (irritability, unusual behavior, etc.)
• Eating disorders
• Thoughts or plans of suicide.
• It can be hard to distinguish between sadness from grief and clinical depression. Those grieving may exhibit all these symptoms. However, individuals with depression often have thoughts or plans of suicide. If you have thoughts of death, it is crucial to seek professional help immediately.

Seeking Support from Friends and Family. Talking about your pain with close friends or family members can be helpful. Sharing your sorrow and feelings can help alleviate some of the stress and make you feel less alone in your grief.

Give yourself time. Sometimes, healing from the sorrow of loss takes longer than expected. Be patient with yourself and show love to yourself. It may take a long time to reach the final stage of grief, which is 'acceptance'.

Depression vs. 'Sadness'. Depression goes beyond just feeling sad or 'disappointed'. It is a serious mental health condition that requires treatment. Depression cannot simply go away on its own.

• Sadness is a natural human emotion. It can occur as a response to loss or during times of stress or discomfort. Sadness or 'disappointment' usually fades over time and is not a persistent feeling. It tends to come and go, often stemming from a specific experience or event.
• Depression is much more severe than sadness. It's not a feeling that can simply be 'passed over'. It rarely improves on its own and often persists or feels nearly constant. Depression may not arise from any specific experience or event, but rather it can be overwhelming, pervading daily life.

Recognize the symptoms of depression. Depression can manifest in various ways for different people. You might not experience all the symptoms of this disorder. These symptoms often interfere with daily activities and can lead to significant emotional distress and functional impairment. If you experience five or more of the following symptoms regularly, you may be suffering from depression:

• Changes in sleep patterns
• Changes in eating habits
• Inability to focus or pay attention, feeling 'foggy'
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Lack of interest in things you once enjoyed
• Increased irritability or restlessness
• Weight gain or weight loss
• Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or despair
• Physical pain, headaches, muscle cramps, or other unexplained symptoms

Understand the causes of depression. Depression can arise from various factors, and researchers are still trying to fully understand its underlying mechanisms. Early trauma can alter how the brain processes fear and stress. Many studies suggest that depression may have a genetic component. Life events, such as losing a loved one or going through a divorce, can trigger a period of severe depression.

• Depression is a complex disorder. It may involve issues with neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine. Medication can help regulate these chemicals and alleviate depression.
• Substance abuse, including alcohol and drugs, is closely linked to depression.
• Studies also show that individuals who are gay, bisexual, or part of the LGBTQ+ community may have a higher risk of depression due to a lack of personal and social support.

Talk to your doctor. If depression symptoms are interfering with your daily life, it is important to consult a doctor. They may prescribe antidepressants to help regulate brain hormones affecting your mood.

• Make sure to honestly describe all your symptoms to your doctor. There are different types of antidepressants, and understanding your symptoms will help the doctor determine the best medication for you.
• Your body may respond to medication in various ways. You and your doctor may need to try different antidepressants until you find the right one. Inform your doctor if you feel the medication isn’t working after a few months.
• Do not change or stop taking antidepressants without consulting your doctor. Doing so could lead to serious mood and health issues.
• If you continue to have difficulties with antidepressants, consider seeing a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are specialists trained in mental health care and can adjust medications to find the most effective treatment for you.

Seek help from a mental health professional. Depression is influenced by many factors, making it essential to seek help from a specialist. A mental health professional can help you understand and manage your emotions. In addition to antidepressant medications, psychotherapy is often more effective than relying on medication alone.

• There are two common misconceptions about depression. The first is the advice to simply 'get over it'. The second is that seeking help indicates weakness. Both of these are wrong. Acknowledging that you need help in managing your mental health is actually a sign of strength and self-care.
• There are different types of mental health professionals. Only psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners can prescribe medication. They may also provide therapy.
• Psychologists hold a doctoral degree in psychology (medical, educational, or counseling) and specialize in therapy. Visiting a psychologist is less expensive than seeing a psychiatrist, but more expensive than other options.
• Clinical social workers have a master’s degree in social work and are licensed to provide psychotherapy. They can often help connect you with other support resources in your community. Clinical social workers typically work in community health centers and university medical centers.
• Marriage and family therapists are licensed professionals trained to handle family and relationship issues. They can provide individual or couple therapy.
• Licensed counselors have a master’s degree in counseling and are often trained to provide mental health services. They usually work in community health centers.

Contact your insurance provider. If you have health insurance in the United States, it’s important to reach out to your insurance company to find out which mental health providers in your area are covered under your therapy plan. Some insurance companies may require a referral from your doctor, and others may only cover treatment by certain providers.

Stay connected with family and friends. Withdrawing from social relationships is a common symptom of depression. However, you might feel better if you stay in touch with loved ones. They can offer you love and support.

• You may not 'feel like' meeting or talking to others, but it’s important to muster the courage to do so. Isolating yourself may only worsen your depression.

Eat the right way. You cannot "cure" depression simply by changing your diet. However, you can choose foods that help you feel better.

• Choose complex carbohydrates. Whole grains, brown rice, beans, and lentils are great sources of complex carbs. These carbs keep you feeling full longer and help regulate blood sugar levels.
• Avoid sugary and simple carbohydrates. These foods give you a quick energy boost but can worsen depression symptoms in the long run.
• Eat fruits and vegetables. Fruits and vegetables are rich in nutrients like vitamin C and beta-carotene. These antioxidants may help counteract free radicals that disrupt bodily functions. Try to include fresh fruits and vegetables in your meals.
• Get enough protein. Studies have shown that a higher intake of protein can help you stay alert and even improve your mood.
• Incorporate Omega-3 fatty acids. These healthy fats are found in seeds, oils like flaxseed and soybean oil, and leafy green vegetables. Fatty fish such as tuna, salmon, and sardines also contain Omega-3s. Research suggests that increasing Omega-3 intake might have a mild effect in reducing depression symptoms.

Sleep well. Depression often disrupts your sleep, so it's essential to get a full 8 hours of rest each night. Try to establish a healthy sleep routine, such as going to bed at a set time and avoiding watching TV before sleep.

• People with chronic insomnia are at a higher risk of developing depression.
• Sleep apnea, a disorder that obstructs breathing during sleep, is also linked to depression.

Exercise. When you're depressed, you may not feel like stepping outside for exercise. However, numerous studies have shown that physical activity can boost your mood. Try to engage in 30 minutes of moderate exercise each day. Strength training at least twice a week is also beneficial.

• Some research suggests that regular exercise may lower the risk of depression.
• Obesity may increase the risk of depression. While scientists don't fully understand this connection, exercise can help prevent both obesity and depression.

Recognize the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is a type of depression caused by a biochemical imbalance that occurs with the change of seasons. In some areas, especially those far from the equator, winter and fall months have less sunlight, which can affect your body's chemistry and trigger depression-like symptoms. These symptoms include:

• Fatigue or exhaustion
• Difficulty concentrating
• Increased appetite
• A desire to isolate or be alone
• Sleep disturbances, such as excessive sleep
• SAD typically begins between the ages of 18 and 30.
• If you suffer from SAD, you might crave more carbohydrates, leading to weight gain.

Find professional therapy options. Treating SAD is quite similar to treating depression. Antidepressant medications and professional therapy are generally sufficient to manage SAD.

Try light therapy. Light therapy can help regulate your body's internal clock. You can find light therapy devices in many retail stores or online. The light therapy lamp should have an intensity of 10,000 Lux (Lux is the unit of light intensity).

• Make sure the light therapy lamp is specifically designed to treat SAD by checking with the manufacturer. Some light boxes used for skin disorders emit more ultraviolet light, which could harm your eyes.
• Light therapy is generally safe. However, if you have bipolar disorder, consult with your doctor before using light therapy.
• Light therapy may cause complications for people with lupus, skin cancer, and certain eye conditions.

Get more sun exposure. Sunlight can boost your mood. Open your curtains and step outside whenever possible.

Embrace winter. If possible, try to highlight the enjoyable aspects of winter. Curl up by a fire if you have one. Toast a slice of bread. Enjoy a cup of hot cocoa (but in moderation, of course).

Exercise. Just like with depression, exercise can help reduce the symptoms of SAD. If you live in a cold climate, try engaging in winter sports like skiing.

Consider natural treatment options. Always consult with your doctor before starting any natural therapies. Some treatments may interact with medications or exacerbate existing conditions.

• Try using melatonin to regulate sleep. Melatonin supplements can help manage sleep disturbances caused by SAD.
• Consider using St. John's wort. Some evidence suggests that St. John's wort may help alleviate mild depression symptoms. However, it can interfere with prescription medications, including birth control, heart medications, and cancer treatments. Never combine St. John's wort with SSRIs, tricyclic antidepressants, or other antidepressant medications, as this could lead to serotonin syndrome. Always consult with your doctor before using St. John's wort.

Take a vacation to a sunny destination. If you live in an area with limited natural sunlight during the winter months, consider vacationing in a sun-drenched location. Places like the Caribbean or the southwestern United States offer bright sunshine throughout the winter season.

• Do not change or stop taking antidepressant medication without consulting your doctor. This can lead to serious health issues, including suicidal thoughts.
• If sadness leads you to have thoughts of harming yourself or others, or if you are considering or planning suicide, seek immediate help. There are many resources available to you. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S. is available 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255. You can also contact emergency services, such as dialing 911.