How to Overcome the Inability to Look at Yourself in the Mirror

It can be tough to face a mirror when struggling with low self-esteem. The mirror shows us a reflection of ourselves, and it becomes incredibly hard to confront that image when we don't love who we are. However, you can break through this insecurity by making subtle changes to your behaviors and mindset.

Identify the cause. Ask yourself why you're unable to look at your reflection. Did you act against your own values and feel regretful about it? Are you dissatisfied with your appearance? You must be honest with yourself about what's troubling you before you can overcome it.

Evaluate your actions rather than judging yourself as a person. It's important to separate your actions from who you are as an individual. Feelings of guilt or regret about your actions indicate that you are a good person who understands that you’ve made a mistake. You can confront useless guilt by acknowledging your wrongs, learning from them, and moving forward.

Challenge negative thinking. It's easy to let negative thoughts erode your self-confidence. It’s crucial to avoid dwelling on the negative, stop criticizing yourself, and not overlook your achievements.

Try to love yourself more. Actively work on loving and accepting yourself. This will help you face your reflection in the mirror. There are many ways to show yourself love:

• Write about your strengths. Think about things you excel at. You might be a kind person, empathetic, or a great athlete. If you're struggling to identify your strengths, ask people around you.
• Have a conversation with the best version of yourself. Imagine you're speaking with the ideal version of you inside. Think about the advice this version of yourself would give you. You might realize that a part of you has wisdom, kindness, and insight to share with yourself.

Forgive yourself. If you can't look in the mirror because of something you're ashamed of, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Although it’s easier said than done, instead of punishing yourself for past mistakes, think about how to avoid repeating them and how you can fix the consequences.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on yourself and ways to improve things that matter to you rather than thinking, 'Oh look at her, she's so much prettier than me, why can't I look like that?' Feeling inferior to others is closely linked to shame, depression, and social anxiety.

• To avoid comparing yourself to others, try this. Suppose you think someone is a much better cook than you, and this makes you envious and feel bad about yourself. Shift your mindset by focusing on what you do well. Then, instead of comparing yourself to others, compare your current skills to how you were two years ago. Focus on your personal growth and improvement rather than measuring yourself against others.

Remember that when comparing yourself to others, we often idealize them in unrealistic ways. On the flip side, when comparing others to ourselves, we don’t see our true image. People often perceive a more negative version of themselves, leading to less self-praise and excessive self-criticism. To reduce the impact of this behavior, you need to detach from it and begin acknowledging the things you’ve done well.

• To minimize comparison, first recognize moments when you're engaging in it. For example, if you think, 'Wow, I want a career as great as my friend's.' When you catch yourself thinking this, say to yourself, 'I'm sure she worked hard to get where she is today. What can I do to grow in my own career?' Then, you can plan actions to move your career in the right direction.

Remind yourself that everyone is beautiful and life is a gift. You are special and beautiful in your unique way. The combination of your genes and the environment you grew up in has come together to create you, a person with a distinct worldview and personality. Take control of this and use it to empower yourself; do everything with what you have, learn to appreciate it, and enjoy being yourself.

Love others. Direct your focus outward rather than inward. Center yourself around loving and helping others. Loving and helping others boosts your self-confidence and makes you feel better about yourself. This love may even be reciprocated, which will make you feel even more positive and comfortable with who you are. There are several ways to show more care for others. You can:

• Buy movie tickets for people standing behind you in line.
• Dedicate time to a charitable cause you care about.
• Buy a warm blanket or a meal for a homeless person.
• Take time to think about what makes a person special to you. Write them a letter expressing these thoughts and thank them for being part of your life.

Try to change the things you can influence. You might avoid the mirror because you're unhappy with your appearance. While your appearance will typically remain as it is, psychologically, it’s important to learn to love the person within. In some cases, however, you can take positive steps to change your appearance.

• If you’re struggling to accept your appearance and are overweight, take the necessary steps to reduce body fat. Try eating slightly smaller meals, around 10-15% less than your usual portion; aim to exercise regularly.
• If you're unhappy with your look, consider a complete makeover. Buy some new clothes, get a haircut, try new makeup. Look at yourself in the mirror and see how you feel!

Seek support from those around you. If negative thoughts stem from something you’ve done or your own self-perception, talking to others about your feelings might help you. Let your emotions be known, as this can assist in healing emotional wounds.

• Talk to a friend about what’s bothering you. You might find that expressing your burdens and sharing your concerns can be beneficial to you.
• Consult with a therapist. Search for a psychological therapist in your area to help you address specific issues.
  • To find a therapist, use an online search tool with the phrase "psychological therapist (or therapist doctor) + city or state name."
  • In the United States, you can find a therapist at the following online resource: http://locator.apa.org/index.cfm?event=search.text

Expand your posture. If you feel small and don't want to look in the mirror, try expanding your posture. Research has shown that by adopting a ‘powerful posture’ for just 2 minutes, you can actually feel stronger and more confident.

• To expand your posture, slightly tilt your head back, open your arms wide or place your hands on your hips, stretch both legs, and/or puff out your chest.

Start with small steps. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself you will only look at your reflection for 2 seconds. Look up at the mirror, make eye contact with yourself as you count to 2. Once you’ve succeeded, increase the time to 3 seconds, then 4, and eventually 5 seconds. This is a form of exposure therapy and could be an effective technique for overcoming anxious issues.