Buzz
Speed dating provides singles with the chance to meet a variety of potential romantic partners at scheduled events. These gatherings are structured with brief, 3 to 10 minute in-person meetings with each available match, where both participants can discuss any topic they choose. After the speed dating sessions conclude, participants make notes and rate or rank their experiences with the individuals they met. If two people mutually express interest, they can exchange contact details and continue their interaction on their own terms. To have a successful speed dating experience, it's helpful to prepare in advance, set realistic expectations, and present yourself confidently to your dates.
Steps
Preparation
Approach speed dating with an open, optimistic mindset. View it as an enjoyable, low-pressure activity. Be open to meeting different people, and understand that you might not find a match. There's no stress, and if this round of speed dating doesn't lead to anything, you're free to try again in the future.
Select a speed dating event to attend. Start by researching your options through a quick Google search for speed dating events in your area. Look for available events and reach out to the organizer with any questions. Choose an event that aligns with your age group, keeping in mind that some may cater to specific themes or demographics. Opt for one where you feel you'll have common ground with the other participants.
- For instance, there are events for younger professionals and others geared toward older, retired singles. Pick the one that suits your preferences.
- Registration is usually required in advance. You can sign up online or over the phone. Expect to pay upfront, typically around $40.
Decide what you want to share about yourself. Use the brief time you'll have with each match to present yourself effectively. Plan what to say and how to say it. Prepare a concise introduction and key personal details that you want to share to help others get to know you.
- For your introduction, think about how you'd like to present yourself initially. You might say something like, “Hi! I'm Mary, a 31-year-old single mom. I work in microbiology, and I love hiking in my free time.”
- For your personal details, consider what’s most important for others to know about you. Draft a short bio highlighting what you’d like to communicate. List things like hobbies (“I love skiing”), interests (“I enjoy foreign films”), personality traits (“I'm very outgoing and love socializing”), values (“I'm a vegan and an animal rights advocate”), and relationship goals (“I'm looking to settle down and start a family”).
- Practice speaking clearly and smiling often. You can rehearse in front of a mirror to refine your approach.
- Keep the conversation positive and light. Avoid discussing negative topics, like workplace frustrations or issues with past relationships.
Think of questions to ask your dates. Prepare a set of questions that you can ask your potential matches. Consider what matters most to you when evaluating a partner, then craft questions to gather that information. Whether you prefer to keep it humorous or dive into deeper topics, the key is to remain authentic to yourself.
- Ask a mix of questions, from simple ones like “What do you do for a living?” or “What are your favorite hobbies?” to more thought-provoking ones like “Where do you see yourself in five years?” or “What are you most passionate about?” You can also inject some fun with questions like “Do you have a favorite joke?” Remember, you only have a short amount of time, so prioritize the questions that are most important to you.
Create a list of qualities you find attractive. Since it’s normal to feel nervous at your first speed dating event, it helps to know what you’re looking for before you begin. Consider both the qualities you desire in a partner and the deal-breakers. Reflect on what truly matters to you in a romantic connection so that you can effectively evaluate potential matches, even if nerves make decision-making challenging.
- For example, you might want someone who is passionate about their career, adventurous, and eager to have children someday.
- For deal-breakers, you may prefer not to date someone who smokes or might be limited to dating within a specific religious background.
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Dress to impress. Make sure you choose an outfit that fits the setting and showcases your personal style and character. Your clothes should be clean and free of wrinkles. Pick something that boosts your confidence and makes you feel appealing. When you feel great, it will shine through.
- Consider dressing up a little for the occasion. Men can wear a dress shirt and tie, while women can opt for a nice blouse. This will help you create a strong first impression.
Arriving
Arrive ahead of time. Make sure to get to the venue at least 30 minutes early. This gives you ample time to check in, socialize, and settle in before the speed dating event starts.
Register upon arrival. When you get there, you'll need to sign in and receive a match card. You may also be given a name tag. A host will guide you through the registration process.
- The match card is where you'll jot down your thoughts after each speed date. At the end of the event, if both of you select 'yes,' it’s a match, and you’ll exchange contact details.
Introduce yourself to as many people as you can. Depending on the event, you might not get the chance to meet everyone. Start early and introduce yourself to maximize the number of potential matches. Since speed dating moves quickly, use every moment wisely.
- To greet someone, simply say, “Hi, I’m Fred,” and follow up with a conversation starter like, “Is this your first speed dating event?”
Dating
Flash a smile and maintain eye contact. This conveys self-assurance. Even if you feel unsure, making an effort to seem confident plays a vital role in leaving a positive first impression.
Ease the tension. Start with exchanging names and throw out an open-ended question like, “Tell me more about yourself.” This helps the conversation flow naturally, letting you get to know one another quickly.
Ask questions to learn more about your date. Once your date shares some details, feel free to ask follow-up questions. Refer to any questions you’ve prepared beforehand, or create new ones based on what your date just told you. For instance, if they mentioned having a child, you could ask, “How old is your son?” Or if they’re an actor, you could inquire, “What does a typical day in your acting career look like?”
- Avoid bombarding them with too many questions. If it starts feeling like an interrogation, it could signal that the chemistry isn't right. The aim is to have a natural, if brief, chat.
- Make sure to prioritize your most important questions. With limited time, ask what truly matters to you.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 269 Mytour readers, and 52% shared that their favorite first date conversation starters are questions about hobbies and interests. [Take Poll] So consider asking about your date’s favorite activities!
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Be truthful in your responses. The main goal of speed dating is to form an opinion quickly based on first impressions. To attract people who genuinely care about who you are, you must present your true self. Pretending to like things you don’t, like claiming “I love mountain climbing” when you fear heights, will only waste time for both of you.
- If you disagree with someone, it's okay. Speed dating is about finding a few possible matches, not making everyone like you. For example, if your date says, “I love dogs and having pets is very important to me,” it’s completely fine to admit that you’re not a pet person.
Offer positive feedback. One of the most effective ways to connect with someone quickly is by providing positive feedback. It helps the other person feel heard and appreciated. It could be as simple as saying, “That's amazing!” or “Congrats!”
- Expressing sympathy is also a good way to bond. For example, saying, “I’m sorry to hear that,” if they mention a recent setback, can show you care.
- You may even jump in with positive feedback during the conversation to show you’re engaged, like, “I know! That restaurant is amazing!” But be careful not to interrupt the flow or redirect the conversation.
Be mindful of the event’s time limits. When you hear the signal indicating that your date is over, make sure to move quickly to make room for the next person. Be sure to mark your match card with whether you think this was a potential match. If you both felt a connection, you can continue the conversation later and arrange a real date!
End your speed date respectfully. Make sure to thank your date with something like, “It was great meeting you.” If you feel a spark, it's okay to express that you’d like to talk again. Make a note of any possible matches.
- However, don’t ask for contact details or try to set up another date right there. The event is meant to be low-pressure, and you’ll only know if you’re a match based on what you both check on your match cards.
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Don’t take things too seriously. Relax and have fun while just being yourself!
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If you feel nervous and want to freshen your breath, chewing gum can help calm your nerves. Just be sure to chew it quietly and avoid chewing with your mouth open, as it can be off-putting to others!
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If the thought of speed dating makes you anxious, consider attending your first event with a group of friends for some extra support.
Things to Watch Out For
- Refrain from jotting down notes during your speed date, as this might make your date feel uneasy. Event organizers typically provide time after each session for you to make any necessary notes about your experience.
