How to Perform a Self-Reflection

Examine your early life experiences. Gaining insight into your behaviors and motivations can be challenging. A lot of what influences actions and self-image stems from subconscious beliefs and attitudes. It's essential to explore these deeply to understand your true perception of yourself. Consider asking yourself these questions:

• As a child, did I feel heard or was I often criticized?
• Was I treated with respect, or ignored, criticized, or mocked?
• Did I receive sufficient care and affection, or was I neglected?
• Was I subjected to any form of abuse—physical, verbal, or sexual?
• Were my achievements acknowledged?
• Did others accept my flaws and failures, or was I harshly judged?
• Was I constantly expected to be flawless?

Monitor your emotional shifts. Carry a journal with you throughout the day. Whenever you notice a change in your mood, jot down your feelings. This marks the beginning of identifying what your inner voice is conveying to you.

• The inner voice is not something you hear audibly. Instead, it's the collection of thoughts you have. Often, these thoughts are deeply embedded in the subconscious and may go unnoticed as they occur, resulting in a shift in mood.
• Your inner voice can either uplift or undermine you. People with healthy self-esteem tend to hear an encouraging and accepting inner voice. On the other hand, individuals with low self-esteem often have a critical and punishing inner voice.
• Journaling can be challenging, especially when confronting unresolved past trauma. If journaling brings discomfort or interferes with your daily life in the days or weeks after, consider consulting with a counselor to help you journal productively while maintaining your well-being.

Note your thoughts. The thoughts you were having just before your mood shifted provide a valuable reflection of your inner voice. These are known as automatic thoughts and generally reflect how you view yourself, others, and the world. Writing these thoughts down throughout the day can help you spot any patterns that arise.

• Automatic thoughts come from the subconscious, so they can be difficult to identify. Start by asking yourself, “What made me feel this way?” and dig deeper with questions like “What does that say about me?” and “Why did that make me feel that way?”
• Your initial answers may be surface-level. Keep asking yourself “What else?” until you uncover the deeper automatic thoughts.
• For example, if a co-worker made a remark that upset you, you might first write, “Andrea said I did something wrong,” “That made me angry,” “She tried to make me look incompetent.” After probing further, you might eventually realize an underlying thought such as, “I’m not as good at this as everyone else.”

Analyze your thought patterns. Once you've written down several automatic thoughts, you'll likely begin to see recurring patterns. Ask yourself what the core theme is among your thoughts. Are they empowering and positive, or are they negative and self-sabotaging? Common patterns that emerge from negative automatic thoughts include:

• All-or-nothing thinking, where one mistake leads to the belief that everything is a failure. For example, making one mistake at work might make you feel like you're a failure at your job.
• Disqualifying the positive, which is when you focus only on what went wrong, ignoring all the good things you've done. For example, focusing on one mistake made on a test, even though you answered all other questions correctly.
• Jumping to conclusions, when you form a judgment without knowing all the facts. For example, seeing your best friend running away from you in a parking lot and assuming they’re avoiding you, when in fact they were just running late.
• Labeling, which involves assigning a negative label to yourself or others rather than focusing on the behavior. For instance, thinking “I’m a bad person” instead of recognizing, “I could have handled that differently.”

Assess your self-esteem level. Healthy self-esteem is characterized by a belief in your own worth and value. On the other hand, individuals with low self-esteem often feel inadequate and seek constant approval from others. If you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, you may be struggling with low self-esteem. It negatively influences how you perceive yourself, making it crucial to intentionally nurture a balanced and positive self-view. If you're uncertain whether low self-esteem is affecting you, consider these three “faces” of negative self-worth:

• The Victim: This individual adopts a helpless stance, waiting for others to rescue them. They often use self-pity or indifference to mask deep fears of failure, displaying a lack of assertiveness, underachievement, and a reliance on others for validation.
• The Imposter: This person presents a façade of happiness and contentment, while secretly fearing failure. They equate success with happiness, leading to perfectionism, unhealthy competition, and eventual burnout.
• The Rebel: This person is marked by defiance, particularly against authority figures. They harbor persistent anger about their perceived inadequacies and try to protect themselves from criticism, often blaming others for their own problems and resisting authority.

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What strategies do you find most effective in boosting your self-confidence and self-esteem?

Place a sheet of paper in front of you. Position it horizontally so that the longer side faces you. Ensure that you have a firm surface to write on for ease of writing.

Reflect on how these five traits shape your personality. Individuals tend to act in ways and choose environments that align with their personality. This self-assessment may help you understand why you behave the way you do.

• People can score high or low in any of the five dimensions, but when combined, there are 45 different personality combinations that can emerge from the mix.

Select an appropriate time. Set aside at least an hour for self-reflection. During this time, focus on evaluating your habits, goals, competencies, and overall performance. The hour should give you ample time to review personal notes and any other information that will help in crafting an accurate and meaningful self-assessment of your work.

List your workplace achievements from the past year. Don’t hesitate to acknowledge your successes. This self-reflection aims to showcase your accomplishments. Think about the projects you’ve worked on, additional tasks you’ve taken on, and how you’ve contributed value to your organization. Whenever possible, include specific examples in your self-assessment.

• Going over your email history can help remind you of accomplishments you might have forgotten to mention.
• If there’s a system where your work is recorded regularly (like logs or data entries), reviewing that material can help you recall important achievements.
• Ask yourself reflective questions to assist in your evaluation, such as “Did my efforts align with the company’s mission?” or “In which areas did I take on leadership roles?”

If you're struggling to pinpoint your achievements, consider using the STAR method. This technique helps you highlight specific instances where you added value to the company. It’s a step-by-step process that can be used repeatedly, building a comprehensive list of accomplishments. Here’s a breakdown of the STAR method:

• Identify the (S)ituation: Briefly describe a situation that made you feel particularly proud of your work performance.
• Clarify the (T)ask: What was the task at hand in this situation? What needed to be accomplished?
• Detail the (A)ction: Explain the steps you took to complete the task successfully.
• Highlight the (R)esults: What were the outcomes achieved through your actions?

Make note of areas for improvement. While it may feel natural to focus on your successes, it’s also crucial to be objective in your self-reflection. Think about aspects where you could improve or instances when your performance didn’t meet expectations. Reflecting on these challenges will give you a more balanced and realistic view of your overall performance.

• While you’re doing this self-reflection, reviewing feedback from your most recent performance reviews can offer you honest insights into areas for growth.

Set 5-6 goals for the upcoming year. This is the action plan part of your self-assessment. Focus on concrete goals that will improve your performance and contribute more value to the company. These goals should clearly show your commitment to personal and professional growth.

Note any significant changes in your life. Change can be positive, such as a marriage, the birth of a child, or a career promotion. But it can also be challenging, like losing a job or going through a divorce. Any life change, big or small, can induce stress as you adjust to new circumstances. Take a moment to reflect on and record any life changes in the past six months that might be contributing to your stress levels.

Reflect on your values. When your life doesn't align with your core beliefs, it can lead to significant stress. For instance, if you value ambition and competitiveness but feel trapped in a stagnant, unfulfilling job, the disconnect between your values and reality can cause stress. When there's a mismatch between your values and actual life, stress and dissatisfaction are likely. To help you identify if such a mismatch is impacting your stress levels, ask yourself these questions:

• What values do you consider crucial? Kindness? Honesty? Success? Quality family time?
• Does your behavior contradict these values? For example, if you value family time, do you spend enough time with them or are other things interfering?
• Do your job, relationships, or friendships conflict with your values? For instance, is your job preventing you from spending quality time with your family?

Examine your environment. The places where you live, work, and spend the most time can significantly influence your stress levels. If your surroundings are filled with crime, noise, pollution, or overcrowding, this can contribute to heightened stress. Reflect on how your current environment might be adding to your stress levels.

Consider your personal challenges and social influences. Personal problems and social dynamics play a major role in your stress. Reflect on these factors to assess their impact on your stress levels:

• Finances: Are you able to meet your basic needs such as housing, food, and transportation?
• Family: Do you face issues with your spouse or children, or are you caring for an elderly family member?
• Health: How is your own health and that of your loved ones?

Monitor your sleep habits. Inadequate sleep can affect various aspects of your life, which in turn can elevate stress levels. Track the number of hours you sleep each night. Although sleep requirements vary, adults who get less than 6-8 hours of sleep nightly may experience negative impacts elsewhere in life, which can increase stress. Lack of sleep can lead to:

• Slower thinking and learning
• Higher accident rates
• Health problems, including a higher risk of diabetes and increased mortality
• Increased depression and forgetfulness
• Reduced libido
• Premature aging and weight gain
• Poor decision-making

Think about ways to reduce stress in these areas. Create a list of steps you can take to improve your life and overall well-being. The purpose of self-reflection is to foster personal growth and enhance your overall experience.

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Which stress-relief method works most effectively for you?

Consider consulting a counselor or therapist. Some people think therapy is only necessary for overwhelming problems, but that's a misconception. A counselor or therapist can assist you in your self-reflection journey because they are trained professionals who offer an unbiased perspective and understand the common cognitive traps people may fall into.

• People seek therapy for various reasons, from past trauma to learning how to cope with everyday challenges. There is no 'wrong' reason to seek help, and it's an act of strength and self-care to reach out for support when it could benefit you.
• A therapist offers a safe and welcoming space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions without judgment. This type of environment can be incredibly helpful for self-discovery.

Look for a professional in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and actions. For instance, if you recognize struggles with self-esteem, a CBT-trained therapist can help you identify harmful thought patterns, such as negative self-talk. A CBT therapist can guide you toward healthier thought processes and behaviors, contributing to a happier and healthier life.

• CBT has been proven effective for treating various conditions, including anxiety, depression, and sleep disturbances. It can even help individuals with chronic pain.

Seek a trauma specialist if you've experienced past trauma. If your self-reflection uncovers past traumatic experiences that require attention, a trauma specialist can be invaluable. It may take time to process and work through past wounds, but a trained expert can provide the necessary guidance and support.

• CBT is a well-established treatment for individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Other treatments include exposure therapy, where you confront trauma by repeatedly discussing it, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which combines physical stimuli with recollection of traumatic events.

Choose a therapist you're comfortable with. There are various ways to find a therapist. You can look online, ask your doctor or friends for recommendations, or directly contact clinics or providers. The success of therapy hinges on the relationship you build, so it's crucial that you feel at ease with your therapist. While the topics discussed may not always be easy, your therapist should be someone who supports you. If after several sessions you feel the connection isn't right, it's completely fine to seek someone else.

Understand the different types of mental health professionals. Psychiatrists and psychologists are not the only professionals who can provide therapy. There are many types of mental health specialists, and it's important to explore your options. Below are some of the different professionals available:

• Psychiatrists are medical doctors who can diagnose conditions, prescribe medication, and offer therapy. They are often the go-to for individuals with severe disorders, although their fees tend to be high due to their advanced training.
• Psychologists hold doctorate degrees in psychology (Ph.D. or Psy.D.). While some can prescribe medication, most cannot. They can diagnose conditions and offer therapy.
• Licensed clinical social workers (LCSWs) possess a master's degree in Social Work and extensive clinical experience. They offer therapy and other services, including connecting you to community resources.
• Psychiatric nurses are registered nurses (R.N.s) with specialized training in psychiatry. They can prescribe medication and offer therapy.
• Marriage and Family therapists (MFTs) hold a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. They provide therapy but do not prescribe medications.
• Licensed Professional Counselors (LPCs) have a master's degree in counseling. They offer therapy in a range of areas, including career counseling, though they cannot prescribe medications.