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If you and your partner are about to experience a move in the near future, the possibility of a long-distance relationship might come up in conversation. If your partner is uncertain about committing long-term or you haven't discussed it yet, planning how to present your case becomes crucial. It's important to understand that you can’t simply argue your way into getting the outcome you want, as tough as that may sound. The best approach is to communicate your love, share why you're open to being long-distance, and hope they'll come to the right conclusion. We'll provide all the guidance you need to improve your chances of success here.
Steps
Begin by expressing your love for your partner.
Clearly communicate how deeply you care for and appreciate your partner. Your partner may not be open to the idea if they aren't fully aware of how much you love them. If you haven't made that clear before, now is the time. Even if they already know, it's always good to remind them! They'll be more receptive to a long-distance relationship if they understand how much they truly mean to you.
- You could say something like, “I’m not sure if you realize this, but I am completely in love with you. You mean the world to me, and I truly value what we share…”
Talk about the future you envision together.
Showing your commitment to them might influence their decision. Share your vision for where you see the relationship going, and paint a picture of where the two of you could be in 1, 5, or even 10 years. If they know how much they matter to you, it could make a difference in how much they're willing to invest in making the long-distance arrangement work.
- You might say, “I’m not sure if you feel the same way, but I think we’ve got something really special here. I could easily picture us living together after college…”
Be upfront about your desire to remain a couple.
Make the bold move and tell them you want to stay together. If you’ve been hesitating about whether to pursue a long-distance relationship or break up, now is the time to make a clear decision. Let them know that in your ideal scenario, you’d like to continue the relationship even at a distance.
- You might say, “Just to be clear, I want to stay together even if you’re in Denver and I’m here in Las Vegas. I know it might be challenging, but I think you’re worth it and I’m not ready to let go of us…”
- If your partner has been hesitant because they don’t want to open themselves up (in case you’re not interested in a long-distance arrangement), this should help them feel more secure.
Point out that they’ll have more time for their own interests.
A long-distance relationship (LDR) can provide both of you with the space to focus on hobbies, work, or school. If your partner is moving for education or a new career, it’s unlikely they’ll have time to date around anyway. You can explain that with you being away, they'll have more freedom to explore their personal interests and goals.
- You might say, “You’re going to be really busy with your college courses, and making new friends will take time. Maybe this will be a good opportunity for you to have some time for yourself…”
Assure them that you'll offer support from a distance.
You can be a stable source of support during their challenging transition. Moving to a new location can be intimidating. If your partner doesn’t know anyone in the area, it may help to know that there’s someone who’s got their back. Let them know you’ll always be just a phone call away whenever they need someone to talk to.
- You might say, “I’m nervous about moving to a place where I don’t know anyone, and I’m sure it’s the same for you. We’ll always have each other to lean on for support…”
- If you’re the one relocating, you could express that you'd appreciate their support while making the move.
Reassure them that long-distance relationships can be just as fulfilling.
There’s no reason you both can’t enjoy a meaningful connection while apart. Surprisingly, many people in long-distance relationships report the same level of happiness as those in more traditional relationships. Long-distance couples are just as likely to stay together over time as those who live near each other. Though it may not be the most emotionally charged argument, they might feel more comfortable with the idea if they know there isn’t a huge difference.
- You could say, “Long-distance relationships are just as real as any other relationship. We’ll still love each other, talk often, and see each other every other weekend. Plenty of people make long-distance relationships work and are very happy…”
Highlight that technology will make this much easier.
Give them enough time to think things over.
If you pressure them too much, they’ll be less likely to agree. Allow your partner ample time to consider the pros and cons on their own. It may be tough not knowing where they stand or what their response will be, but bombarding them with pressure will only make them more resistant to the idea. Give them the space they need. If it’s the right decision, they will come to it on their own.
- Even if they say yes while you're pushing them, they may just be giving in to the pressure. For a long-distance relationship to succeed, both partners must be fully on board. Allow them to make the decision themselves.
Address any concerns your partner might have.
Talk through their concerns about being long-distance and reassure them. Your partner may have reservations about a potential long-distance relationship. Take the time to address these concerns together and find ways to work through them. Compromise and understanding will be key. For example:
- If they worry about not being able to visit you because of transportation, you could agree to drive to see them every other weekend for quality time together.
- If they're concerned about your commitment, reassure them of your love and dedication. Sometimes they just need confirmation that you are serious about them and won’t be going anywhere.
- If they're anxious about losing the romance, you could plan romantic weekend trips every few months or surprise each other once a month.
- If they’re unsure whether they can handle the distance, remind them that you’ll always be just one phone call, video chat, or text away.
Set the ground rules if they agree.
If they’re on board, begin discussing what your long-distance relationship will entail. Long-distance relationships require boundaries just like any relationship where you live close to each other. There’s no rush until you’re physically apart, so take your time, but start working through your expectations and desires for staying connected.
- Will you need to check in every 1-3 days? Would it be helpful to have a designated “date” night where you both engage in an activity together online?
- How often will you visit each other? Who will travel to whom?
- Is dating others while apart acceptable? If it is, will it be a “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangement?
Arrange regular times to stay in touch.
Ensure you have a clear communication plan in place. A simple approach is to set up a schedule to talk at a specific time every other day. You could connect through video calls or simply talk on the phone. Whatever you choose, make sure to stick to the plan as much as possible. It’s crucial not to go too long without communication, as that can create tension.
- Many long-distance couples don’t talk every single day, as it can be overwhelming. However, if you feel like trying that approach at first, feel free to do so!
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 1513 Mytour readers to see how they prefer to get to know their long-distance partners, and only 8% mentioned imagining being their partner. [Take Poll] Instead, creating a consistent time to talk tends to be a more effective way to maintain a connection with your partner.
Try to see each other at least once every three months.
The more frequently, the better, but once every 3 months is the minimum. Spending time together in person is crucial. Plan this out together. Will you meet every weekend? Every other weekend? Once a month? Try to strike a balance that allows you both to spend time together without overwhelming either of you with constant travel.
- The distance between you two plays a big role here. If you're in California and they’re in New York, you may aim for a visit once every 3 months. But if you’re in Chicago and they’re in Detroit, weekends together might be more realistic!
- If you can, try to alternate travel responsibilities. It can be tough for one partner to feel like they’re always the one doing all the traveling.
Make a plan for eventually moving back together permanently.
Long-distance is much more challenging without a plan to reunite. Create a general agreement about when you both will end the long-distance phase. If the relationship is going to be long-term, the distance can wear on you, so it’s important to have a plan in place for the future.
- If you're both in college, maybe you agree to be together after graduation, or consider transferring schools after two years.
- If the move is job-related, maybe you discuss the possibility of looking for work where your partner is, once they settle in.
Agree to stay in touch if they aren’t convinced.
If they aren’t on board with long-term, suggest staying in contact. Long-distance may not be for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of your relationship. If the only issue is the distance, let them know that you’d like to stay in touch and reconnect once your circumstances change.
- It might be difficult now, but there’s no reason why you can’t get back together in the future. While this kind of “practical” breakup can be painful, it also means there’s a good chance for a future reunion when the timing is right.
