Buzz
When someone invites you to a party, it can sometimes feel like there's a lot of pressure to attend. There are moments when you're simply not interested. Perhaps you're too busy, or maybe you're just not in the mood for a large gathering. You can either be honest with the host about why you can't attend, or you can come up with a polite excuse. This article will guide you on how to politely turn down a party invitation.
Steps
Be Honest with the Host
Decline Right Away. Don't delay informing the host that you can't make it to the party. Let them know as soon as possible so they won’t expect your attendance and feel more disappointed if you cancel at the last minute.
Decline Directly to the Host. If the party is important to the host – for example, a birthday, anniversary, baby shower, or wedding gift-giving event – it would be rude to just send a text or an email saying you can't attend. Make sure to find the right time to speak to them in person and explain why you can't be there.
- If you can't talk in person – for example, if your friend lives in another city or if your schedules don't align – give them a call.
Start the Notification in an Appropriate Way. People react to disappointing news in different ways, so there's no perfect answer to how to announce your reason. Your attitude will depend on the personality of the person you're informing.
- If you think they’ll be offended or upset, apologize.
- If you think they’ll try to pressure you into attending, stand firm.
Give a Clear Reason for Missing the Party. If you simply tell the host you don't 'feel' like going, you may hurt their feelings. Offering a specific reason is the best approach, unless your real reason is that you don't like the host! Some examples of why you might not want to attend a party include:
- You have a prior engagement at that time
- A friend you want to avoid will be there
- You have too much work or homework to do
Don't Over-Explain Yourself. When you go on and on about why you can’t attend a party, you give the host more time to try to convince you that you should come. Keep your explanation brief and polite, then move on with the conversation.
- You can completely change the subject or show interest in the party by asking about the planning process.
- Show interest to prove that you would love to attend, but you truly can’t.
Offer to Help Prepare for the Party. Even if you can’t attend, you can still contribute to making the party successful by offering to help with planning and preparation. This will show the host that you value their friendship and would attend the party if you could.
Promise to Make it Up to Them. If you have to miss an event, plan to speak with the host when you have more time. Try to do this as soon as possible after the event so you can show interest in what you missed. This will help the host feel that you appreciate their efforts in organizing the event and that you value their friendship.
Make a Quick Appearance at the Party. The most honest way to avoid spending too much time at a party is to stay there for as little time as possible. You can stop by to greet the host to show that you attended. Try to have a good time while you're there, but let everyone know you have to leave early. Even if you can't stay long, people will appreciate that you made the effort to stop by.
- If you're uncomfortable saying goodbye, just leave without announcing it. Everyone may be having such a good time that they won’t even notice you’ve gone.
Lie to Avoid an Appointment
Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself for Lying. Studies show that lying is an inevitable part of everyday life, even for those we consider ethical and respectable. When people lie to ease social tension rather than serve their own interests, a harmless lie might be a better option than telling the truth.
Keep Lies Simple. The less you lie, the better, and don’t overcomplicate it. A carefully crafted story explaining why you can't attend a party can seem suspicious, and it will be harder to remember if someone asks about it later.
Blame It on Family. Everyone understands that family obligations take precedence. Tell your friends you need to take care of your younger sibling or that your parents have asked you to dine at your uncle's house that evening. A solid reason makes all the difference; people will understand that there's no way you can make it to the party.
Say You Already Have Plans. Only a very persistent friend would try to make you cancel your prior plans to attend their party. But make sure you're not using someone you plan to attend the party with as your alibi. Instead, say you have plans with a friend from another school, or even with an imaginary friend.
Pretend to Feel Unwell. On the day of the party, text your friend saying you think you've eaten something bad and are suffering from food poisoning. No one wants someone vomiting at their party. Plus, food poisoning passes quickly, so no one will suspect anything when you feel better the next day.
Pretend You Have Too Much Work. Whether you're a student or a working professional, everyone understands that sometimes we fall behind and need to catch up on our work.
- If the host keeps insisting, tell them your parents or boss are upset with you, and you need to catch up to make it right.
Plan Your Lie in Advance. If there's still two weeks until the party, and you're sure you don't want to go, don't wait until the last minute to decline! Plan your excuse ahead of time to divert suspicion. Some ideas to consider include:
- Tell the host when they invite you that you already have plans that day.
- Tell the host a day or two before the party that you're feeling sick.
Remember Your Lie. This is the most crucial aspect when telling a lie. Even if it's just a harmless little fib, you don't want to hurt anyone if you're caught in the act. Make sure you recall exactly what you told people and who you told it to.
- If you post your lie on social media to make it more believable, be certain no one sees you doing something else that night!
- If you told the host that you're feeling unwell, don't let anyone tag you in photos elsewhere that evening.
