How to Pretend to Vomit

Use leftover food from the previous night's dinner. Chew the leftover food about 20 times and spit it into a sealed plastic bag. Be sure to use plenty of leftovers, but not too much, so people don’t wonder where the food went.

• If there's only a small amount of leftovers from dinner, it's best not to use them. Instead, try creating fake vomit with other kitchen ingredients.
• Add a bit of water to thin out the chewed food to make it look more like real vomit. Other ingredients that can help the mixture appear more authentic include salad dressing, Vaseline, and milk.
• Another option is to use breakfast cereal or anything you plan to eat in the morning. This can make your performance even more convincing.

Mix orange juice, milk, and cookies. A quick and simple way to make the most convincing fake vomit is to combine these three basic ingredients and place them in a sealed plastic bag. Mix equal parts of orange juice and milk, then chew a handful of salty cookies and spit them into the mixture. Knead the bag well to achieve the right consistency.

• If you can manage it without being caught, try using a cookie dough kneader. These machines tend to make noise, so be cautious.
• Be careful when adding orange juice, as it could make the vomit look unrealistic.
• If you prefer, you can substitute orange juice with lemon juice. Its clear yellow color and scent will make it look more convincing.

Use canned soup. If you don’t have any leftover food to make fake vomit, check your pantry for any suitable canned soups. Good options include clam chowder, beef stew, lentil soup, or other thick soups that resemble something that’s already been swallowed.

• Just like with leftovers, dilute the soup with a little water or milk. You probably won’t need the whole can—half should be enough. Place the mixture in a plastic bag or jar and hide it in your room.
• Choose a soup that you don’t need to finish or one that’s hard to identify. For example, if you have cream of onion soup that your aunt made for Christmas a few years ago, use that—no one will notice it’s gone. Using expired soup is even better, as it will look more realistic.
• If you suspect someone will recognize the used can, it’s best to avoid using it.

Use oatmeal and food coloring. Pour water into an empty bottle until it's about ¾ full, then add a few drops of different food colors to create a thick, slightly brownish mixture. Add a handful of chewed-up leftover food to give the mix more texture and a more realistic smell.

• The mixture should mainly be water-based. If you use too much oatmeal, it’ll end up looking like actual oatmeal. If your parents notice and know you don’t eat oatmeal, it could give you away.

Make fake vomit with spoiled milk. If you want your fake vomit to smell truly awful, plan ahead. Pour a little milk into a bottle and hide it in your room, preferably in a corner far from your bed so you won’t smell it. Wait a few days for the milk to sour and thicken, which usually takes about 3-5 days. Chocolate milk and strawberry milk work best.

• While waiting for the milk to sour, you can add chewed-up food and other ingredients to it so you don’t have to mix them later. The less you handle it, the better.

Hide the fake vomit mixture in your room until the right moment. Place the fake vomit in a plastic bag or jar and hide it somewhere in your room. Make sure it's sealed tightly. You definitely don't want it to spill and get your hands messy.

• If your creation is discovered before you're ready to "vomit" in the bathroom, just pretend it's part of a science project or an "experiment."

Start pretending to be sick in the morning.. You should begin acting exhausted as soon as you wake up. Skip breakfast, or try chewing with an exaggerated, awful expression, as if you can't swallow. Keep acting tired. Make sure your parents see that you're "unwell."

• Morning is the best time to fake vomiting. If you do it in the morning, you can skip school that day. Acting too early, like the night before or in the middle of the night, might give you away.

Take the fake vomit mixture to the bathroom. When the opportunity arises, grab the plastic bag with the fake vomit and sneak into the bathroom. Be sure to lock the door so your parents don’t catch you struggling with your "product."

• If the mixture dries out, add a little water to rehydrate it. Then, kneel down in front of the toilet and start moaning.

Make a lot of noise. Once in the bathroom, start moaning and making vomiting sounds. As you gag, quickly pour the mixture into the toilet. Get rid of the plastic bag as fast as you can. Turn your head slightly away from the toilet, moaning and breathing slowly, as if you've just finished vomiting.

• Don't pour the fake vomit onto the floor. Imagine the extra trouble you'd cause if you fake vomited and then made your parents clean up spoiled milk and soup from the carpet!

Brush your teeth right after pretending to vomit. You might get caught right after you pour out the fake vomit if you don't look like someone who has just thrown up. So, make sure to brush your teeth immediately after your performance, just like people usually do after vomiting. Open the door and let your parents see the vomit in the toilet before you flush it away. The reason you need to brush your teeth is because your breath tends to smell after throwing up, and your parents might want to smell your breath. If that happens, just tell them you’ve just brushed your teeth.

Keep up the act. After your parents have seen you "vomit" into the toilet, there's nothing more for you to do. You'll get the day off from school. However, this doesn't mean you should suddenly become bright and cheerful. You need to keep up the appearance of being exhausted, go to your bed, and rest for the entire day.

• If your parents call home, answer in a groaning, tired voice. Tell them that you're still uncomfortable but feeling a bit better than you did in the morning.

Don't overact. The trick of faking vomit doesn’t require exaggeration. If you want the day off, you can just say you vomited without showing the scene to anyone. Don’t overthink it. You don’t need to prove that you’ve vomited by stuffing your mouth with that awful milk and soup mixture and pretending to vomit on the floor.

• If you want to fake vomit for fun in front of someone, do it quickly with a single motion (like a muscle spasm) and lean forward. Puff up your cheeks as if you're about to throw up. Repeat this three times, then pretend to swallow. Do this several times, each time exaggerating more. Finally, with two more gags, you can spit the mixture out.

• Before the "performance" day, let your parents (or someone else) know that you're not feeling well.
• Don’t act immediately. If you walk to school or your parents drive you, don’t start pretending to vomit right after waking up. Get dressed and ready for school like usual, but slow down a bit and act dizzy. If your parents ask what’s wrong, say you're not feeling well. A few minutes later, head to the bathroom and bring your "secret weapon" with you.
• Make sure the mixture has the right thickness and odor. A runny mixture will look very fake.
• Before you start, complain about a headache, dizziness, or nausea.
• When talking on the phone, lie back or tilt your head backward. This position will make your voice sound congested.
• Don’t make the mixture too pungent. A strong-smelling mixture could make you actually vomit, and then you’ll really feel unwell...
• Try going to the bathroom a few times, and only bring out the "product" during the final visit.
• Be careful, or your fake vomiting performance might end up sending you to the doctor.
• Make sure you don’t overdo it and avoid complaining too much, but still act fatigued.
• You should complain of a stomachache the night before, then fake vomiting the next morning. This way, your parents will think you're sick and need to stay home.
• Make sure to hide the plastic bag containing the fake vomit deep at the bottom of the trash can after you're done to avoid being caught.
• If you're using food to create the fake vomit, use food coloring that matches the food you ate with your parents so it looks like you really threw up what you ate.

• Make sure you don’t mind sleeping in a room with the smell of leftover food around.
• Keep in mind that you might miss important lessons at school and may need to borrow your friends' notebooks to catch up.