Buzz
Recognize your emotions and take care not to fall for someone too fast
It's common to experience feelings of love or infatuation, but some people seem to fall harder and faster. We may see 'true love' potential in nearly everyone we meet, which can lead us away from our personal goals. We spoke with clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis to learn strategies to stop getting too attached to people we hardly know, and to understand the underlying reasons for this tendency.
Key Points to Keep in Mind
- Recognize when you have romantic feelings, but remind yourself that they may not always be genuine since you experience them often.
- Limit your interactions with the person you're drawn to, and try to spend time with them in group environments.
- Focus on spending time with close friends or diving into activities and hobbies that boost your self-esteem and keep you distracted.
Action Steps
Managing Romantic Emotions
Limit your interactions with that person to help manage your feelings. Clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis advises you to 'set boundaries for yourself regarding how frequently you see or spend time with that individual, and avoid relying on them too much for emotional support.' There's no need to cut them off completely, but keeping things brief and in group settings can help prevent an accelerated path to romantic attachment.
Stay busy with a structured routine or other interests. Whether you had an exciting first date or a flirtatious moment, it's natural to feel a sense of thrill. However, if you're prone to falling too quickly, it’s easy to let that excitement take control.
To prevent this, stick to a regular routine. Alternatively, immerse yourself in your passions, art, or activities that bring you joy, which will help redirect your focus and prevent your emotions from running wild.
To prevent this, stick to a regular routine. Alternatively, immerse yourself in your passions, art, or activities that bring you joy, which will help redirect your focus and prevent your emotions from running wild.
Lean on supportive friends. Often, the desire for romance arises from anxiety about being abandoned, forgotten, or just from loneliness. Dr. Liana Georgoulis recommends 'keeping socially active with others' to shift your attention away from that specific individual and find social intimacy in non-romantic settings. You might also consider asking close friends to provide honest feedback when you talk excessively about your new crush or seem to be getting too carried away, as an invaluable outside perspective.
- Reader Poll: We asked 528 Mytour readers about the activity, pursuit, or goal they were most motivated to focus on, and only 7% said Prioritizing social connections with friends and family. [Take Poll]
- Although reconnecting with your support network may not be your first instinct, reaching out when facing unhealthy dating habits can help you make better decisions.
Take a break from dating and reflect on your behavior. Stay away from online dating platforms or bars and parties where you're seeking romantic connections for at least six months. Use this time to reflect on your past relationships and identify any negative patterns. For instance, do you tend to fall for a particular type of person? Do you find yourself falling in love during challenging times in your life? Recognizing your 'romantic triggers' can offer valuable insight into your emotional responses.
Reassess your romantic expectations. Understanding the distinction between your wants and needs in a relationship can help you differentiate between genuine attraction and unhealthy infatuation.
Make a list of what you seek in a partner and keep it in mind as you navigate new relationships. A healthy partner should contribute to your well-being, support your growth, and never cause stress or anxiety just by being around. Ask yourself: Does this near-stranger align with these qualities?
Make a list of what you seek in a partner and keep it in mind as you navigate new relationships. A healthy partner should contribute to your well-being, support your growth, and never cause stress or anxiety just by being around. Ask yourself: Does this near-stranger align with these qualities?
Don’t rush to define the relationship or focus on labels. Early stages of a relationship can often feel ambiguous and confusing as you wonder, 'What are we?' If you're someone who tends to fall too quickly, you may find yourself pushing for a label after just a few dates, which could lead to premature emotional attachment. Clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis explains, 'Typically, after 12-18 months, the intense love chemicals in our brain begin to fade, giving us a clearer view of who the person is and whether they're right for us. It’s a good sign if you make it past the two-year mark.' Until then, consider sticking with 'friend' as the term for your relationship, at least until the other person takes the first step.
Remember your independence. Sometimes, all it takes to stop falling in love is a reminder that you are a whole person on your own, and romance doesn't define you.
Stay committed to your existing relationships with friends and family, and engage in activities that make you feel empowered and fulfilled. It’s best to choose something that challenges you, like exploring a new place, preparing for a marathon, or taking a new class. Focus on self-growth, and the rest will follow!
Stay committed to your existing relationships with friends and family, and engage in activities that make you feel empowered and fulfilled. It’s best to choose something that challenges you, like exploring a new place, preparing for a marathon, or taking a new class. Focus on self-growth, and the rest will follow!
Consult a therapist about your romantic emotions. Speaking with a licensed therapist can help uncover the underlying issues causing your feelings and provide strategies to address them. A therapist offers valuable, objective insights. Share your emotions and concerns, and ask for personalized strategies to manage your feelings effectively.
Mentally or verbally remind yourself of the issue when it arises. Clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis advises, 'Recognize when obsessive thinking starts and redirect your attention to the task at hand in the present moment.'
If you feel emotions starting to overwhelm you, pause and practice mindfulness by saying or thinking, 'I know I tend to fall in love too quickly, and this time I will take it slow.' This practice helps keep your expectations and emotions in check.
If you feel emotions starting to overwhelm you, pause and practice mindfulness by saying or thinking, 'I know I tend to fall in love too quickly, and this time I will take it slow.' This practice helps keep your expectations and emotions in check.
Mytour Quiz: Am I Truly In Love?
True love can be intense, confusing—and absolutely amazing. But how can you tell if you've really fallen for someone? With a bit of introspection, you can figure out if your emotions are genuine. Take our quiz to find out if you're really in love!
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Uh-oh! Your crush walks into the room. How does it make you feel?
Why You Might Fall for Someone So Quickly
Your expectations of romance might be unrealistic. You may yearn for deep connection and commitment, which could lead to losing yourself in relationships with people you barely know. Consider your expectations: Do you believe that ‘true love’ will ‘complete you’? Do you get caught up in romanticized portrayals of love in movies, music, or TV shows? Do you compare your own experiences to the idealized ones you see on screen? Talking to someone in a long-term relationship could help you gain a clearer understanding of what love is really like.
You may be struggling with love addiction. Like any other addiction, love can become something you seek to fill an emotional void. Reflect on the signs of love addiction and see if they resonate with your experiences:
- Do you often bounce from one relationship to another without much time alone? Do you have a hard time healing after a breakup and prefer to jump into something new instead?
- Have you ever convinced yourself to love someone, or dated just to feel desired?
- Do you constantly change aspects of your personality for your partner, from your style to your opinions?
Romantic relationships may be masking deeper issues. Sometimes, we use love or the idea of it as a distraction from our own unhappiness or dissatisfaction in life. In such cases, love becomes a way to fill the gap rather than a tool for personal growth.
Engage in self-reflection and examine if there’s a part of you that’s unresolved or unhappy, which you may be trying to fix with a relationship.
Engage in self-reflection and examine if there’s a part of you that’s unresolved or unhappy, which you may be trying to fix with a relationship.
Your past relationships may shape your current ones. If you tend to fall too quickly, you might find yourself stuck in familiar patterns. You might always play the submissive role or fall for people with dominant personalities, giving in to their decisions.
Consider: Do your relationships follow a similar unhealthy pattern? If so, it could indicate you’re not falling for someone naturally, but out of a need to feel secure through love.
Consider: Do your relationships follow a similar unhealthy pattern? If so, it could indicate you’re not falling for someone naturally, but out of a need to feel secure through love.
Childhood experiences could be influencing your romantic choices. For some, a history of childhood trauma may be a factor in falling in love too quickly. Think about your upbringing: Was it chaotic? Were your parents absent, or did one of them leave you? Our early relationships with our parents often serve as blueprints for our future connections, and we may unknowingly repeat their mistakes.
