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Raising a child into a well-rounded individual takes a significant amount of time and energy. While having children may seem natural, playing the role of a good parent is much more complex. If you're looking to learn how to raise children, follow the steps outlined below.
Steps
Develop Healthy Habits
Prioritize your parental duties above all else. This can be challenging in a world full of distractions. A good parent always takes the initiative to organize and allocate time for their children. They place the development of their child's character as the top priority. Once you become a parent, you must learn to put the needs of your child above all other priorities and sacrifice your time for them. Of course, you should not neglect yourself but rather get used to the idea of putting your child's needs first.
- If you have a spouse, take turns caring for the child so that the other person has some "me time."
- When planning your weekly schedule, ensure that the needs of your child are the main focus.
Read books to children every day. By the age of 15, children will have a clear awareness of this. Building emotional connections through written words will help them develop a love for reading later in life. Set aside a time each day to read to them – usually at bedtime or during a nap. Dedicate at least 30 minutes to an hour if possible. Children who are read to daily will not only develop a passion for reading, but will also be more successful academically and behaviorally. Studies show that children who hear stories daily exhibit fewer behavioral problems at school.
- When children start learning to read or write, allow them to try on their own. Avoid correcting them every few seconds, as this can cause frustration.
Have dinner together as a family. One of the harmful trends in modern families is the gradual loss of family meals. The dining table is not just a place to eat, but also to teach and pass down our values. Family dynamics and traditions are subtly absorbed around the dinner table. Family mealtime should be a time to share and preserve ideals that children will carry with them throughout their lives.
- If your child is a picky eater, avoid criticizing their eating habits or staring at the foods they dislike. This will only make them negative about family meals.
- Involve children in meal preparation. Dinner will be more enjoyable if they help choose food at the grocery store or assist with setting the table, or even small tasks like washing vegetables. Older children can take on more tasks like washing veggies. Let the whole family participate in planning the weekly menu.
- Have light and open conversations during dinner. Don’t be too stern with your child. Simple questions like "Did you have a fun day today?" will suffice.
- Check out the article “Spending Time with Family at Dinner.”
Set a consistent bedtime. While it’s not necessary for children to fall asleep exactly within five minutes every night, having a set bedtime is essential. Research shows that children’s ability to learn declines by two levels after losing an hour of sleep, so it's crucial to ensure they rest as much as possible before school.
- Your schedule should also include relaxation time. Turn off music or electronics, talk softly with your child, or read them a story.
- Avoid giving children sugary snacks before bedtime, as it can make it harder for them to fall asleep.
Encourage children to develop skills weekly. While it’s not necessary to come up with ten different activities every week, make sure to find at least one or two activities your child enjoys and incorporate them into their regular routine. These could be anything from soccer to drawing – as long as they show a talent or interest. Ask your child what career they’d like to pursue in the future and encourage them to pursue those interests.
- Enroll your child in various classes to help them interact with other children.
- Don’t be lazy. If your child complains about attending piano lessons but you know they secretly enjoy music, don’t give in just because you don’t want to drive them there.
Give children time to play each day. "Playtime" doesn’t mean letting your child sit in front of the TV or chewing on a toy while you do the dishes. Playtime means giving your child the space to engage with fun toys in their room or play area while you guide them in discovering new games. Even if you're exhausted, you must show your child the benefits of play so they can enjoy it and learn on their own.
- It’s okay if you don’t have 80 million toys for your child. What matters is quality over quantity. You may even find that their favorite toy this month is simply an empty toilet paper roll.
Love Children
Learn to listen to children. The impact you have on your child's life is one of the greatest things you can do. Often, we fail to listen to children, and each time we do, we miss an opportunity to offer meaningful guidance. If you never listen to what your child has to say and only give orders, they will feel disrespected and uncared for.
- Encourage your child to speak up. Helping children express themselves early on can improve their communication skills as they grow older.
Respect your child. Never forget that your child is a real person, living and breathing, with needs and desires just like anyone else. If your child is a picky eater, don’t constantly nag about it at the dinner table; if your child is slow to potty train, don’t broadcast it to others to embarrass them; if you promise to take them to the movies for good behavior, don’t break that promise because you’re too tired.
- If you respect your child, there’s a good chance they will respect you in return.
Remember that love for your child is never too much. It is a mistake to think that loving your child “too much,” praising them “too much,” or showing “too much” affection can spoil them. Giving your child love, care, and attention is a positive way to encourage their growth. Giving toys without love, or not disciplining your child when they act out, can lead to negative behavior.
- Tell your child you love them at least once a day – but the more, the better.
Engage in your child’s daily life. It can be demanding to be involved in your child’s life every day, but if you want to encourage them to develop interests and character, you need to provide consistent support. This doesn’t mean being with your child every second but being present for all the little moments, from their first soccer match to the family fun at the beach.
- When your child starts school, make sure you know which class they are in and the names of their teachers. Review lessons with them, help with difficult tasks, but don’t do the work for them.
- As your child grows older, you can step back a little and encourage them to explore their own interests, without always being by their side.
Encourage independence. You can still be present to encourage your child to explore their own interests. Don’t tell them what to study; allow them to choose from various options. While you can help them get dressed, when shopping for clothes, bring them along so they can have a say in their appearance. If your child wants to play with friends or toys on their own, give them the opportunity to express themselves.
- The earlier you promote independence, the more likely your child will develop the ability to think like an adult.
Introduce children to discipline.
You should understand that children need boundaries.
Reward good behavior. Rewarding your child for good behavior is more important than punishing bad behavior. Let your child know when they’re doing something positive, which encourages more good actions in the future. When your child behaves well, such as sharing toys during playtime or showing patience in a car race, make sure to acknowledge the positive behavior; don’t stay silent and only punish when they act out.
- Don’t underestimate the importance of praise. Saying, “I’m so proud of you for…” can make your child feel that their good behavior is truly appreciated.
- Sometimes, you may give your child a toy or indulge them, but don’t make them think they deserve a toy every time they do something good.
Maintain consistency. If you want to discipline effectively, consistency is key. Don’t punish your child for doing something today and then offer them candy the next day to prevent the same behavior, or remain silent because you’re too tired to fight. If your child does something good, such as using the bathroom correctly during potty training, make sure to praise them every time they do it. Consistency in discipline strengthens positive behaviors.
- If both parents are involved in raising the child, they should agree on how to handle discipline and apply the same methods. In the household, avoid the “good cop, bad cop” parenting style.
Explain the rules clearly. If you truly want your child to understand discipline, you must explain why certain behaviors are not acceptable. Don’t just tell them not to act inferior to others or to clean their toys; explain why these actions are good for them, for you, and for society. Creating a connection between their actions and the meaning behind those actions helps them understand why you make these decisions.
Build Character
Teaching character through words alone is not enough. Virtue is formed through practice. Parents should help children develop moral behavior by maintaining self-discipline, keeping good habits, behaving kindly, and understanding that “what I do for others will be returned.” The foundation of character development is behavior – the behavior of the child. Even if a child is too young to demonstrate true humane behavior, you can still teach them to be respectful towards others, regardless of their age.
Set a good example. The best way for children to learn is through role models. In reality, you cannot avoid being an example for your child, whether good or bad. Setting a good example might be the most important task you have. If you shout at your child but tell them never to shout, kick the wall when you’re angry, or talk badly about the neighbors, your child will learn that these behaviors are acceptable.
- Start setting a good example every day. Children will pick up on your mood and actions sooner than you think.
Develop your child's hearing and sight as they learn. Children are like sponges. Most things they absorb should have moral value and be positive in nature. Books, songs, TV, the internet, and movies continuously send messages – both moral and immoral – to our children. As parents, it is our responsibility to guide the flow of thoughts and images that influence our children.
- If you and your child witness something upsetting, such as an argument at a grocery store or a violent scene on the news, don't miss the opportunity to talk with your child about it.
Teach good manners. Phrases like "Thank you", "Please", and showing respect for others will stay with your child for a lifetime and help them succeed in the future. Don’t underestimate the power of teaching your child how to behave appropriately with adults, respect elders, avoid fighting, or teasing other children. Good manners will follow them throughout their life, so you should be a model for good manners as early as possible.
- One of the good manners is knowing how to clean up after yourself. Teach your child to put away toys when they are still young, and by the time they are twenty-three, they will maintain a tidy home as if guests were visiting.
If you want your child to speak a certain way, you must speak that way yourself. Even if you feel like swearing, complaining, or saying something negative about someone in front of your child, or even over the phone, remember that your child is always listening. If you have a heated conversation with your spouse, it’s best to close the door to avoid your child copying your negative behavior.
- If you accidentally say something inappropriate and your child hears it, don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Apologize and explain that it won’t happen again. If you say nothing, your child will think it’s okay to use those words.
Teach your child to empathize with others. Empathy is a crucial skill, and you can't claim that you haven't taught it yet because it's too early. If a child understands empathy, they will view the world less harshly and will be able to put themselves in other people's shoes. For example, if your child comes home and tells you that Jimmy played unfairly with them, try to talk and understand what happened, and imagine how Jimmy felt and what led to his negative behavior. Or, if a waitress forgets your order at a restaurant, don’t say she is lazy or stupid; instead, say she’s probably exhausted from standing all day.
Teach your child to be grateful. Teaching true gratitude is not the same as always prompting your child to say "thank you". To teach true gratitude, you must always say "thank you" yourself, so your child can see this good behavior in action. If your child complains that everyone else has a new toy but you won’t buy it for them, remind them that there are people less fortunate than they are.
- Give your child the opportunity to see the different paths in life, so they understand that they still have many privileges, even if it means they won’t get a Nintendo DS for Christmas in the future.
- Simply saying, "I didn’t hear you say thank you..." after your child skips it won’t be as effective as you saying "thank you" and making sure your child hears you.
Advice
- Meet the parents of your child’s friends. You might form a close friendship in the process, but at the very least, you need to ensure that your child will be safe while visiting their friends’ homes.
- Read "how-to" books carefully. Today, a method might be praised for raising children, but tomorrow it could become a chapter on common mistakes that parenting methods often make.
