Buzz
Whether it's been a few months or several years since your breakup, it's natural to find yourself missing your ex-girlfriend and feeling the urge to reconnect. But what should you actually say when you text her? Whether you're just checking in, aiming to rekindle your friendship, or hoping for a second chance, a well-crafted message could help rebuild the bridge. We’ve put together 11 different messages you can send to your ex-girlfriend, even if it's been a while.
Steps
“Hey! I was thinking about you recently.”
Keep it light-hearted while reminiscing about positive moments. You can mention things like passing by her favorite spot, hearing a song she loves, or seeing something she would’ve appreciated. This approach is low-pressure, as you're not making any demands or setting expectations.
- “I stopped by Fambrini’s the other day, and it reminded me of you. How have you been?”
- “It’s been a while, but I had to send you this meme I knew you’d get a kick out of.”
- “I was reminded of you yesterday when ‘Dancing Queen’ came on. What’s new with you?”
- Smartphones occasionally pop up “memory” photos. That could be a perfect thing to share with her.
“I saw your recent post. Big congrats!”
Referencing a recent event can make your message feel more natural and less random. Sending congratulations for a milestone or achievement shows you're still thinking of her, whether you're hoping to reconnect as friends or something more. After breaking the ice, it's easy to keep the conversation flowing with open-ended questions.
- “Congrats on the promotion! You really earned it. How does it feel to be the boss now?”
- “Hey, I heard you moved to Chicago! How’s the city treating you?”
- If there aren't any major updates, comment on something small you saw online, like, “I saw the picture from your niece’s recital—she’s grown so much! How old is she now?”
“Do you still remember the name of that cafe we used to love?”
Asking a simple, non-personal question can make your text feel less awkward. Reaching out after a long time can feel a bit strange, but by asking something easy, you keep it light and increase the chances of a reply. Once you’ve exchanged a few casual texts, it’s easier to ask for a meetup or catch up.
- “Hey Rylee, I know this is random, but what was the name of that Portuguese place downtown?”
- “Hope you’re doing well! Do you still have the recipe for that amazing vegetarian casserole you made?”
- “Hi! Do you by any chance still have Tommy’s number from high school?”
“So random, but did you ever get that dog?”
Instead of just asking “What’s up?” ask specific questions about her life. Asking more targeted questions is a better way to show you truly care about how she's doing. This method works well if you're curious about what your ex is up to or if you're testing whether she’s open to rekindling a friendship.
- “It just hit me that it’s college admissions season. Has your sister picked a school yet?”
- “Hey! Just wanted to check in and see how apartment hunting went. Did you find a good place?”
- “I’m thinking of planning a trip to Japan. Did you end up going last summer like you mentioned?”
“I listened to that album you recommended. I’d totally give it a 10/10.”
Send a thoughtful message and then let her take the lead. Show her that she still has an influence on you by mentioning something she suggested, letting her know you miss her. If her response is brief, she may not be interested in reconnecting. But if she replies warmly or with nostalgia, you could have a chance to rebuild your friendship or something more.
- “I tried Ghanian food last night. You were right—it was amazing. Hope you’re enjoying your time in Portland.”
- “I went to a sports bar with some friends, and they were impressed by my Raiders trivia. I told them it was all thanks to you. Hope everything’s going great for you.”
- “You were right about South San Francisco—they’ve got surprisingly great sushi. Hope you’re not missing it too much now that you’re in Colorado.”
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Take the QuizExplore More Quizzes“Just wanted to let you know I care about you! I hope we can still stay friends.”
It’s perfectly fine to be upfront and express that you care, especially if things ended on good terms. After taking time apart through no contact, give her space to heal and then reach out to open the possibility of friendship. It’s natural to want to maintain a connection, especially if you were once close. Let her know there’s no pressure, and respect her boundaries if she decides against it.
- “I know things didn’t work out, but I miss our friendship. Reach out when you feel ready to talk.”
- “Hey, just wanted you to know I’m still here for you. I’ll always be your friend.”
- “No pressure, but I care about you, and I’d love to be friends if you’re open to it.”
“It’s been a while! How about catching up over coffee sometime?”
Suggest meeting in person if you're serious about reconnecting. Having a face-to-face conversation makes it easier to discuss rekindling a friendship or relationship. Keep the activity simple—maybe a walk or a quick coffee—and see if she's open to it.
- “Hey, I’d love to catch up if you’re in town. How about a walk sometime?”
- “Hi, Samantha! Are you free for coffee this Sunday? No pressure at all, just as friends.”
- “You crossed my mind the other day. How would you feel about grabbing coffee and catching up sometime this week?”
“I know I made a lot of mistakes, and I’d really like to talk about what happened.”
You might need to apologize before moving forward. Despite your best intentions, you may have hurt her emotionally. Send a heartfelt apology that acknowledges your past mistakes, and ask if she’d be willing to talk things through. If you meet, allow her time to process what you've said before discussing a potential second chance.
- “I know I messed up. I’m really sorry, and I can see where I went wrong now. Could we meet so I can apologize in person?”
- “I know it’s been years, but I still regret how I treated you. I took you for granted, and I realize that now. Would you be open to talking and clearing the air?”
- “I understand if you’re not interested in hearing from me. But I’m truly sorry for how I acted back then. Can I buy you a coffee and apologize?”
“Do you ever think about how things could have turned out differently for us? It’s been on my mind lately.”
Ask her how she feels about the way things ended. There’s a chance your ex may miss you just as much as you miss her. Once you understand her perspective, you can decide whether it’s a good time to meet or if giving the relationship another try makes sense. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, you’ll gain closure and can move forward.
- “Do you ever miss us being together? Honestly, I do.”
- “I know this might be a lot, but I still have feelings for you. Is there any chance you feel the same?”
- “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you lately. Do you ever miss what we had?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about how things ended. I really wish we could try again.”
Be direct about your intentions if you think she’d be open to rekindling the relationship. Before you reach out, consider your own motivations. Are you looking to get back together because you miss the comfort and familiarity, or because the relationship was truly meaningful? Once you're clear on why you're reaching out, send the message and see how she responds.
- “I miss cooking dinners together and even doing laundry. I miss everything about you. Would you give us another chance?”
- “Hey, I miss you, and I miss being with you. I’ve changed a lot over the last few months. Would you be willing to give us another try?”
- “I know things didn’t end the way either of us wanted. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting this past year. If you're open to trying again, let me know.”
- “Hey, I’m interested in seeing if there’s still a spark between us. Would you like to meet for a drink sometime?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 272 Mytour readers what change they’re most interested in before trying to date their ex again, and 63% said they want to focus on personal growth. [Take Poll]
“I’d love to clear the air between us so we can both move on.”
Send this text if you’re seeking closure. Even if you’re not interested in getting back together, discussing the reasons for the breakup can aid in healing. Research shows that understanding the cause of a breakup can help improve your self-esteem and future relationships.
- “I know it’s over between us, but I’d like to talk through some things so we can both heal. You know where to find me if you’re open to talking.”
- “Hey, it’s been a while. But I feel like we left a lot unsaid, and I’d really appreciate the chance to get closure. Let me know if you’re up for a conversation.”
- “I still think about how we left things. I wish we could meet and talk about what went wrong. I’m not expecting us to get back together—I just need closure. Would you be willing to talk?”
