How to React When Criticized for Your Appearance

When someone criticizes your looks, it's natural to start questioning the truth behind their words. However, what truly matters is how you feel about yourself, no matter what others say or think. If someone calls you unattractive, don't get angry or upset, but instead find a way to calmly respond. Then, begin your journey of self-acceptance and building confidence. You can discover your own beauty without focusing on your appearance. Additionally, don't hesitate to seek support from friends, adults, or a therapist if you're struggling with self-love.

Control Your Anger. If being criticized for your appearance strikes a sensitive chord, you'll likely feel frustrated and hurt. Try not to react immediately with stress. Instead, manage your emotions in a mature way. Aim to control your feelings before responding. If you notice yourself getting angry or upset, try deep breathing. Slowly elongate each breath, filling your lungs completely.

• Breathe from your abdomen, not your chest.
• Count your breaths. For example, inhale for 4 seconds, then exhale for 4 seconds.

Ignore Them. Not letting others' words affect you shows your ability to control the situation. When someone's words hurt you, they have imposed power over you. Don't give them that power. Ignore all the judgments and refrain from reacting emotionally. Your character speaks more about you than your appearance.

• Ignoring what others say may sound easier than it is; you will need to practice a bit.
• Repeat to yourself, “This person’s words and opinions cannot change how I feel about myself.”

Defend Yourself. Stand up for yourself and never back down. If you decide to speak out, do so with confidence. You can defend yourself by telling them their comments are hurtful and don't reflect who you are.

• For example, you can say, “I understand why you think I look unattractive, but your opinion doesn’t change who I am.”
• You might also say, “You’re not a beauty judge. I know I’m beautiful because I treat people with kindness.”

Turn Their Judgment into Affirmation. They may criticize your appearance, such as your big nose, curly hair, or large feet. These are natural traits and, in themselves, are not negative. Perhaps you have these features, and others find them unattractive, but that’s okay. Remember, they are the ones judging, and you don’t have to accept their negative energy.

• For example, you might say, “Yeah, my nose is big. You have really sharp eyes!”
• You could also say, “Why does appearance matter so much? Yeah, I have hairy arms, so what?”

Use Humor. Humor can defuse a tense atmosphere. However, don't use humor to respond to insults. It’s a great way to show their words can’t hurt you.

• Exaggerate their comment. For example, “What? I think I’m actually not bad... Not bad-looking at all, haha. Who knows, maybe one day a duckling will turn into a swan!”

Value Your Own Opinion Above Others. In the end, how you feel about yourself is more important than how others perceive you. There are countless opinions out there, but the most important one is the one you have about yourself. Learn to prioritize your own perspective over the gossip of others.

• If someone calls you unattractive, remind yourself that your opinion is more important than theirs, and they cannot make you feel ugly.

Focus on the Good, Not Just the Flaws. Many people judge themselves harshly. If you can easily list the things you dislike about yourself, try flipping the list to highlight the things you like about yourself. Look in the mirror and instead of focusing on what you don’t like, focus on the features you appreciate. It could be your eye color, skin tone, lips, hands, anything!

• Make a list of what you like about yourself and remind yourself of these things whenever you feel insecure.
• You could also include things your body is capable of. For example, “I love how flexible my body is, and I can dance beautifully.”

Accept Yourself. No one can define what is beautiful, normal, or cute. People often say, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and this applies to attraction as well. If you feel insecure about your appearance or what others say about you, learn to accept yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. View yourself as an imperfect being and embrace your imperfections.

• For example, you might say, “I’m not perfect, either in my character or my appearance. I accept myself, flaws and all.”
• If someone finds you unattractive, so what? That doesn't mean everyone will feel the same. Accept who you are and remember that you can’t please everyone.

Use Positive Affirmations. If being criticized about your appearance has affected how you see yourself, now is the time to change that. Focus on speaking positively about yourself with words that lift you up or plant seeds of positivity in your mind. Think of affirmations for the present and repeat them daily. At first, you might not believe them, but keep going and notice how you feel over time.

• For example, say (or write) “I am beautiful” or “My worth is more than just my appearance.”
• Write your affirmations on your bathroom mirror so you see them every morning. You can use colorful sticky notes or a dry erase marker.

Become Confident in everything you do. If you don’t know how to be confident or feel like you can’t, start acting as if you already are. Ask yourself, “What would a confident person do right now? How would they respond?” Begin to see yourself as a confident person, even if you don’t fully believe it yet. When others sense your confidence, they won’t dare mock or disrespect you.

• People often say, “Fake it until you make it.” Over time, you’ll realize that the confidence you’ve been acting on is truly yours.
• For example, if you hear someone mocking you as you walk by, just hold your head high and show them that you are confidently being yourself.

Do things that make you happy. If someone's negative comments leave you feeling down, try doing something that will help you feel better about yourself. While you can't instantly change your appearance, you can shift your focus to activities that bring you joy, peace, and comfort. These things can help relieve stress and improve your mood.

• For example, you could go for a walk, take a bath, write in a journal, or listen to music.
• Engage in activities you enjoy. It could be martial arts, sports, music, or cooking.

Take care of your body. Put some effort into self-care. For example, maintain personal hygiene like changing your clothes (including underwear and socks), showering regularly, brushing your teeth, and using deodorant. Make self-care a habit so that you feel more confident, such as dedicating some time in the morning to fix your hair, wear clean clothes that suit your style, and create the look you love.

• Choose a personal style that reflects who you are. Wear clothes that are comfortable and make you feel good about yourself.
• Being called "ugly" is different from being called "uncaring about self-care." Take responsibility for your image and the things you can change.

Talk to an adult. Whether you need guidance or just someone to talk to, having a conversation with an adult is always a good idea. This could be a teacher, a parent, a coach, or a spiritual mentor. They can listen and offer advice on how to handle situations when someone is trying to hurt you. They might even help you intervene or stand up to a bully.

• Adults have experience from their own youth and can offer advice based on that. You’ll be surprised by their understanding and helpfulness.

Be with true friends. If the people you consider your friends are mocking you and calling you ugly, it may be time to reconsider those relationships. A real friend will support and care about you, while acquaintances may just want to bring you down or make fun of you. Spend time with those who make you feel positive about yourself. After all, defeating the so-called ‘cool’ people with bad attitudes won't make you feel better in the end.

• Even if you're spending time with people who aren’t 'cool,' choose those who treat you well, respect you, and don't make you feel bad about yourself.
• Be around those who appreciate the real you, not because you’re ‘cool’ or attractive. They should be people who stand by you and like you for who you truly are, not for your appearance.

Consult a psychologist. If you're struggling with being bullied or having self-esteem issues, a psychologist can be of assistance. You'll learn how to manage emotions and build self-confidence. Should you be feeling anxious or depressed due to bullying and insults, a psychologist will help you feel better about yourself.

• Find a psychologist by calling (or asking a parent to call) a psychological clinic or your insurance provider. You can also ask for recommendations from your doctor or friends.

• Always consider the source. If you notice the bully behaves this way with everyone or is consistently rude, don't waste time or energy on them. Such individuals will never say anything constructive or impact your personal image positively.
• If these negative comments are coming from within yourself rather than others, it indicates you're holding a negative view of yourself. Find someone trustworthy to talk to, who can help you rebuild your self-confidence.