Buzz
If you're trying to figure out if someone is bisexual because you'd like to invite them out or simply want to be supportive, it's not something you can easily tell based on their appearance. However, by paying attention to their actions and words, you might get an idea. The best approach, though, is to talk with them. If you're interested in dating, consider asking them out or starting off as friends. Also, remember that sexual orientation is a private matter, so it's important not to invade their privacy or pressure them into revealing it.
Steps
Observe their actions and words
Review past relationships and crushes. If someone is bisexual, they are likely to have had romantic relationships or feelings for both men and women. Pay attention to what they share about their past partners or crushes. Also, listen to what they say about people they are interested in dating.
- For example, you might have a friend who is dating a guy, but has previously had what seemed like a romantic connection with a girl. Your friend could be bisexual, but it's not a certainty.
- Similarly, you might know a guy who regularly dates women but frequently mentions how interesting a male friend is. He could be bisexual.
Pay attention to how they talk about the attractiveness of others. Bisexual individuals can appreciate the beauty of both genders, but that doesn't mean they find everyone appealing. To see if someone might be bisexual, listen to how they comment on other people's bodies. Alternatively, you could make a comment about someone else and observe how they respond.
- For example, if you're at the beach, a bisexual guy might say things like, “That girl looks great,” as well as compliment, “That guy’s abs are amazing.”
- Remember, this isn’t a definitive sign that someone is bisexual, as some people are very open about commenting on others’ bodies.
Notice if they use the term 'they' when talking about their significant other or crush. Bisexual individuals who haven't come out might not want you to know the gender of their partner. Instead of using 'he' or 'she,' they might say 'they' or 'that person.' Pay attention if they tend to use these terms.
- For instance, they might say, “I ran into my ex the other day. They’re doing well, but I’m honestly glad we broke up.”
- They could be using 'they' because their partner prefers it, or they believe gendered pronouns are outdated. Don’t jump to conclusions that they are bisexual just because of this.
Observe if they avoid discussing their romantic life. Bisexual people may not like talking about their relationships because they don’t want to reveal too much. Consider if they never bring up their love life, even when you ask. Then, share your own romantic experiences and see how they react.
- You might say, “Dating these days is tough. I had a first date last week, but it didn’t go too well.” Wait to see if they share anything in return.
- Don’t pressure them into sharing if they’re not ready. Also, don’t assume someone is bisexual just because they’re private about their personal life. They might just be a naturally reserved person.
Avoid assuming someone is bisexual based on their appearance or speech. Sometimes, media depicts bisexual people as looking both masculine and feminine, or overly sexualized. However, both of these stereotypes are incorrect. Don't judge someone based on their clothing, hairstyle, walk, or speech.
- For example, don't assume a girl with short hair and more masculine clothes must be a lesbian or bisexual.
Engage them in a conversation about sexual orientation.
It’s important to understand that there are many different sexual orientations out there. Sexual orientation is a complex and still grey area, so it’s not accurate to label someone as bisexual just because they feel attraction to more than one gender. In addition to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight, there are other orientations such as:
- Pansexual, meaning you are attracted to anyone regardless of their gender or gender identity.
- Sexual fluidity, meaning a person’s sexual orientation can change over time.
- Bisexual, meaning you are attracted to both genders, and the term can also be used interchangeably with bisexuality.
- Asexual, meaning you do not experience sexual attraction to anyone.
Discuss your sexual orientation to open up the topic. Being open about your own sexual orientation, whatever it may be, can make others feel more comfortable and willing to open up to you. Bring up the subject of sexual orientation to see if the other person is interested in discussing it. If they seem at ease, share your own experience.
- You might say, "I just watched a show that portrayed both gay and bisexual characters in a great way. What do you think about these characters?" If they respond positively, you can follow up with, "I'm bisexual, and I appreciate how they didn’t stereotype the characters like that."
Let them know that you support the LGBTQ+ community. Coming out about your sexual orientation can be daunting, especially when you’re unsure how others will react to LGBTQ+ issues. Expressing your support for the community lets others know that you are an ally without necessarily disclosing your own sexual orientation. Be open about your stance and make it clear that you’re there for your LGBTQ+ friends.
- You could say, "I think love is love, and I support the LGBTQ+ community," or "I started questioning my sexual orientation before puberty, and last year, I came out as a lesbian. Now, I’m doing my best to support my LGBTQ+ friends."
Ask them about their sexual orientation if they are comfortable with it. The only sure way to know if someone is bisexual is to ask them directly. If you feel they are open to discussing it, ask them. If they choose not to answer, respect their privacy and change the topic.
- You can ask questions like, "Have you ever wondered about your sexual orientation?" or "Do you think you might be bisexual?"
- If they don’t want to answer, you can say, "No worries. How was your week?"
Let them decide when and if to come out. While your intentions may be good, it’s important to remember that they don’t need to be open with you if they aren’t ready. A person’s sexual orientation is a personal matter, and you shouldn’t pressure them to share it with you before they’re ready. Give them the time and space they need to come out on their own terms. Also, don’t disclose their information if they decide to open up to you.
- If they tell you they are bisexual, keep it confidential. If someone else asks about them, say, "If you want to know, you should ask them directly."
Do not discuss other people's sexual orientation. It's understandable if you're hesitant to talk about someone's sexual orientation. However, avoid gossiping and spreading rumors that could hurt others. Keep your thoughts and questions about someone's sexuality to yourself until you feel comfortable asking them directly.
- For example, avoid saying things like “I heard An and Linh kissed last night. Do you think they might be bisexual?”
Invite them on a date
Invite the person to go on a date if they've openly told you they are bisexual. Once you know they can be romantically interested in both genders, feel free to ask them out. Let them know you're hoping for a romantic encounter, and suggest a few activities both of you would enjoy.
- Say something like “I’d like to hang out with you and I think we could be more than just friends. Would you want to go bowling with me this Friday as a first date?”
Tip: Remember, being bisexual doesn’t mean they are automatically attracted to everyone. They may still not be interested in a romantic relationship.
Invite them as friends if you're unsure whether they are bisexual. It can be challenging to maintain just a friendship with someone you have feelings for, but developing a friendship with the person can help you determine if they are open to dating you. Consider both of your shared interests and pick an activity you both enjoy. Invite them as friends.
- For example, if you both like a certain band, you might say “Cá Hồi Hoang is performing this Friday. Would you like to join me?”
Spend time with your partner to help them feel comfortable and open up to you. Invite them to hang out to deepen the friendship. Additionally, text them every day to maintain constant communication. This will make them feel at ease around you, and they may become more open about their sexual orientation.
- Be open about your own sexual orientation so they can feel safe sharing their own.
- You can say something like, “I still remember the first time I secretly liked a girl. Has that ever happened to you?”
Flirt if you think the other person is interested in you. Start by complimenting their appearance. Then, try commenting on their body. If they seem receptive, call them a cute nickname to see how they respond. When you're ready, gently touch them to break the personal space barrier.
- Take it slow so both of you feel comfortable with what’s happening.
- You could compliment them with something like, “Wow, your shirt really flatters your figure,” or “Your butt looks amazing in those jeans.”
Note: If the other person seems uncomfortable, back off immediately. Always respect their boundaries.
Face rejection by spending time with your friends. Dating can be tough, and sometimes you’ll experience rejection. While this might feel bad, rejection doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means they aren’t the one for you. To feel better, hang out with friends who will remind you that you’re still loved.
- You could also write a list of things you love about yourself to boost your confidence.
Advice
- Remember that just because your bisexual friend may be attracted to people of the same gender, it doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in dating you. Don’t feel the need to change your behavior when you're around them.
- If the other person comes out to you as bisexual, don’t share that information with others unless they give you permission. They may only want to be open with people they trust.
- They may still be exploring their sexual orientation, and that’s perfectly fine. Don’t rush to label them if they’re not ready to do so themselves.
Warning
- Never harass or bully someone because of their sexual orientation. If you witness someone being bullied, report it to the proper authorities immediately.
