Buzz
It can be tricky to distinguish between having genuine feelings for someone and simply enjoying the concept of being with them. To understand how you truly feel about someone and how their presence affects you, you need to be honest with yourself. This is the crucial first step toward finding a meaningful connection!
Steps
Identifying the Signs of Attraction
Evaluate whether you feel happy after a date with them. A key way to determine whether you like someone is by spending time with them alone. If the conversation feels easy, they make you smile, and you leave the date feeling content and uplifted, it's a strong indicator that you're fond of them.
- If you don't feel at ease or if they seem distant during your time together, this might suggest that there's no real chemistry between you two.
- Don't feel guilty about ending things after a bad date. Ultimately, you're saving both yourself and the other person time and emotional energy.
Notice if you feel a rush when they call or message you. If you find yourself rushing to check your phone when they text or always picking up their calls without hesitation, it's a clear sign that you're genuinely interested in them. Even during hectic days, you'll feel a strong desire to reach out just to let them know you're thinking about them!
- If their messages don’t excite you and you don’t feel compelled to reply, it might mean you only see them as a friend.
Be aware of things that constantly remind you of them. If you keep noticing things that make you think about them, it’s a good indication that you care about them. Take note of how many times during the day you share something you know they'd love, or when you mention them in conversations with friends or family.
- If you rarely think about them, you might only be with them when you're feeling lonely.
Spend time with others and see if you miss them. Hanging out with friends or family gives you the chance to be around people you enjoy. If you catch yourself wishing they were there too, or wanting to share your experiences with them, it’s a strong sign that you like them.
- If you don’t miss them when you’re with others, take a moment to reflect. You might be distracted by the people around you, or you may only like them because you fear being alone. Be honest with yourself about your feelings.
Observe if they are the first person you reach out to with good or bad news. A relationship thrives when you have someone to celebrate the highs and help you navigate the lows. If something significant happens, notice who you contact first. If it’s them, you likely hold them in high regard and trust them deeply.
- It’s natural to contact people like parents or your best friend first, but they should be one of the first to hear from you in important moments.
Assessing Your Compatibility
Assess if your core beliefs, hobbies, and future goals match. Many people have non-negotiables in a relationship, such as differing views on marriage, values, and other personal interests. Asking your date about their morals, passions, and long-term aspirations can help determine if you're a good fit and uncover potential issues.
- For instance, you might inquire, “What qualities do you cherish most in a friendship?” or, “What’s something that’s off-limits to joke about?”
- If you feel comfortable, you could ask, “What do you seek in a relationship?” or, “What’s your ideal partner like?”
- Remember, even small things matter. You can ask, “How do you typically spend your weekends?” or, “Would you prefer camping in the mountains or a trip to the beach?” to see if your general interests align.
- If you touch them and they seem uncomfortable, this could indicate they’re not ready for a relationship.
- Trust your instincts when it comes to physical attraction. If there’s no desire to touch or be close to them, it may suggest you don’t have romantic feelings.
Consider if you’re drawn to their personality and value their opinions. There are countless physically attractive people, but it’s rare to find someone whose thoughts and values matter to you beyond just physical attraction. If their kindness or intellect is what stands out when you think of them, that’s a strong indicator that you like them for who they truly are.
- It’s okay to be attracted to their looks, as long as you also appreciate their personality and mind. If all you can think about is their appearance, you might just be experiencing lust, which tends to fade with time.
Exploring Your True Feelings
Talk to someone you trust about your feelings. Take some time to sit down with a close friend or family member who you trust and talk through your emotions. Sometimes, an outsider can provide clarity since they aren’t involved. Share how you feel when you’re around the other person, and get their perspective.
- It’s best to choose a friend who doesn’t know the other person, to avoid potential drama or secrets.
- Be prepared to hear feedback you might not want to, and try not to get upset with your friend.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1458 Mytour readers who they turn to when facing personal issues, and 61% said they reach out to their best friend for support. [Take Poll]
- Your best friend knows you deeply, so they can help you gain insight into your emotions.
Examine whether you fear being alone. Many people struggle with the idea of solitude, even if it’s just for short periods. If the thought of being alone makes you uneasy and you're seeking out someone solely for company, your feelings might not be entirely authentic. If you’ve recently relocated to a new city and find yourself without friends, you might just be longing for companionship.
- If this resonates with you, you might want to learn how to appreciate your own company. This can be an effective way to understand your feelings, as it shows how you feel in their absence.
Fun Fact: Anuptophobia, or a fear of being alone, is closely linked to codependency and may lead to irrational fears about loneliness.
Recognize when you're feeling jealous. Jealousy is often a clear sign of romantic interest. If you experience discomfort or distress when they interact with others, especially those they might be romantically involved with, it could indicate genuine feelings for them.
- Although jealousy can sometimes be a natural reaction, it’s important not to let it spiral into controlling behavior. Try not to let jealousy overtake your emotions, as they’re likely thinking of you too!
- If jealousy has caused issues in the past or if you feel it’s becoming unmanageable, it might help to learn how to manage your jealousy before entering a relationship.
Heads Up: Be cautious of pathological jealousy, as it signals unhealthy behavior that fosters toxic relationships.
Join the Conversation...
I don't believe I've experienced love yet, but I’ve heard it's supposed to be the best feeling ever. What does it actually feel like? How do you know when you’re really in love?
When you're in love, everything seems brighter and more exciting. You find yourself thinking about them all the time and looking forward to spending time with them. Being around them brings you joy and contentment. You accept them fully, including their flaws, and you're willing to make sacrifices and compromises for both them and the relationship.
Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
In my view, it’s all about a biochemical response. When we "fall in love," something inside us triggers an overwhelming sense of euphoria. It's a rare feeling in life, and it makes us act differently. We get playful, lose our inhibitions, and eagerly await their responses. In love, we don’t behave like we do in our regular routines.
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Join the DiscussionMaster the Basics of Dating with this Expert Series
1
Begin Dating
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Mytour’s Complete Dating Guide
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Determine if You're Physically Attracted to Someone
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Recognize if You Truly Like Someone
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Am I Ready for a Relationship? Quiz
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Understand the Person You're Seeing
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Always stay true to yourself and be honest with the person you're interested in. It's essential that they get to know the real you, not a version you’ve created.
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At the start of a relationship, it's important to keep things light and casual to prevent anyone from getting hurt. Take your time getting to know each other before diving into a serious commitment.
Important Reminders
- If you're uncertain about your feelings toward them, be considerate of their emotions and avoid misleading them by making promises of a relationship.
- If you decide not to pursue a romantic relationship, don’t end the friendship. Give them some space, but reassure them that you still value their friendship.
