Buzz
It’s not uncommon for a married boss to show a friendly interest in their staff, but how do you know if they’re taking things a step too far? The balance between maintaining a professional and personal relationship varies from boss to employee, but there are clear signs that your boss might be romantically interested in you. We’ve consulted relationship experts to provide a comprehensive list of clues to help you figure out if your married boss likes you romantically. If you're eager to get to the bottom of this, this article is for you!
This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, John Keegan. Read the full interview here.
Steps
They want to spend time with you outside of work.
If they’re eager to hang out after hours, it indicates they’re seeking more than just a professional relationship. Dating expert John Keegan advises looking for signs such as "intense eye contact, engaging in conversations unrelated to work, getting personal, and other behaviors that signal a desire to get to know you better." They may ask you out directly or suggest an outing as a reward for working late or overtime.
- Does your boss only invite you and not your colleagues? This increases the likelihood that they’re attracted to you.
- Your boss may also extend personal invitations to join them at work events, happy hours, or office holiday parties.
They find reasons to interact with you during work hours.
A boss with romantic interest will go out of their way to spend time alone with you. Imagine the saying ‘this meeting could have been an email,’ but taken to the extreme. They’ll often stop by your desk, check in on your progress, or set up unnecessary one-on-one meetings just for the extra time together.
- Are they making an effort to engage with you specifically at work functions like holiday parties or happy hours? That indicates they value your company more than others’.
They make an extra effort to ease your workload.
Is your boss being unusually generous with their help and flexible with you? This is a strong sign of attraction (or at least favoritism). Watch for things like abundant praise, placing more value on your opinions than others’, staying late to assist you, excusing your errors, or extending your deadlines.
- Bosses are typically swamped. If they’re making time for you at their own expense, it’s likely they have feelings for you.
They make extravagant promises.
As the boss, they may offer enticing opportunities to you. This could be a bonus, a pay raise, a promotion, or even a new office. Ask yourself whether you're being presented with these perks before colleagues who have more seniority, better performance, or longer tenure. If so, it might indicate favoritism.
- Don’t jump to conclusions and think that these offers stem from romantic interest—after all, you’re likely working hard!
They initiate personal conversations.
If your boss has romantic feelings for you, they’ll want to establish a personal connection. They’ll engage in conversations unrelated to work to learn more about you as a person. Dating coach John Keegan notes, "really saying, 'hey, we should meet outside', really someone being so bold as to say 'we should meet outside of work and hang out sometime' is a clear sign that they want to know you besides your working relationship." Listen for questions about your social life and love life, or instances where your boss reveals personal details about themselves to you. Other indicators could include:
- They confide personal issues in you.
- They ask coworkers about you to discover more about your life.
- They talk a lot about their hobbies and interests to find common ground with you.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1954 Mytour readers, and 61% of them agreed that the best way to respond when your boss confides in you about personal issues is to show empathy and offer support. [Take Poll]
They rarely mention their spouse.
If they’re interested in you, they likely won’t speak highly of their spouse. They might seldom mention them, or if they do, it could be with complaints or sarcastic remarks. They may even play with or remove their wedding ring in your presence to signal openness to more than just their marriage.
- Pay attention if they avoid or hang up on calls from their spouse when you’re around.
- If your boss behaves very differently in front of their spouse, such as at a holiday party or formal event, it’s likely because they don’t want their partner to witness their behavior around you.
They seem particularly curious about your love life.
Do they ask about your partner more than just casual conversation? If they show increased interest in your relationship status, it’s a clear sign of romantic interest. Dating coach John Keegan suggests, "flirting [could] be eye contact, being curious about your relationship status, specifically asking to do something in the evenings or weekends like [grab] a drink." Observe their reaction when you mention your partner—they may display jealousy, sadness, or discomfort. They might ask questions like:
- "Please tell me you don't have a boyfriend, do you?"
- "So how's everything going with your fiancé?"
- "I heard you had a big blowout with your partner. Are you staying together?"
They connect with you on social media.
While it’s no big deal to be social media friends in personal settings, it takes on a different meaning when your boss adds you. This could indicate they have a personal interest in you, as it provides them with a glimpse into your life beyond work—something they may want if they’re romantically interested.
- If your relationship with your boss is more casual and friendly, this might not raise any red flags. Use your judgment about whether it’s appropriate to add them back.
- If you prefer not to accept, feel free to ignore the request. If they inquire why you haven’t added them, simply explain you prefer to keep your personal and professional lives separate.
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Take the QuizExplore More QuizzesThey give you presents.
Gift-giving is a strong indicator of affection. This is especially true when it's from a boss, who might use it to show off their wealth or prove they see you as more than just an employee. Direct gifts, such as a tie or perfume, are clear signs. Even subtle acts, like purchasing your favorite coffee, count as well.
- Gifts could also include making sure your preferred snacks or drinks are always stocked in the break room, or providing a new air conditioner for your area of the office.
- If you’re the only employee receiving gifts from the boss, it’s a good sign that you’ve caught their romantic interest.
They text you for no specific reason.
A text or call without a work-related purpose is likely an attempt to catch your attention. If your boss reaches out without a professional reason, they’re probably thinking about you more than they should. Pay attention if they’re asking about your personal life, sending random jokes, or just checking in with a simple “hey” (things they might say to their partner).
- If these messages are occasional, there’s likely no cause for concern. But if they’re frequent or happen daily, there could be a romantic interest.
They shower you with compliments.
They’ll constantly praise you, your appearance, and other non-work aspects of your life. Take note if these compliments come regularly, possibly even daily. If it’s a rare compliment, there’s probably no romantic agenda. But if it happens often, your boss is likely trying to charm you.
- Compliments could be about your clothing, style, physique, personality, or achievements outside of work.
- Your boss might praise you in front of others. This can feel awkward if it's work-related, and inappropriate if it's personal.
- If these compliments make you uncomfortable or feel like harassment, reach out to HR for advice on how to handle the situation.
They’re subtly flirtatious with you.
Their flirting will be discreet since they’re at work (and married). Look for subtle signs that they’re interested. Dating coach John Keegan highlights some behaviors to watch for: "subtle flirting might include eye contact, playful comments, or light touches at the end of a joke." They might also give extra compliments, publicly praise you, or “accidentally” brush against you.
- Observe how your boss behaves with other employees. If they flirt with everyone, it’s just their nature. If it’s only with you, they likely have a special interest.
You notice them staring at you.
Prolonged or intense eye contact is a common sign that someone may be interested in you. If you catch your boss stealing frequent or flirty glances toward you, or even just gazing at you from across the room, it’s a clear indication. Strong eye contact is a strong signal to watch for.
Your boss pays extra attention to their appearance.
Has your boss suddenly had a style transformation? If their appearance changes unexpectedly, it could be an attempt to catch someone’s eye (specifically yours!). Look for a bold new outfit, a fresh hairstyle, extra makeup, or even a change in their facial hair intended to impress.
- If your boss was already known for being well-groomed, then it’s less likely that these changes are for your attention alone.
- People change their look for many reasons, but if these changes coincide with other flirtatious signs, your hunch may be right.
They display flirtatious or sensual body language.
Even if your boss doesn't say anything, their body language speaks volumes. Do they always sit next to you during meetings or walk you down the hallway? Maybe they like leaning in or resting their hands on your desk while talking. These are signs that they may have feelings that go beyond just professionalism.
- Look out for other clues like standing very close to you or having their feet pointed in your direction while they talk.
- Mirroring is another subtle but flirtatious body language cue. Watch for your boss to smile when you smile, lean in when you lean in, or match your posture.
They become physically touchy with you.
Does your boss touch or hug you more than what feels necessary? Maybe they 'accidentally' bump into you or graze you often. A congratulatory pat on the back or handshake can be standard office behavior, but anything more intimate might suggest your boss has romantic (and physical) feelings towards you.
- Observe how your boss interacts with other employees. For example, if they hug everyone, it’s less likely they see you in a different way.
- If you feel that your boss’s behavior crosses into sexual harassment, reach out to HR or a trusted support network to address the situation.
They try to distance themselves from you.
If they feel their attraction is inappropriate, they might act distant. They may suddenly seem aloof, uninterested, or excessively strict because they feel guilty about their feelings for an employee. It's possible they’ll also try to avoid or ignore you professionally as much as possible.
- This behavior might be a way of suppressing their emotions. Give them space to process these feelings and move on (as much as possible within the work environment).
Your coworkers are noticing.
If everyone at work thinks the boss is flirting, it’s likely true! Employees observe how the boss interacts with others, especially when they seem unusually friendly, lenient, or nervous around someone. If a coworker brings it up to you, take that as a clear sign—the boss has feelings for you.
- Depending on how well you get along with your coworkers, they might tease you about it, ask if you've noticed, or act like it’s no big deal.
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Trust your instincts. If you and your colleagues see your boss acting differently toward you, it’s likely there’s something to it.
