How to Reduce Judgment

It’s easy to unintentionally judge others without realizing it. You might think you know how people should look, think, or behave. Often, you may feel more comfortable with the thought that you understand everything, but judgmental attitudes can hinder you from making new friends and trying new things. Fortunately, you can learn to reduce judgment by changing your perspective, expanding your view, and maintaining an open mind.

Positive Thinking. A negative mindset can lead to judgmental thoughts. You should try to focus on the positive aspects of every situation rather than only paying attention to the negatives. When you find yourself thinking negatively, push back and make an effort to find something better.

• You can still be realistic while thinking positively. You don’t need to ignore the negative aspects, but don’t focus entirely on them.
• Don’t be discouraged on bad days. Forgive yourself when you feel down or have negative thoughts.
• A positive attitude can improve your life in many ways!

Separate people's actions from their character. Sometimes, you may see someone do something unacceptable, like stealing someone else's lunch money or cutting in line. While their actions are wrong, you shouldn’t judge them solely based on one incident. They might have positive qualities you haven't seen yet.

• Consider that their actions could be driven by circumstances you don’t understand. For example, the person who stole lunch money might have gone without food for two days.

Recognize when you're judging someone. Stop judgment at its roots by becoming aware of when you're having negative thoughts about others. When you catch yourself silently criticizing someone, ask yourself if those thoughts benefit you or them. Then, replace them with a compliment.

• For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, "That girl needs to lose weight," counter that thought by asking, "How does this concern me?" Then, find something positive to say, like, "You have a beautiful smile!"

Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Every person is unique with their own talents, skills, personality, and life experiences. Additionally, people’s characters are shaped by how they were raised, including where they grew up, how they were treated, and their living conditions. When learning about others, try to imagine yourself in their position. Even if you wouldn’t make the same choices, accept that they have the right to make their own decisions.

• For example, the person you find annoying and clingy might have had a childhood without parental care. Or the person you think lacks ambition in school might be prioritizing earning money to support their family.

Find common ground. Whenever you catch yourself about to judge someone for being different from you, focus on the similarities instead of the differences. Everyone shares common ground, as we are all human! This helps you see them in a more positive light, rather than through the blurred lens of judgment.

• Start a conversation and look for topics where both of you can connect. You’ll realize that the other person isn’t as different from you as you might think.

Be grateful for what you have. Appreciate the good things in your life, especially those that have helped you achieve what you have. Cherish your friends, family, health, opportunities, relationships, and how you were raised. Understand that not everyone has the same privileges, so it’s unfair to judge others for living differently from you.

• If you feel the urge to say something negative about someone, take a deep breath and wish them as much happiness and good fortune as you have in your own life.

Show compassion. Compassion is the opposite of judgment. Instead of criticizing and thinking poorly of others, try to empathize with them, imagining their thoughts and feelings. It may not be easy to shift from thinking negatively about someone to wishing them the best, but this transformation is possible. Focus on offering others what they need and helping them, rather than desiring bad things for them.

• Compassion is also the key to finding happiness. If you want to become a kinder person, you must develop a positive perception of everyone and the world around you.

Nurture curiosity. Curiosity is a wonderful way to overcome judgmental attitudes. Instead of resorting to criticism, let your curiosity guide you to explore something you don't yet know. Try to focus on possibilities rather than just concentrating on what’s wrong or different.

• For example, you might see someone cut in line at the lunch counter. Instead of judging them as rude, consider that they might be rushing to an important appointment or dealing with health issues.

Step out of your comfort zone. Actively seek new experiences that are different from your usual routine. Initial experiences may be daunting, but they can also be incredibly exciting! You could invite friends to try new things with you! Here are some ways to step outside your comfort zone:

• Take a different form of transportation to work.
• Try a new dish you've never tasted before.
• Watch a movie with subtitles.
• Attend a religious ceremony different from your own beliefs.
• Do something that scares you, like standing on top of a skyscraper, hiking, or eating raw fish.

Socialize with different groups of people. You’ll have an opportunity to expand your mind if you make an effort to engage with people who are different from you in various ways. Whether your friends come from diverse racial, cultural, religious, or professional backgrounds, being around those from different circumstances and viewpoints can help you understand the variety of opinions in the world.

• You don’t need to become close friends with people from all walks of life, but you should try to learn more about those who aren’t exactly like you. You’ll only truly grow through experience.
• When you become friends with someone you once thought you had nothing in common with, you’ll gain a better understanding and develop a more open mindset.
• Let your friends know you’d like to join them at events they invite you to. You could say, "How great that your family from Japan is visiting! I love Japanese culture. Please let me know if there are any events you’re attending."

Attend an event that you usually wouldn't find interesting. Choose an activity that you typically consider boring, silly, or trivial. Challenge yourself to step in and participate. Try to learn something new! By simply attending, you'll have the chance to meet new people, discover new perspectives, and do something that expands your mind.

• For example, you could attend a poetry reading, a salsa dance class, or a political meeting.
• Talk to people there and try to understand them. If at any point you find yourself judging someone, imagine how you would feel if they judged you, especially when you're not in their shoes.

Travel as much as you can. These trips will broaden your horizons and allow you to experience the lives of many people from all over the world. If you're on a budget, you can visit nearby cities or plan a weekend trip to a different province. The key here is to realize that there are countless ways of life, and no one way of speaking or acting is absolutely right.

• You can save money while traveling by staying at hostels.
• Set a goal to travel at least once a year. This will give you the opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and interact with diverse people.
• You could also try "virtual travel". Pick up a travel book about a distant destination and immerse yourself in the pages. Take it a step further by watching a movie set in that place.

Spend a day visiting your friend's house. You’ll notice that other families have completely different lifestyles than yours. Even if you and they share similar activities, there will still be many differences. This is perfectly normal!

• Ask your friend to take you to special events, like a cultural activity or a religious ceremony. However, don't pressure them to invite you if they’re not comfortable with the idea.

Learn something from everyone you meet. Each person has value in your life because they offer important lessons. Ask yourself what you can learn from each individual, whether it’s knowledge, skills, or a lesson about yourself.

• For example, someone from a different culture might share knowledge about their customs and traditions. Similarly, someone with artistic talent may teach you a new skill.
• You should also be kind and share with others. Be proactive in opening up and sharing.

Ask lots of questions. This will help you better understand others and their backgrounds. You can also expand your understanding of different contexts, cultures, and customs.

• If you want to get to know someone truly, you'll need to learn more about their circumstances. You might ask questions like: Do you have siblings? Where are you from? What are you studying? What is your occupation? What do you like to do on weekends?
• Don't force the person to answer your questions. However, your genuine interest can encourage them to open up to you.

Stop insisting that you're always right. Everyone has their own perspective on how the world should function, and often these viewpoints clash. Whether or not you act based on the knowledge you've gained, your perspective is still shaped by your own set of values. Everyone is just like you, so accept that they may not agree with you.

• Next time you're involved in a debate, remember that the other person might have valuable insights.
• Focus on sharing your perspective instead of trying to change the other person’s mind.
• Keep in mind that most situations are complex and can't easily be judged as "right" or "wrong" – there are many shades of gray between black and white.

Develop your own viewpoint. Tune out the gossip and negative information you hear about a person, culture, or group, etc. Stand against prejudices before jumping to conclusions about anyone. Don’t let yourself be misled by false information.

• Remember that everyone has their own motives when they spread rumors or criticisms. For example, someone might talk negatively about someone out of jealousy, or they may share concerns about unfamiliar ideas out of fear.
• Think about times when you've been the subject of rumors. Would you want people to judge you based on that gossip?

Don't judge people by their appearance. While it's true that people often express themselves through their clothing, this doesn't mean you can fully understand a person just by looking at them. Similarly, there are many different types of people in the world, each with their own way of living.

• For example, don't assume that someone with tattoos and piercings can't have a professional job.
• Next time you're out, take a look at yourself in the mirror. What do you think people will assume about you based on your appearance that day? Are they right or wrong?

Stop labeling others. You can't fully understand a person based on the labels you assign to them. In fact, this only limits your perspective of them. Try to see each person as an individual. Learn to look beyond their appearance or the people they associate with, and focus on understanding their personal story before making any conclusions.

• For example, don't label others as quirky, bookworms, jocks, etc.

Avoid judging others. Let people show who they truly are instead of assuming you already know. You are only seeing a small facet of each person you meet, and if you judge them, it’s based on just a brief glimpse. Your perspective may change once you learn more about them.

• Accept others for who they are, in their own unique way.
• Is it fair for someone to judge you based on just a five-minute conversation? How much can they really understand about you in that short time?

Give others another chance. Sometimes, there are people who get on your nerves, but try not to label them as the worst. After all, you also have days when things don’t go perfectly, don’t you? Avoid rushing to judgment and allow yourself to dismiss negative thoughts.

• For example, that person may simply be having a bad day when you encounter them. Similarly, those who seem shy at first might be wrongly labeled as distant or arrogant.

Don’t gossip behind others' backs. Gossip spreads harmful rumors and leads people to judge others without knowing the full truth. Moreover, if you become known as a gossip, people will only come to you to exchange trivial stories, but no one will actually trust you.

• The next time you’re about to say something negative about someone, flip the conversation and say something positive instead. For instance, rather than saying, "Did you know An was out with Chien all night yesterday?" try saying, "Did you know An is an amazing artist? You should check out their artwork sometime!" Think about how much better you’ll feel spreading positive things instead.

• Remember, everyone is different, and that’s what makes the world so interesting!

• Focus on your own life instead of trying to impose on others.
• Judgmental attitudes can hurt others as well as yourself.