How to Regain Your Composure

Anger, stress, and anxiety can easily lead anyone to feel agitated. Although it may seem impossible to control your emotions, you can learn how to stay calm. This valuable skill helps you cope with unexpected situations and emotions. Let's explore physical and mental exercises that can assist in managing and overcoming these uncomfortable situations.

Begin by practicing diaphragmatic breathing. Start by taking a deep breath for 5 seconds, allowing your abdomen to fully expand, hold for 5 seconds, then exhale for 5 seconds. Take a few normal breaths, then repeat the diaphragmatic breathing until you feel less tense. This breathing technique ensures that air reaches the bottom of the lungs, which is particularly helpful when you're feeling short of breath or unable to breathe deeply (often caused by anxiety, anger, or stress).

• Controlled breathing signals your body that it's time to relax by sending calming neurological signals to help you ease down.

Pay attention to your surroundings and your body's sensations. Mindfulness can bring peace to your mind by gently focusing your attention on your senses and the environment around you. Pay attention to sounds, temperature, scents, tactile sensations, and your breath. Focus on them until you begin to relax. This practice helps calm the mind, and research shows that it can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and be beneficial for chronic pain, helping you manage both awareness and emotions more effectively.

• Physically, the body reacts to intense emotions by creating a sense of losing control. Adrenaline is produced and released into the bloodstream, raising heart rate, muscle strength, and blood pressure, preparing for a "fight or flight" response.

Practice dynamic relaxation with progressive muscle relaxation. Start by tensing and relaxing muscle groups in order, from head to toe. Begin by focusing on your facial muscles, tensing them for 6 seconds before relaxing for 6 seconds. Repeat this with your neck, shoulders, chest, arms, and gradually move down your body until you feel more relaxed.

• Progressive muscle relaxation can reduce muscle tension, helping to alleviate anxiety, anger, and maintain composure.

Exercise. When feeling anxious or angry, try working out to regain composure. Don't focus on the things that upset you. Instead, exercise to calm yourself. Physical activity causes the body to release endorphins, reducing bodily tension, improving mood, relaxing muscles, and helping you regain calmness. Studies also indicate that exercise can lead to changes in the brain, making you more resilient under pressure.

• Engage in any physical activity you enjoy. For example, you could try yoga, dancing, playing sports, or running.
• Since there's no fixed amount of exercise that guarantees calming effects, simply start exercising when you're agitated and keep going until you feel relaxed.

Pet your pets and take them for a walk. Dogs and cats can provide great relief during stressful times. Simply talking to them, petting them, or walking them can help. Research shows that 55% of people who spend time with pets feel more at ease, while 44% of them feel more optimistic.

• If you don't have a pet, stuffed animals can sometimes have a similar effect. Alternatively, you could visit a zoo, park, fish pond, or a local wildlife conservation center. Observing animals in their daily activities can also help you regain composure.

Adopt a healthy diet. When overwhelmed by emotions or frustration, it's easy to turn to food for comfort. Before doing so, remember that nutrient-rich foods can actually help balance emotions and provide the energy you need to cope with difficult situations. In addition to eating healthy, research shows that the following foods can help relieve stress and promote relaxation:

• Asparagus
• Avocados
• Berries
• Oranges
• Oysters
• Walnuts

Avoid triggers that make it harder to stay calm. Stimulants can make it difficult to relax or maintain composure. A classic example is caffeine, a substance that affects the central nervous system and gives you a burst of energy. You should also steer clear of relying on alcohol or nicotine to regain calmness. Specifically, nicotine increases heart rate and blood pressure, making it even harder to calm down. Addiction makes it very difficult to quit, thus escalating stress and anxiety.

• Though alcohol may seem to help calm down, using it to cope with stress or anxiety will only prevent you from addressing the underlying issues you're facing.

Distract yourself with activities that help relieve stress or bring comfort. Sometimes, you create stress or anger for yourself by focusing too much on tasks or things that frustrate you. Becoming consumed by them makes it harder to stay calm and can even stop you from getting anything done. Instead, distract yourself. Taking your mind off your worries can reduce stress.

• For example, you could read a book, take photos, do crafts, spend time with friends, dance, or watch a movie.

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Author of “The Nervous Energy Handbook”

Keep a list of activities to help relax your mind. Prepare five ideas to use when you're feeling overwhelmed. You can distract yourself by thinking about an upcoming birthday or trip, weekend plans, or a gym class you plan to attend. The goal is to have a list ready to turn to when needed.

Talk to a friend. Sharing your worries or anger not only helps you calm down but also provides a sense of support. You'll realize that you're not alone. Social support is crucial in making you feel safe and accepted.

• Talking can also boost self-esteem, help you release emotions, and distract your mind. Don't forget, in the end, you may even find yourself laughing, which is very beneficial for reducing stress.

Try meditation. Sit comfortably in a quiet place. Focus on your breath and observe your thoughts. Allow worry to come and go without holding on to it. Studies show that just 30 minutes of meditation a day can change your mindset and brain function. It can help you control your body and emotions better when you're angry or anxious. Focusing on your breath and letting thoughts come and go can soothe both your body and mind. Ask yourself the following questions during meditation to help you stay present:

• What do I notice about my breath?
• What do I notice about my thoughts? Can I let them come and go?
• Is my body tense? Where is the worry stored?

Count. Take a few deep breaths and begin counting slowly. Start by counting to 10 and continue if you still feel angry. Focus solely on counting and don't let the situation provoke you. This is a great way to find a way to cope with your anger instead of simply reacting to it.

• When you're angry, your body releases a large amount of adrenaline. Counting gives your body a chance to balance out the adrenaline, preventing impulsive actions.

Write in a journal. Try writing a detailed description of how you feel. This is an effective way to confront emotions, especially if you have a tendency to write. Don't worry about writing full sentences or correct grammar. You might only need to jot down words and phrases that help you regain your composure. The flow of thoughts and recording your conflicts is the most important part.

• Journaling can also prevent you from dwelling on negative feelings. Once the issues and emotions are written down, you might feel liberated and ready to move on.

Develop a positive mindset. Cultivating an optimistic attitude can help you focus on the good times and let go of things beyond your control. Once you realize that you can't control every situation, you can focus on controlling your emotions. This helps you stop and maintain composure.

• If you find it difficult to stay optimistic, try acting as if you are a calm and happy person. Stick with it, and eventually, you'll view most situations positively.

Create or find a relaxing space. This might vary for each person, but it’s important to know where to go when emotions start to overwhelm you. For example, you might find comfort in nature. Spend time observing or even immersing yourself in water, letting it calm your emotions. Alternatively, you may feel at ease when surrounded by people who respect and support you. Avoid spending too much time with those who make you feel uneasy.

• If possible, try to avoid stressful situations. For example, if you know social activities cause you anxiety, consider attending for a short period or in smaller gatherings with close friends.

Recognize when you need medical assistance. If your efforts to manage and soothe your body and mind aren’t improving things, you might require professional help. Treatment or therapy can help you alleviate chronic stress or anxiety, which is often the root cause of your agitation. You may need medical assistance if you experience the following (symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder):

• Your work, social life, or relationships are negatively affected by your anxiety.
• You feel like you can’t control your anxiety or calm yourself down.
• You find it hard to relax or concentrate.
• You avoid situations that could trigger anxiety.
• You have trouble sleeping.
• You feel tense about everything.

Learn about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Your therapist might suggest you continue with self-help strategies, like relaxing your mind and body with relaxation techniques. However, you may also begin with CBT. This therapy helps you examine the things that make you anxious, stressed, or worried. Once you’ve identified them, you can find effective strategies to stay calm. Through CBT, you will learn:

• How to distinguish between useful and unhelpful anxiety, enabling you to accept and take action to resolve stress.
• How to manage the things that stress you out, identify triggers, and control the duration of your heightened emotional state. This can help you track your progress.
• Deep breathing and dynamic relaxation techniques to ease tension.
• How to change negative thought patterns and responses to become mentally stronger.
• How to face situations that often trigger your anxiety, worry, or panic. It helps you regain a sense of control.

Consider medication. While self-help techniques and therapy play a central role in helping you stay calm, your therapist may recommend short-term medication. These are typically anti-anxiety drugs that can help you relax. Some medications commonly prescribed for generalized anxiety disorder include:

• Buspirone (Buspar), an anti-anxiety medication that is non-sedating and non-habit-forming. It helps you manage anxiety, but does not completely eliminate it.
• Benzodiazepines, which provide immediate relief and are useful for situations where maintaining calm is difficult. However, if used for too long, they can lead to both physical and psychological dependence, so they are usually prescribed for severe anxiety cases.
• Antidepressants used for long-term treatment, which take around six weeks to show results in reducing anxiety. They can cause nausea and may worsen sleep-related issues.

• Try listening to relaxing music.
• Insomnia often amplifies everything, so ensure you get enough rest.
• Lying on your back and practicing deep breathing may help restore your calm.
• Try to forget the situation and distance yourself from anything that could trigger your anger. For instance, if homework stresses you out, move to a different location so it's out of sight. Then, engage in something you enjoy, such as using your phone, watching TV, or reading a book. These activities can help you temporarily forget the current situation.
• Stop getting angry over minor mistakes; convince yourself that you don’t care about the error—instead, focus on what you can learn from it and how you can improve yourself for the next time.
• Meditation can be helpful. Sit quietly in a room, breathe deeply, inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Meditation music can also aid in staying calm.
• If you cannot control your emotions at all, seek help from a psychologist for professional support.
• If nothing provides comfort or happiness, talk to a close friend. They might be able to help.
• Close your eyes and imagine flowers blooming right in front of you.
• Crying can be a great way to release tension.

• Be cautious and avoid directing your anger toward others. This could lead to trouble or cause harm to yourself or others.
• Never harm yourself or others, even when extremely angry. Instead, go somewhere by yourself to regain your calm. If you are so overwhelmed that you can't control yourself, seek immediate help in an emergency room.
• Breathing into a paper bag was once thought to help with hyperventilation and restore calm. However, experts now agree that this practice is dangerous and should be avoided. Never breathe into a paper bag, as it will introduce carbon dioxide into your lungs, EXTREMELY hazardous to your respiratory system. Also, only take medications as prescribed by your doctor. Do not exceed the prescribed dosage, even if your condition worsens. In such cases, inform your doctor or seek assistance from someone else.