Buzz
Responding is the art of reflecting on human virtues and flaws. It involves the ability to think critically about the "present," considering one’s own feelings and thoughts. This also includes reflecting on the thoughts, emotions, and feelings of others. Providing feedback can be a useful way to bring about positive change in life when you assess and evaluate past decisions. This may require letting go of certain people or abandoning certain ways of thinking. Learning to reflect on both your own life and experiences, as well as those of others, can help you grow into a more mature person, enabling wise choices to shape the future.
Steps to Take
Learning to Respond
Find the Right Time to Reflect. If you find it difficult to balance work and personal life, it may seem that there is no time left for reflection. However, feedback can happen anywhere and at any time. If you can’t dedicate a long period of time to reflect, mental health experts suggest using the moments between your daily tasks to reflect. The key is to identify the "short moments" that would otherwise be wasted each day, and devote that time to reflection, no matter how brief it may be.
- Reflect when lying in bed, right after waking up or just before going to sleep when you are relaxing in the evening. This is invaluable time to prepare for the next day (in the morning) or to process the events of the day (in the evening).
- Reflect during a shower. This is often the ideal time, as it may be one of the few moments of solitude you have during the day. For many, the shower soothes emotions, making it easier to reflect on difficult memories or frustrations.
- Use your commute time. If you're driving to work and stuck in traffic, take a few minutes to turn off the radio and think about whatever is bothering or worrying you. If you’re using public transport, stop reading or remove your headphones for a few minutes and let yourself reflect on your day or workday as you head home.
Stay Silent. This may sound easier than it is, but one of the key elements of taking time for reflection is the need for quiet and, perhaps, solitude. Allow yourself to relax, sit down, and practice mindful breathing, making an effort to eliminate surrounding distractions such as turning off the TV or removing loud noises. Whatever the environment around you may be, give yourself the time to be silent and alone, even if others are present and you are still deeply focused on your own thoughts.
- Many studies indicate that taking time for introspection can have a positive impact on health and energy, leading to increased productivity.
Reflect on Yourself and Your Experiences. In moments of silence, your thoughts may begin to flood in with worries about things you need to do or things you should have done differently. These thoughts aren’t necessarily negative as they can be an important part of the reflection process at the start or end of a day. However, if you are trying to reflect on your own life, you may want to guide your thoughts by asking yourself the following questions:
- Who are you and what kind of person are you?
- What have you learned about yourself from your daily experiences?
- Have you challenged yourself to grow by questioning your thoughts, beliefs, and views on your own life?
Tracey Rogers, MA
Life Coach
Life Coach
Ask Yourself What You Can Change and What You Need to Sacrifice. You need to identify which areas of your life you can control or change. Reflecting on life to make changes to yourself is a process that requires sacrifice.
Use Feedback to Improve Your Life
Assess Your Core Values. Core values are the beliefs and principles that ultimately shape every aspect of your life. Reflecting on these values can help you feel more at ease with yourself and the efforts you're making toward living a fulfilling life. The simplest way to evaluate your core values is to reflect on the question: "What is the most important trait or characteristic of yours?" This can help you address self-esteem or lack of confidence issues and gain clarity on the fundamental motivators driving you.
- If you're unsure of what your core values are, consider how someone who knows you well (such as a child, parent, or partner) would describe you in a few words. Would they say you are generous, selfless, or honest? In this example, generosity, sharing, and honesty might be among your core values.
- Evaluate whether you've stayed true to your core values during difficult times. Staying aligned with your core values means always living authentically according to what you value most.
Analyze Your Goals. Some may not consider reflection when thinking about goals, but research shows that reflection is a crucial factor in any goal-directed pursuit. It’s easy for someone to get caught up in their daily routines and tasks without ever taking time to evaluate the efforts they are putting into achieving their goals. Without evaluation and reflection, many people can veer off course or give up on their pursuits.
- Reflection is an essential part of goal-setting, as many become motivated when they realize they aren't meeting their desired outcomes. Instead of letting this awareness discourage you, it’s helpful to shift your approach to failure. Rather than feeling helpless, motivate yourself to prove that you can reach your goals.
- If you’re struggling, reconsider your goals. Studies show that good goals follow the S.M.A.R.T. criteria: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results-focused, and Time-bound. Ensure that every goal plan you create includes a positive component for feedback and self-assessment.
Change Your Thinking Patterns. The ability to reflect can be an invaluable tool in changing how you think and react to situations. Many people fall into “autopilot mode,” where we react to people, places, and circumstances out of habit. However, without frequent reflection and evaluation of how we respond to external triggers, we may easily fall into ineffective or even harmful behaviors. Reflection helps you proactively assess situations and recalibrate to feel more positive and in control.
- Stressful or troubling situations are often the hardest to feel positive about. However, many challenging situations can eventually benefit us.
- Instead of feeling anxious or frustrated about an uncontrollable situation – like undergoing a dental procedure – reframe the experience to reflect on the positive changes that will come from it. In this example, the dental procedure will be a temporary discomfort, and the outcome will be a brighter smile, pain-free teeth, and better health.
Reflect on the World Around You
Analyze Your Experiences. You will have countless experiences every day throughout your life, making it difficult to assess the meaning behind each one. However, if you take the time to reflect on an experience shortly after it happens, processing the event and your reaction to it will become easier.
- Think about your reaction to the experience. How did you feel after having that experience? Did it align with what you anticipated? Why or why not?
- Did you learn something from the experience? Did it teach you something that will help you understand yourself, others, or the world better?
- Did the experience influence how you think or feel? Why, and in what way?
- What can you learn about yourself from this experience and how you responded to it?
Evaluate your relationships with others. Some individuals find it challenging to ask why they are friends with someone or what their friendship/relationship truly means. However, it's essential to occasionally reflect on your relationships with others. In fact, some studies suggest that reflecting on past relationships can be as helpful as it supports you in overcoming the pain of losing a relationship and helps you identify what went wrong.
- Observe how people in your life affect your emotions. They could be current people in your life or those you’ve disconnected from for various reasons. Keep a journal or personal log to note these observations, which can help you process and learn from them as you develop future relationships.
- When reflecting on a relationship, evaluate whether your friendship or romantic relationship is genuinely healthy. For example, ask yourself whether you trust your partner, whether both of you are honest with each other, understand each other, communicate and behave respectfully, and if you both are willing to compromise on contentious issues.
Use feedback to avoid arguments. Whether you are spending time with your partner, friends, or family members, the risk is that you will sometimes find yourselves arguing over something. Arguments typically arise when two or more people let their emotions dominate the conversation. But by taking a step back and reflecting before speaking, you can help ease the argument or even prevent it from happening. If you feel an argument is looming, take time to ask yourself the following questions:
- How are you feeling right now, and what do you need?
- Once you have shared your feelings and needs, how did the other person/people respond?
- What is the other person’s need right now, and how does it impact their ability to understand what you need?
- How are you using your language and actions towards the other person, and how are those observing your interaction interpreting your communication?
- How have you resolved past conflicts that both sides agreed upon? What did each person say and do to help alleviate the conflict, so that everyone felt valued and happy?
- What would the ideal resolution or mutual agreement look like to resolve the conflict, and what needs to be said/done to achieve that solution?
Advice
- Focus on utilizing the senses and emotions you experienced in the moment.
- The more you reflect, the more insights you will gain.
- If you have negative thoughts, strive to become a more positive person.
Warning
- It can be helpful to be in a controlled environment (such as a specialist's office or a therapist’s practice) when discussing negative and/or anxiety-inducing memories.
- If you are reflecting on a potentially dangerous thought, it is advisable to talk to a loved one about it or seek therapy. Make an effort to move forward and steer clear of harmful thoughts and feelings.
