Buzz
Have you just received a message from a narcissist and are unsure how to respond? This is your opportunity to practice confidence-boosting strategies. There are numerous ways to calmly reply to a narcissist while protecting yourself. This article will guide you through various approaches, from ignoring them to minimal interaction. You can apply one of these tactics whenever you receive messages from a narcissist to feel more confident and empowered.
Steps
Leave them on 'seen'.
Ignore their messages to ease your mind and protect yourself. Follow the 'no contact' rule and avoid responding to their messages. 'No contact' means ignoring all communication from that person. The best way to do this is to delete any messages you receive. You can also block their phone number. Once you've blocked all their means of contacting you, reward yourself with enjoyable activities and spend time with people you care about.
- When you no longer have to see messages from that narcissist, you'll feel much better. The brain chemicals that make you feel tied to that person will no longer be activated, helping your energy levels rise.
Use 'yes' or 'no' answers if you need to communicate with them.
Keep your responses as brief as possible to avoid prolonging the conversation. If you must interact with a narcissist due to shared responsibilities like co-parenting or legal matters, adhere to the 'minimal contact' principle. This means reducing the length and frequency of your exchanges. By sending one-word replies, you can focus on what matters to you and move on with your day.
- If you want to transition from 'minimal contact' to 'no contact,' list the reasons the narcissist is in your life and find ways to remove them. For instance, if you encounter them at family gatherings, consider arranging separate meetups with relatives.
- You might need to skip some family events, file for divorce, or join a new club. This way, you avoid seeing them and reduce the need for communication.
Set clear boundaries when responding.
Inform them about the communication methods you will accept. For example, let them know they can only text once a week or after work hours. Explain that you have limited time for casual conversations. If you prefer discussing facts over opinions, make that clear. Establish rules for how they should communicate with you.
- “Please only text me after work hours.”
- “I can only talk on Tuesdays.”
- “I’ll respond if we only discuss our child’s education.”
Share your experiences if they message you about past events.
Discuss memorable events and emphasize your perspective. If someone messages you to complain, respond by recounting situations they were also involved in. For instance, if they claim you only prioritize your work, remind them that you don’t take overtime and haven’t forgotten vacations. Reiterate your points and focus on your observations.
Compliment the person if you need their help.
A compliment can motivate a narcissist to assist when needed. If they message you and you see an opportunity to ask for a favor, craft your reply carefully. For example, if you need them to pick up your child from swimming practice, praise their parenting skills. They’ll be more eager to help if you stroke their ego a little. Remember, praising a narcissist also benefits you.
Mention that you have a new support system if they message to reconnect.
Tell them you want to spend time talking to others to keep the conversation brief. If a narcissist messages you wanting to reconnect, remind them you have many friends and advisors. Let them know you feel more comfortable in your new social environment. Thank them for checking in and say you’ve moved past old issues.
Respond to their concern with politeness and sincerity.
Exchange positive messages to make them feel comfortable. Treat the person with empathy and compassion, just as you would treat anyone else. Send kind messages that anyone would enjoy reading. For example, you could ask about their life goals or how they’re feeling. Briefly touch on topics like their school or loneliness, then politely end the conversation, put your phone down, and relax.
Encourage them to seek professional help if you’re unavailable.
Suggest they consult a therapist to evaluate their behavior patterns. Recommend that they speak with a mental health professional to identify challenges they face in interacting with others. Use broad, general terms. You might simply say you think they should explore ways to manage their relationships better.
Take deep breaths and practice mindfulness meditation after reading their message.
Use relaxation techniques to stay calm. Messages from a narcissist can be stressful, so take care of yourself with mindfulness exercises. Put your phone down and focus on your body’s reactions. If your muscles are tense, roll your shoulders and massage your jaw. Ten or more deep breaths will help maintain a normal heart rate. Close your eyes and relax each muscle group.
Share your feelings with a trusted friend.
Confide in close ones to vent frustrations and apply the 'no contact' rule. If you decide to use the 'no contact' approach with a narcissist and only communicate with those you value, message or call a close friend. Ask if they’re available to listen. Share how you felt when you received certain messages.
Schedule time to speak with a therapist.
Book an appointment with a therapist to address the impact of the messages. Speak with a specialist experienced in treating abuse by narcissists. They can guide you through rebuilding self-esteem, confidence, and setting firm boundaries. When you need to vent about the narcissist and their behavior, a therapist will help you apply the 'no contact' rule and give you a space to express yourself.
