Buzz
Romance can be complex, and jealousy can arise either intentionally or unintentionally. If a guy purposely tries to make you feel jealous, you’ll need to address the situation in a way that puts an end to the behavior without complicating your relationship further. How you handle this will depend on whether he’s a crush, a boyfriend, or an ex-boyfriend. However, there are general guidelines to consider for each case.
Steps
Handling a Crush
Assess the behavior in question. When dealing with a crush who may be trying to make you jealous, it's important to evaluate whether his actions are intentional or not. If you haven't already asked yourself this, you should. Your crush might flirt with other girls around you to get your attention, but it's also possible he’s just naturally flirtatious without thinking twice about it.
- This often happens when he flirts with both you and other girls. It can be hard to tell if he’s genuinely interested in you or if he’s just being friendly with everyone. To determine if he likes you more than the others, consider the way he flirts with you versus how he interacts with others.
- For example, pay attention when you see him in the hallway. If he immediately makes eye contact with you, it’s probably a good sign. If he’s looking at another girl and barely acknowledges you (or ignores you completely), it’s likely a negative sign.
- Don't jump to conclusions if a guy constantly talks about his girlfriend in front of you. He might simply be very much in love with her and genuinely trying to let you know. Even if he's trying to use his girlfriend to spark jealousy, the disloyalty and disrespect involved should serve as a red flag, suggesting that you should steer clear of someone who could be toxic.
Be open about your emotions. If you feel your crush is purposely trying to make you jealous, the most effective approach is to express how you feel. There’s a good chance that his actions are driven by insecurity about your feelings. Telling him that you feel the same way may resolve the tension.
- This is easier said than done, and there’s always the risk of rejection when you tell him you want to take things further. However, being honest is the only way to clear the air before things get worse.
- Wait for the next moment when you’re alone together and can flirt privately, then share that you’re interested in more than just friendship. Wait to see his response before deciding how to approach the jealousy issue.
- Reader Poll: Did you know that out of 772 Mytour readers, 72% said they’ve never asked out their crush? [Take Poll] Asking someone out can be nerve-wracking, but doing so gives you a chance to find out if they feel the same and gives you a sense of pride for being brave!
Address the issue directly. Regardless of how your crush reacts to your feelings, you'll need to address the jealousy problem. How you do it will depend on his response.
- If your crush shows interest in dating you, playfully tell him that he should save his flirting for you. Avoid making him feel guilty but make it clear that you don’t want him flirting with others.
- If your crush isn’t interested or rejects the idea of dating you, kindly ask him to tone down his flirting with you. Dealing with consistent flirtation from someone who won’t commit can only lead to emotional turmoil, which isn’t healthy for either of you.
Part ways if things don’t change. If your crush doesn’t alter his behavior after you’ve shared your feelings and addressed the issue, it’s better to part ways.
- Starting a relationship with someone who can’t stop flirting may lead to ongoing frustration and insecurity, which will damage the relationship over time.
- Maintaining a friendship with a crush who doesn’t reciprocate is always challenging. If he’s leading you on when he should know better, the healthiest choice for you is to move on.
Handling a Boyfriend
Talk about your emotions. Sit down with your boyfriend and explain how his recent actions are affecting you. Set clear boundaries about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior.
- It’s possible that your boyfriend isn't trying to make you jealous but simply doesn’t realize his behavior with another girl is causing those feelings. Letting him know can help prevent this from happening again.
- Even if his actions were meant to make you jealous, he may have his own insecurities about the relationship. Bringing it up gives both of you the chance to have a conversation and allows him to reassure you about his feelings.
Remain composed. Throughout your conversation, it's crucial to keep your emotions in check. Don’t let anger take over when your boyfriend says or does something that triggers jealousy.
- Use "I" statements (e.g., "I feel...") when expressing your feelings, rather than blaming him (e.g., "You make me feel...").
- If there’s been a misunderstanding, staying calm helps to resolve things more effectively and with minimal conflict.
- If your boyfriend is deliberately trying to provoke you, losing your temper will only give him the response he wants. Instead, stay calm and take the higher road when discussing the issue. If his behavior persists after you’ve addressed it, he may have toxic control tendencies, and it could be best to walk away from the relationship.
Sherry Argov, Relationship Expert & Bestselling Author
When a man deliberately tries to provoke jealousy through flirtation, respond with a knowing smile and walk away. Handle the situation gracefully rather than reacting with anger—a confident woman who knows her worth understands she has nothing to prove. Refuse to engage with trivial provocations or take the bait; instead, disengage and focus on your own happiness.
Provide reassurance. Often, a guy may try to make you feel jealous due to his own insecurities about your feelings for him. While this doesn’t excuse his actions, it does explain why he might behave this way.
- His attempts at jealousy could be his way of getting your attention. By "reminding" you of his value, he’s trying to secure more of your affection.
- Reconnect with your boyfriend and offer him the reassurance he needs. Compliment him, show appreciation for the things he does for you, and offer physical affection like cuddling and kissing when you feel comfortable.
Address your own insecurities. In addition to dealing with your boyfriend’s insecurities, you must manage your own as well. Building confidence in your self-worth will often make it easier to let go of jealousy, leaving you with more energy to focus on strengthening your relationship.
- Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge when jealousy arises and reassure yourself that it’s a natural emotion, not something to feel ashamed of. Accepting this feeling at face value is the first step toward overcoming it.
- Spend time nurturing your own interests outside of the relationship. Focusing on your personal growth can make it clearer what you bring to the relationship, making it easier to trust that your boyfriend genuinely loves you.
Handling an Ex
Ignore him. If your ex-boyfriend is deliberately trying to flaunt his new relationship in front of you, giving him a jealous reaction will only play into his hands. Do not respond to his emails, texts, or social media messages. If he tries to make you jealous in person, respond as neutrally as possible, then end the conversation and walk away.
- Besides not replying directly, resist the urge to post passive-aggressive status updates on Facebook or Twitter. Avoid complaining to mutual friends who might pass the information along to him.
- Stay firm in your approach. He may initially try harder to provoke jealousy, but if you remain consistent, he will eventually realize it won't work.
Limit his chances to contact you. If he's being persistent and the situation is becoming too much, take steps to cut off his access. Unfriend, unfollow, and block him on social media. If necessary, block his phone number and mark his email as spam.
- He may feel temporarily pleased when he sees he's upset you, but once he's unable to continue his behavior, he will have no choice but to stop.
Avoid using rebounds. You may be tempted to retaliate with jealousy, but this is typically not a healthy strategy. Starting a new relationship just to provoke your ex won’t benefit you or the person you're dating.
- Additionally, parading a new boyfriend in front of your ex can harm the new relationship as well. Using your new partner to get back at your ex keeps you fixated on the past, and feeding into the jealousy only prolongs the conflict. It’s better to sever ties with your ex and focus on your new partner without distractions.
Resist the urge to reconcile. Even if the chance to reunite with your ex arises, don’t give in, even if it seems tempting. An ex who goes out of his way to provoke jealousy is clearly someone who can hurt you. He is not deserving of your love or affection.
Warnings
- If your boyfriend continues to deliberately provoke jealousy after you’ve discussed it, seeking couples' therapy could help address your issues. In some cases, however, the problems between you may be irreparable, and it may be best for you to end the relationship.
- If an ex-boyfriend intensifies his actions after you start ignoring him, resorting to harassment or threats, you might have to consider filing a police report to protect yourself.
