Buzz
Everyone has a 'type,' whether it's a positive or negative trait. If you discover that you're drawn to someone who doesn't fit this pattern, it could be a sign of growth. Take some time to reflect on your preferences and why they might be shifting. If you think this change could bring about something positive, approach the person with an open heart and mind. On the other hand, if you feel it might lead you into negative territory or highlight undesirable traits, acknowledge your attraction but keep your distance. Should you decide to pursue this connection, remain open to new experiences and perspectives.
Steps
Assessing Your Beliefs and Attitudes
Understand that your preferences can evolve. Your tastes can shift often, so it's natural for your choice in partners to change as well. If you find yourself attracted to someone outside your usual type, consider the various reasons behind it. Perhaps there's an intellectual or emotional bond, or maybe a deeper connection that doesn't rely solely on physical attraction.
- If you notice that your preferences are changing or you're surprised by who you're attracted to, embrace this shift and go with it, rather than resisting it.
Stay open-minded. Perhaps you're drawn to someone unexpected because the types of relationships you've sought in the past no longer appeal to you. For instance, the partner you desired in your college years might not be the person you're interested in now that you're older. Embrace this change and allow yourself to be surprised. You may discover aspects of yourself you never knew existed.
- Don't dismiss the attraction you feel right away. Be open to exploring it.
Consider if this person might be better suited for you. If you're attracted to someone who could actually be good for you, take a moment to reflect on the changes in your life. You may have grown and developed new needs and desires, or gained clarity in your life that now leads you to make different decisions in your romantic relationships.
- For instance, if you've always been attracted to powerful individuals and those relationships ended poorly, perhaps you've learned to empower yourself. Now, you might find yourself seeking someone more balanced.
- Acknowledge the growth you've experienced.
Recognizing Positive Qualities in the Person
Focus on their positive qualities. You might find yourself attracted to someone because they offer something different from what you're used to. Think about the qualities that make them stand out in a good way. Maybe they show more love and respect than you’ve experienced before or offer a kind of support you've never known. Consider the positive aspects of their character that draw you in.
- For example, notice if they’re calm and patient, even when you’re feeling the opposite.
Shift your focus away from physical appearance. If you find yourself attracted to someone who doesn’t fit your usual physical type, embrace the possibility of being drawn to them for other reasons. Perhaps your attraction is rooted in their personality, intelligence, or charm rather than their looks.
- Attraction can come in many forms. If you’re not particularly physically attracted to someone yet feel a connection, it might be their charisma, intellect, or relatability that draws you in.
Recognize that attraction can develop over time. Attraction isn't solely about physical appeal. While you may not be immediately drawn to someone based on their appearance, you might find yourself becoming emotionally or intellectually captivated by them. As you build a connection, your feelings of attraction, including physical attraction, may deepen, even if they weren't present initially. Focus on what draws you to the person and allow your feelings to evolve.
- If you’re surprised by your growing attraction, see where it leads. It could lead to a deeper connection overall.
Taking Precautions
Recognize negative patterns. Even if someone appears different from your usual partners, they may share certain traits or behaviors that you’ve experienced before. For example, if you've previously dated controlling people, you might find a new partner who shows controlling behaviors in a different way, but they’re still controlling. Be cautious of repeating negative patterns in your relationships.
- For example, you may have been attracted to materialistic individuals with fancy cars. If you meet someone new who doesn't own a fancy car but spends a lot on clothes and appearance, you may still be drawn to materialistic qualities, just expressed differently.
Ask yourself if you're justifying bad habits. If you’re attracted to someone and notice that they trigger old behaviors, take notice. For example, if you recently quit smoking and find yourself drawn to someone who smokes, consider whether you’re using this attraction as an excuse to go back to your old habits.
- For instance, if you’re in recovery from alcoholism, you might feel attracted to someone who drinks excessively, even though they may be very different from you. Reflect on whether your attraction is rooted in behaviors that could harm you.
Exercise caution. If you find yourself attracted to someone who you know is trouble, it's important to stay away. Being attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it. If you’re aware that a person is violent, dramatic, or a bad partner, acknowledge your attraction, but make sure to maintain distance. Watch out for warning signs such as possessiveness, mood swings, pressuring you into things, or explosive anger.
- Stay clear of people who could potentially cause harm or bring danger into your life.
Consider seeing a therapist. If you find yourself consistently choosing the wrong partners, it may be time to see a therapist. Therapy can help you understand why you're drawn to people who aren't right for you. If you've experienced past trauma that you bring into relationships, therapy can help you work through it and move forward in a healthier way.
- Therapy provides insight into your behavior and patterns, allowing you to create healthier relationship patterns for the future.
Chasing the Person
Clarify what you're seeking. If you're surprised by your attraction to someone, take a moment to consider whether they fit the type of person you're seeking at this point in your life. For example, if you've just become single and are interested in meeting new people, you might be drawn to those who reciprocate your interest or flirt with you. Whatever your desires are, act accordingly.
- If you're looking for a casual fling and someone is open to that, go for it. However, if you're seeking a serious relationship and the person only wants something casual, that’s unlikely to align with your goals.
Step out of your comfort zone. If you’ve found yourself attracted to people who aren't right for you, consider taking a chance on someone new. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but give it time and see where it goes. If you’re trying to break free from old habits, try dating someone who doesn’t fit your usual type.
- Give yourself time to adjust. It may feel strange at first, but be open and allow yourself to explore the potential of a new connection.
Don’t use someone just to test your feelings. Avoid pursuing someone solely to see if you can develop feelings for them. Don’t string someone along or play with their emotions, especially if they are emotionally invested. It's fine to explore new people and experiences, but if you're not emotionally invested, be upfront and honest about your intentions.
- If you're unsure about a potential relationship, don’t make promises. Ask for more time to figure out what you want before making any commitments.
