Buzz
Have you ever considered running away from home? It's a major turning point in life. You need time to think about whether you truly want to "leave" or not. Many reasons drive young people to contemplate running away—some valid, others less so. It’s essential to carefully consider the possible negative outcomes. Perhaps the most important thing young people should understand is that running away is incredibly difficult and not as ideal as it might seem. It involves freezing cold, sleepless nights; it’s about facing imminent dangers and hunger; it's the feeling of being lost with no direction. As mentioned, there could be legitimate reasons for running away. This article will help you reflect on the potential consequences and how to start fresh if you believe it’s the right choice for you.
Steps
Weighing the Pros and Cons
Pause and reflect on your actions. Why do you want to leave? Is there a valid reason for doing so, or are you simply frustrated and tired of your current situation? Running away for a legitimate reason (like being in danger) is different from doing so for trivial reasons (such as fighting with your parents). Don’t rush to make a decision in anger—later, you might regret it.
Consider all the people who might be affected by your decision to leave home. Human beings are social creatures. Our connections go beyond basic needs and interests to include the fulfillment we get from being close to another person. Try to think about the individuals who will truly be impacted by your decision. You owe them something. Even if you don’t realize it, they are always thinking about you.
- Think about your parents. Even though they may not always show it, they genuinely love you. They see themselves in you, and they want a brighter future for you, even more than for themselves. You may argue or disagree with your parents, but their love for you will never change.
- Think about other family members. Siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents – all of them have a closer connection with you than even some of your friends. Your family will be heartbroken and filled with guilt, even though they’ve done nothing wrong.
- Think about your friends. Friends are an essential part of your life. They share your happiness, comfort you when you’re sad, and sometimes even become like siblings to you. Leaving also means leaving them behind.
- Think about others who have had a significant impact on your life. Perhaps it’s a teacher or a close friend of your mother. Many of us have mentors or guides in life who care deeply for us. They always want us to succeed and be safe. Your decision will certainly affect them too.
Understand that, in many cases, running away from home is illegal. While most places do not punish minors (under 18) for running away, some still consider it a criminal act. In the U.S., states like Georgia, Idaho, Nebraska, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, and Wyoming consider running away a legal violation.
- However, if your parents or guardians have harmed you, it’s perfectly legal to run away, but you must do so properly. Talk to a teacher or an adult you trust, or call the police. Make sure you have a place to stay for a few days, so you don’t end up in an unfamiliar place.
- You may worry that your guardians will treat you even worse than your parents, or might harm you. But the risk of staying is worse. You could stay with another family member or a friend if you make arrangements in advance.
- Even if you live in a state that doesn’t have laws against running away, you might still have to go to court. Over 30 states classify children who run away frequently as "Children in Need of Supervision" (CHINS), a program designed to help minors live better lives. However, minors in the CHINS program might face fines, probation, or mandatory drug testing.
Talk to someone about your plan to run away. You can contact the Tomorrow Hotline at 096 306 1414, or find reputable local counseling centers to get the advice you need.
If possible, try to identify the reasons behind your desire to leave home. There are many reasons why someone may want to run away. Understanding the why can help you address the issue before it gets worse and you feel forced to flee. Here are some statistics to consider:
- 47% of young people who run away say they have serious issues with their parents. Is there an adult who can offer you advice on resolving issues with your parents? If not, consider calling the Child Protective Services.
- More than 50% of minors who run away and end up in shelters report that their parents either kicked them out or didn’t care if they left. If your parents have kicked you out or expressed indifference to whether you leave, call or visit Child Protective Services. Finding someone else to care for you is not betraying your parents. You deserve that.
- 80% of girls who run away and experience homelessness report being physically or sexually abused. If you are a victim of physical or sexual abuse, find an adult you trust (possibly your parents or someone else) and report it to the police.
Create a list of the pros and cons of running away from home. Writing down your thoughts can often make you feel better and provide clarity. Below are some positive and negative aspects of running away.
- Pros:
- Escape from indifference, abuse (verbal, physical, or sexual) and/or harassment.
- Opportunity to travel, explore new places, and meet new people.
- Gain freedom and the chance to mature and grow, even though the process is extremely challenging.
- Develop independence and learn to handle things on your own.
- Cons:
- High likelihood of having to sleep on the streets, under bridges, in doorways, or even on rooftops.
- Risk of depression, feeling isolated, and helpless (32% of young people who run away attempt suicide at some point in their lives).
- Tendency to fall into violence, substance abuse, illness, and even engage in street prostitution.
- Feelings of having no one to talk to, no one who cares, or a sense that your actions are futile.
Take a week to calm down before making any major decisions. We often let our emotions make decisions, convincing ourselves that we are being rational. This can be both beneficial and harmful because we deceive ourselves into thinking we're acting logically. Giving yourself time to cool off and thoroughly consider a life-changing decision is crucial. Wait a week before doing anything. Talk to someone you trust. After a week, your reasoning will likely be clearer, unless the situation persists and you feel that running away is the only option. Every situation is different, so consider the consequences if your parents find you. They may be angry or may help you solve the problem.
Start
Plan ahead. Think about what you will do if your plans don’t go as expected, and prepare for all possibilities. Here are some things to consider:
- What will you do if you get sick?
- What will you do if you get caught?
- What will you eat?
- How will you maintain personal hygiene?
- How will you avoid living in dangerous, unstable conditions or facing other dangers?
Try to find a safe place to stay with someone you trust. If someone is helping you escape and you can stay with them for a while, you won’t have to worry. But if that’s not the case, where do you plan to go?
Pack a bag with only the essentials. Keep it light and only bring what is absolutely necessary. Now is not the time to compete on who can pack the most items. Bring food, money, a change of clothes, a jacket or coat in case it gets cold, clothes with pockets, a toothbrush and toothpaste, soap, shampoo, and anything else you may need. If you don’t want to be recognized, pack clothes you wear the least. The following items will be very useful to you:
- Multi-tool
- Map
- Umbrella
- Combination lock
- Blanket
- Jacket
Try to carry some money, but don’t take too much. Around 200,000 VND for bus fare or other transport, and about 1,000,000 VND as a backup.
- If you have a credit card, remember to take it with you as it’s harder to steal and use, and you can cancel it at any time. However, be prepared in case your parents lock the card once they realize you’ve run away. Don’t rely on it as your only source of money. Also, using a credit card could give away your location. Banks can trace your card activity to see where you’ve been shopping. The same goes for your mobile phone; they can track your location. Be mindful of these items and use them wisely.
Wait for the right moment to leave. Make sure you have enough time to get away before anyone notices. Try leaving in the morning when you’re heading to school or when everyone in the house is out and you know they won’t return soon. Do everything quickly. You definitely don’t want the neighbors to notice that you’re running away.
Find a mode of transportation. You’ll want to move quickly and easily. City buses or intercity buses are your best options if you plan to leave the city/town.
Long-Term Survival Plan
Create a story. You will have to accept that at some point, someone will ask where you come from or what you're doing. You might need to think about this for a moment. Come up with a reasonable and believable story, but definitely don't say you ran away from home.
- Keep the story simple. You should be able to remember it no matter where you are since information spreads quickly. Use the same story consistently during your journey to avoid suspicion. Think carefully about what to say so your story stays consistent.
- If you're really serious about running away and never going back, consider changing your name. Pick any name you like, but don’t make it too eccentric. Upon reflection, a common name will be the best choice since it’s harder to remember, and the main goal is to avoid standing out.
Live near a grocery or candy store. These places often offer free samples of food that can help you stave off hunger. Just be sure to bring your card and try to act like you actually intend to buy something, not just wander around. Additionally, you can use public restrooms to shower and freshen up.
- Although it may not seem ideal, you can dig through the dumpsters behind large grocery stores. You'll be surprised by the items people throw away. The more you dig, the more you'll get used to eating expired food. At first, it may feel uncomfortable, but over time, you'll adapt.
Find shelter. If you don’t have a place to stay, you need to find shelter. Look for a safe, reasonable spot under a bridge, at a street corner, in an abandoned building, or in public places that are open 24/7. If none of these work, try a homeless shelter nearby to see if there’s room available.
- If you just need a temporary place, you could choose a public library, church, school, airport, or train station. These places are generally safe and populated, so you can blend in without drawing too much attention.
- During winter, you may want to look for a building with an elevator, especially in the city center. Try to get to the top floor near the elevator shaft. You might find a clean, warm room with fewer people passing by.
- Avoid deserted places or forests. These spots are usually empty, which makes them more dangerous. While they might seem idyllic, living off the land is very difficult, especially if you're unfamiliar with plants and animals. It’s safer to stay in crowded places as they tend to be safer.
At some point, you’ll need money, so learn how to beg. Begging means asking others for money. It's not a profession to be proud of, and many people will ignore you, but with the right approach, you could succeed and even make enough to save.
- Choose the right location. Find a busy place with many pedestrians, such as outside a mall, a grocery store, or any spot where people exchange change. Ask for money after they leave the store rather than before they enter. You can also ask drivers at busy intersections. Make sure to stand on the left side of the car where the driver sits.
- Smile and ask politely. You won’t earn much if you look pitiful, miserable, or upset. When someone gives you money, be sure to smile and thank them.
Don’t fake a foreign accent. Some people think that pretending to have a foreign accent can be useful, but in reality, it's not a good idea. A foreign accent attracts attention. People will want to know more about you and your culture, while what you really need is to remain unnoticed. Moreover, mimicking a foreign accent is extremely difficult; how well you think you do it doesn't matter—what matters is how others perceive it.
Maintain personal hygiene. This is the toughest part, especially when it comes to health and personal cleanliness. Hospitals are the most private and cleanest places with restrooms. Here are a few tips you can use to stay hygienic, even when you’re exhausted:
- Use the restrooms in large grocery stores. Though not private, they are usually quite empty. (Think about it: when was the last time you used the restroom in a grocery store?) You can use the free soap there to wash up.
- Use lubricant to shave and style your hair. It may sound strange, but it works. Apply some lubricant to your skin and mix it with water. Shave, and be sure to wash the razor immediately. If you need to style your hair, a little lubricant works wonders and isn’t easily noticed.
- Shower at public swimming pools or college campuses. If you pretend to be a student, they won’t ask you for ID. It doesn’t always work, but it’s worth a try, especially if you can trick someone into believing you actually study there.
Make a plan for when you run out of food. Have a clear plan. If there’s no other option, consider returning home. However, if you really don’t want to go back, focus on starting a new life. Find a job, a shelter (even if it's shabby, all you need is a roof over your head), and make a few friends in the new city or town you’re in.
Manage your despair. When you’re unlucky or have nowhere else to go, it’s easy to feel hopeless. Try to control those emotions instead of letting them overwhelm you into doing something rash. Buy food, even if it means spending all your money. Take deep breaths, even if it feels like a waste of time. Think back to a time when you felt energized and ready to conquer the world. Fight despair by managing your attitude. Every problem can be solved with a bit of imagination and faith.
Protect yourself from danger
Avoid hitchhiking. Remember, if you choose to hitchhike, some drivers may pose a threat to your safety. They could abandon you in the middle of nowhere or even harm you. On the other hand, there are also kind-hearted people who will offer you a ride. You’ll need to gauge the driver's intentions and make your own decision.
- Try to hitch rides with decent women, families with children, or cars that already have passengers. They may ask where you're headed or what you’re doing, so be ready with a lie. Don’t mention you’re running away, and keep conversation to a minimum.
- If someone who seems suspicious or frightening offers you a ride, ask them where they’re going first. When they answer, tell them you’re heading somewhere far away. If they offer to take you there, politely refuse and stop talking. Wait for them to leave.
Self-defense. If you find yourself in a crowded city, it's important to acknowledge that you may encounter individuals who pose a threat. Carry something for protection, like pepper spray, cleaning chemicals, or even perfume, as some perfumes contain chemicals that can irritate the eyes. Always stay vigilant and avoid dangerous situations when possible, rather than confronting them directly.
- Avoid those who threaten you. Stand tall, remain calm, but don't argue or challenge them. Try to move towards busy areas with good lighting. Generally, being in a crowd is safer.
Don't get drawn into the world of prostitution. Never let anyone pressure you into doing things that make you uncomfortable. If you're in a desperate situation and feel you have no choice, seek help. Local charities and churches can offer support without too many questions.
- Prostitution is a common consequence for those who run away from home. In fact, a 1998 study showed that 43% of people, both men and women, who ran away, were coerced into prostitution shortly after leaving home.
- Because of the high risk of being pulled into prostitution and the poor hygiene conditions, runaways are more likely to contract HIV/AIDS. Be extra cautious!
Avoid drugs and alcohol. Homeless teenagers are highly susceptible to falling into drug abuse and/or alcohol addiction. This can lead to life-threatening diseases like HIV/AIDS or even death from overdose. This is just one of the many consequences of substance abuse. Be mindful and steer clear of addictive substances, no matter how bad you may feel.
Avoid getting arrested. Homeless individuals are often more vulnerable to being detained, usually for offenses like public disturbance, loitering, or trespassing. You should do your best to avoid long stints in jail, so be cautious about where you go and how you present yourself, both in appearance and behavior.
Be cautious around other homeless individuals. Many people end up homeless due to difficult circumstances, and these individuals generally pose no harm. However, some people who are homeless may be severely desperate or mentally unstable. Especially in the United States, where mental health services are often insufficient, many individuals with mental health issues are forced to live on the streets. These individuals can be unpredictable and may even attack you without any reason.
Advice
- Wear a cap or something suitable to hide your head/face while traveling on trains, as local train surveillance cameras will be scrutinized.
- On the other hand, avoid staying anywhere your parents or the police might track you down. Your partner’s house, a family member’s home, or a best friend’s place are the first locations they will check.
- It's pretty obvious, but steer clear of places where you might bump into someone you know who could report you to the police. This is why it's important to keep a safe distance from home.
- Don’t panic if you show up in the news. If you're missing, there’s a chance you’ll appear on a news broadcast. If you spot yourself on TV in public, calmly exit the store or anywhere with a screen.
- Don't tell your friends that you've run away. They might inform your parents. Unless, of course, they’re loyal friends who are actually helping you escape.
- Also, avoid wearing anything that might make you identifiable. For example, if you often wear Bears shirts, leave them at home!
- If you carry a backpack, adults will likely mistake you for a student heading to school.
- If you run out of food, quietly head to a supermarket, find a secluded spot, grab some food, and eat in a restroom. Dispose of all wrappers outside and leave discreetly, preferably with a group. Never go into the same store twice, as the shopkeeper might recognize you.
- Be polite, but don’t get too friendly with anyone, or they might become too curious about your life.
- If you do decide to run away and never return, you might want to change your appearance. Treat it as a “new beginning.” Changing your name is a good first step. A new hairstyle or makeup can help distinguish you from your old self. Try new clothes too.
Warnings
- Be cautious if you're hiding at someone else's house, as the homeowner might be held responsible for sheltering you.
- Think things through carefully. Don't run away just for fun.
- Prepare for situations where you run out of food and money. There will be times when you have no choice but to try free samples in grocery stores, sleep in public restrooms, or in mattress stores, if possible.
- Avoid taking your mobile phone (unless you’ve changed the number or SIM), debit cards, or credit cards since they can be used to track your location. If you need to make a call, borrow someone’s phone or use a public payphone. Always pay in cash if you need to buy something.
- Don’t leave home just because things are bad right now. Think about it—if there’s a chance things can improve, there’s no need to run. But if not, do what you feel is best.
- Learn essential life skills. When you run away, you might face the risk of being kidnapped, robbed, assaulted, or even killed. These are things you’ll regret for the rest of your life.
- Take something with you that you’re good at to help find a job.
- Leaving your family behind is the hardest part, so make sure you’re doing it for a valid reason, not just to get attention.
- If you get punished and feel it's unfair, think about your actions and how often you’ve made the same mistake. Also, remember the good times you’ve had with your family. You may forgive them and realize you don't need to leave after all.
- Finally, remember that running away could cause your parents and family more pain than you can imagine.
Things You’ll Need
- Money (1,000,000 VND or more)
- Food
- Clothing
- Water
- Flashlight (with extra batteries)
- Matches/lighter
- Blanket
- Multitool knife
- Deodorant (not essential, but recommended if available)
- Toothbrush/toothpaste
- Toilet paper
- Mobile phone (prepaid type), turn off location services.
- Entertainment tools (books, handheld electronics, or a laptop if there's a place to charge it). If you choose to bring any electronic devices, make sure to keep them with you at all times to avoid theft.
- A notebook [don't write where you are from]
