How to Say Goodbye to Doubt

Doubts often create many challenges in our lives. They can lead to a range of emotions such as anxiety, insecurity, anger, sadness, and despair. However, remember that it’s a normal experience everyone goes through. To dispel these doubts, you need to understand them and turn them into something positive. Don’t let doubt rob you of your joy in life; learn to examine those doubtful thoughts and let them pass, and you will find peace within.

Acknowledge the feeling of doubt. You can never overcome an obstacle unless you first acknowledge that it exists and is affecting your decisions. There’s a valid reason behind the emergence of doubt. It’s not your enemy, nor a sign of inadequacy.

Ask questions about your doubts. What exactly are you doubting? Where do these concerns stem from? Asking questions is an important aspect of reflecting on your own actions, so don’t hesitate to ask, even if it’s just to yourself. Focus on what is holding you back, and you will identify the critical doubts. After careful consideration, you may realize that those worries aren’t as serious as they seem.

Recognize and counteract cognitive distortions. No one can always see things clearly at all times. Sometimes we let our emotions overpower reason and believe things that aren't true. Ask yourself if you're falling into any of the following traps:

• Filtering, or focusing only on the negative aspects, while ignoring the positive. You may notice yourself fixating on one difficult detail, which causes the entire task ahead to appear daunting. Don’t ignore that detail, but consider other aspects as well. Many situations have bright sides that you can explore.
• Overgeneralizing, meaning when we draw broad conclusions from a single piece of evidence. After witnessing one bad event, we may expect it to repeat. This excessive generalization can lead to hasty conclusions – we assume there’s a larger issue based on a small piece of information, instead of making a more thorough assessment. Never hesitate to seek more information and data, especially information that challenges your generalizations.
• Catastrophizing, which occurs when you focus on the worst possible outcomes. You might find yourself thinking, “What if something terrible happens to me?” The thought of the worst-case scenario often causes people to exaggerate small mistakes or downplay positive aspects that may also be equally important. Boost your confidence by considering the most optimistic scenario and focusing on what you want to achieve. Both the worst and best scenarios may not materialize, but thinking of the brighter possibility can help ease the doubts brought on by fear of the worst outcome.
• Emotional reasoning, which happens when we believe our emotions are the truth. You might find yourself saying, “If I feel something, it’s bound to happen.” Remember, our vision is limited, and your feelings may only represent a small part of the full picture.

Distinguish between reasonable and unreasonable doubts. By questioning your doubts, you may realize that some are unfounded. Reasonable doubts are based on possibilities that arise when you attempt something beyond your capacity.

• Ask yourself if the task at hand is similar to things you’ve done before, especially those that helped you grow. If so, there’s no need to doubt your ability.
• Unreasonable doubts often stem from cognitive distortions, and if you find yourself thinking this way, it’s likely that your doubts are unreasonable.
• It might be helpful to write down your feelings in a journal. This can help you track and organize your thoughts and emotions.

Avoid seeking validation from others. When you frequently seek validation from those around you about your opinions, you’re subtly indicating that you don’t trust yourself.

• Seeking validation is not the same as asking for advice. Sometimes an outsider’s perspective can give you a clearer understanding of your own concerns. If your doubts are related to skills or expertise, speaking with someone successful in that field might help you gain clarity. However, remember that you are the one who ultimately makes the decision.

Engage in mindfulness practices. Rooted in Buddhist philosophy, mindfulness involves reflecting on the present moment and focusing on the world around you without worrying about the future. By paying attention solely to what is happening now, you can alleviate concerns about what is yet to come. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley offers simple mindfulness exercises that are great for beginners.

• Breathing meditation. In a comfortable position (sitting, standing, or lying down), breathe slowly and deliberately. Allow your breath to flow naturally as you tune into the sensations and reactions of your body. If your mind starts to wander, acknowledge it and bring your focus back to your breath. Practice this for a few minutes.
• Practice self-love moments. Think about a situation that stresses you or causes doubt and notice whether you can feel tension in your body. Acknowledge the pressure and discomfort (GGSC suggests using phrases like “This is a moment of suffering”). Remind yourself that suffering is part of life, and others share similar worries. Finally, place your hand on your heart and affirm positive statements (GGSC suggests: “I will love myself” or “I accept myself as I am”). Feel free to come up with your own affirmations that speak to your personal doubts or fears.
• Walking meditation. Find a space where you can walk 10-15 steps, either indoors or outdoors. Walk slowly, pause, breathe, and then continue. Pay attention to the movements of your body with each step. Tune into your senses as you move, noticing your breath, the feeling of your feet on the ground, or the sound of each step.

Reframe your perception of failure. This can help you avoid doubting your abilities because of the fear of failure. You may still fail, but it doesn’t have to be catastrophic. Success isn’t guaranteed every time. Instead of seeing failure as a roadblock, view it as a learning experience for the future. Redefine failure as “an experience,” a signal that shows you areas where improvement is needed. Don’t be afraid to try again, focusing more on areas to enhance this time.

• Reflect on past failures, no matter how small, and think about how you progressed afterward. It could be something simple, like learning a physical skill such as riding a bike or throwing a ball accurately. If it didn’t work out the first time, adjust and try again.

Appreciate your accomplishments. Remember that you have already achieved many things. Look back at past moments when you accomplished a goal, no matter how small. Use these experiences to build confidence in your abilities and know that you are capable of accomplishing even more. Some of these achievements might give you the strength to face current fears.

• Your life is full of achievements, both big and small. Of course, some may be large accomplishments, like completing a work project or losing weight on a new diet, but sometimes it’s simply doing something good for a friend or being kind to someone.
• It’s helpful to talk to yourself as if you were encouraging a friend in the same situation. If a friend were going through the same thing, you would likely offer understanding and support. Don’t impose unnecessary high standards on yourself.

Stop seeking perfection. If you demand that not only your success but also your execution must be flawless, you're likely to miss your goals. This decision can lead to a fear of failure and mistakes. Be realistic when setting your goals and expectations. You may soon realize that not achieving "perfect" goals isn’t as disappointing or blameworthy as you thought.

• Just as with self-doubt, recognize that you're striving for perfection. If you often hesitate, give up when things don’t go smoothly right away, or obsess over trivial details, you might be a perfectionist.
• Think about how others perceive you. Do you expect them to contribute and succeed at such high levels? Surely, there are different perspectives on the things you're doing.
• Focus on the big picture. This is an effective way to avoid getting bogged down by small details. Ask yourself about the worst-case scenario. Would you survive it? Would it still matter after a day, a week, or a year?
• Establish acceptable error levels. Compromise with yourself about things that don’t need to be perfect. Make a list of pros and cons about what you’ve set for yourself when trying to be perfect.
• Confront your fear of imperfection. Try intentionally making small mistakes, such as sending an email without proofreading it or deliberately leaving areas of your house messy in visible places. By putting yourself in these "failures" (which aren't actual failures), you may become more comfortable with the idea of imperfection.

Learn to embrace uncertainty. Doubt often arises because we can’t be sure about what will happen. No one can predict the future, and life is full of uncertainty. Many have allowed their fear of an uncertain future to paralyze them, preventing them from taking positive actions in life.

• List your behaviors when you’re uncertain or facing a task. If you tend to seek confirmation (not advice) from others, procrastinate, or double-check everything multiple times, jot down which tasks trigger these behaviors. Ask yourself how you’ve handled those situations, especially when they didn’t work out as hoped. You might find that the worst-case scenario you imagined didn’t occur, and that things that went wrong can still be easily fixed.

Take small steps toward your goal. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by a huge task, break it down into smaller goals. Rather than stressing over the unfinished parts, celebrate every step you’ve accomplished.

• Don’t fear setting deadlines for tasks. This helps identify the most critical tasks that require more effort, preventing you from spending too much time on a single task. Stick to the deadlines you’ve set. Work tends to fill the time allotted for it, so limit your time to avoid overworking.

• Sometimes, ignoring things that don’t go as planned can be helpful. However, don’t overlook things you’re capable of handling, such as paying bills or mending relationships.