How to Send a Message to Your Ex-Girlfriend After a Breakup

Breaking up is never an easy experience, and if you regret the reasons that led to the separation, you may be wondering what to say to reconnect with the one you love. If you believe that a chance for reconciliation is good for both of you, the first step is to send her a message. But what should you say in this situation? We're here to help you reach out to your ex-girlfriend after the breakup.

Give her space so she has the chance to miss you. It might be tough, but you should wait a few weeks after the breakup to message her, unless she reaches out to you first. She needs time to process everything that happened, and so do you. A few weeks later, you can get in touch again unless your ex has made it clear that she doesn't want to see you.

• If your ex doesn’t want to message you anymore, respect her decision. Every breakup leaves a wound, and your ex needs time to heal in her own way.
• Find something to occupy your mind during this time to avoid obsessing over what happened.
• If she responds to your messages after a day or so, go with the flow – this way, you won’t appear too eager.

A reminder of the beautiful moments can hold a lot of meaning. After a breakup, emotions can still be raw, and often, only the sad memories come to mind. You can shift her perspective on the relationship by sending her a message about the happy moments when you were together. Try sending messages like:

• "I just passed by the restaurant where we went on our first date. Do you remember when I spilled water on the waiter? Such a clumsy moment. Anyway, it reminded me of how special that night was."
• "The other day, I was at the beach, and it made me think of our vacation there. Remember how beautiful the weather was that day?"
• "I just watched a new Marvel movie. Do you remember how excited we were when we saw 'The Avengers'? I can't help but laugh thinking about that – we had such a fun night."

Your apology shows that you take responsibility for your mistakes. Acknowledging your part in what went wrong is important when trying to show her that your relationship deserves a second chance. Be specific about what you did wrong and explain that you've learned from it. For example:

• "I'm sorry for focusing too much on my friends and not giving you the attention you deserved. Now I realize that our relationship is special and needs more care."
• "I'm sorry I didn't meet your emotional needs. I understand now how it must have felt for you to feel neglected and upset during that time."
• "I'm sorry for being unfaithful while we were together. I thought texting other girls wouldn't matter, but I was completely wrong. I disrespected you, and I now understand how much I hurt you."

Genuine words of explanation can show her that there are no hard feelings between you two now. After a breakup, both of you might feel awkward as you’re unsure of where you stand with your ex. She will feel more at ease talking to you if she knows that you genuinely wish her well. Say things like:

• "I just want to say that I really appreciated the time we spent together. I wish you all the happiness in the world."
• "I know our breakup wasn’t smooth, but I just want you to know that what matters to me now is that you find happiness. I hope you’ll discover joy in everything you do from now on."
• "If this breakup is what you needed, I accept it. But I still think of you as an amazing person who deserves all the best things in life."

Show her that you value her thoughts. Asking someone for advice is a sign that you care about what they have to say, and this often makes people feel proud. Asking your ex for advice can be a much better way to start a conversation than a generic question like, “How have you been?” because it adds purpose to the exchange. Try sending messages like:

• "I’ve got a question for you: what do you think I should get my cousin for a gift?"
• "Quick question: I’m thinking of taking my uncle to a nice restaurant tonight. Do you have any suggestions?"
• "Do you have any advice for me? I’m really nervous about my French test tomorrow."

A casual chat can ease any tension. If something happened at work, school, or there’s a new piece of gossip, you can send your ex a message to break the awkward silence between you two. Talking about topics unrelated to the past relationship can bring comfort to both of you. Try saying things like:

• "Did you watch that interview last night? It was crazy."
• "Did you hear our English teacher got fired? There’s a lot of weird rumors about it."
• "I heard our boss might be transferring soon. Who do you think will take her place?"

Your ex might enjoy the feeling of helping you. If you need assistance with something, see if she’s willing to help. Be prepared for her to say no, and don’t be disappointed—she might need more time. If she agrees, this could be a great way to reconnect. Try saying things like:

• "I’m writing a job application – do you think you could help me take a look? I don’t know anyone who writes as well as you."
• "I was wondering if you might be able to take me to the airport this weekend? If you’re busy, no worries, just thought I’d check."
• "I have a trip out of town this weekend – do you think you could look after Lucy for me? I’ll make sure to thank you in some way!"

Remind your ex that she’s still an important part of your life. Everyone enjoys knowing that others mention them, so share this with her—it’s sure to make her smile. This is also a gentle way to show that you still think of her. Say something like:

• "My mom kept bringing you up at dinner last night. I think she really misses you!"
• "I went out with some friends last night. They were all saying how great you were at Mario Kart. I think they want a rematch!"
• "Our English teacher mentioned your essay the other day. She said it was one of the best she’s graded in all her years of teaching."

Leave signs that show you're not the same as before. When considering giving each other another chance, she needs to know that the issues that once drove you apart won't happen again. Show her that you are addressing the bad habits she disliked, such as:

• "You were right – I used to be so messy. Check out the picture of my place after I cleaned up. Thanks for giving me the push I needed."
• "I went hiking last weekend – check out this beautiful photo I took. I wanted to send it to you because you always encouraged me to stay more active."
• "I just want to thank you for motivating me to push myself harder. I got an interview invitation for a job tomorrow. It would mean a lot if you could wish me luck."

If your messages have become more meaningful, it may be time to open up about how you feel. Wait until you've re-established a friendship before sharing your feelings to avoid putting pressure on her after the breakup. However, if she’s showing signs that she’s open to discussing taking your relationship further, sharing your honest emotions could encourage her to do the same, which might bring you back together. Say something like:

• "I know we’re still trying to be friends, but my feelings for you have never faded."
• "I understand you may still need space, but I still love and care for you."
• "You’ve always been amazing to me, and you probably won’t be surprised to know that I still have feelings for you."

If your messaging has been going well, you might want to ask her for another chance. If she believes in your efforts and has initiated contact with you, now may be the time to bring up the possibility of getting back together. It’s not uncommon for couples who’ve broken up to reconnect, and hopefully, both of you have learned from the past to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Keep the invitation simple, gentle, and accept her decision if she says no. Try saying things like:

• "I know things didn’t go smoothly for us before, but what would you think if we started fresh? Would you want to go out to dinner with me this Friday?"
• "I’m really happy we’re talking again, and it feels like we’re clicking. Would you be open to us starting over?"
• "I’m not sure how you feel about this, but I’ve gathered the courage to ask you. Things seem to be going well between us lately, so what would you say if we started dating again?"

• Try not to send messages too often in the beginning. Avoid sending multiple messages at once and wait for her response before continuing the conversation.
• If you feel sad after the breakup, that's completely normal. You may miss your ex, even if ending the relationship was the right decision. Time will help the pain gradually fade.