How to Send Messages to Reignite Affection When a Guy is Mad at You

Do you think a guy — whether he's a friend, your partner, or someone you like — no longer has feelings for you? Perhaps he's been ignoring you or turning down your invitations to hang out. If you can't speak to him face-to-face, you can try to rebuild the connection by sending him a message. Keep reading to learn how to use effective tactics, but before you begin, make sure you truly want to mend this relationship.

Reflect on What Happened. Maybe he stopped talking to you or hanging out because he's upset with something you did, or perhaps he's become busy with new friends and other things.

• If his behavior changed around you because he lost interest in being friends (or romantically involved), it may be something you can't change. In these situations, the problem lies with him, not you.
• If you think he might be upset, find out why. People get angry when something you've done affects them negatively. Therefore, the first step in reconciliation is understanding what you did to upset him.
• Remember, even small actions or decisions can have a big impact on someone else. You'll need to reflect on your recent actions and identify which ones may have negatively affected him.
• Once you understand what caused his frustration, you can start easing the tension.

Empathize with his thoughts. The key to helping someone move past their anger or frustration is to show that you understand their perspective and acknowledge your mistake.

• Put yourself in his shoes and imagine anything that might have caused his frustration. Show compassion for his feelings and approach him with empathy.
• For example, if you were late picking him up because of traffic and forgot your phone halfway through, it may not seem like a big deal to you. However, he had to wait for 45 minutes in the cold and dark, even after reminding you about the time three times. You had promised to be on time.

Show empathy. Once you understand the reason behind his anger, show empathy for his feelings.

• If you were late picking him up, aside from understanding the situation from his perspective, think about how he must have felt. For instance, he may have felt that you didn’t prioritize him, didn’t care about his discomfort, or didn’t consider if he had other commitments, especially after you broke your promise. Think about how you would feel in his shoes and then empathize with him.

Apologize. Apologize early and often; admit that you were wrong (if applicable) and take responsibility.

• Acknowledge that you were wrong and assure him that you won’t repeat your mistake (no matter what it is). Don’t repeat the same mistake again.
• Don’t offer a careless apology like, 'I’m so sorry I made you upset.' This places the blame on him and makes it seem like you’re not apologizing for your actions but rather hoping he won’t stay mad.
• If he responds with angry messages—whether justified or not—apologize again. Keep apologizing if his anger escalates. A simple 'I’m sorry. I was wrong' will suffice.

Show that you understand how your actions affected him. Simply apologizing or trying to explain that you meant well won’t be enough.

• If an apology alone doesn’t cut it, you need to demonstrate that you recognize the negative consequences your actions had on him and that you truly regret it.
• If he feels that you genuinely understand how your actions caused his anger, he’ll feel understood and more likely to forgive you.
• Even if you think his emotions or reactions are unjustified, you should still apologize. If you want to win his affection back, show that you understand how he’s feeling.

Avoid escalating the situation. Even if you apologize, it won’t be enough to win back his affection if you follow up with words that increase the tension.

• For example, don’t say anything that implies he’s overreacting or being unreasonable. This will make him feel that you don’t understand the issue and aren’t genuinely acknowledging your fault—he’ll just get angrier.
• Don’t bring up past things he did that upset you. Tit-for-tat or mutual criticisms won’t ease the tension. Instead, it will prolong the issue and make it harder for him to forgive you.

Ask him what you can do to make up for it. Asking for his input on how to make things right shows that you're listening and genuinely want to improve things on his terms.

• You could send a message like, 'I know you waited for me for 45 minutes and felt disrespected. What can I do to make up for this?'

Make him laugh. Humor can help ease someone’s anger. If you can make him smile, or even just chuckle a bit, you've made a significant step in the right direction.

• Try humorously poking fun at yourself. If humor can calm someone down, self-deprecating humor works even better. For instance, you might tease yourself or admit to one of your endearing flaws.
• You could send him a playful message like, 'I’m really sorry for being late to pick you up. You know how clumsy I am—I ran into at least five walls on the way there.'
• Alternatively, you might send a more sincere but still lighthearted message like, 'Do you know I had to race against time? Still ended up late though.'

Tell him that you miss him. If a guy is upset because he feels you’ve been indifferent or neglected his needs, remind him that you think about him often.

• For example, you could send a sweet message about something that made you think of him (especially if it’s tied to an inside joke between you two), like, 'I just saw a car with a Hanoi license plate, and it reminded me of all the stories you’ve told me about your hometown. Thinking about you always makes me smile.'

Know when to step back. Avoid bombarding him with messages. You've apologized, but if he doesn't respond immediately or forgive you, it’s time to take a step back.

• If you keep sending texts, you’ll undo the good things you've done by making him frustrated instead of showing charm.
• If he needs time to process the situation, give him that time. Let him reach out to you when he's ready.

Don't pressure him if he hasn’t told you why he’s angry. If he isn’t sharing the reason for his frustration, it could be because he’s too angry to talk or is trying to get your attention. Either way, let things cool down, and he will come around.

• If he’s genuinely upset but doesn’t want to explain why, he might need time to calm down. Even if you’re unsure what you did, don’t push him to explain; just let him be. When he’s ready, he will talk, and then you can resolve it.
• If he’s not actually angry, he might just want your attention. The more you try to figure it out, the longer he might prolong it. Simply tell him you don’t know what upset him, and apologize if you did something wrong. Then leave it at that. He’ll contact you when he's done with the attention-seeking behavior.

Recognize when to let go. If he’s so angry that your attempts at empathy and apology aren’t working, it might be time to walk away.

• There’s nothing more you can do or say at this point to make him like you again, so it’s best to let go.
• After a while, he might calm down and will talk to you when he’s ready. You can’t force him to have a conversation before he’s prepared, so the best option is to wait.

Recognize if he’s not worth it. If he continuously gets angry over things that you don’t understand or feel are unreasonable, you should question whether this relationship is worth it.

• If being with him makes you more miserable than happy, it might be time to end the relationship.
• If he verbally, emotionally, or physically abuses you when angry, end the relationship immediately.

Find some joy. If nothing else works and he doesn’t like you no matter what you do, take some time to enjoy yourself.

• The "Make Up App" lets you select the gender of the person you want to reconcile with and use various reasons to mend the relationship. If all your attempts fail, the app won’t offer any more excuses, and when there are no more reasons left, it’s clear that you're outside in real life as well. In the worst case, you’ll be amused by messages the app sends on your behalf, claiming you've been kidnapped.
• Try coming up with clever messages even if he doesn’t respond. If he doesn’t reply and you know he probably won’t, end it there. Be over-the-top (“I’ve been waiting for your reply so long, the stray cat ate my face and arms, and now I’m texting you with my toes as I’m dying”). Or throw in some funny memes or animated images in your farewell signature.

Move forward. Don’t dwell on the situation or lose sleep over what you should have said or how he was being unreasonable.

• Accept that he’s angry, and it might be time to end the relationship. Move forward with your own life.

• If he refuses to communicate through text, ask if he’d prefer to speak in person. Some people prefer face-to-face interactions.
• Remember to stay calm. You can’t beg someone not to be angry with you. If he’s truly upset, give him time to cool off.
• Acknowledge his feelings. Even if you think he’s being unreasonable, validate his emotions. At the very least, you need to accept this if you want to resolve the issue.
• Know when to walk away. If he doesn’t forgive you, don’t force it. The more you push, the worse things will get.