How to Sneak Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend into the House

Thoroughly assess your home. Even though you live there every day, you’ll need to observe your house from a fresh perspective to identify entry points, blind spots, and creaky floorboards. Take some time alone to survey the area and familiarize yourself with everything.

• Check all windows and doors to determine if they can serve as entry or exit points.
• Consider the visibility from every window in the house. If a family member spots a stranger in the yard at 1 a.m., they might call the police—or recognize your partner and figure out your plan.
• How old is your house? Older homes tend to make more noise. Walk close to walls or along stair railings to minimize noise, as there’s no better way to prevent creaky floors. Sprinkling baby powder into floor gaps can offer a temporary solution, but it might raise questions from your parents.
• Disable the home alarm system before opening any doors or windows, so you’ll need to know the code (and how loud the alarm sounds when disarmed). Remember to reset it after your partner leaves the next morning.
• Pets—especially dogs—are another factor to consider. Think about how your pets usually react to visitors and what might calm them down. Locking them in another room rarely works, so it’s not a good idea. Instead, try training your dog to associate your partner with rewards by giving treats whenever they see them in the days leading up.

Select an entry point. First, decide whether to use a window or a door, and then inspect and prepare it in advance. Consider whether the window is easily visible, how close it is to your parents' room, and how far your partner will have to travel through the house to reach the relative safety of your room.

• Calculate the steps required to move, open, and unlock the entry point for your partner. Prepare and choose the location beforehand, but rearranging potted plants outside your bedroom too early might raise suspicions.
• Consider the noise when opening the window, pulling the blinds, or turning the door latch. Try to minimize noise as much as possible.
• If it’s a sliding door, open it gently. The sound of a sliding door could wake your parents.
• If the window has a bug screen, you’ll need to remove it. The difficulty depends on the screen’s structure, but many can only be easily removed from the outside, making windows above the second floor impractical. Ensure you don’t damage the screen, as it could reveal your plan (and cost you some allowance).
• Avoid making a habit of leaving windows or doors unlocked. Locks are there to protect your family’s safety, and your parents need to know the home’s security status.
• Consider how much force is needed to pull someone through the window and whether you can do it safely.
• Fire escapes and basement windows are unique advantages for some homes. Fire escapes can help your partner access higher windows, and basement windows are often far from the main bedrooms.
• Using the front door is less likely (and clearly less exciting than climbing through a window), but don’t rule it out entirely.

Test the chosen route. Walk through the route as if you’re sneaking in, but act naturally to avoid suspicion. You need to estimate how long it will take your partner to cross the yard, enter through the chosen point, and reach your bedroom once inside.

• Sometimes a longer path is tactically better, such as walking on carpet to reduce noise compared to tiled floors, making the carpeted route more discreet than wooden floors.
• Additionally, the test run helps you identify creaky floorboards to warn your secret guest about.
• Outside, consider the visibility from neighbors or passing vehicles. A well-meaning neighbor could ruin your plan if they see someone sneaking through a shared pathway.

Choose a hiding spot. You need to find a hiding place in your room and near the entry point. Clear space in a closet or under the bed. A messy room offers more options (if you don’t mind, your special guest could even hide under a pile of laundry or bedsheets), but a tidy room suddenly becoming cluttered will raise suspicions.

• Darkness in an unlit house can turn every corner and nook into a comfortable hiding spot, but don’t expect your parents to avoid turning on lights if they hear strange noises. However, don’t worry too much if they suspect something, as people in their 50s need twice as much light as those in their 30s to see in the dark.

Secretly communicate with them when it’s safe. You need an easy way to contact your partner. You can set a prearranged time if no better option exists, but if your parent suddenly heads to the kitchen for a midnight snack, you might wish you could delay your guest for a few minutes.

• A mobile phone is obviously the best choice. Remember to set it to silent or vibrate.
• Avoid using landlines on both ends. A call from a landline to your partner’s mobile might seem safe, but if they accidentally call back or misdial, your home phone could ring. Your parents might also pick up the extension in their room and discover your plans.
• In emergencies, you can use old-school methods like tapping on the window or using a house light as a signal—choose a light your parents can’t turn off. Light on means come in, light off means stay out.

Ensure your parents are asleep. If their bedroom door is open, it’s easier to tell, but a closed door means greater safety. Listen for snoring or slow, steady breathing, which indicates they’re deep in sleep. Our bodies go through multiple sleep cycles, but the duration of deep sleep shortens as the night progresses. Within about 60 minutes of falling asleep, people enter their deepest sleep phase—keep this in mind to time your plan advantageously.

• If your parents’ bedroom is near the kitchen, you can condition them to soft nighttime noises. Start by grabbing cereal or a late-night snack a week earlier. If they wake up while you’re rummaging in the kitchen, you’ll have a plausible excuse. If they don’t wake up, it’s a good sign for your plan.
• Don’t forget their usual bedtime. Your family will grow suspicious if you suddenly stay up past midnight when you normally sleep early, or vice versa. For the former, you can mask your alertness by drinking cola, and for the latter, act tired after school or work.
• Double-check your chosen entry point to ensure the window or door isn’t locked by your parents before they sleep.

Quietly bring them inside. If you use a ladder or stool to reach the entry point, remember to return it to its original spot or pull it inside. Move quickly but quietly. The strategy here is “operate in the dark”: turn off all lights, ensure phones are silent, and shut down computer screens and TVs.

• If your family is used to hearing a radio in your room, play it softly to mask any sounds while bringing your partner in. Sudden noises, not consistent ones, wake people up. Familiar, steady sounds can act as white noise to muffle abrupt movements.
• If you’re pulling them up a vertical wall, hold on tightly to avoid being pulled out yourself.
• Another method is to invite your partner over late in the evening, hide them in a closet until everyone is asleep, and then pretend they’ve already left when your parents are in a position where they can’t see them exit (e.g., in the backyard or bathroom). Ensure their car is parked out of sight. Provide them with something quiet and entertaining to pass the time!
• Lock doors and windows after your partner is inside to maintain safety and avoid suspicion if your parents wake up during the night.

Stay quiet and discreet. If you need to retrieve something from another part of the house, hide your partner securely before leaving. If either of you changes or removes clothes, store them out of sight. Any items they’ve brought, like phones, wallets, or keys, must also be hidden.

• If you need light, use your phone screen and avoid shining it under doors.
• If they need to use the bathroom, remind them not to flush.

Set a silent alarm to remember the departure time. If you’re worried about both of you falling asleep, set an alarm to allow ample time for a smooth exit. Keep it on vibrate or at a low volume to avoid waking your parents.

• Have your partner leave at least an hour before your parents usually wake up. Consider whether they’ll be visible in the early morning light and if their own parents might notice their absence.
• If you’re unsure about waking up to the alarm, stay awake.
• If you typically use a radio alarm, rely on that instead of a loud ringtone.

Escort them out. Instruct your partner to leave the premises and get out of sight as quickly as possible. Someone spotted leaving a house early in the morning is just as suspicious as someone sneaking in at midnight. If caught, you could claim they stopped by to discuss homework before school, but this excuse is hard to believe.

Erase the evidence. Clean up any cans, bottles, wrappers, or clothes in the room. Bury last night’s trash at the bottom of the bin to avoid suspicion and take it out the next day (but don’t do it too early if it’s not your usual routine).

• Flushing certain items down the toilet might seem easy, but don’t do it; a clogged toilet is even more noticeable. Plus, it’s harmful to the environment.

• Wait at least two weeks before attempting another adventure. Choose a different day of the week than last time. Each attempt increases the risk of getting caught, but you’ll also act more smoothly due to experience. Weigh the pros and cons carefully.
• Check curfew regulations. If caught entering or leaving during curfew hours, you could face legal trouble for violating curfew laws.
• If engaging in intimacy, keep it quiet.
• Avoid doing anything unusual on the day of the sneak-in. Don’t ask others when they’re going to sleep, as it’s highly suspicious. Don’t announce you’re going to bed if it’s not your usual habit.
• If your parents or siblings work, you should know their schedules inside out.
• Remember, your parents might have done the same in their youth and are familiar with these tricks. Sneaking into restricted areas and escaping adult supervision is, to some extent, a natural and normal part of human development.
• If not wearing socks, walk on your heels and toes.

• If your parent enters the room while you’re hiding your partner in the closet, try not to appear nervous or suspicious. Avoid overcompensating or acting aggressively toward your parents.
• Smoking and drinking increase the risk of getting caught. Cigarette smoke can trigger smoke detectors or be noticed by others in the house, while alcohol can lower your guard and make it harder to stay quiet.
• If you’re caught: Stay calm and explain politely. Taking responsibility is the wisest way to protect your partner as much as possible.
• If your parents own firearms, you need to know their self-defense plan. This is crucial information to predict how they might react to an intruder. If your partner is told to “freeze” or identify themselves, they must comply immediately. The worst scenario is your partner being mistaken for an intruder and harmed.
• Don’t proceed with the plan if there’s a risk of injury. If there are hazards on the entry or exit route, reconsider your strategy.
• If the police arrive, don’t run. Stay still and follow all instructions. Fleeing from law enforcement can lead to severe consequences, even fatal ones.
• If your parents disapprove of you bringing anyone home, consider that they have valid reasons. They’re older, more experienced, and sometimes understand your needs better than you do, even if it’s hard to believe. Think carefully about your actions and behave responsibly.

• Plenty of time and patience.
• A private room, or at least a roommate who won’t snitch.
• A quick escape route!