Buzz
Engaging in dirty talk is a fun way to deepen your connection with your partner and enhance the excitement in the bedroom. To get the hang of it, all you need is to gradually become more confident expressing yourself verbally during intimate moments (or even while sexting over the phone). Be bold and describe your sensual moves as they're happening, adding an edge to your interaction. With time and practice, you'll be able to elevate the passion and intensity in your relationship through dirty talk.
Steps
How to Begin Dirty Talk
Offer a few compliments. Start with something light. You could say how irresistible your partner looks or how incredible they are in bed. Try saying, "You look stunning with your shirt off," or "Being with you tonight feels amazing." If you want to highlight a specific body feature, you could comment on, "Your arms are so defined" or "I can’t get enough of your legs." Let your lover know they are desirable and cherished.
- Or, if you're sending a text during the day, hint at what you'd like to do: "I wish I could relive last night right now.."
- Want more tips? Share your favorite dirty talk ideas on our "Basic pointers how to dirty talk" forum!
Start with some light, flirtatious talk. Take your first step by incorporating some soft-core dirty talk. This doesn’t mean you need to go into explicit detail, but you can express how much pleasure you’re feeling and how attracted you are in a more subtle, PG-13 way. Whether you’re sexting or talking dirty face-to-face, here are some phrases to try:
- "I want you so badly."
- "I’ve been wanting you all day."
- "You smell incredible."
- "I’ve been eagerly anticipating this."
- "You look unbelievably sexy right now."
- "You always know how to turn me on instantly."
Don't treat it like a performance. The quickest way to feel nervous or pressured while dirty talking is by thinking of it as a performance. There is no 'right' way to do it—just be yourself. Speak only what feels genuine to you, don't say more than you're comfortable with, and steer clear of words that don’t sit well with you.
- Sometimes, dirty talk through text can be a great way to ease into it. It might be easier to express yourself boldly over the phone at first, and as time goes on, you’ll feel more comfortable bringing that same energy into real-life interactions.
Being More Detailed
Try saying "I love when you [verb] my [body part]." This simple structure works wonders to excite your partner. There are endless options for the verbs and body parts you can choose to customize the statement and turn your partner on. Here are a few tame examples, though you can easily make it more daring if you’d like:
- "I love it when you kiss my neck."
- "I love it when you touch my thighs."
- "I love it when you lick my ears."
- "I love it when you stroke my back."
- Of course, feel free to mix things up. For example, you could also say, "It feels amazing when you [verb] my [body part]."
Give a live, sexy commentary. Describe the actions as they unfold. Imagine you're a sultry sports announcer and you and your lover are the only team that matters. Use phrases like "I love it when..." or "It feels incredible when you..." to talk about what’s happening in the moment, amplifying the pleasure. Talking about the action while it’s happening will double the excitement. Here are some examples:
- "I love being on top of you."
- "I love watching you take your shirt off."
- "I love kissing your neck."
- "I love undressing for you."
Ask your partner if they enjoy what you're doing. As you continue to caress and touch your lover, ask them if they like what you're doing. Don’t fall into the trap of simply asking, “Do you like that?” over and over. Change it up and ask specific questions about what you’re doing to them. This helps you understand more about what excites your partner! Here are some examples:
- "Do you like it when I touch you there?"
- "Do you enjoy it when I kiss you like this?"
- "Does it feel good when I stroke you here/like this?"
Express your excitement. Don’t hesitate to tell your partner how amazing they make you feel. A simple statement like, "I'm so turned on" or "You're making me so..." can drive them wild. Hearing how much you’re enjoying the moment will heighten their excitement too. Feel free to be specific about how you’re turned on and even refer to your body parts for extra emphasis.
Keep things interesting. While continuing to talk dirty, remember to keep things fresh by constantly coming up with new phrases or techniques that excite your lover. Don’t stick to just one style—use as many as feel right and effective. The more specific you can get, the better.
- Instead of just saying something feels good, describe which part of your body feels the most pleasure. If you’re so turned on that you feel it in your toes, tell them.
Share your fantasies. Opening up about your wildest sexual fantasies is a thrilling way to dirty talk. Tell your lover about your most secret and intense desires and see if they’re open to fulfilling them. If you and your partner are truly comfortable with each other, let your inhibitions go and share everything you’ve ever dreamed of—just see how much it excites them.
- But be cautious. If your fantasy is particularly intense or controversial, make sure you’re truly comfortable with your partner before revealing your deepest desires.
Announce your orgasm. Simply telling your partner that you're about to orgasm, or that you're already feeling it build up, will heighten the excitement for both of you. This adds more anticipation and increases the pleasure when it finally happens.
Take charge and give commands to your lover. Don’t hesitate to assert yourself and tell your lover exactly what you want. Be in control and direct them as they meet your every desire. You can start with simple requests like, "Take off my shirt" or "Remove your pants," then become more daring as things progress.
- Feel free to be a little bold and take control. Let your lover know exactly what you want from them.
- Take turns commanding each other. Once you’ve had your time being the dominant one, let your lover take the lead and do what they desire.
Being Considerate When Engaging in Dirty Talk
Ensure mutual comfort with dirty talk. While many couples find dirty talk exciting, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. If your partner isn’t comfortable with it, don’t push it. Forcing it may lead to frustration instead of arousal.
- It’s also fine if your partner enjoys listening to dirty talk but isn’t comfortable reciprocating. If you prefer a two-way exchange, it may be best to skip it. But bringing dirty talk into the bedroom is still possible even if only one person is speaking.
Set clear boundaries. While your first encounter with dirty talk might not come with a formal discussion, it's important to communicate any boundaries you have. This will likely be a spontaneous moment, but at some point, ensure that both of you know what’s off-limits.
- If your partner says something that’s too offensive or crude, don’t get angry. Instead, calmly say, "Please don’t say that again." If they don’t respect your wishes, it may be time to halt the action.
- If you're too embarrassed to address something in the moment, bring it up afterward so your partner understands your discomfort.
Don’t blur the lines between bedroom play and real life. What you say to each other in the bedroom is part of the playful sexual exchange and shouldn’t be taken seriously outside of it. Just because your partner allows certain words or phrases in bed doesn’t mean they’d be comfortable with them outside the bedroom.
- You may engage in role-playing during dirty talk, but remember that these roles are for the bedroom only and don’t define your actual relationship dynamics.
Be mindful of your language. It’s important to think carefully about what you say, as some words or phrases may unintentionally offend. Take time to talk about your boundaries, likes, and dislikes before diving into dirty talk. Start slow and pay attention to your lover’s cues to learn what resonates with them. Avoid using anything hurtful or degrading that might spoil the mood.
Use adult films for inspiration. If you’re unsure about how to start talking dirty, watching some adult films can spark ideas. While the dirty talk in these films may be more extreme than what you have in mind, it’s a good starting point.
- If you're both open to it, watching porn together can be a fun way to get ideas for dirty talk. It can be arousing and allow you to share your thoughts on what phrases or words you find exciting.
Get into the moment. While dirty talk is part of sexual play and not necessarily a reflection of reality, it’s essential to remain true to yourself. Let your words flow in a way that feels natural—just a more playful, bolder version of you. The more authentic you are, the more at ease you'll feel, making it easier to explore your dirty talk potential.
Engage in the conversation...
I (m33) have been with my girlfriend (f34) for two years, and we’re both wanting to spice up our intimacy a bit more with some dirty talk. However, neither of us has much experience, and it still feels somewhat awkward. Does this improve with time? Will it become more enjoyable and less strange as we continue? Any advice is welcome.
It will definitely get easier and more natural the more you practice! :) A great tip for beginners is to ask her what she would like you to do to her (or you can tell her what you want to do). Go slow—it’s all about building tension. When you describe what you want or what you’d like her to do in explicit detail, it becomes a creative process! Add a few moans in between, too.
Everyone is different, so what you and your girlfriend enjoy may differ from other couples. You'll both gradually discover what works for you. Just keep open communication about your likes and dislikes and respect each other's boundaries. Maybe she likes things a little more vanilla, or maybe you both want to explore kinkier territory. Be open to trying new things, but always practice consent. Hope this helps! :)
Everyone is different, so what you and your girlfriend enjoy may differ from other couples. You'll both gradually discover what works for you. Just keep open communication about your likes and dislikes and respect each other's boundaries. Maybe she likes things a little more vanilla, or maybe you both want to explore kinkier territory. Be open to trying new things, but always practice consent. Hope this helps! :)
Effective communication is essential! Different people have different preferences, so talking with your partner about what excites her is key. For instance, if she enjoys a more dominant dynamic, you could take on a commanding role in your dirty talk and tell her what she can and can’t do. It's also crucial to learn what she doesn’t like so you can avoid it.
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Dirty talk doesn't need to be complex. Just start by expressing what you adore about your partner, then share exactly what you're thinking. This approach sets the stage for a more passionate experience!
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Keep in mind, dirty talk is only effective if there's mutual attraction. Using it as a pickup line can come off as inappropriate or sleazy.
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Feeling uncertain or awkward about dirty talk? It doesn’t always require profanity. You can simply moan, breathe heavily, or use phrases like "oh, yes!" or "I love it when you do that." Let the tone of your voice speak volumes.
