Buzz
An extensive guide detailing the behaviors and communication patterns of players
Relationships with players often result in emotional pain, but identifying their traits before becoming emotionally invested can be challenging. By carefully observing their actions in both private and public situations, you may notice certain red flags.
How to Spot a Player: A Quick Guide
Players typically exhibit overconfidence and are quick to shower others with excessive praise. They might be considerably older and evasive about their communications with others. They frequently fabricate stories about their whereabouts and companions. Additionally, they enjoy dominating conversations by talking about themselves.
Steps
General Characteristics
Be cautious of excessive confidence. While self-assurance is positive, there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. If someone appears overly self-assured in their attempts to impress you, it might indicate they've done this many times before.
- It's natural for people to feel some nervousness around those they're attracted to. Confidence alone doesn't define a player, but if they seem completely unfazed or indifferent when asking you out, they may not be genuinely interested.
Consider the age difference. If the person is significantly older, possibly old enough to be your parent, it could be a red flag. Older players often target younger, less experienced individuals who are easier to manipulate.
- Not all older individuals are players, but a large age gap combined with other suspicious behaviors can be a warning sign.
- Keep in mind that players can be of any age, and younger individuals can also exhibit player-like tendencies.
Observe their phone habits. When they're texting, subtly glance in their direction. You don't need to see the screen; their reaction can tell you more. A player will likely move their phone away quickly if they sense you're looking.
- If they're constantly on their phone or seem more focused on it than on you, it could indicate a lack of genuine interest.
- This doesn't mean you should invade their privacy by checking their phone. Many people, even non-players, would consider this a breach of trust. Their defensive behavior alone is often enough to raise concerns.
Monitor their whereabouts. Take note of the places they go when you're not together. If they frequent the same spots they used to visit when single and looking to meet people, they might still be engaging in similar behavior.
- This doesn't mean you should stalk them. Instead, ask around or visit places where you initially met them to gather information in a healthy and respectful manner.
Conversational Cues
Be cautious of excessive praise. While genuine compliments are appreciated, be wary of someone who showers you with flattery. Players often use this tactic to charm and manipulate others.
- Notice the nature of their compliments. If they’re generic and could apply to anyone—like praising your hair or smile—it may indicate a lack of genuine interest in you as an individual. Also, be skeptical if they focus on complimenting your insecurities.
- Additionally, players often use pet names like “honey” or “baby” early on. While such terms can be endearing in established relationships, their premature use can be a red flag.
Take dishonesty seriously. Players are often dishonest, and catching them in a lie can be challenging. However, when you do, don’t ignore it, especially if it happens repeatedly.
- Common lies include fabrications about their past, recent activities, or the people they’ve been with.
- If you confront them about a suspicion, observe their reaction. Players may try to laugh it off or deflect the conversation. If pressed, they might admit the truth but shift the blame onto you.
Analyze their life story. Players are often self-centered and may dominate conversations by talking about themselves. If they haven’t shared much, ask questions and watch for inconsistencies.
- While everyone wants to impress someone they like, a player’s story may seem overly polished and unrealistic. If it sounds too good to be true, it likely is.
- Pay attention to details. Inconsistencies in their narrative can reveal dishonesty about their identity or intentions.
Share your personal experiences. Players are typically more focused on themselves than on others. A genuinely interested person will want to learn about your life and interests, but a player won’t invest the time.
- Some players may ask about your life but won’t remember what you’ve shared. Bring up past conversations to test their recall. While forgetting minor details occasionally is normal, consistent forgetfulness is a warning sign.
Discuss past relationships. Inquire about their previous relationships and share your own. These discussions can give players a chance to manipulate your emotions.
- They might probe into your past relationships, focusing on your insecurities during those times. By understanding what makes you vulnerable, they can exploit it to their benefit.
- When discussing their own past, they may gloss over details but emphasize how they’ve been hurt before. While a brief mention of past pain isn’t unusual, exaggerating it to gain your sympathy could be a manipulative strategy.
Stand your ground. Players often accuse their partners of infidelity to divert attention from their own unfaithful behavior. This tactic shifts the focus away from their actions and onto you.
“Quality” Time
Prioritize your time. Observe how they plan dates and respond to your invitations. Someone who respects you will value your time, while a player won’t.
- Players often make last-minute plans, treating you as a backup option when nothing “better” is available.
- If they frequently respond with “maybe” or cancel plans at the last minute, it could mean they’re waiting for a more appealing opportunity to arise.
Be wary of inconsistent behavior. Players often fluctuate between extremes in their attention and affection. You might not hear from them for weeks, only to be overwhelmed with sudden, intense interest.
- During their “cold” phases, they’re likely spending time with other romantic interests and ignoring you.
- During their “hot” phases, they may have lost other options or grown bored with them, turning back to you to fill the gap.
Switch up your meeting spots. If you usually meet at night, suggest a daytime outing. Players often resist this idea, offering weak excuses to avoid it.
- If changing the time isn’t possible, alter the nature of the date. Opt for a public setting with minimal alcohol instead of a private or drinks-focused outing. This reduces their chances of advancing physical intentions, and a player will likely reject such changes.
Hold their gaze. When you’re together in public, aim to maintain consistent eye contact. While it doesn’t need to be constant, their attention should mostly be on you.
- Occasionally glancing elsewhere isn’t necessarily a red flag, but if their eyes frequently wander toward others or linger on someone else, it’s a cause for concern.
Take your time. Players are primarily interested in physical intimacy and lack the patience for a slow-paced relationship. By moving slowly, you can filter out those who aren’t genuinely interested in you as a person.
Court of Public Opinion
Go public with your relationship. If you’re involved with a player, you’re likely not their only romantic interest. Making your relationship public can expose their deceit, which is why they’ll often resist it.
- Observe how they treat you in public. If they avoid showing affection or treat you no differently than others, they may be hiding your relationship. They might also avoid certain places to reduce the risk of being caught.
- Check their social media behavior. If they refuse to connect with you online, ignore your public comments, or avoid updating their relationship status, it could indicate they’re keeping your relationship under wraps.
Spend time with their friends. Make an effort to interact with their social circle. Players often avoid introducing you to their friends, not out of fear of losing you, but to prevent their true nature from being revealed.
- If they allow you to meet their friends, there’s a chance someone might accidentally expose their real behavior or intentions.
- Observe how they act around their friends. Some players let their guard down in these settings, revealing their true selves.
Invite them to meet your loved ones. Suggest they meet your friends and family. Since players aren’t serious about you, they’ll often decline or come up with last-minute excuses to avoid these gatherings.
- Additionally, your friends and family may have a sharper eye for spotting players. A player who agrees to meet them risks being exposed by someone observant.
Seek out opinions. Gather information about the person by asking around. While their close friends might protect them, others outside their circle are less likely to hide the truth.
- Ask your own friends to investigate on your behalf. They may have connections or insights you don’t.
- Consider speaking with their exes, but proceed carefully. Some exes might exaggerate or distort the truth out of resentment, especially if they feel you’ve “taken” the person from them.
Observe how they treat others. Players often lack respect for everyone, not just you. While it might be hard to notice disrespect directed at you, it’s easier to spot how they treat others.
- Pay attention to how they speak about and interact with people of your gender. Disrespect toward certain relatives can also reveal broader biases.
- Notice how they treat service workers or staff. Players may enjoy exerting authority over them, revealing their true character.
