How to Start a Conversation with a Girl You Don’t Know

You may feel nervous when trying to start a conversation with a stranger, but with some tips, you’ll gain the confidence to initiate the chat. When approaching a girl, offer her a warm smile and read her body language to see if she’s open to talking. Then, you can talk about where you live, ask friendly questions, show some humor, and ask for her contact information to make her look forward to more from you. If you’re chatting online or on a dating app, begin with a friendly personalized message to show her you're thinking about her.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself why you’re an amazing person. Feeling anxious when talking to strangers is totally normal, so try to stay calm by taking deep breaths and remembering your best qualities. Remember, you’ve got nothing to lose! If she’s not interested in talking, it’s no big deal, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know.

• Tell yourself, “I’m kind, funny, and my outfit looks great. She’ll be happy to talk with me.”

Pay attention to your appearance to boost your confidence. Make sure you look your best and feel confident by taking a shower, using deodorant, and wearing clothes you like. You don’t need to drastically change your appearance, just be mindful of body odor and focus on grooming more. This will make you feel confident enough to approach any girl.

Make eye contact with her. As you walk toward the girl, look her in the eyes so she knows you’re coming and isn’t surprised. To appear friendlier, approach from the side or the front so she sees you, instead of from behind. Eye contact can boost your confidence and show you’re interested in talking to her.

Give her a warm smile when approaching. A smile shows you’re friendly and approachable. It makes her feel safe, as you appear easygoing and not like a predator.

Read her body language to see if she’s ready to talk. Positive body language includes smiling, leaning toward you, making eye contact, or playing with her hair or jacket. Signs that she may not want to talk include crossed arms, looking down, keeping a distance, or staring at her phone.

Respectfully walk away if she doesn’t seem interested. Don’t take it personally. She might have had a tough day, be too shy, or already like someone else and not want to flirt with you. You can try approaching her again at another time to see if her mood improves. However, if she still doesn’t seem interested, it’s best to stop. She might feel uncomfortable or annoyed if you keep trying. Instead, focus on other girls you can talk to.

Initiate small talk based on your location. For instance, if you meet the girl at a bus stop, talk about the weather. If you’re at a coffee shop, ask her for a recommendation on what to order. If you’re at school, ask how her class went.

• Starting a conversation based on your surroundings is a great way to engage someone you don’t know, as it feels spontaneous and friendly.

Introduce yourself and ask for her name. After chatting for about a minute, introduce yourself and ask her name. You can simply give your first name to keep things casual. Sharing names is a nice way to build rapport.

• You can say, “I’m Nam. What’s your name?”

Try to make her laugh. Many girls find humor in guys very attractive. If you enjoy joking around, don’t hesitate to act goofy. You can make quirky comments about things you see, or joke about yourself. You can tease her a little, but be careful not to go too far or make her feel uncomfortable.

• If joking with strangers feels difficult, don’t force it. Instead, charm her through other aspects of your personality, like optimism or your smile.

Ask open-ended questions and listen carefully. The best way to keep a conversation going is to give and receive opinions. If you’re nervous, you might tend to ramble, but asking open-ended questions and truly listening gives you a better chance to understand her.

• Don’t rush into personal questions. You can ask, “What do you like about this café?” or “I love your Hogwarts shirt. Which Harry Potter book is your favorite?”
• If you’re at school, you could ask, “Who teaches your history class?” or “Do you play on the basketball team? I think I saw you last week.”

Keep the conversation upbeat. No matter what you talk about, always maintain a positive attitude. As you get to know each other better, you can dive into deeper or more serious topics, but for now, focus on talking about things and people you enjoy. This shows you are caring and optimistic.

• For example, if she mentions her favorite band and asks if you like them, don’t say, “I hate those guys. They’re terrible singers.” Instead, steer the conversation towards something more positive: “I don’t know much about them. But I really love outdoor concerts. Have you ever been to one?”

Compliment her personality subtly. Focus on the inner qualities that make her unique, like “You’re so funny” or “You’re so sweet.” If you want to compliment her appearance, focus on her smile, hair, eyes, or clothes, and avoid commenting on her personality traits. Be sincere and use words like pretty or cute, rather than calling her hot or attractive, to avoid making her uncomfortable.

• Try to weave compliments naturally into the conversation. If she says something that makes you laugh, after you stop laughing, say, “You’re so funny.” If she says something kind, say, “You’re so sweet.” If there’s a lull in the conversation and she’s smiling, you can say, “You have a beautiful smile.”
• Pay attention to how she reacts to your compliments. If she blushes, smiles, giggles, or compliments you in return, that’s a good sign. If she gets angry and pulls away, she might not be interested.

Ask for contact information before you say goodbye. Don’t let the conversation end in vain if you never see her again! Be bold and ask for her phone number, or suggest connecting with her on Facebook or Instagram. If she seems reluctant to give her number, offer yours and let her take the initiative if she feels comfortable.

• You could say, “I have to go now, but I’d like to talk to you later. Can I have your number?”
• Or you could say, “I’d really like to see you again. Can I have your number?” Then, hand her your phone to get her number.

Ask for advice if you have her number. This is a perfect excuse to text someone you just met. You can ask for advice on anything: which class to take, where to get the best ice cream in town, or what books to read.

• Throw in a compliment to flirt with her. Text her something like, “I’m not sure which class to pick for next semester, you’re the smartest person here. What do you suggest?” Or, “You sang so well at the concert yesterday! Do you know any other great songs? I’d love to hear more.”
• Make a joke by pretending you need urgent help, “I’ve got a quick question for you: which ice cream shop is the best in town?”

Ask your girlfriend for a suggestion to start a conversation. Even if you don't know the girl, you can assume that she enjoys listening to music, watching TV, or reading books. You could mention that you just watched a TV show or are looking for a new channel to check out.

• Try sending a message like, "I just finished watching 'Bạn muốn hẹn hò'. It's such a great show! Do you know any other good ones?"

Send her a sweet message implying that you're thinking of her. This is truly endearing and shows that she's on your mind, even if you don't know her well. If you have a crush on a cute girl in class, this is a great way to send an unexpected text.

• For example, you can text, "I just finished listening to the song 'Xuân này con không về' and it reminded me of you at that spring music performance. What are you up to?"
• Or, mention a shared experience, like, "I just bumped into teacher Trung at the supermarket. Haha, so embarrassing! I don't know how I’ll pass that class without your funny comments."

Invite her to study together as an excuse to ask her out. If you have her number or chat with her online, invite her to study together as a casual way to hang out. If you want to flirt a bit, use the word "date".

• Send a text like, "Teacher L gave us a ton of homework... How about we study together this weekend?"
• Make her feel like a hero by texting, "I'm about to die from studying. Save me!"

Reference a detail from her profile while messaging on a dating app. When you send the first message to a girl you've matched with on a dating app, avoid just saying "Hi" or complimenting her looks. Show that you’ve taken the time to read her profile by mentioning something from it.

• Feel free to be playful and humble. For example, if her profile says she likes karaoke, you could text, "I see you could be a karaoke star. Is singing off-key a disaster for you? Asking for a friend!"
• Or if her profile mentions she loves watching 'Friends', you can ask, "Do you think I resemble Rachel, Phoebe, or Monica?" If her profile mentions she loves reading, ask her what her favorite book is.
• If she hasn’t listed any details, you can ask about one of her photos. For example, "This place looks amazing! Where was it taken?"

Ask her out after chatting for a while online. Remember, the purpose of a dating app isn't to chat forever, but to set up a real-life meeting. Once you've established a connection, ask her out. You won’t know if you’re compatible unless you meet in person.

• Be straightforward and invite her out. For example, you can say, "Would you like to grab coffee this week? There’s a new café that has amazing pastries."
• Or say, "I’d love to meet and continue our conversation. How about meeting at Benni’s on Friday?"
• If she’s not free at the time you suggested, ask when she’s available.