How to start a conversation with someone you like after a period of no contact (for men)

Reaching out to someone you like after a long silence can be nerve-wracking, but there are plenty of ways to break the ice without feeling awkward. If you're not very close to her or prefer a more indirect approach, you can start by connecting on social media. If you've already shared a closer bond, a direct message asking how she's been, followed by suggesting a meetup to catch up, might feel more natural. Alternatively, if you bump into her at an event or share mutual friends, you could approach her casually, expressing your excitement at seeing her again, and using body language and communication skills to signal your interest in talking more.

Like or comment on her posts. This is a subtle, yet effective way to bridge the gap. It can provide the motivation you need to start a conversation with her, or serve as a stepping stone to initiate further contact. Liking or commenting on her posts lets her know you're still keeping up with her activities.

• Don't like every single post she shares. Select one or two that genuinely interest you, and space out your interactions by a few days. If you engage too much all at once, it might come off as overly eager.
• Avoid only liking her cute photos. While it’s fine to show appreciation for a picture where she looks amazing, too many compliments on her looks might make her uncomfortable. Try liking a variety of posts, not just her personal photos.

Post on social media. After liking or commenting on her posts, the next step is to create an opportunity for her to comment on yours. You could share an insightful or unique perspective on life, post beautiful or interesting photos you’ve taken, or share humorous GIFs, images, or quotes with your thoughts on why they resonate with you.

• Think about what might make her laugh or find interesting. While you’re not posting exclusively for her, be mindful of the differences in how you and she use social media.
• Look at her posts and what she likes to better understand her interests and online style. For instance, if she often posts about a band she loves, and you’re into them too, you could share one of their songs or a lyric, explaining why you love it.
• Always stay true to yourself. Only post things you genuinely enjoy, and let your personality shine through. Posting things you don't care about will come off as inauthentic.

Comment on one of her posts. It's a good idea to comment on something she has recently posted. If you comment early, there's a chance she will respond. Find something you both like, such as music, food, movies, etc. Compliment the post, ask a question, or comment on something you find intriguing.

• For example, if she shares about attending a music concert, you could comment: “You’re lucky to have seen those artists live! How was the performance?”
• By doing this, you may continue exchanging comments. If that happens, you should message her or continue the conversation. For example, you could say, “Hey, it’s great talking to you. How have you been? Are you listening to any new bands? Tell me about them!”

Invite her to an event via Facebook or Google+. Look up how to create events on these platforms. You can create your own event or invite her to one you’re attending. For example, if you're going to a concert you think she would enjoy, invite her to join. Many open events allow broad invitations. You can do this by going to the event page and selecting to send invites. Or, if you and friends are hosting a Halloween party, you could create an event and invite her.

• After sending the invite, follow up with a message introducing the event. For example, “Hey, my friends and I are hosting a Halloween party, and I thought it would be great if you could join us. Do you have time to attend?”
• If she can’t attend, use this opportunity to keep the conversation going. Ask how she’s been and start a new conversation.

Send a text, social media message, or email. No matter which method you choose, you can start by sending a thoughtful message. Compliment something she’s done, mention a shared interest, or ask her about something she’s up to.

• Send a message congratulating her on something she’s recently accomplished. For instance, if she just finished a program or got a pet, send a message saying congratulations and then ask how she’s been.
• Talk about something you both enjoy. For example, if she just went hiking and you love it too, you could text her saying, “I saw you hiked up Ba Den Mountain. I was there a few months ago and loved the view – how was the hike for you?”
• Ask about something she posted. For example, “I saw your amazing photos – what camera did you use? I’m really into photography and would love to know more about your gear.”

Send a message that brings back the bond you once shared. Remind her of what connected you two in the past and see how she responds. Be confident in the closeness you once had and from there, ask questions related to it. For instance, you might say, "Hey, I just watched the Hoang Anh Gia Lai match and it reminded me how much you loved this team. How have you been lately? Did you catch that game?"

Be upfront when texting and clearly express your feelings about her. You can mention the closeness you once had without explaining why you're texting her. However, avoid bringing up any heavy issues from the past to keep the conversation light. You might say, "Hey, I’ve been thinking about you and the fun conversations we had last summer. How are you doing these days?"

Send her a funny or slightly goofy message. Studies show that women tend to appreciate men with a good sense of humor; using humor as an icebreaker is always a smart move. You could bring up an inside joke you both shared or ask a playful question. For example, say something like, "How long has it been since we last had that giant bag of chips together?"

Keep the conversation flowing through messages. Once the distance is bridged, ask about her current life and respond with genuine interest. Try to match the pace and length of her replies. For example, don’t send three messages in a row within a minute if she’s only replying with a couple of sentences after a few hours. You could ask, "I didn’t know you switched to working at a new restaurant. That sounds awesome! How’s your new job going?"

Suggest meeting in person to chat more. If she’s responding to your messages warmly, you can ask if she’d like to meet up for a direct conversation. When suggesting a meeting, offer an activity that you both could enjoy.

Bring a fresh experience. Instead of repeating the activities you've already done, try something different or visit a new place. If dining out together is something you often do, choose a new restaurant this time or perhaps cook a meal at home.

Consider where you'll meet her. You may not want to go out of your way just for a chance to see her, but if you share mutual friends and want to get closer, there are steps you can take. Or, if you'd like to stay in touch but don’t want to be too obvious about it, you could join mutual friends at events she might attend.

• Call a few friends to see if any events or parties are coming up and attend those.
• If you know what she usually does, plan to take part in those activities too.
• Don't exploit friendships to get closer to her. When hanging out with friends, prioritize spending time with them, and seeing her should be secondary. This way, if things don’t work out as expected, you’ll still have a good time with your friends without causing them any discomfort.

Approach her and express your desire to chat. When you meet her, make sure to greet her warmly. If you spot her from afar, smile and wave at her. If it's not the right moment to talk, you can say, “It’s great seeing you again! I’d really like to have a chat with you. Just give me a moment.” Afterward, you and she can wrap up whatever you were doing to continue the conversation.

• Taking a moment will help you calm down and might even make the conversation more exciting.
• Before approaching and talking to her, think of an interesting topic or something to ask her to ease any awkwardness. For example, you could comment on the party you’re attending by saying, “I’m really enjoying this party with all the dishes I love.” Then, point to the table full of delicious food.

Strike up a conversation with her. When she has some free time, take the opportunity to approach her and start chatting. If you're in a place where it's hard to talk, you could ask, “Would you like to find a quieter spot to chat?” Then, select a peaceful and comfortable place where you two can sit down and talk without interruptions.

Express your joy at seeing her again. If there was any awkwardness between you two in the past, let go of that barrier by showing positive feelings when you meet her again. After greeting her, let her know you are genuinely happy to see her by smiling, maintaining eye contact, and saying, 'I’m really glad to see you again.' Being positive and open will help you feel more confident and overcome any shyness when starting the conversation.

Ask her sincerely how she’s been. Use your tone and gestures to show you genuinely want to hear about her life. This will make you feel confident and comfortable in the conversation. She will also feel more at ease if you stick to asking about her current situation, as recounting everything that happened since your last meeting may require a lot of explanations.

• For example, say, 'I’d like to know how you’re doing lately.'
• Alternatively, you could start by mentioning something she was doing during your last meeting: 'If I remember correctly, the last time we met, you were…'
• Avoid bringing up any uncomfortable or awkward moments from the past. If the conversation flows naturally, you can later dive into deeper topics, but for now, keep it light and positive.

Ask her more about what she shares. When she talks about her recent life, listen attentively by maintaining eye contact, occasionally nodding, repeating key points, and asking follow-up questions. For instance, if she mentions having a tough week, ask her what happened.

Share some interesting stories from your own experiences. Talk about positive, funny, or light-hearted things to show her what your life has been like lately. You can mention topics you know she’s interested in.

• For example, if she loves marine biology, you might say, 'I recently visited the Oceanographic Institute in Nha Trang and went diving to see the coral reefs.'
• Try to match her energy and body language while you talk. If she’s speaking excitedly and using a lot of body language, mirror that energy and smile naturally. On the other hand, if she seems more reserved, adjust your tone and pace accordingly. But don’t imitate her gestures—just aim for the same level of energy.

Suggest meeting her again. Once you’ve had a pleasant conversation, express how much you enjoyed talking with her and suggest meeting again. For instance, after sharing a laugh over something, you could say, 'I really enjoyed talking to you. Let’s meet again sometime soon, okay?'

Pay attention to her response. If she's enthusiastic about your invitation, make sure you have her contact details and plan something together for your next meeting. If she's unsure about accepting, don't pressure her. It's better to wait for her to let you know when she's free. Sometimes, people may feel nervous in the moment and appear uninterested. Other times, they might decline via a message. In this case, you could send her a follow-up message to check on her situation.

• For example, if she says, “I’m not sure because I’ll be really busy soon,” you could reply, “No worries, just seeing you today was already great, and I’m looking forward to our next chat.”

Send a message after your meeting. If you have her contact information and will meet again soon, you should text her a few days later saying, “It was really nice meeting you last time – I’m excited to see you again soon.” If she had expressed interest in meeting you before but wasn’t entirely sure, you can send another casual message saying, “Let me know when you have time to meet up again.” This message doesn’t put pressure on her but shows that you’re looking forward to seeing her again.